Frodo in the Forest
A study of –edly, intelligence, and snickering
Author's note: This story is not intended to completely destroy the characters. I chose one aspect that the character shows, maybe even once, and blew it out of proportion.
A Cow in the Night
One day Frodo was walking down the road. Upon this road he met none other than Samwise Gamgee, who was out taking his milkcow for a walk.
"Frodo," Sam called, "why are you out and about at such an hour?"
Suddenly realizing that it was, in fact, extremely early in the morning, Frodo wondered why he was out.
"I'm not quite sure Sam," Frodo replied.
The thought occurred to Frodo that this hour of the morning was quite unusual for Sam as well.
Hmm…Frodo thought, now that I think of it, Sam never liked cows that much.
"Well, um …what are you doing sneaking, -I mean! Um, walking out in the dark Sam?"
"Oh, well, you know…, taking the cow for a walk." Sam had a peculiar grin on his face.
"Well, have a good time, or whatever is appropriate for… a.. cow walk."
"I will," Sam snickered.
As he watched Sam pass, Frodo also thought perhaps Sam was acting slightly strange. Pondering deeply, (or as deeply as possible for Frodo), Frodo happened to walk directly into a cart.
"Oh!" Frodo exclaimed.
"Of all the bothersome things! Sounds like some animal has blundered into my cart! At least it didn't hit the horse – Oh, Frodo you ridiculous hobbit!"
Gandalf climbed out of his cart and attempted to smack Frodo upside the head, however he missed, and nearly fell on his face. Frodo, seemingly undisturbed by the threat of violence, stood completely in awe of the cart's appearance.
"Well, this certainly is a strange morning, with Sam and the milkcow, and now a cart…"
"Frodo," Gandalf bellowed, "get your head off my cart! Should we all be hindered by your stupidity just because you can't see?"
Frodo looked up at Gandalf, who was still brushing the dirt off his robes after his rather embarrassing tumble.
"Oh, hello Gandalf. You are out early too. That makes four of us if you count Sam's milkcow."
"His…milkcow?" Gandalf asked. His eyes narrowed.
"Yes, um, he was out, um…walking it."
"Walking it! Stupid little…" Gandalf quickly wrapped his robes around himself and clambered up to his seat. "Why don't you go home, Frodo? Can't have a nice hobbit like yourself out running into more valuable things, now can we?" Gandalf snickered and drove off.
Frodo, now more deeply puzzled than ever, stood rather stupidly, still in the middle of the road.
"If anyone else comes along," Frodo said to himself, "I shall have to ask them not to snicker."
Now pondering the unpleasantness of unwanted snickering, Frodo walked further on, ignoring Gandalf's advice. Of course, nowadays Gandalf's advice was faltering, but knowing Frodo's luck, his immense ignorance could become disastrous.
Turning a corner near the forest, Frodo thought he saw Gandalf's cart. It was between two huge trees.
At first, Frodo thought Gandalf had crashed. Worried and extremely distraught, he rushed forward into the brush. After much tripping, scratching, and cursing in a most un-hobbit-like manner, Frodo realized that the cart in fact had not crashed and also noticed the unmistakable figures of Sam and his cow.
"Well, undoubtedly this is some kind of meeting between these snickering, um, oh dear, …people."
Of course "people" was not at all the ideal word, but Frodo's brain, being so exhausted after the use of undoubtedly, failed to adequately express his emotions.
At any rate, Frodo had enough of a scrap of intelligence to stop his racket and attempt some kind of reconnaissance. By now, he also realized that he didn't need to go into the forest at all; why should he worry about someone who had snickered so nastily?
In his anger at the thought of snickering, Frodo had wandered out into the road, and to no surprise, walked right into something.
"Hey Frodo! Watch where you are going!" it said.
Still flat on this face, Frodo yelled, "Alright, but no snickering!"
"Snickering! Well, if that's what you think of me!"
Frodo looked up only to discover Merry, who looked like he might spit up something.
"Why, Merry!" Frodo exclaimed. "How glad, I mean, happy I'm, oh, um…hello."
"I must say Frodo - this doesn't seem to be your first collision today." With this comment, Merry quickly disappeared into the forest, leaving behind the faintest echo of snickering.
"Oh bother all this snickering," Frodo said to himself. "I might just snicker at someone myself next time."