A/N: okay its going to get rocky the next couple of parts if you don't want to read understandable and skip to part 13 which will be posted soon. Just giving everyone a heads up and a warning its gonna get dark before it gets lighter.

My hands are shaking.

I ball them into fists to stop them. My throat is suddenly closing up on me and I have an overwhelming desire to cry.

I won't though.

It's what he'd want. A reaction to what he has done to me.

I am yanked to my knees. I wince at the pain in my ribs and want to cry out, but don't.

I hear his voice in my head, not the voice of the man I love, but the voice of my CO, telling me I was a Major in the United States Air Force. Telling me that I would not cower anymore, I would suck it up and I would live.

I close my eyes and feel at peace.

He was always with me and even in my subconscious he was there to urge me to fight, to live.

I open my eyes and hold my chin up. He couldn't hurt me any more than he already had.

I was going to die.

Then so be it.

-----

He was looking down at me and smiling.

"Welcome back to the land of the living Major. I hope you've been treated well since we last met."

He got up and stood in front of me. He was peering at me, moving his eyes up and down curiously. He started to walk slowly around me. I could feel him staring at me from all angles.

He snapped his fingers and two guards came forward.

"Remove her jacket. I want to see what she is hiding. I'm sure I'll be pleasantly surprised."

He was trying to unnerve me.

I struggled but he stepped forward and cupped my face.

His fingers were pressing hard on my chin.

They ripped my jacket off and he let go.

I looked down at my shirt or what little remained of it... There was the hole from the staff blast on the shoulder, on my chest the holes from the acid drops that had burned through my skin. Between these, only a small strip of fabric held the shirt together.

He reached out to finger the material.

My skin started to crawl. As much as the military tried to prepare you for moments like this, all training went out of the window when it actually happened.

"All this beauty hiding under all that clothing. It is a shame but I'm sure that can be easily rectified."

He yanked at it and what was left of my shirt was in his hand.

He was trying to humiliate me but it wouldn't work. I looked straight ahead thinking of good things.

Chocolate, blue Jell-o, Teal'c's odd sense of humor, Daniel's endless prattle, the Colonel's funny face when I confused him, these where the things that were keeping me focused.

I glared up at him.

"Where is my team? What have you've done to them?"

His smile became icy. "Ah, she speaks. Your team, the Sholva Teal'c, Dr. Daniel Jackson, and Colonel Jack O'Neill, are dead. All of them. They would not cooperate so I disposed of them."

"You're lying. I was brought back so can they. Stop this charade. We're not going to tell you anything. Take me to my team."

"Ah, major, they are dead, believe me. They perished at the compound not long ago, at my hands, of course. Watching you die was the incentive enough to get the information I needed from them, and as they were no longer of any use to me, I disposed of them. All. The Shol'va suffered immensely as an example to any other Jaffa that would follow in his footsteps and join the inferior rebellion. Dr. Jackson was quite helpful with addresses for new planets that are rich in naquadah before his untimely end and Colonel O'Neill was finally broken. He didn't even fight as he did the last time I enjoyed his company. He crumbled pathetically. I was expecting more from him, but it does not matter. I gained all that I needed and now I have you too."

"You expect me to believe you, a false god, to tell the truth? Fat chance, it's not going to happen."

He smiled and went back to sit on his throne.

"Would you like proof? I have proof they are dead. Here, let me show you."

He motioned for one of the guards to come forward.

The Jaffa threw down Teal'c's staff weapon, Daniel's glasses and the Colonel's cap.

Holding back the wave of horror that threatened to overtake me, I looked at the guard, then towards Ba'al.

"You could have taken these things from them. This doesn't prove they are dead."

He motioned to a screen and pressed a button. Images of the chamber came on.

"Oh god, no," I whispered.

It was the Colonel. On the wall that I had died on. He was pleading to die. All my will to stay calm left me in that moment.

I heard him plead with Ba'al to end it once and for all, that he had told him everything he knew. I tried to turn away. Ba'al saw this and came down from his chair to hold up my chin, forcing me to watch.

I started to shake again and a sob escaped me.

He came close and whispered, "Watch as he dies, Samantha. I am your god and you will serve me."

I heard him yell out my name and choked on the scream that wanted to come out.

I covered my face with my hands. But I could still hear him screaming out my name. Not my rank or my family name, but the name my mother and father had given me.

I could hear him yelling it out, the sound of my name on his lips echoing around the chamber, even as he struggled to breathe.

He'd called me Sam.

In his last minutes of life, he had called out to me.

I looked at the staff weapon, Daniel's glasses and the colonel's cap and shook my head.

"No! You're lying, you wouldn't kill them, you're trying to trick me."

"Watch as he takes his last breath and then tell me if I'm lying, Samantha."

I whispered hoarsely.

"No."

He forced me to look as the last dagger pierced his heart and took him from me.

My Colonel, my inspiration, my love, my life.

Gone.

Forever.

He was dead.

Ba'al had killed my family.

My warrior friend, my surrogate brother and the man of my dreams all gone, thanks to this sonofabitch snake head.

-----

I spring into action and knock his hand from my chin and land a blow to his mid section.

He falls back and I pounce on him and start to hit him.

I am pulled off of him and try to struggle to get to him.

I have to make him pay for killing my friends.

He is angry and goes to his throne, coming back with his ribbon device.

I hear the hum and wait for pain.

"You have no one left, Samantha. You are at my mercy. Your people do not know you have been taken, your team is dead. No one is here to save you."

I hear him and realize it is true. We were not due to check in for a couple of days and no one could possibly know we had been captured.

It was looking bleak, but I don't care anymore.

I would live long enough to kill this bastard.

-----

I wrench myself free, grab the staff weapon and knock one of the guards down.

I try to get the next one, but I'm thrown back by the ribbon device. I hit the wall and land on the floor.

Ba'al is looking down at me and speaks coldly.

"Would you like to know how your other friends died, Samantha? I would take pleasure in detailing all that was done to them, or I could simply show you. Either way, it does not matter. You will accept they are dead, and that no one is coming to save you. You are at my mercy."

I close my eyes. Oh my god, he is right. I'm alone in this, with no one to know, much less care that I am being held by a maniac.

Far from home and with no hope.

I have nothing left.

I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. I don't care anymore. He's taken away the things I cherish most.

My family, my friends, my love.

He's suddenly beside me and pulls me up. I lose my balance and he holds me close. Too close. I try to pull away but he won't let go.

He caresses my face with the hand encased in his ribbon device and I want to gag.

"Things could be different for you, Samantha. They could be easier."

Dread starts to creep up on me.

I do not like where this is going.

Better? How?

"I admire your spirit. I am entranced by your beauty and your mind with its endless knowledge would benefit me immensely. That's why you should be honored that I have chosen you as my new lotar."

I jerk away from him but he holds on to my arm tightly.

New lotar? Is he nuts? I want him dead and to imagine him touching me or ….

"Over my dead body, I'll never submit to you. I'd rather die!"

He threw me across the room I slid along the floor and hit the opposite wall.

He came at me.

"That can be arranged Major. You will be mine, willing or not. I will have you."

Could this situation get any worse?

A guard walks in and asks for Ba'al. He turns and to ask what he is wanted for and is told he is needed on the bridge.

I'm saved for the moment.

He orders his lotar to dress me according to my new position and tells two of the guards to assist her.

I try to get up but I'm still a little shaky.

The lotar moves in front of Ba'al, bows down to him and says she will do as he wishes. She will prepare me for him and have everything ready when he returns.

She gets up and goes to a panel on the wall and the wall opens to reveal a bed. She is then followed out of the room by the two guards.

He tells one of the guards to not let anyone in except him and his lotar.

I am alone and I get up, looking around.

I look at the bed and try to ignore my stomach heaving.

This was not going happen.

I would not let him take me.

I would kill him or be killed in the process of it.

My friends would be avenged.

My love would be waiting for me on the other side and we'd be together.

For always.

-----

I walked up to Ba'al's chair and saw the knife.

I grabbed it and looked around for somewhere to hide it. My luck was changing. I would use this knife to kill him, then myself.

I went to the bed and hid it under a pillow before the doors opened.

The lotar came forward with clothing and handed it to me.

I dropped them to the floor.

She shook her head and bent down to pick them up again.

"You should be honored that our god has chosen you to be his new lotar. Others would fight to have this honor bestowed on them and you are throwing away this opportunity? He is handsome and a most skilled lover. You will enjoy his company and come to anticipate the pleasure he can give you."

I wanted to lose my lunch. Just thinking of this guy touching me was making me sick.

Pleasure? No way. Not ever.

I took a deep breath and prayed that I would have the strength to kill him before it came to that. If not, I would kill myself.

"Please do not make me call the guards to help you take off your clothing. It would be better for you if you did it on your own."

The lotar motioned me to a corner with a curtain.

"Please, I want you ready by the time my master comes back, as if you are not he will punish me."

Great, more guilt.

I took the clothes and went behind the curtain.

I looked at the dress and yelled out. "No!"

She came around the curtain.

"What is the matter, does it not fit? Please do not be difficult."

"I will not wear this! It can't even be classified as clothing."

"Then you leave me no choice but to call the guards. I am sorry."

"No, wait, show me how this goes. I'll comply."

I took off my pants and shoes. She motioned for me to take of my sports bra and I shook my head. But she nodded yes. I complied. It covered nothing, everything was showing and then she motioned for my underwear. I folded my arms around my chest and yelled, "NO!"

"Guards!"

I gasped as they came around the curtain and held me while she took one of the knives from the guard and cut them off.

I pulled out of their grip and walked away.

I felt so humiliated.

The guards left and I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"I am sorry but I had a task to complete. You will learn to do as our god wishes, or you will be punished with his hand device. Here, drink this; I am sure you are thirsty. It will quench this thirst."

I was thirsty and took a sip, but it was bitter and as she motioned for me to drink more and I stopped and threw it aside.

She was trying to drug me.

She yelled for the guards as she ran to the door.

They came in and grabbed me.

She filled my cup again and made me drink. I was pleading for her to stop but it was too late. I could feel the haze starting to over take me. I couldn't feel my legs or arms.

I was dragged to the bed and put in the middle.

She came over and rubbed oils on to my skin and rearranged my clothing. I couldn't feel anything but the tears that fell onto my cheeks.

I murmured, "Don't let him do this to me. I will kill him if he touches me. Please kill me now. Don't let me suffer, just kill me now."

She caressed my face.

"You are lucky I am not a jealous servant. I might comply with your request. He may have you, but in time he will tire of you and come back to me, as he's done many times. I am his loyalist servant and I am patient. No, you will get to enjoy him as I do. We might become friends once you realize it is not so bad. That this is a great honor. He might even make you his queen and then we will be together forever."

She was clearly delusional.

I would never submit to her god.

She fixed my hair and started to put make up on me. When she finished lining my lips, she brought a mirror over so I could see the finished product.

She had made me up beautifully.

As if I cared.

"My god will be pleased. I am sure of this. I will leave you now, he should be returning soon. Remember my words; you will grow to love him as I do."

She left me alone and paralyzed.

I willed my limbs to move but they wouldn't.

I was getting desperate. I didn't want to let him touch me.

I lay there and thought of the colonel. Of us waiting. For what? We had waited too long and now he was gone. And I was going to be touched by the man that had killed him.

I turned my head and felt my pinky move.

I tried it again and it moved.

They didn't know about Jolinar.

Ever since I had been blended, my body chemistry had changed. All medications used on me had to be doubled or tripled in dosage so they would work.

There was still a chance of me fulfilling my mission. To kill Ba'al for taking my life away.

Even as the doors opened, I could move more of my fingers.

But it might not be enough.

It's him.

Ba'al.

It might be too late.

I am gripped by an overwhelming fear.

I suppress a cry.