The Inspection Of CGL

by MissSugarQuill

I was asked to go to Camp Green Lake to observe the boys from a normal citizen's point of view. 'Write a report on each boy from one tent,' they requested of me. So I did. And in all my life, I have never met such PSYCHOS.

11. Interrogacion: MAGNET

Disclaimer: I don't own Holes, and never will!

THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO: Nosillaand roguemagic 13

The Inspection Of CGL

Chapter Eleven ll Interrogacion: MAGNET

--

"You want me to what?" I said blankly, staring at the Warden woman.

She smiled encouragingly and nodded, "Yes, dear, it wouldn't hurt..."

"But why?" I spluttered, "You know, I have other things to do - like the reports and interviews and inspecting and..."

I trailed off. My schedule had suddenly seemed jam-packed with things to do.

"Just for tonight," the WW said a little less patiently, "Please."

I swallowed back a "In your dreams, devil woman!" and nodded.

The WW smiled at me, showing all her perfect white teeth. I tried to smile back but I was afraid I might make a mistake and accidentally turn it into a smirk, so I settled with a half-grin.

I imagine it must've made me look like Shrek.

"Can I just ask you something?" I blurted out before she got up to make a cup of tea.

She nodded.

"Why are you getting me to do this? I mean... yeah, just why?" I said as politely as I dared.

The Warden woman sighed and sank back down in her chair. She pursed her lips and said, "You... you're a smart girl, Andii. You understand that there is someone at this camp that my niece fancies."

Duh. Squiddly-boy.

I nodded, "Yeah. Squid. Don't they make such a cute couple?"

The WW frowned slightly, "No."

Oops. Well sorry.

"The boys under my supervision have proven themselves a threat to society. I find none of them are fit for my sister's daughter. Nadine cannot mix up with any of them," she continued.

I nodded slowly, wondering if the WW knew she was straying off the subject just a tiny bit.

Then I cottoned on.

"So you're making me cook dinner for the whole of CGL with Squid just so Nadine will lose interest in him?" I said calmly.

The Warden woman smiled, obviously pleased that I was so intelligent, "Yes. It's a fine way, isn't it?"

I chuckled quietly.

"FOR GOODNESS' SAKE, YOU'RE AN INSANE WOMAN! NADINE'S NOT GOING TO STOP LIKING SQUID JUST BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO POISON EVERY BOY WITH HIM! SHE'LL BE MORE BENT ON CHOPPING ME UP WITH A KNIFE! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO MAKE HER JEALOUS, NOT - NOT PUT HER IN A GETOVERHIMISH MOOD! YOU'LL BE PUTTING MY LIFE IN DANGER, HER LOVELIFE AT STAKE AND SQUID'S... SQUID'S BRAIN CAPACITY ON THE LINE!" I yelled in her face.

The WW smiled at me, "Squid doesn't like her."

I blinked.

She really is the most random person I have ever met.

"Umm... I know!" I said feverishly, "I was quite skilled at being the Gossip Queen's best friend, thank you very much! And identifying whether a person fancies another is a quality greatly needed in such a position!"

The Warden woman just ignored me, "Nadine's getting discouraged, and if she sees him with you, she'll give up. Don't you see?"

"But Squid will never like me," I said, rolling my eyes at the very thought. "Not in that way."

"You'll be surprised, Andii."

"Why can't you let them be? He's a good kid!" I said, ignoring her comment.

"What, and have him turn out like his father in the end? All it takes to make my sister's funeral is for her to realise her daughter's husband has just ran off, leaving her with a three-year-old son."

"You know what? This is pointless," I got up. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Just go into the kitchens with Squid after he's finished digging. Make dinner, enough for all the boys here. You'll find all the equipment and food. It's all I ask."

"Okay," I said calmly, "Fine. But don't say I didn't warn you."

As I left her cabin, I heard her distinctly say, "About what...?"

--

I yawned and glanced up at the starry sky as I stalked back to my tent. I'd been woken up not by Squid singing, but by the WW asking me to see her in her cabin. We had a lovely chat. She had a request for me. She wants me to poison everyone with my unskilled cookery. I agreed. And you know the rest.

I yawned again and sleepily crawled into my tent, onto my airbed. It just occurred to me that Nadine might've been listening to us. Why does the WW have to be so mean?

Nadine obviously likes Squid... why can't the Warden woman just let her have her teenage fun and meddling? It's not like they're gonna get married...

Another thing I realised was that the WW certainly had an evil side. She had seemed so oh-happy-days-fun-and-games when I first came here, but she's just... mean. That's it.

(NOTE: The WW is evil.)

I yawned. I must have a yawning problem. I wiped away the tears from my eyes (because I had yawned) and turned on my side. I hope Nadine won't hate me after this.

The idea of Squid and me is just... weird. And hilariously funny. Even Claude wouldn't be able to imagine such a thing.

Mmmhmm... funniness...

So sleepy...

"I LIKE BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE, YOU OTHER BROTHERS CAN'T DENY, WHEN A - "

"SHUT UP, SQUID!"

--

"Horrible song choice," I murmured crossly.

"You're mean," Squid mused as we sat down at the D-tent table, "Just because not everyone listens to classical like you..."

Classical music?

"I am so not a granny!" I exclaimed, horrified.

"We know you aren't," X-Ray said coolly, "So shut your mouth and eat your tortilla."

Tortilla?

I was about to point out we weren't in Mexico (or is that a burrito?) when I looked at the thing hanging out of Armpit's mouth.

My jaw dropped open.

"EW! What on earth is that?" I exclaimed.

"You think I don't see, no forks in the house, chopsticks only!" Zigzag and Squid chorused.

I shot them a look. Honestly, Squid knows every song.

"Tortillas," Caveman explained, picking up the tortilla. "With honey."

"Yuck," I said, pulling a face. "What happened to the cereal?"

Caveman shrugged, "Menu changes."

"I wish it didn't!"

Zigzag's eyes had bulged out, and he leant over to murmur to X-Ray, "You know, what if the 'lil girl is a granny...?"

"Zig," I said helplessly, "I am not a granny."

(NOTE: Boys show signs of hallucinations.)

I carefully took out my journal (although I had promised X-Ray I wouldn't anymore) and jotted down a quick entry.

Project Inspect Camp Green Lake - Journal

1st of August.

Mood: okay
Time: 4:39am

Hello there, Mr. Journal. You know what? I don't think I'll show this to the AG anymore. After all, it is my own personal business. Guess who's next for interviewing? Well, it was supposed to be Squid, but I said that he's going last. He murmured something about "save the best till last" but he has no idea how wrong he is. Anyway, it's Magnet's turn. He's Spanish. I hope to learn some Spanish off him. All I know is "hola" and "si". Oh, X-Ray's busy lecturing me about breaking promises. Zigzag keeps staring at me. I think he's convinced I'm a granny in disguise.

I don't know what I'm doing, hanging around these people. Ohmyjelly. Did I mention? The Warden woman wants me to cook dinner for everyone at Camp Green Lake. AHHH! And with Squid! And it's all part of a jealousy scheme thing! GRRR!

More soon, Andii.

"Hey," I said, suddenly realising something, "Where's Magnet?"

"...absolutely no respect, 'lil gal, you promised, you vowed that you wouldn't write in that thing of yours, and look what you're doing - or what you were doing - "

"X-Ray," I said patiently, "Where's Magnet?"

X-Ray seemed confused for a split second, but his cool expression soon resurfaced.

"That," he drawled, taking a casual bite of his tortilla, "Is a very good question."

Then he glanced at three specific Delinquents.

Zigzag, Armpit and Squid all looked blank and dazed for a moment. Then looks of relief dawned on Zigzag and Armpit, before turning expectantly to Squid, who moaned into his breakfast.

"Your turn, Squid," Armpit informed.

"Far out, why can't Magnet just wake up himself?" Squid grumbled, getting up.

"Because he's a sleepy one," Zigzag answered, then he turned to me, "Magnet has a weird lifestyle. He falls off his bed when he hears the trumpet, then continues to sleep. He won't get up till either me, Squid or Pit wakes him. We take turns. Was Pit's yesterday, and mine the day before."

"So it's Squid's today," I said, cottoning on.

"Yeah."

"He's a bad wake-up-caller person."

Zigzag and Caveman grinned.

Squid returned, dragging a reluctant Magnet behind him.

"Man, whatsa time..." he groaned, as Squid dropped him in a seat.

"Four-forty-three, buddy," Squid replied.

Magnet groaned and dropped his head on the table. It shook and the rest of us shivered.

"That's gotta hurt," Armpit said, pulling a face.

"You know what?" I said, through a mouthful of really sweet honey, "I figured out something else, besides delinquents, that starts with D!"

The delinquents looked stunned.

"And we care, why?" Squid asked.

I ignored him and turned to Caveman and Zero, who are always the best listeners, "Ducks! D stands for ducks! Little ducklings! Ohmygosh, D stands for ducklings too! Wow, this is wicked! Ducks! Quack, quack! Haha. D-tent's full of ducks. Man, this is tight. Okay, I'll shut up."

"Thanks be to goodness for that," breathed X-Ray.

I shot him a dirty look.

--

"Man, I feel like a chicken. Bawk-bawk, bawk-bawk, bawk, BAWK," I sang.

Mr. Sir Looked at me, then chose wisely to ignore my odd song choice. Armpit nudged Zigzag, pointed at Mr. Sir, and the two elapsed into silent giggles.

We were walking towards our (their) new digging site. Usually, Zero walked in front (near Mr. Sir), with his shovel slung behind his neck and across his shoulders. Today, however, I was walking with X-Ray and Caveman at the front. X-Ray had his shovel slung behind him, and Caveman was holding his like a walking stick. I had my bag straps at the tips of my fingers and was swinging it around.

The others were behind us. Magnet was at the very back, looking dead tired.

When we reached another spot in the dark and dry desert, Mr. Sir told us to stop and then showed the boys where to dig their holes.

"Yer not in the Girl Scouts," he took care to remind us before he spat a few shells near Squid's feet and walked away with his hands on his hips.

"Whatever," Squid mumbled, glaring after him.

TWO HOURS LATER.

"Okay, let's stop talking about different dog breeds," I said wearily, ignoring the pitiful look on Magnet's face that had been the cause of a forty-five long minute conversation about dogs, "I really have to start interrogating you. Hey, how do you say interrogating in Espagnol?"

I smiled proudly, although my Spanish probably sounded really off.

Magnet just smiled, "Interrogacion."

"Cool," there was no way I was going to try and repeat that, "So... what's your name?"

"What do you think?"

I looked at him oddly.

"What do you mean, what do I think?" I asked bluntly, "I have no idea."

Magnet concentrated on jumping on the back of the shovel to scoop out some dirt, "I thought young people had good memories."

I had no sodding clue what he was on about.

So I told him.

"Dude, I have no sodding clue what you're on about."

He made a face as if I was being difficult, "Whatever, chicka. It's Jose Enriquie."

"Oh."

After that part, everything was a lot less difficult.

"Age?"

"Fifteen."

"Birthdate?"

"April. Fifteenth."

"How long have you been here?"

"About a hundred-and-twenty-five minutes. Why do you ask?"

I rolled my eyes, "Not how long have you been out here, today. Like at camp."

"Oh..." Magnet bit his lip, "Why didn'tcha say so! Four months, tops."

"Terrible," I said for no reason, feeling like a health inspector as I wrote "4 MONTHS" neatly in cursive writing.

"Really? What's so bad about four months?"

"Nothing... just nothing."

--

When the sun was well up, Zigzag had some sort of seizure (well, at least I thought it was) and really... well, it was quite normal.

"WHITEOUT!" he yelled all of a sudden, "WHIIIITEEEOUUUTT!"

Oh, not again, I thought, mentally rolling my eyes

"C'mon Zig, don't tell me bottles of whiteout are suddenly going to drop from the sky and sting us with their toxicity?" I said sarcastically.

"RUN! DOWN IN THE DEEP HOLES!"

To my surprise, it was the calm, cool, sort-of-scary X-Ray who had yelled.

"What in the name of fudge is - ?

"Shut your trap, chicka and funcione encima a esos agujeros!" Magnet snapped. I understood half of what he said.

So... I... just... nodded.

He grabbed me by the arm and dragged me in the direction to where all the other boys were running. I looked behind me mid-drag and saw a big, big, BIG cloud of dust behind us, like a thick swarm of bees. A really big swarm of bees, at that. It was coming at us.

"Bringjelly!" I yelped, quite shocked. I shook Magnet's hand off me and began to run like a deer, "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

I guess I ran so fast I overtook all the boys.

Maybe next time I enter a track event at the school athletics carnival (that is if I survive this dust/storm/whiteout), I should imagine a huge cloud of dust chasing me.

I understood what they were doing when I reached three neat rows of holes. I jumped in the closest one, buried my face in my knees and took a deep breath. Or I might've taken a deep breath before I buried my face.

Meh.

Dear Lord, I prayed, Please let the delinquents see that I am actually down here so they will not come falling down and probably crush me. Please let them find other holes and let them take refuge there. Please let us survive this whiteout thing. What is a whiteout? Oh well, it looks pretty scary. That's it for now. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.

Religious faith is the key!

I heard the boys yell and leap over my hole to reach the other ones. They had better be quick. I could hear the dust rushing at us.

Then it happened. The cloud of dust (sort of like a tornado) came over and started to stir up all the sand and dirt around us, kicking it up in the air. I dared to open my eyes and look up, but all I saw was creamy-whiteness. Dust immediately whipped into my eyes and they began to water. I tried not to inhale the thick, dirty air and buried my face in my knees again.

Now we just have to wait for it to pass.

Doo be doo, a dum dum dum.

Who wants to play I Spy? ... ... ...

...Fine.

I hope the others are okay.

Then I had horrific images of them lying half-conscious beside their dirt piles.

But most likely they were down in holes adjacent to mine, reciting nursery rhymes in their dear little heads.

I could still hear the wind roaring away, like the tornado that blew away Dorothy's house in the Wizard of Oz.

This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. This little piggy had roast beef, this little piggy had none. But this little -

" 'Lil girl? You can get up now," I heard Squid say.

I blearily opened my eyes and looked up. Squid, Magnet and Zero were looking down at me.

"Is it over?" I asked, surprised. That was pretty quick.

"It's moved on," Magnet said with a shrug.

Squid helped me up. Just as we were about to take a step towards where they had been digging, I jumped on his back, wrapped my arms around his neck and yelled, "I want a piggy-back ride!"

"MY BACK! MY BACK! MY BEAUTIFUL BACK!" Squid yelled, turning this way and that way in hopes to throw me off, but he was holding onto me so... it didn't really make much sense.

"GIVE ME A PIGGY-BACK RIDE!" I commanded.

So, reluctantly, Squid had to carry me back, with me yelling, "FASTER!" and "SLOWER!" and "Can I have a cookie?" every now and then.

"No, no cookies. They'll spoil your appetite for dinner," he said sarcastically, setting me down on the ground when we reached our destination.

"One, it's barely morning. Two, if there was a chance to spoil my appetite for dinner here at Green Lake, I would definitely take up on it."

"You are such a smart-alec," Squid said through his toothpick.

I curtseyed, "Glad to know I'm appreciated."

Squid just laughed in an evil way, "Yeah, well get this, 'lil girl. I - have - Clover."

I was about to laugh and say, "I have buttercups" when I saw something threatening in his words.

"Clover? Clover? MY CLOVER!" I screeched, "No, no, no! You thief! You kidnapper - cownapper! You have ten seconds to produce him or I'll- I'll burn down your bed!"

"Hey, you burn down Squid's bed, you burn down mine," Caveman said, coming up from behind us, "Now what are you guys talking about?"

"Man, you burn down Caveman's bed, you burn mine," Armpit piped up.

"Burn Pit's what? Well, burn mine too," Magnet said with a shrug.

"ENOUGH!" I snapped, "Squid - SQUID!" Squid had run away. "COME BACK HERE, Y'CHICKEN!"

"I ain't no chicken. It's the rooster I'm talkin' bout!" Squid yelled. He and X-Ray laughed insane-like and high-fived.

"GIVE ME BACK CLOVER!"

"How's about a deal, 'lil girl? I get to keep Clover and I'll give you... a door handle," Squid produced a door handle. A very pretty door handle, at that. It was highly polished and had a certain sparkle.

"Where'd you get that? No! I don't want to know! It's just my bedroom door handle's a little rusty now and- argh! Just give me Clover!" I closed my eyes to hide myself from the evil door handle that was tempting me to do SIN.

Stupid alluring door things.

"You can get them cheap down at Bunning's Warehouse - "

"NO, NO, I DON'T WANNA KNOW!"

I quickly walked off and asked Magnet how to identify different dog breeds.

Hey, when you're desperate enough, anything will do.

--

After a day of watching the delinquents dig, I felt grateful for a nice shower in the Warden's cabin. I passed the living room while going there, and saw Nadine asleep in front of the television with several Starburst Sucks spread out on the coffee table.

I stole a passionfruit one when I went back out.

Hehehe.

I checked the Wreck Room but found no one from D-tent in it, so I proceeded towards the tent. I quickly walked through the flap of a tent I was pretty sure was the fourth one down.

Yes, I forgot to knock again.

Sheesh.

There was only one boy in there, and he was a complete stranger to me.

He had spiked brown hair that was tipped with blonde and amazing green eyes, and he... well, as Claude would say, "was bursting with sex appeal."

The remembrance of the last boy Claude had said was bursting with sex appeal made me squeal, "Ew!"

Sexappeal just looked at me weird, and I don't blame him.

"I mean, not ew!" I exclaimed, "You aren't ew, I was just thinking of this other person and he was ew, but you aren't ew. You're un-ew. But that other guy was completely ew. But you're not! Um - ahh, you're - "

Good jelly, I'm rambling.

"A whole lot more prettier?" Exppeal suggested, with a roguish smile.

"Err - "

"More sexy?"

"Uhh - "

"Hornier?"

"NO, but you sure are close!" I clapped a hand over my mouth and said to myself, "SHUT UP BEFORE I LEAVE YOU!"

"Really?" Xpeal smiled at me even more.

"Say, which tent is this?" I said as casually as possible.

"C."

"Oh, my extreme BAD," I said, keeping calm, "Sorry for any inconvenience."

Then I backed out moonwalk style and quickly paced over to D-tent.

"HELP ME!" I screamed when I was invited in, "I NEED HELP!"

"I know," X-Ray said, sorting through a pile of tokens on his cot.

"Why you need help, chicka?" Armpit asked.

I sighed and explained.

They all just gaped at me when I finished.

"You told a guy he was horny?"

"Not just any guy - he had really nice eyes..." I closed my eyes in a dream-like state.

When I opened them again, Squid was glaring at me.

"You can't get mixed up with C-tent," he told me scathingly.

"Why not? You guys always hang out with them at the pool table," I said obstinately.

"She's righ' there," Armpit said to Squid, "Anyway, what is so bad 'bout C-tent? They're like the most decent dudes here."

The others murmured in agreement.

Squid just scowled.

Zigzag looked at me and made little odd movements with his eyebrows, and I would've laughed if Squid hadn't just been so mean.

I stood there as stiffly as possible, hoping they would forget about me and think I was part of the architecture.

"Hey, can you hold these for me?" X-Ray asked thickly, handing me his pair of ultra-thick glasses.

I stayed silent for three seconds, just to finish up my statue act, then breathed and said, "Yeah."

He smiled, "Thanks."

I tapped the rim of his glasses and waited as he folded his clothes and towel. It was funny, almost, seeing a tough person like X-Ray fold his clothes.

I was trying not to giggle and trying to stay angry at Squid.

"Man, what's wrong with your face?" Zigzag asked me, "I've heard of split personalities but you are really creeping me out..."

"Shut up, Zig, and go look at some fire."

"Well, gee, talk about PEE-EM-ESS."

I dropped X-Ray's glasses.

"OI! Hey! That hurt!" X-Ray hollered, spinning around and pointing at me accusingly.

"Accidents happen!" I cried, bending down and picking the glasses up, "See! All better now."

"They better be!"

I rolled my eyes as X-Ray snatched the glasses back and began to inspect every square inch. I turned and walked into a cot.

Now, this cot was no ordinary cot. It was cursed.

All I did was walk into it and it collapsed! Honest!

"MY COT!" Armpit screamed as he whirled around. He fell onto his knees and wept over the remains of his cot, "MY BEAUTIFUL COT!"

D-tent turned to stare at me accusingly.

"Accidents happen!"

"Dude, not accidents like that."

"Dude," I said, imitating Squid, "My friend once walked in on her mother cooking dinner nude. Now that was an accident."

"Dude, over sharing. Please shut up."

--

"Dude, this is tight."

"Dude, stop saying dude," I said.

"Okay, moonlit man."

Squid is weird.

We had just entered the (drumroll) hugely spacious kitchen of Camp Green Lake.

"What are we gonna make?" Squid asked, with a hint of worry in his voice.

"SPAGHETTI BOLOGNAISE!" I said cheerfully. Maybe staying positive will make my headache go away, "We'll make dishes and dishes of spaghetti bolognaise, enough to feed the entire world! And then peaches and strawberry salad for dessert!"

I grinned at Squid.

He just looked at me weird.

I dropped the grin, "Look, I'm trying to be happy here."

"Ohh..." Squid looked blank for a moment, "Happy days, happy days!"

I hitched the grin back on, "Yes, happy days! Now get your butt over here and help me."

FIVE MINUTES LATER.

"Moonlit man... there won't be enough saucepans to cook the spaghetti."

"Oh no," I said in mock fear, "We'll just have to call the mutants and surrender!"

"No need to be so sarcastic."

We spent the next five minutes raiding the cupboards and cabinets to gather up every single plate, saucepan, colander, container, pot and bowl we could find.

"Okay," I said in a business-like voice, "Squid, we'll use two of the huge pots to boil the spaghetti. When one pot is done, we'll clip out the spaghetti and put it in the colander. Then we'll boil another load."

"Clip out?" Squid repeated with a raised eyebrow, "Do you have any idea what you're doing, 'lil girl?"

"No, but... shhh," I said shiftily, putting a finger to my lips.

"Okay, I promise not to tell, but things have a way of getting 'round at Camp Green Lake."

"Just like at Palmoilin," I said, glancing at Squid. Then I grabbed an onion and began peeling it. He watched me for a little while, then came over.

"What's with the onion?"

"It's for the sauce. We need onions for the sauce."

"Really?" a look between confusion and scepticality crossed Squid's face. It was sort of adorable, in a way.

"Yes," I said patiently.

"How many?"

"Uhh... I dunno."

We began to peel and chop onions, not really bothering to see how many we needed for the sauce. Which really wasn't my fault, as I am not touching this spaghetti. Whoever heard of a girl who poisoned herself? Unintentionally? With too many onions in spaghetti bolognaise sauce?

So what if the boys get a little bit of an oniony sauce? It won't kill them.

And - ahhh, sugar.

I'm starting to cry.

"What's the matter?" Squid said, looking alarmed, "Is it time for your bottle or somethin'?"

Dude, how could Nadine like this "moonlit man"?

"No," I sniffed, "I'm not crying."

"I never said you were," Mr. Moonlit Man said musingly.

"Yes, but you were implying it," I said stubbornly, sniffing again.

"I was not implying anything."

"Then why'd you ask me if I was okay?" my voice wavered and a few truly pathetic ONION TEARS fell down onto the chopping board.

" 'Lil girl, please stop crying into the onions. You're cross-contaminating," Squid said in a would be sympathetic voice.

"Squid," I said angrily, dropping the knife, "Your fly's undone."

"It is not."

Dang. Well, it takes two to... eat a pudding.

"How'd you know?" I asked, wiping my oniony hand over my stinging eyes, thus causing more tears to form.

Why am I so stu -

I will not finish that question.

Squid smiled, "I checked this morning."

I actually stopped doing whatever I was doing to gape at him.

"Who in the world checks to see if their fly's undone?"

"Many people." A calm look was on his face. It was really irritating me. I mean, he could be angry, or sad, or completely insane, but calm?

"Like who?" I challenged, "UGH!" I brought up my sleeve and mopped at my eyes. Stupid onions. Why did they have to be emotionally heart breaking?

Squid put down the knife and reached for my chopping board.

"Me," he said peaceably.

Tch. Bumhole.

"But why would you?" I sniffed.

"So we can prove smart-alec girls like you wrong when they say our fly's undone."

"You're annoying," I said, unable to hide my smile.

"I know. Want me to cut the onions? You can start on the peaches, then," Squid looked up from my old MENTAL onion that he was beginning to dice.

"Okay," I said in a small voice.

NINETY MINUTES LATER.

Oh, thank goodness.

It's over.

It really is over.

The time of suffering and pain is over.

"...are you listening to me?"

No. Now go away.

I will meditate always to make sure that IT is over.

No interruptions whatsoever. Because it is o -

WHAM.

Stinging pain on the side of my head.

"WHAT," I shrieked, whirling around to glare at Squid, "IS YOUR PROBLEM?"

"You weren't listening to me," he said simply, putting down the spatula he had just hit me with, "You keep spacing out-"

"I'm not spacing out," I replied softly. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Exhale slowly and let your surroundings disappear...

"I'll hit you again!" Squid yelled.

"But I'm listening," I said gently, "And please don't yell. We are in the house of sanctuary and calmful nature. Any loud noises may shatter - "

Squid sprang up and scampered away, looking frightened.

I smiled smugly.

Man, am I that scary?

--

To cut a long story short, the boys seemed to like the spaghetti bolognaise. Squid began to brag and say that he cut the onions all by himself.

Nadine stopped looking at me and waving at me occasionally, like she used to. She sat with B-tent and stared moodily at the table. I don't think she even touched the spaghetti.

Her aunt's a big meanie.

I ended up eating the spaghetti. It tasted alright. Then we had the peaches and strawberries salad and I ate it while meditating. Caveman's allergic to strawberries so he began to throw them at Armpit who tried to catch them with his mouth.

It was weird.

But funny in a way.

The boys had a "karaoke" afterwards. They sang like they were drunk. Who knows. Maybe the peaches had alcohol in them.

--

Project Inspect Camp Green Lake - Journal

2nd of August.

Mood: contemplative
Time: 11:34am

I've just had a really long talk with Magnet about his past. It's quite interesting...

--

Magnet's life, like X-Ray's, hadn't been all that sad. In fact, 'twas normal. His family was really wealthy, and he had three sisters. Illeana (17), Rubella (16) and Joyceline (12). He said that he had really wanted a dog ever since he was five, but his mother and father were always warning him saying, "You'll have to feed it and clean up after it and take it for walks..."

"I've always liked animals. When I was three, we all went to this barnyard thing and we got to see all these neat animals and feed them. Joyce cried when Momia held her too close to a horse, and Illy and Ruby hated how they got dirty from the pigs. But Illy really liked everything else. And I loved everything."

Apparently, he lived really close to a dog obedience school, and he would always go to see the shows they put on.

"Momia and Papa would take me and Joyce to watch, and Illy and Ruby would come if they weren't shopping or watching movies. The first show I watched I was five. Ever since then, I wanted a puppy. I begged Momia and Papa, but they kept putting it off."

Then when Magnet was seven, his parents got him a tiny little Jack Russel. He called him Amigos. Ain't that so cute? It means friend in Spanish, just in case you didn't know. Magnet said he was his best friend.

"We'd do everything together. Illy and Joyce loved him, too, and Papa always spoilt it. But he was mine," Magnet's chest puffed up in pride, "And Amigos liked me best. Momia would throw him leftovers from dinner. Amigos loved catching it. Ruby was the only one who didn't really like him. Dunno why."

Now Magnet's a crazed dog dude. He said on Amigos' first birthday, he wanted to buy a jewel-studded collar, a dog birthday card complete with Amigos' name, a doggy cushion and about a million toys.

"It wasn't much."

NOT MUCH?

"Momia and Papa wouldn't hear of it. They got two toys and the collar, but they said anything else and they might as well morph Amigos into a human. I didn't understand why. Amigos was part of our family, and we always got more presents than he did on our birthdays."

IT'S COZ HE'S A DOG, MAGNET!

He shrugged, "I guess that was when I first started stealing. I'd heard Ruby doin' it. She and her friends always took lip gloss and mirrors and other stuff without paying for it. She told me it was easy. My first time was at our pet store, the one Momia and Papa bought Amigos and his food and toys. I just took a rubber bone and slipped away."

Naughty, naughty boy. Yes, and then after that, Magnet just kept taking stuff without paying for it, although his parents were swimming in cash. He said they weren't stupid and used money like toilet paper. They were careful with it, and gave lots to charities and stuff.

They sound like worthy Palmoilin material to me.

Amigos died when Magnet was twelve. I don't want to remember what Magnet said because it was really teary and I don't wanna cry.

Almost two years later, Magnet saw a little Jack Russel in the pet shop window display. Its eyes lit up and its tail wagged when it saw Magnet.

"He looked exactly like Amigos. And it was all locked up, like it was in jail, being stared at by ugly people and having stupid two-year-olds poking and making fun of it. I couldn't leave it there."

So he went in to ask how much for the puppy in the window.

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing... one thousand schmoleons.

"I sure as hell wasn't going to go to Momia and Papa for that kinda money. I hadn't asked them for money in a long time. They probably wondered where I got half my stuff. We didn't get pocket money. Illy and Ruby had jobs, but Ruby stole heaps anyway."

The week after, he came back with a coat that had huge pockets. There was a fluffy Persian kitten in the display, so Magnet went in. There was the little Jack Russel in a cage.

"It was all the way in the back corner. Just last week, it was the glory of the shop. And then it was shunted aside."

And so when nobody was looking, Magnet opened the cage and gently put the puppy in one of his pockets. He was surprised it didn't put up much of a struggle, nor did it make any noise.

"I was at the door when my pocket started barkin'."

HAHAHAHA.

Sorry, I still find that funny.

The whole store went quiet. The manager demanded to see his pockets.

BARK BARK went the puppy.

Magnet was DOOMED.

Muahahaha.

THUMP went the judge's hammer.

"Eighteen and a half months, Camp Green Lake."

--

And then he ended up here, in this hole.

More later,

Andii.

--

A/N: Man, I'm scared. They bombed the Australian embassy in Jakarta (Indonesia). That's just scary. This chapter is really long, so I don't want to talk too much here. Just thanks. For everything. ((hugs)) By the way, the "Interragacion" is supposed to have a fancy thingy over the "O" but I can't do it coz it turns out funny on this site. And there's a part where Magnet speaks some Spanish, I used an internet translator so it's most likely REALLY OFF. Bye bye m'dears! Yeah, I'm a Christian. :) - msq.