Disclaimer: I don't own Holes, and never will!
Note: Helloha! I just thought I'd say that Ziggy is a bit out of character. He is quite odd... A lot like me and my friends. You know, sugar-high and prone to imagine odd things. But this will help with the humor of the story. Thanks!
The Inspection Of CGL
Chapter Six ll My Next Patient: ZIGZAG
--
"My mother gave me a first name, it was R-I-C-K-Y. My mother didn't give me a second name, it's B-L-A-N-K - "
I sighed and slapped my hand against my forehead.
All I had done was simply ask Zigzag what his real name was.
And already he was singing.
SINGING!
I didn't know boys could sing.
I mean, other than Squid...
(NOTE TO SELF: Ask the Warden woman if she has been giving private vocal lessons.)
"Zigzag - " I started helplessly. It was almost sunrise, and I still didn't have a single thing on Zigzag's form.
Okay, so it's not completely his fault. When we had finished breakfast and Mr. Pendanksi had shown the boys where to dig their holes, I didn't feel like diving into interviewing.
So... y'know... I walked around... had a few chats here and there... the usual stuff!
Zigzag stopped singing and stared at me, as if I had just magically appeared in front of him. Honestly - he looked so freaked out.
"I am not the Cookie Monster, Poppinfresh or the ducks from the Kleenex ad," I added quickly before he could start hallucinating. You see, I have learnt a lot over the past few days.
Zigzag looked relieved. Then he pried up a shovelful of dirt and dumped it proudly on his dirt pile. Then he went back to digging his hole, totally disregarding me.
I tapped my pen against my notebook impatiently, "Zigzag?" I repeated agitatedly, "What is your full name?"
"Oh..." Zigzag seemed to return to his human self, and answered, "Ricky Palmer."
Finally.
Good grief, he seems to have a memory span of about five seconds.
I think I read somewhere that fish have the memory span of three seconds. So maybe Zigzag's a fish in disguise. A fish with a two-second-more-memory-span-thing.
Oooh, that's amusing.
Heh.
Okay; continue looking smart, then move slowly away from Zigzag.
He's infecting me with his insanity.
"Age?" I blurted out, not wanting to think anymore. I mean, that could be deadly.
(NOTE: There seems to be a contagious disease around the camp that makes you - well, dumber.)
"SIXTEEN!" Zigzag sung out cheerfully.
And I suddenly felt energised.
I was standing up because Squid seemed to have forgotten to give me his tea towel, and I didn't want to ask for it because (I think) he's still mad at me for taking his banana.
"Birth date?" I asked, while scrawling "16" next to "Age".
"July the eighth," Zigzag stopped digging with a sudden startlingness, and frowned at me, "Why are you asking all this? You're not working for them, are you?"
I decided to humor him a little, although I had no idea who them was.
"Yes, I am, actually. Do you have a problem with that?" I asked pleasantly, hinting heavily that I was joking.
But Zigzag didn't see my heavy hints. He was quite serious, and it didn't take a genius to figure out (a second later) that I had made a mistake. And a huge one, at that.
A look of fear crossed his face, panic was evident in his eyes, and his nose twitched nervously.
"They've gotten to you too!" he shrieked, pointing at me accusingly, "They're watching our every move! They're using you as a spy! I knew it! I'd been receiving That Tingle about a week before you arrived! ARRGGHH!"
I stared at him, quite frightened, while Zigzag swiped his shovel into the air as if intending to hit me.
Now, I have a thing about flying objects. They scare-the-daylights-out-of-me. Whenever someone's just kicked a football and it's sailing gracefully through the air, I scream and run around in circles down below, trying not to get hit.
But I get hit anyway.
And I absolutely hate it when something comes into contact heavily with my head. I mean, I don't need to lose anymore brain cells!
"Ahh - ahh - AHHH!" I screamed, scrambling away from Crazy Zigzag. I certainly didn't want to get hit by that heavy shovel! Heaven knows where I'll end up if I did.
I streaked across the dirt, screaming and running. Zigzag ran after me, yelling something about me being infected and that if only he had realised earlier, I wouldn't be where I was now.
If only it were that simple!
Later, X-Ray told me that I shouldn't have run away, and that Zigzag wouldn't hit me, because he's not that kind of guy. He also said that I provoked him by running and saying that I was working for them, which I find totally unfair.
Wasn't I the one who almost got beheaded by a shovel?
Well, back to the point; it took the combined efforts of Squid, Armpit and X-Ray to calm Zigzag down. I dunno how they did it. I was busy hiding down in a hole, quivering with fear. Magnet and Caveman were calling for me, but I wasn't responding.
No way was I climbing back up to the surface until I knew Zigzag was sane again - well, as sane as he could get.
Caveman found me hiding down in the hole, and joined me when I refused to go back up to the surface.
He talked to me and told me how he thought Zigzag was plain odd and how he got a little violent sometimes, but he was generally a nice dude who'd do anything to protect his D-tent mates. Caveman said that Zigzag would never hurt me because; 1. I'm a girl and, 2. I've been accepted into their little "group".
He also said that yes, Zigzag did get quite scary at times, but that's because of his "acute paranoia", and that we should all make allowances. Caveman then proceeded to say that every guy in D-tent has a weird side of them, and this was Zigzag's.
I felt better afterwards, and I secretly thought that Caveman was wrong when he said that every boy in D-tent has a weird side to them. There's nothing weird about the Caveman.
It was really nice having a one-sided chat with him, and I've decided to also write a good report on him.
(NOTE: There are decent boys at Camp Green Lake. A bit like finding a needle in a haystack, though.)
When it was safe to climb out of the hole, I had pins and needles so Magnet had to lift me out. Then he and Caveman gently tugged me towards Zigzag, who was kind of being held down by Squid.
Okay, I admit it. I acted like a little girl being pushed by her giggly friends to a boy that was cooties-infested.
"Sorry," Zigzag mumbled as soon as I was a metre away from him.
I bit my lip and caught Squid's scathing look. I glared back. Then he gave a tiny sigh and ever-so-slightly jabbed his finger towards the towel wrapped around his head.
Bribery always works.
"It's okay," I mumbled incoherently, speaking more to the dirt than to Zigzag. Somehow, he heard and he nodded. Magnet released his death grip on me and backed away slowly.
I knew all the boys of D-tent were making sure Zigzag wouldn't suddenly jump up and start chasing me with a shovel.
He didn't, however. He went back to digging and Squid gave me his towel to sit on, as promised. After half an hour of me sitting in silence, drawing in my notebook, I asked Zigzag the next question and he answered promptly.
Pretty soon, though, we got into a conversation about what we wanted for Christmas (Tickle Me Elmo's), and our fear of the Evil Muffin Man. When the water truck came at noon, I had decided that Zigzag was a cool person to talk to.
After we had gotten our lunches, I realised that I had asked Zigzag enough questions for the day. I glanced back down at his form.
FULL NAME: Ricky Palmer
AGE: 16
BIRTHDATE: 8th July
TIME SPENT AT CAMP GREEN LAKE SO FAR: 9 months
I actually had a bit more to do on X-Ray. I had to fill out this section that I, myself, personally, had to do. Then I had to write the actual report on him, but the AG said that I could do that at the end, when I had finished with the rest of the boys.
Tum te tum.
"Good morning people!" I said chirpily to everyone as I skipped around the digging site, which changed every single day. I was holding my precious digital camera, and took random photos of the boys when they least expected it.
CLICK.
I had taken one of X-Ray drinking from his canteen. He almost choked.
"Oi, I hate photos!" he yelled, shaking his fist at me.
I grinned. I just love annoying people.
CLICK.
I got a brilliant snapshot of Caveman doing some weird hand gesture while talking to quiet, little Zero.
CLICK.
Squid hand wrestling with Magnet in mid air. Weird, yes.
CLICK.
Zigzag digging his hole. (Boring; but I had another photo of him a few days ago at breakfast.)
CLICK.
Armpit dancing with his shovel.
Ahhh, precious memories.
Precious, precious memories.
Little did I know the delinquents were plotting against me.
I think it was an hour after lunch; I was thirsty and tired, but it was a good kind of tired. I sat down on Squid's towel and took a drink of water from my bottle, appreciating nothing at all.
Then it happened.
I knew it was a little too quiet to be natural.
"AIYEEEEEEEE!"
Yelling like Indians and doing a horrible imitation of Xena, the seven boys of D-tent came diving at me. Even Zero.
I shrieked.
Squid pounced on me and grabbed my Ripcurl cap, while Zero and X-Ray grabbed onto either of my arms. Then Squid ran off with my hat, so I was left un-sun-protected.
Magnet quickly snagged my digital camera from me and gave it to Armpit, who immediately took a photo. Of me. Without my hat. Without my hair done up nicely.
And probably with a stunned expression on my face. (Of course, I was screaming and yelling all sorts of threats while this happened.)
Anyway, digital cameras show the photo for a moment before resuming back to its original state. Armpit grinned as he looked at the one he had just taken of me. Without my hat. Without my hair done up nicely.
"Not a bad one," he commented. Zero craned his neck to look at it, and he also smiled.
It took me three seconds to recollect myself.
"I WANT MY HAT!" I yelled, leaping up, "AND MY CAMERA!"
CLICK.
Armpit had taken another photo. I'm beginning to understand how annoying it is.
"Will you stop that?" I exclaimed angrily, rounding on him.
"Oi, 'lil girl!"
I whirled around and saw Squid grinning. Then to my horror, I noticed a cap lying in front of him in the dirt.
IF THAT'S MY RIPCURL CAP I'M GOING TO KILL -
Oh wait, that's his baseball cap, not mine. Then what is he wearing on his head?
...Oh, my.
(NOTE: Boys should show some courtesy to people who have POWER!)
I heard another CLICK behind me, but I ignored it.
I want my hat back!
"SQUID!" I hollered, running after him, "SQUID, YOU HAT THIEF! THAT HAT COST ALMOST THIRTY DOLLARS!"
Squid stopped suddenly, so I screamed and crashed into him. He fell onto the dirt, which is odd, because I'm small (yes, even I admit that) and I'm sure he could have kept his balance.
"Thirty dollars?" Squid wheezed, taking off the hat and looking at it, "What the - ? "
"Yeah..." I said slowly, hoping to throw him off-track, while I heard several CLICKs and a lot of laughing behind me, "So... GIVE IT BACK!"
I tried snatching it back, but he immediately withdrew his hand away.
"Nuh-uh," Squid scrambled up, smirked at me, then dangled my hat as high as he could stretch.
And that was quite high.
"I hate you," I whined helplessly, while I jumped up and down, trying to get my hat back.
Squid just grinned, and I heard roars of laughter behind me, and of course, several more CLICKs.
"Hey... look, a distraction!" I yelled suddenly, pointing towards the sky.
"Huh?" Squid instantly craned his neck to look. Trying not to roll my eyes, I snatched my hat back, whacked him across the head with it, then ran off.
"Ow," Squid mumbled, rubbing the spot where I had smacked him with my weapon (my beautiful cap.)
I am so brilliant and excellent, as usual.
The others groaned at Squid's failure, and I smirked as I sauntered over to Armpit. He dared to take another photo.
CLICK.
FLASH.
The calm smile on my face disappeared as I screeched, "GIVE ME BACK MY CAMERA NOW!"
"Okay, chicka," Armpit mumbled, reluctantly surrendering my camera. I grabbed it and began to delete every stupid photo of me they had taken.
However, I didn't delete all of them. As that would be like... obliterating memories.
I sniffled as I petted my camera fondly. I turned around and saw the seven boys all grouped together, Hanging Their Heads in Shame.
Well, not really.
As it felt like the perfect thing to do, I glared at them, "You are all horrible people that should eat brussel sprouts."
Squid and Zigzag glanced at each other, then burst out laughing.
Magnet and X-Ray wandered over to me. Then they stood on either side of me.
"We're sorry, 'lil gal," X-Ray said mockingly with a smirk.
"Yeah, we were only havin' fun," Magnet said mischievously.
I felt very uneasy.
Armpit, Caveman and Zero sauntered towards me as well, all smiling in a twisted, evil way.
"I guess you just can't please everyone," Squid added, walking over then stopping directly behind me. Zigzag followed him.
"What are you up to now?" I asked edgily, eyeing them. They had surrounded me.
"Oh... nothing much," X-Ray said musingly, " 'Cept for this - "
I screamed as Squid, X-Ray and Caveman all put their hands on my head and pushed down, forcing me to fall onto the dirt. Zero, Magnet and Zigzag pounced on me while Armpit snatched the camera out of my hands.
None of the boys were putting too much pressure on me, so I wasn't squashed into a pancake. Through the flurry of arms and legs, I saw the outline of Armpit backing away with the camera.
"Say cheese everyone!" he yelled cheerfully.
Everyone but me shouted, "CHEESE!"
CLICK.
--
Project Inspect Camp Green Lake -- Journal
27th of July.
Mood: TIRED yet jumpy
Time: 4:37am
AHHHH! It's my birthday tomorrow! I almost forgot - how could I? I suppose being surrounded by delinquents just wipes your head spicky spanny cleany. Anyway, I'm finally going to be 14, which I hope is a good enough excuse for them not to call me "lil girl" anymore...
Yesterday, I walked around with my digi cam and took a heap of photos. Then the boys took revenge on me and attacked me, then took heaps of photos while I was being held down! They made me promise not to delete them.
I'm at the breakfast table at the moment. I haven't eaten breakfast since I arrived here. The cereal is terrible, so all I do is drink the orange juice. Ugh - Squid says I'm being rude by writing in this, and X-Ray says breakfast is a time of eating and sharing with your family. Family? Yeah, right.
I'm going to put this away, however, because I have nothing else to write. Oh! I have to ask Zigzag about his past (gulp) today... I hope all goes well!
Andii.
"Finally!" Squid exclaimed as I snapped my diary shut and slid it into my denim backpack, "I was wonderin' when you'd put that thing away."
I sighed as I reached over for my orange juice, and said as patiently as I could, "It helps me with my inspecting of this camp."
There was a general buzz of murmur around the table.
"Still," X-Ray piped up, "No writing at the table!"
"Fine," I mumbled, sipping the last of my orange juice, "I promise never to bring the journal here again, mother."
X-Ray grinned, "There's a good 'lil gal."
I rolled my eyes and contained my smile. Then I realised how hungry I was.
I never ignore my hunger. Never. I don't care if I'm going to gain like twenty kilos. I'm still going to eat!
Good food makes me happy. (Big smile there.)
Unfortunately, good food does not exist at Camp Green Lake, the kentucky-fried-desert.
At that moment, I took out my notebook and immediately jotted down a huge note. CAMP NEEDS TO ACQUIRE DECENT FOOD.
"Hey!" X-Ray exclaimed, "You promised!"
"I said I wouldn't bring my journal, not my notebook," I said smugly. He looked confused.
"Same thing!"
"They are not," I closed my notebook, then glanced down at the cereal in sour milk.
Ew.
"Pass the sugar, Pit," Magnet requested to Armpit, who took a hold of a jar of white stuff and slid it across the table to Magnet.
"Thanks, man."
Sugar?
SUGAR!
SUGAR?
How come I didn't know there was any?
As I glanced around, I realised how ignorant I had been, and saw two jars of white sprinkly stuff.
Sugar and salt.
SUGAR! How brilliant.
Well then, this sums up my breakfast menu. I finally get to eat the horrible cereal, because my good friend SUGAR will make the sour taste go away!
Victory dance.
"Squid, pass the sugar," I said proudly, though I'm not sure what I was so proud about.
Squid grabbed onto the jar and slid it across the table, air-hockey style.
Still ever-so-proudly, I began to sprinkle the white little particles onto my cereal. When I was satisfied with the amount, I put the cap back onto the sugar jar and set it down in front of me. I picked up my spoon and swirled the cereal and milk and sugar around.
Then I had a bite.
"You know," I said slowly, chewing, "This certainly does taste peculiar..."
"Add some sugar," Caveman said vaguely, sprinkling sugar onto his cereal.
I rolled my eyes, and was about to tell him to pay a bit more attention, so then he would've realised I had put sugar on my cereal, but then I thought; How is Caveman putting sugar on his cereal when the sugar jar is standing right in front of me?
Frowning a little, I glanced from the jar in his hand, to the jar in front of me. The jar in his hand, then the jar in front of me. His hand, in front of me. His hand, in front of me. His hand, in front of me. His hand -
I burst out laughing.
Looking as if I had just screamed in a library, the boys of Group D Looked at me.
"Caveman," I finally gasped out, "You put salt on your cereal!"
The Caveman frowned slightly as he lowered the jar and looked at it. Then he took a little pinch of the white sprinkles between his fingers, and licked it off.
"Nuh; this is sugar," he proclaimed, glancing at me as if fearing for my taste-buds' lives.
I frowned. Slowly, I reached forward for the jar in front of me.
Squid suddenly choked; his spoon fell onto the table with a clatter and he ran off.
"OI!" X-Ray yelled after him angrily, "How many times have I told you that everyone must stay at the table until we've all finished eating? RUDE!"
Still very slowly, I unscrewed the lid off the jar. Then I changed my mind and had another bite of my cereal.
Now that I think about it... it tastes kind of...
...Salty?
Shuddering a little, I took a pinch of whiteness between my fingers from the jar and licked it off.
...Urgh.
"SQUID!" I screamed, "WHY DID YOU GIVE ME THE SALT?"
Yeah, I know he made the grand escape from the Mess Hall and is probably writing up his will, but I still needed to yell.
I mean, who the jelly confuses salt and sugar?
Okay, okay... so the jars weren't labelled and they look pretty much identical.
AND DO NOT BLAME THIS ON ME! IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW - I HAVE THE RIGHT TO CONFUSE SALT AND SUGAR!
But of course, Squid does not.
The boys were snickering, and I glared at them.
"Not funny, Jan," I hissed between clenched teeth. It's about one of the first times I've ever said anything through clenched teeth, and believe me, it's really weird.
"Isn't it "not happy, Jan"?" Zigzag the maniac asked with a grin.
More laughter followed as I stuck out my tongue, wailing.
"You need to grow up, 'lil girl."
--
A/N: Hi everyone! I know a lot of you are concerned that this fic will turn into a complete Squid/OC shipper, but IT WILL NOT! I only added a dose of romance for good measure. :) The fic is supposed to show friendship and character change in Andii's posh character. Basically, she'll find that outsiders (people who don't live in Palmoilin) aren't all bad. It will show friendship bonds between Andii and the guys of D-tent, and friendships between D-tent as well. So yeah, don't be concerned because there won't be a lot of romance throughout the entire story. Maybe at the end... xD
I'm sorry if I usually end the chapter with Andii a little angry at the boys. It's became a habit of mine, lol. The way to see it is that she's not actually angry... just exaggerating her irritation. I do that all the time. Andii's pretty much based on me. Yes, that is how I think and act pretty much all the time.
I'm really glad you all find this so funny. Nice to know I'm lighting up a few people's lives. Oh, and Palmoilin is just a place I made up. It was inspired by the show "The O.C."
OOOH! And SquiddlyGurl, when I read "Mr. Flash-Happy" I could NOT stop laughing. Later, I told my friend about it and I cracked up laughing over it all over again, but she just gave me this weird look and said, "You're easily amused." Well... maybe I am. So what? Hehe... that still makes me laugh.
Overall, thanks for all your reviews. It's so sweet of you. And no flames too... wonderful. Still, there may be some to come! Hey, that rhymed. Hehe... tally ho... - msq.