Disclaimer: It all belongs to J.K. Rowling

Summary: These are basically a few missing moments from Half-Blood Prince. The reason I am doing this is because I am incredibly dissatisfied with most of the ones milling about there, featuring a completely obsessed Ginny. If anyone read the now famous interview J.K. shared with Mugglenet creator Emerson and Leaky Cauldron founder Melissa, they would have realized that she basically said that Ginny had to get over Harry for him to notice her. I have decided to keep up that notion in my own ficlet.

This is Ginny Weasley's journal, but I am not dating it, because no one reads the dates anyways. The entry numbers are random, because I am not going to even try and pretend that I entered all of them, I just wanted to insert the ones that I felt showed a change in her relationship with Harry or events that are particularly important to each other.

Now, on with the story

Entry #193

Sleeping is improbable. Eating is unfathomable. Laughter is unimaginable. Hogwarts has come to a complete stand still. Yesterday Prof. McGonagall made the announcement that Dumbledore was dead and that Snape had killed him. She was so monotone when she told the body, so simply unemotional. She has completely shut herself off emotionally from the entire situation. Not that I can blame her. Some students started crying when she said this. Others looked pale and shaken. Many scoffed at the ridiculous notion of this and just shook their heads at such a poor idea of a joke. But most just stared. They stared, but not ahead, or at Professor McGonagall, or at their neighbors, or at their plates. No, they all stared in one direction, at one person. Together, as one collective group, they all stared at Harry.

Some were wondering how he was coping with the loss. They would have had to been daft little pricks to know how much they meant to each other, how Harry was the closest thing Dumbledore had ever had to a son, how Dumbledore was Harry's guide, the only one who knew what Harry was faced with and how he was going to come through it all. The people who were thinking this were the more sympathetic ones. Some of the others weren't thinking such kind thoughts. They were wondering what Harry had done to prevent this, what Harry was going to do now. They weren't concerned about Harry, they were concerned about the hero.

Because that's all they see. A hero. And Harry is, there is no denying that, but he's also someone who likes to sleep in on the weekends and joke with his friends and dance around to really bad music. He's just a person, someone who is more like us than many people would like to think, and different at the same time, he's really just a person who is faced with extraordinary challenges.

He is powerful but he doesn't realize it yet. He has only tapped in to the power at very special circumstances, like with the patronus. Dumbledore was supposed to show Harry not only how powerful he was, but how to reach that power. Now Harry has to discover how to do all of that alone. He is forced to learn on his own now that he has been left alone.

Imagine being stuck in a room; it's completely black, there is no light, you feel so trapped you can barely move. You notice a small opening, the slightest chance of escape. But it doesn't get lighter, the path out is just as dark as where you are now. Even at the very end, you can't see if there is light or not. At best it looks like the darkest shades of gray. There is so much uncertainty, so much pain, and no other options. This is what Harry is living at this very moment.

He seems to be in a bit of a trance half of the time. He'll stare at the same spot on the wall for hours, only to suddenly become incredibly active. I've seen him lay on the couch not moving for what must have been hours, three or four at the minimum, and then he'll start reviving himself, so in a few seconds he was pacing around the common room at extraordinary speeds, sometimes he'll stop mid pace and won't move, only occasionally blinking, and stand like that for minutes before making his way back to the couch. The only time he seemed to show any emotion was when Seamus had a fight with his mum in the entrance hall, he seemed somehow happier, when he saw that Seamus was staying, that he was loyal to Dumbledore.

He spent all of yesterday like that. It is just as bad as it ever was with Sirius, because now Harry knows that there is no turning back. He seems older than he ever has in the past, like someone who was forced to grow up much too fast, and Lord knows no one fits that description more than Harry.

The most at peace I have felt since, it happened is when Ron, Harry, Hermione, and I are sitting in the common room. Neville's with us some of the time, he was with us when we fought the Death Eaters he was the person who responded to the call when Hermione sent out the signal.

Neville and Luna responded, that was it. Everyone else must have gotten rid of their DA coins, or at least been far more concerned with studying or snogging or whatever when they felt them start to warm. They probably thought it was a false alarm or something. They probably thought that Harry was just calling a meeting saying that he was restarting the DA, they probably thought they could just glean the information off of him later.

Some people did apologize to him for not responding. Dean and Seamus told him they were sorry they didn't come, they were still annoyed at him for kissing me so soon after I had broken things off with Dean. He sort of mumbled something, which may have been that it was okay, but could also have been telling them to shove it… He hasn't really been into enunciation much these past few days.

Hannah Abbot and a couple other Hufflepuffs told him that they didn't have their DA coins with them, that they didn't even bother to check them until they found out about the news. They told Harry that they would have coming running to his side if they had known. It's impossible to say if they would have, no one can really know, but I think their assurances were comforting to Harry.

Of course comfort has taken on a whole new meaning to him. It is no longer the same to him as it is to me; comfort is the absence of guilt. To him comfort is when he is not responsible for something. And I suppose that's all anyone can ask for at a time like this.

The castle feels empty without Dumbledore. The walls don't hum with happiness the way they used to. They seem to reflect the feelings that are within all of us, a morose, dead feeling. Maybe they are reflecting those feelings; maybe that's a part of the magic of the castle. Dumbledore would probably know, or have known in any case. He could have told us how part of what makes magic so strong is that it is so strongly intertwined with our emotions, that when we feel something really powerful, like hatred or life, our magic is at its strongest.

Dumbledore was always so filled with love. He loved each and every one of his students. He held a special love for each of them. It was a big love, a strong love, and a powerful love. It didn't matter whether that person was in Gryffindor or Slytherin. It didn't matter what the person looked like, how talented they were, or what sort of blood ran through their veins. He valued each person because he saw at least a drop of good in every one of them. He saw good in stinking little ferrets like Malfoy, he saw good in heroes like Ron and Hermione. He saw good in people who couldn't put their clothes on right, people like Neville, and he saw good in people who were one of the top of their year, people like Terry Boot. He saw good in everybody, every creature; every person that stepped within these walls was received and cared for by Dumbledore. He tried as hard as he could to raise each of them with a special tenderness, whether it was a quick hello in the hallway or a piece of advice that he handed to them in his most magical office. He took special time out for each and every one of his students, he valued all of us, treated us all with care and respect and love, and in turn we all cared for, respected, and loved Albus Dumbledore.

But this does not even come close to describing his relationship with Harry. They were closer than any student and mentor before them had ever previously been. Dumbledore was prouder than Harry than he could of have ever tell them, we all saw that. He was proud of Harry for winning the quidditch cup, but more proud of Harry when he chose to face Voldemort in his first year, purely because it was the right thing to do. He was proud of Harry when he managed to learn a summoning charm, and he was proud of Harry when he stuck to his word despite all the ridicule and slander that was pressed on him. He was proud of Harry for casting a patronus charm, but even prouder because it meant that Harry had overcome his own personal demons to save the people around him. I have never seen such an astounding relationship. It was built on friendship, respect, wisdom, and love. Harry had the ability to look at everything with fresh eyes, he brought youth, excitement, and willingness to learn. Dumbldore was able to keep everything in perspective. He brought wisdom, patience, and the willingness to teach. They balanced each other out. Dumbledore kept Harry on task; he kept him focused on his mission. Harry reminded Dumbledore that there were people out there who were willing to sacrifice everything; their lives, their sanity, their hearts, to fight the good fight. They gave the other what he needed, and it allowed them to become closer than anyone could have suspected.

Maybe that is why this death will end up driving Harry to his task more completely than anything else could. Harry will go after you-know-who. I am not sure what he knows, what he needs to do, but I know from the bottom of my soul that Harry will go after… Voldemort.

And if he decides not to go then he is not the Harry I know, He became my prince charming when I was such a little girl because he was always willing to go after him. He was willing to go after him at all costs. Harry lost his parents, he lost Sirius, and yet he kept fighting, because he assumed that the role was his. He tried it on and much to his surprise, or maybe not, it suited him perfectly.

Harry will go after Voldemort. It is what makes him Harry.

Entry #194

The school is as depressed as I have ever seen it. The castle is as still and silent as it has ever been. I suspect that it has not been this quiet since the day Slytherin was cast from these grounds. All I know is that even though the grass is green, and the sky is blue, the mood is gray.

Sometimes people will whisper to one another. Every now and then someone will smile. Once I even heard someone laugh. These are all strange to me. I have barely spoken to anyone, and that is more than okay with me. I am more than content to sit in silence knowing that everyone is thinking just what I am. No one is thinking anything but.

Even the Slytherins are depressed. Even the ones that are supporters of Voldemort. Of course I know that not every Slytherin is a believer of Voldemort, they do not all follow him, but their table tends to be merrier than the others in these dark times.

Yet they are just as quiet as the rest of us. I don't think that they all thought that someone as powerful as Dumbledore could be killed. He was a rock, an unstoppable solid force. And some of them wonder what this will mean for Voldemort. There is really no one left to stop him. Of course some of them believe that Harry is the chosen one, but just as many wonder how a wizard who has not yet finished his education can stop the most powerful wizard alive.

Because that is one of the saddest parts of Dumbledore's death. We all know that everyone dies. It is what makes life so beautiful. But it also means that now Voldemort is unquestionably the strongest wizard alive. Or at least he has the most magical knowledge. His knowledge remains in the most evil of the dark arts, the spells that no one else utter, but this knowledge is great and, unfortunately, powerful.

Dumbledore is dead. I write it, I say it, I think it, but I have not yet fully felt it. I have felt that the castle walls no longer echo joy and laughter, and I have felt the sadness that goes deeper into me than almost anything else ever has, but it doesn't seem to make sense to me. I suppose I will wake up one night; maybe tomorrow, maybe years from now, maybe before the war has ended, maybe after and truly believe that Dumbledore is dead. That he will not be coming back. Voldemort might die, his death eaters will all land within Azkaban, and yet despite all of it, all of the work and labor and lives that were sacrificed, Dumbledore will not be coming back. No matter how many tears are shed, no matter how many hearts are torn apart, Dumbledore will not welcome all of us back into his open arms.

Or it is possible that I might never even realize Dumbledore is truly dead. I might die with some part of me still believing that he is coming to save us all. To tell us a joke, to teach us all the wonders of magic, to share his heart and spirit with everyone around him. I might die with that one part of my heart still believing.

Zacharias Smith was pulled out of school by his arrogant looking father. He didn't put up a fight like Seamus did. He was less willing to fight for what he believed in. It's reasons like that why he finds red heads crashing into him while he is commentating at quidditch matches. Annoying little git.

I haven't slept much since it happened. I get maybe an hour sleep each night if I am lucky. Usually it is more like a half an hour to 45 minutes. I don't know how anyone could sleep. Madame Pomfrey is allowing people to take dreamless sleep potion if they would like, but I don't want to. I want to feel everything now. I want to feel all of this pain. I feel like I am bleeding but the potion won't heal it, it will just make everything build u, and it will be twenty times worse when I do feel it. I can't explain how much everything hurts. Sleeping hurts, being awake hurts, moving hurts, standing still hurts. Eating hurts and starving hurts. It is like nothing will ever be right again, but somehow I am managing. It's truly a wonder that I have been able to stay as strong as I have been.

Actually, it's not a wonder. It's Harry. I have spent no more than an hour a day apart from him. From the minute we wake up, to the minute we go up to our dorms, we are together. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I look at him. When I look into his eyes; I see all the pain, all the sorrow, all of the loss, but I also see the resolve. And every time I look into our eyes I am reminded that Harry will go after Voldemort.

I suppose I should feel grateful in some respects though. As much pain as I am feeling, as much hurt, I am sure it is a million times worse for Harry. Nothing, absolutely nothing, can make Harry feel better save one thing. Harry will dive into his work; he will throw himself so deeply into the hunt for Voldemort that pain will not be able to penetrate him. I know that Harry needs to hunt for Voldemort, because that is what he does, but I hope he does not kill himself doing so.

Sometimes I feel my brain scratching at my head, trying to work its way out. And sometimes I feel my heart treating my chest just the same. Because that is the state I have been driven into. I want to do so many things it is impossible to say. I want to scream and run, yet be silent and still. I want to work yet I want to do nothing. I want to cry and I want to laugh. But a part of me is not confused. A part of me is so focused on one thing that it gives me more calm than anything else. I want to help. Ever ounce of me, every fiber of my being, wants to help. The only way I can imagine myself healing is by helping. Not one part of me wants to sit back and watch everyone else do all of the work. I want to make sure that I am apart of ending this war.

And I know that Harry will become our leader. He will take control just as he did in the hospital wing. He will guide us. And I am okay with that.

Entry #195

I couldn't sleep last night. I left to go up to my dormitories early in the night. I felt like I might at least try, even though it was pointless. I felt that tossing and turning would at least show that I had made some effort to sleep. But as hard as it has been the previous night it was even worse last night. It was worse last night because Dumbledore's funeral is today.

It begins and ends today. What begins and what ends, I cannot possibly say. All I know is that it both begins and ends.

Last night I tossed and turned for what felt like minutes and days. Have you ever had that feeling where time passes by both extremely slowly and quickly at once? It is most impossible to explain. Sometimes it feels like it is taking forever but then you look at the clock and are shocked at how much time has passed? Or sometimes you think that you will die if you need to live one more minute in this state, and then you realize that you have spent hours dwelling on that one single thought? It's like space and time no longer align when you are in emotional turmoil. They no longer make sense or logic, and then you grow into even deeper confusion.

That was what was in store for me last night. I couldn't make up my mind as to whether I was years older, or if mere minutes had gone by since I had plopped onto my pillow. Finally I looked at my clock. It told me that it was 1:00 am. So time had passed, just neither as quickly or slowly as I had thought. Time it seemed, was content to stick with the median.

Realizing that sleep was hopeless, I went down to the common room. At first I thought it was completely empty. All of the lights were extinguished; the room was completely frigid as the fire had gone out. But alas, the room was not empty. Harry was sitting on the hard window seat, looking out at the grounds below. A frost had settled along the bottom of the window pain. It did not appear that the weather realized it was June. For the first time it seemed to be more in tune with our emotions than the calendar.

Harry sat there completely motionless. He did not move, nor did he say anything. Oh he knew I was there all right, but he did not seem to be willing to come out of the thoughts that filled his mind at the moment. I watched him for awhile. He was leaning on the hard stone wall that framed the seat. He had his chin almost resting on one knee, while the other crossed the first, resting on top of his foot. The foot of the second leg was dangling off of the seat. One hand was resting on his knee while the other was dangling loosely at his side. His head looked serenely out the window so that I could only see his profile. He was seeing everything and nothing all at once. He looked so statuesque and handsome in those moments that all my thoughts and feelings were immediately confirmed. I watched him for a length of time untold. Neither of us wanted to break the silence.

Finally I walked over to him. I climbed up onto the seat next to him in such a way that my back would be leaning against his chest and he could his head on my chin if he so desired. He said nothing, but he grabbed both of my hands so that his arms ran up the length of mine. He then encircled me with his arms, still grasping my hands. I leaned more deeply into him and he buried his head into my hair. He seemed to only allow himself a few minutes of this before he returned back to his original state of staring out of the window. I looked out too and was amazed at what I was seeing.

Despite everything that had happened, the grounds were completely still. For the first time, there was absolute peace, absolute silence, and I was able to sort through my own thoughts. The room that had been so cold before was now warm and perfect.

Sometimes I thought and other times I just felt. I thought about the fight, I thought about the war that was coming. I thought about Dumbledore, and I felt my heart starting to pick up the pieces. I felt Harry's warm hands clasping my own. I felt the flannel of his pajama pants that were so soft and wonderful against my own legs. I felt his deep and perfect chest against my back. I felt his breathing going in and out, more steady and peaceful than it had been in days. I felt an unbelievable calm washing over me. I never wanted that moment to end, because it was one of the few times in my life, the only time in years, which I felt completely at peace and okay. It was like a shield had been put up around us, allowing us those last few moments of peace.

Sometimes I felt a new wave of warmth wash over me that was inexplicable and completely wonderful. I could hear the clock, and I realized that my breath was coming in with the ticks and out with the tocks.

Slowly I watched the world outside change. At first I saw the stars begin to fade. Then I noticed that the moon was no longer as bright as it had once been. All too soon I realized that the sky was beginning to lighten. First it was the deepest shades of blue, and then it was no longer one pure color but instead everything that you could imagine mixed in. There were pinks, greens, blues, purples, reds, oranges and yellows. It was any artist's dream; there was no palette that could have replicated all the beautiful colors that I saw.

But even that was not to last. As the sky began to lighten and all of the colors began to fade, I heard the castle start to waken. People in the dorms above us were starting to move about, preparing for the funeral that awaited them. I could hear the castle itself winding up for another day; I didn't realize that even though Dumbledore had left this castle, life was still here. I realized that even though people didn't know it, there was still a thirst for knowledge, a hunger for excitement. There was a want for joy, a need for love and friendship. People just needed to find all of these things. They hadn't died with Dumbledore, they had just been lost. They had been carried up with the great wind that came when he was killed, but they were not taken with him; they were merely scattered around. It would be hard, it would take work, but these pieces could be found and they could by put back where they belonged.

Finally I felt Harry start to stir. We both looked at each other simultaneously. His eyes showed me everything that he was feeling, the pain, hurt, sorrow, anger and distress. I felt that the shell had been around us all night was breaking. I know that he saw it too. Before it fell apart completely he leaned down and kissed me. He kissed me long and deep. It wasn't like any of the other kisses we have had before. It wasn't filled with passion or promises, or joy or happiness. It was a kiss to seal the memory. He kissed me to seal the memory so that neither of us would ever forget the night.

Slowly we untangled our limbs and rose from our seat. We still said nothing, just looked at each other, sizing the other up. I finally kissed Harry once more and departed to my dorm. Before I got to the steps I saw that Harry was looking back at me from the bottom of his staircase. Neither of us smiled, or nodded, or did anything but look at each other but I still felt more whole than I have ever felt before.

Together we looked away, together we climbed our separate staircases, together we slammed our separate dormitory doors. Together we left.

I sit alone and I watch the clock, I breathe in on the tick, and out on the tock. I could hear your bare feet on the kitchen floor and I don't have to have these dreams no more. And I found someone just to hold me tight, hold the insomniac all night. – Insomniac

Thanks for reading my fic, and reviews, while not necessary, are greatly appreciated. I cannot express how nice it feels to see the fanfic bot telling me I have a review in my inbox, and it does encourage me to write more. I have one more chapter to go, and as sad as it will be, I hope you will all appreciate the ending I plan on writing. Reviews remind me to keep writing and that my work is being appreciated. Thanks to those who have reviewed, it really does help me write better.

Friends don't let friends read fics and not review.

LittleTom45 – Thank you. I am so glad you like this story. Thanks for the review!

The Female Nerd - Thank you so very very much! While I will not be continuing this book onto the seventh book, I have already begun the plotline of my next fic, which will in fact be a Harry Potter fic. I am so glad you enjoy this fic, and I hope the coming chapters give you just as much satisfaction.

chaotic pink chocobo - Thanks for the review!

BexyLou - Yes, sadly we are nearing the end. But thank you for the review!

letsseesomeid - Wow I almost made you cry. Thanks for the review, I hope you enjoy the coming chapters!

Emerald-Torch - No, I will not be continuing this fic into the seventh book. (Notice I said THIS fic) Thanks for the review!

xXxChantee-BabyxXx - Aw, thanks for the review, but no, I will not be hosting a party. I am thrilled that I have 100 reviews, but the reviews are not why I am writing this story. I do it to test my own writing skills, as well as test my Harry Potter knowledge. Thanks for reading!

ProfessorSpork - yes it's a hand of glory. However, that was a direct quote taken from Half-Blood Prince, so I had to take it as it was. Thanks for the review!

Azabaza - Well, you will just have to see. But yes, these are missing moments. Thanks for the review!

fireboltf2 - Well, I cannot exactly tell you what I did differently from the others. I tried to focus as much as I possibly could on contextual evidence, though I clearly did go off a bit in the fluffier chapters and the one where she blows up the bathroom. Thanks for the review!

Queenlover - I am sorry this chapter made you so sad. I wonder what will happen when I do the break up. Thanks for reviewing!

Machiavelli Jr - Where do I say chapter 10 is done? Well never mind, that's not important. I have never read a fic about Fenrir, but that's an interesting premise. What happens during the psychological decline of someone who was rejected and feared as a child? I wonder? I agree, Ron is often made completely useless, as he is often portrayed in the movies. I have many issues with that subject, something I am always willing to wrant about. Thanks for reviewing.

bruisedpapaya - Thanks! Well I suppose you could also add that I am an editor on the newpaper, and well that's all. I take my hat off to you, you truly do have a hectic schedule. Well thank you for the review!

SnowflakeGinny - Wow, I made you cry. That's a huge compliment to me as an author. Unless of course they were tears of pain... Well, in any case, I thank you for your review!

DDwelling - Thank you very much. Unfortunately, there is only one chapter left to write. But I am glad you like the story none the less. Thank you for reviewing.