Hermione, it's all my fault. Snape I need your help? Harry finds a potion that will allow him to loose his emotions, but he needs Snape's help to get the ingredients. Will Snape help him, or will he be the annoying git he's always been?
A/N: I own nothing this is all J.K.R.'s, what a brilliant mind she has.
Chapter Eight- I Need You're Help
Harry stayed curled in a ball on the floor until he felt himself calm down and then he immediately pushed himself up. He wasn't in any physical pain, though he really felt like he should be. He felt sick to his stomach that he was giving Voldemort, the man he was destined to kill, or die trying, more power. He didn't understand how Voldemort was gaining power through his emotions, whether it was from their link through his scar, or if it had something to do with Voldemort's failed attempt at trying to posses him that night at the Ministry. It was just dawning on Harry that there was a lot about magic that he didn't know or understand, and it made him want to learn as much as he could and soon. But first, he had to find a way to keep control over his emotions. No not his, Voldemort's.
Harry's eyes shot to his trunk as something came to his mind. He went to his trunk and pulled out all of the diaries desperately. He opened all of them one by one, discarding them angrily as he didn't find what he was looking for. He knew he had seen it somewhere in one of the dairies, a spell or something, that he had glanced briefly over, but still absorbed it into his memory. It was something that would allow himself to not feel any emotion. True, a little drastic, but he'd try anything to be rid of Voldemort's feelings.
Harry had just thrown the last book back into his trunk in frustration when he caught sight of the Potions book still lying half opened and upside down, where he had dropped it hours ago. "It couldn't possibly be in there," Harry said disbelieving to himself, but he hesitantly and reluctantly picked up the book and turned it over to open it all the way. He didn't have to turn any pages as the potion was staring adamantly up at him from the page below. Harry let escape a short derisive laugh.
"The Vampirism Potion," Harry read out loud softly. "Allows the drinker to temporarily gain the abilities of a Vampire; the effects which include heightened speed, hearing, eyesight, and strength, only last for two hours, three at the most, depending on the amount drunk at the time. Negative side affects include lack of emotion, most of the time including remorse, which seems to last much longer then the rest of the effects, up to two to five days. Some have become very sensitive to sunlight, and there is an occasional craving for blood. This potion will not turn the drinker into a Vampire unless used too often or in high quantities, which normally results in death first." Harry dropped the open book on the floor. "Well that's not too bad," Harry scoffed sarcastically under his breath.
He bent down and picked the book back up. Harry read down the list of ingredients and the preparation instructions. The potion was fairly simple and only took a couple of hours to brew; it required a special cauldron though. Even he with his limited potion skills could pull it off. But the ingredients were what stopped Harry. The two main ingredients were nearly impossible to obtain, at least for him at the moment. Unicorns blood could probably some how be gotten in Knockturn Alley, but where would he ever find The Blood of a Vampire, all it said in the book was from a vampire, but Harry had never even met one before. Harry was about to read through the entire book, to see if he could find a substitute potion when he heard a very familiar voice coming from the floor above.
Harry quickly put the potion's book on top of the other diaries in his trunk and closed and locked it, before he got up and ventured out of his room and up the stairs.
"Harry Potter if you don't come out of that room right now I'll never speak to you again!"
"Hermione?" he said loudly from the other end of the hall as he stood at the top of the stairs. Though it was small, a true smile for once, touched Harry's lips at the sight of her.
"Harry!" Hermione turned around so fast that her lengthening bushy brown ponytail whipped around and struck her in the face. She subconsciously wiped at her face as she looked at Harry. The expression on her face told him that he should have looked in a mirror before coming up the stairs. She paled considerably at the sight of him. "Merlin Harry, you look awful."
The smile faded from Harry's face, just as quickly as it had come, and he looked at Hermione with eyes that said 'well that's obvious,' but other then that ignored the comment. "Why were you yelling at Sirius' door, and what are you doing here? I thought you'd gone to Germany with your parents," Harry remembered Mrs. Weasley telling him when he arrived that Hermione and her family were visiting relatives in Heidelberg.
"Ronald wrote me, said you'd gone and locked yourself in Sirius' room. When I arrived, Professor Snape answered the door and mumbled something about you still locked in your room, so I assumed he meant Sirius' room," Hermione explained. "By the way, have you seen Professor Snape lately? He looks all out of sorts, he didn't even act like he normally does around me, and I got the distinct impression that he would have let anyone in that came to the door."
"Snape…" Harry whispered; there was no anger in his voice, though he was sure there ought to be. Harry sunk to the floor against the wall and put his head in his hands with a heavy sigh. "Oh Hermione, it's all my fault. Always is though, isn't it?"
"That's not true Harry, nothings ever been your fault, and I'm sure it's not now. Why don't you tell me what has happened? I'm sure there's a solution," Hermione knelt on the floor next to him with concern in her eyes.
"No Hermione, this time it really is. I was angry at him and I shouldn't have provoked him."
"Angry at who, Harry?" but as soon as the words left her mouth her clever mind caught up with her and her expression went from curiosity back to concern. "Professor Snape. What happened?"
Harry looked to his hands, the scar in his right palm clearly visible. "I'll tell you, and I don't know why I'm standing up for him. I mean I hate him, but it really wasn't his fault, he wouldn't have done it otherwise…"
"Harry, what?"
Harry looked up to Hermione's eyes. "I got into an argument with Snape over the fact that he's not going to let me into his Potions class this year, even though I got top marks on the Potions O.W.L. I accused him of still being a servant of Voldemort and he… he cursed me with the Cruciatus Curse… But really, I can't blame him entirely, Voldemort made him." Did he really believe that?
Hermione's face paled considerably and her eyes widened in Horror. "How can you defend him?"
Harry looked away from Hermione's face. How could he defend him? Though he didn't care personally for his potion's professor, and he really did hate the man, it wasn't Snape's fault that he had attacked Harry. Harry had felt it while he was arguing with Snape, but he had brushed it off as Voldemort trying to control his emotions again. When Harry hadn't taken the bite, he had gone after Snape, with the knowledge that he would, and had. Harry had hoped that Snape knew how to keep his mouth shut, for Harry had planned to not tell anyone about it, but what Hermione had just revealed about Snape made Harry believe that his potion's professor was bound to be stupider then he thought. Harry knew that Professor Snape would tell because of his blind loyalty to Dumbledore. And Dumbledore would turn him away. Harry didn't know why, but he was certain of it. Dumbledore would no longer allow him to teach, nor would he allow him to remain in the Order, Snape would have nothing left.
"That was why Voldemort was so pleased. Snape would have no where else to go but back to him," Harry whispered to himself.
"Professor Snape's going to go back to V-Voldemort?" Hermione sounded appalled.
Harry's head shot around to the stairs at the sound of several people landing in the entrance hall. "Not if I can help it," Harry was up on his feet and bounding down the stairs before Hermione had the chance to get to her feet. Harry looked briefly over the banister, Dumbledore had come back with the Weasley's and Snape was predictably making his way down the stairs towards him.
Stupid man! Harry though as he clambered down the rest of the stairs but came to an abrupt halt at the foot of them. Snape had already told and there were horror filled looks on all the faces before him. "Professor, it wasn't Snape's fault, I provoked him. I shouldn't have said what wasn't true! I believe Voldemort made him," Harry said only loudly enough not to disturb Mrs. Black. He really still didn't know why he was defending the man. It was possibly the thought that he'd rather have Snape on the Order's side than Voldemort's.
"Potter please. The Dark Lord has nothing to do with what I did to you," surprisingly Snape's words were far from harsh.
Everyone was probably going to all have heart attacks over his next words, but it was that simple, he wouldn't allow Snape to return to Voldemort. "If you turn Professor Snape away because of one unintentional slip up, then you have to turn me away as well. I've helped Lord Voldemort become more powerful," Harry stood like stone in front of the horror struck faces before him. Harry could clearly hear Voldemort's last words echoing through his head as he took in all there faces. 'Yes Potter, fuel my power…'
"Why Harry?"
Tears nearly came to Harry's eyes at Dumbledore's harsh words and the anger in the old man's eyes. If it had been, how, or what, or any other question Harry's reaction would have been completely different. But the question was 'why', and it made Harry painfully aware that Dumbledore had lost all trust in him, all faith. Harry shook his head slightly at the question and tried desperately to keep his anger and regret in check. But it was no use, thanks to Voldemort all he wanted to do was lash out at the man, and the air around him crackled with magic before he managed to rein it back.
Harry took a very deep breath in and then let it out heavily. "Everyone get out, I wish to speak with Dumbledore alone." No one moved and this just fueled Harry's anger more. Now that Harry was aware of it, he could feel that he was indeed giving Voldemort more power. He could feel it draining out of him, and the Dark Lord was relishing in it. This made Harry immediately calm, like a light switch, he clicked off his emotions, but he knew he wouldn't be able to make it last as he felt Voldemort's anger not just through his emotions but through his scar. Harry closed his eyes against the burst of pain, that made his eyes water.
"Professor I can see that you no longer trust me. I'm not intentionally helping Voldemort, but I am just the same," Harry didn't explain further, the strain was nearing unbearable as he fought to keep his and the Dark Lord's anger under control. Harry's eyes snapped open. Dumbledore couldn't help him with this, and Harry knew that he was going to regret it, but Snape could. "Professor Snape, may I speak with you a moment, alone?" Harry asked amazingly monotonously. He didn't remove his eyes from Dumbledore, the man Harry once looked up to, but no more.
Snape looked from Harry to Dumbledore and then back again. "Certainly Mr. Potter," he said very quietly and then left the entrance hall towards the kitchen.
"We'll discus this later when I've had time to calm down," Harry briefly told Dumbledore with strain in his voice, and then he left with everyone gapping at him and followed Snape. He had no intensions of explaining anything to Dumbledore, at least any time soon.
Harry walked into the kitchen and closed the door behind him. He paced back and forth several times in front of Snape, for what ever reason the anger was lessening now that he was no longer in the presence of Dumbledore. He couldn't believe that he was going to ask for Snape's help. But he had made up his mind. "I have to tell you, and let me finish before you comment. I don't trust you, I never have. I don't know if I ever will, but I do trust that you will not go back to the Dark Lord. At least without ample reason," Harry paused a moment but Snape remained quiet. "There are things I have to tell you and there are things I'm going to need your help with. Before I reveal everything to you, I need to know, will you help me? And… and will you not tell Professor Dumbledore?"
After several minutes of silence from Snape, who was standing with his hands behind his back and staring at Harry intently, Harry was about to threaten him with the reminder that he had just saved him, but Snape spoke first, very quietly. "Yes, Harry, to both yes, but why? Why would you want my help? I very well could have killed you this morning. And I admit I wanted to," Snape's honesty shocked Harry, almost as much as his potion's professor using his first name.
"But you didn't," Harry said quietly. "Voldemort told me that he controlled you, and I'm going to believe that you wouldn't have used the Cruciatus Curse on me otherwise," Snape opened his mouth as if to protest but closed it again as Harry kept speaking. "You're the only one who I think will help me with this. Might as well have a seat, what I'm about to reveal to you is going to make you need one," Harry said with a heavy sigh and waited until Snape took a seat at the table and then Harry sat down across from him. After a long moment of watching Snape stare back at him, Harry finally spoke. "Has Professor Dumbledore told you the Prophecy?"
"No, he did tell me that it involved you and the Dark Lord, but I already knew that," Snape said as he clasped his hands together on top of the table. "I'd advise not telling it to me though. The Dark Lord has ways to get into the minds of his Death Eaters."
Harry shook his head. "It doesn't matter. He's going to know soon enough anyways. He's going to know all soon enough. Our link has been strengthened, and is still strengthening. I'll admit that it is my fault. I should have just learned Occlumency while you were trying to teach me," Harry scoffed at his own words and a slight smirk hit his lips. Harry looked at his hands and took a deep breath as the smirk left his face. Harry swallowed hard before he continued. "I'll tell you the gist of the Prophecy, as it's pointless to say the entire thing. I am the only one with the power to kill Lord Voldemort," Harry said this with little emotion in his voice and he let Snape take in his statement before he continued. "Lord Voldemort has been gaining power through my negative emotions, which has been a lot as of late. I can not tell you exactly what I am learning at this time because…" Harry thought about it a moment as he bit his lip in bewilderment and then continued with a slight laugh in his voice. "Well, I don't know why. I just can't. I can tell you that it is very powerful and if I continue on with my training, someday there may be a glimmer of hope that I can defeat him. But that is the problem. Voldemort has also found a way to control my emotions, and he enhances them with his own. You saw what I did the other night, I could not control both of our emotions and it made me use the magic I am learning, I could have hurt someone…"
Harry looked down to the table a moment and then looked up with a stern resolve on his face. "I have found a potion that will allow me not to feel any emotion, but I can't get all the ingredients."
"I have never heard of such a potion, where did you find it?" Snape asked, his expression was masked but Harry knew that his thoughts were in turmoil. Given the information, anyone's would be.
"The potion book you saw me with earlier, McGonagall didn't give it to me. Before you ask, it doesn't matter where I got it," Harry added. He didn't want any questions about Merlin's Diaries at the moment.
"What are the ingredients that you can not obtain?" Snape asked after a moment.
"Unicorn blood," Harry said lightly and Snape's brow furrowed, "and the blood of a Vampire."
Snape stood up immediately. "What kind of potion book is this Potter? Those ingredients are only used for…"
"Dark Magic, I know," Harry stood up too. "Look, if I show you the book, will you help me?"
"I already said I would, but I would like to see this book."
"Fine, come with me, it's in my room." Harry walked out of the kitchen with Snape hard on his heels, he was now wondering if he had done the right thing in asking for Snape's help. Snape seemed a little too eager. But he had no choice. He couldn't get the ingredients on his own.
After climbing the stairs to his and Ron's room, Harry opened the door and found that Hermione, Ginny, Ron, Fred and George, were all there sitting on his and Ron's beds. Harry ignored their questioning stares and went to his trunk. He spun the three small sets of numbers on the combination lock. Six, three, zero, and the latches opened with a small click. Harry lifted the lid only enough to grab the book and then he closed the lid again and relocked it. It had been Hagrid's ingenious idea to get a lock on his trunk that could be locked without magic but was also magic resistant. In the last five years at Hogwarts, Harry had never had to use the lock, but he was now glad that Hagrid had suggested it. He'd have to remember to thank him.
Harry turned back to Snape and handed him the fat black covered book. "That's it."
Snape took it and turned it over in his hands, obviously looking for an author and a title. He opened it and flipped through the first few pages with awe in his eyes. "Amazing, I've never seen most of these combinations before. Most would never attempt them because of the mixtures of ingredients… I can see though how they'd work. Where did get this?"
"A friend is all you need to know," Harry flipped to the page with the potion on it. He pointed halfway down the page. "That's the potion. Can you get the ingredients?"
Snape's eyes widened as he looked back up to Harry. "If you take too much of this…"
"I know the consequences Professor. I'm willing to do just about anything to stop Voldemort from gaining anymore power through me," Harry took the book back and closed it with a loud thud. "I'll read through the rest of the book, if I can find another potion, I'll use it. But honestly Professor, I don't think there is one… Can you get the ingredients or not?" Harry asked again after a brief pause.
"Yes, but it'll take some time," Snape said, "and you'll have to be watched while under the initial effects of it. I know you don't want to tell Professor Dumbledore, but I suggest you do."
Harry shook his head. "No, he'll want to know where I got the book and I can't tell him."
Snape ran his hand over his face and Harry could tell that he was starting to get slightly angry. "Fine Potter, but it's on your head if something goes wrong with this, and I'm not going to help you make the potion."
"Fine with me," Harry said keeping his voice calm.
"You do realize that this will also take away your sense of right and wrong?"
"Yes," Harry nodded and Snape left the room mumbling something that sounded like, 'what have you gotten me into Potter?''
Harry closed the door behind Snape and then turned to his friend's confused and worried faces. They also all looked extremely curious. Harry had to tell them something, but he didn't know what or where to start. He didn't want to burden them with the Prophecy, and he wasn't about to tell them about Merlin's Diaries, for apparently he couldn't. But still he had to tell them something and he took in a deep breath and opened his mouth to begin with what he was sure would be mostly lies.
A/N: Snape - 'What have you gotten me into Potter?' What has Harry gotten himself into?