Part5
I'm alone now.
I am in a cell, alone, with no one to encourage me to hold on.
The one who haunts my nightmares has claimed the good from my life. He has taken the one thing that I had cherished. That I had hoped would be there for me when this war was over.
I remember the surprised look she gave me as the blood started to pour from the wound.
I remember Daniel screaming out her name and cursing Ba'al in Gou'ald, calling him every name he could think of.
I remember him, unflinching in the face of Daniel's rage, but clearly enjoying the pain he had caused.
Daniel fell to his knees then. Crying out for his lost friend and for the guilt I knew he felt.
Teal'c stood stoic but I knew this had affected him deeply. He kept his eyes on Ba'al. Hatred building up in him, his muscles tensed waiting for the opportunity to avenge her death.
Me. I just stood there and screamed. He knew I would fold once he hurt her.
He was right. She did look like the woman I had previously helped escape from him.
I remember her telling me, or the snake that had resided for a time in my head all the torture he had put her through. That, I hadn't been able to stand. Knowing what she was going through had been enough for me to come back and save her.
He had loved her, but the feelings he felt for her were nothing compared to what I felt for Carter.
Carter.
I suppress a sob.
She was gone and I had just stood there, doing nothing.
She would no longer grace me with her smile and her techno babble.
She would no longer join me for cake, or be there to listen to my lame jokes, the ones that only she would laugh at.
Ba'al had enjoyed himself. He coldly said he would continue with us later.
I tried to get to her, but the wall opened up and she fell lifelessly through into the abyss behind her.
I stared at the wall of horrors. Daniel was trying to control his sobs. I closed my eyes, offered up a silent prayer for her and then turned to face what was next.
We were taken to our new homes and I walked next to Daniel.
His head was down and I could see this was tearing him up inside.
"Daniel, you've got to be strong. Carter wouldn't want you to give up. We will get out of here."
His head snapped up.
"She's dead and you still can't call her by her first name? It was Sam dammit. Sam! What she saw in you I'll never know. You treated her like crap, always taking and never giving and she would never, ever complain. Did you know she loved you? YOU! I couldn't believe it when she told me. After everything you did to her she still loved you. You selfish son of a bitch! You could have the decency to call her by her name, now that there are no rules or regulations, or was that just an excuse you hid behind, so you wouldn't have to show her you really didn't love her?"
He forgot that my hands were not tied and I launched myself at him. I knocked him to the floor, straddled him and started to blindly, furiously punch him, over and over again.
The guards cheered us on.
Teal'c was shouting at us to stop, that we were friends.
That this would not bring Carter back.
Who in the hell did Daniel think he was? I loved her more than anything in this world and he was telling me that all I did was take from her and…..
Wait. He said she loved me.
I stopped punching him.
"She loved me?" I whispered, brokenly.
Daniel's glasses were broken and he was bleeding from his nose.
I rolled away from him and stood up. He hadn't answered me. I asked him again.
"She loved me?"
"Yeah, Jack she loved you. But now she's gone and I don't care whether I live or die. She was the glue that kept our team together and with her gone…"
The guards yanked us up when they saw we were not going to fight anymore.
I was still reeling from the news. She had loved me and I'd never told her my feelings for her.
I'd never told her.
I'd never told her that I loved her too.
I was deposited in my cell and slid to the floor. I didn't care what Ba'al did any longer. He had taken more from me than I thought was possible.
He had taken my soul.