Part 6
I wallowed in my grief.
This pain was comparable to the grief I had felt when Charlie died.
I was helpless then to do anything then and I was helpless now.
The two good things in my life had been snatched from my grasp. I had
known that my luck could not last. That fate would intervene and say
that Jack O'Neill could not be happy. That Jack O'Neill would always
be alone, with no one to love or to love him back.
I cried, not caring anymore. Who was there left to impress with my
big bad colonel image? I had lost everything and the kicker was that
she had loved me. She had loved me and Daniel was right. I had hidden
behind the rules, afraid that if I let her in; things would be ruined
between us when she found out what a selfish son of a bitch I was.
Sara had thought she had understood me, but I only let her see
glimpses of the real Jack.
Sam had seen me at my worst and still she was always there beside me
no matter what, holding my hand and whispering to me that it would be
alright when things were bad. I took comfort in knowing that whenever
I was hurt, she would be there to greet me when I awoke.
Looking back at it now it wasn't because she was duty bound to be
there, it was because she cared what happened to my sorry ass.
She had deserved so much better.
She had deserved to be loved by someone that didn't have so much
baggage.
I closed my eyes to pray I would see her again once I left this
hell. But I had one last thing to do before I went.
I would survive long enough to kill Ba'al.
I didn't care about what would happen afterwards. My soul mate was
gone. He had taken the only good in my life.
He had taken her.
He was the cause of a hole in my heart that could never be mended.
I would extract my revenge for her. It was the least I could do,
since I had been no damned help at all when it came to keeping her
alive.
Her smile would haunt me till my very last breath. A last breath I
now planned on waiting only a short time for. I was glad that
killing Ba'al would be my last act in this sorry existence.
I deserved the pain that would be inflicted on me. I had to atone for
all of my past deeds.
Daniel was right again. I had used the rules and regulations to hide
behind, to justify what I had done in my past. I had hurt the ones
that loved me by pushing them away or being the cause of their deaths.
Carter was wrong. I was the cursed one. Everything I loved or cared
about left me or died.
One thing I didn't have to worry about was telling Jacob I had failed
in my promise to keep his little girl safe.
He had pulled me aside after a mission and asked me to keep her
safe. He'd said please, adding that just the act of giving my word
was good enough for him. He had trusted me.
He had been wrong.
I told him I would die first before harm would come to her.
I had been wrong.
I had watched his little girl die in front of me and I had to suffer
the loss now. I deserved no pity. I deserved the pain that flowed
through my body.
I hear the sounds that signal I will be taken again. I don't care. I
stand and wait, wanting to get this over with, since I can't bear to
think any more.
My only objective is to kill that son of a bitch for all the pain he
has inflicted on my team and on my love.
He would die quickly with the same knife that he had used so cruelly
on her.
I wait and they come, opening the door to take me back to the chamber
of horrors. I will be hung on the same wall she had died on but
before that I will fight one more time.
And this time it was a fight I was determined to win.
I had an angel, my angel, by my side wanting the same thing as me.
The revenge for a life taken and this revenge would be mine.