Title: "Be Not Afraid"
Author: BalianswordA/N: Since I killed Bagoas in my last fanfic I thought that it would be fun to write down his PoV. Different story, same character. Please R&R, keep in mind that I own nothing, and if I did I wouldn't be sharing. Just kidding.
I look at him and I think, what does he fear? Does he truly think that I can come between him and Alexander? He stares at me from across the room as I shift my weight to another leg, as I dance, the sweat from my liberated dancing shining upon my skin. I make sure to keep my eyes on Hephaestion. I am trying to tell him that I am not afraid, that I merely wish to be at least something other than enemies, but he sips his wine and gives me the same stone eyes.
I stop with the music, my hair clinging to my shoulders. I know that he saw me. That is all that I need to know. Someday, Hephaestion, nothing will come between you and I. Why can you not see that I wish not to take Alexander from you? I am nothing but a gift that he likes now, but I will soon fade away, and you will be in his life once more. You, Hephaestion, shall never fade.
Finished for now, I walk over to where Alexander sits. He smiles and beckons me to sit beside him where Roxanne should be sitting. She has long since left though, tired, and knowing that Alexander will not be coming to her tonight. As I sit I feel that the chair is meant for Hephaestion, but he is nowhere near. For a moment I think that he is gone, but he is not. He is merely standing next to Cassander.
It is easy to see that they are not friends. Yet they both have the same look in their eyes. They hate me, for what I am, for what I mean to Alexander. This unites them. I do not want them to be my enemies, but what can I do if they will not listen to me, will not speak to me let alone look at me?
"To Bagoas," Alexander says loudly beside me, "and to Persia!"
The men cheer. This really does not surprise me when Hephaestion raises his glass but does not drink. Oddly enough he does not drink the rest of the night. I do not know why, but I know that it is not because he does not want to. I believe it has something to do with Alexander. More than once I have seen Alexander drink himself to sleep, and many a time, Hephaestion would be the one by his bed tending to him when he awoke.
No longer does he do this. Now I am there to tend to Alexander. Sometimes I do not want to be there. At times I wish that I could sneak away and run to Hephaestion's rooms. I wish that I could tell him to be unafraid of my position in Alexander's life.
He – Loves – You!
I want to scream this to Hephaestion sometimes. For it is the truth. Alexander uses my body, but this means nothing. Love is something far different. He wants you Hephaestion, he wants your mind, your light, your soul to connect with him. Then again, you are already connected. I can tell this, as he begins to stand, you take a step forward. Are you always so ready to catch him Amyntor?
Be not afraid of me Hephaestion, I stand not in your way. I never have and I never shall. Alexander belongs to you. Yet, for now, I shall protect him for you. When he returns to you –which he will – we will perhaps then be friends. For now, continue to hate me, for deep down I hate you as well; for you have Alexander, the greatest man to have ever been, and the greatest that ever will be.