Disclaimer: I don't own Holes, and never will!
THIS CHAPTER IS DEDICATED TO: trucalifornian and LadyGlory
The Inspection Of CGL
Chapter Twelve ll Not Much Ado About: MAGNET
--
Hi. My name's Andromeda, but most people call me Andii. My mum calls me "Poppet" sometimes, and sometimes daddy calls me "Doughy Butter".
Don't ask.
My sister calls me "Sis" and nothing else. Oh, unless she's angry at me. Then she calls me a one-eyed, one-honked, flying, purple people-eater.
Say... what would you answer if you were confronted by the question, "Relationship with other members of camp, and specify", and you're talking about a particular Spanish boy called Magnet?
You don't know?
Precisely what I was thinking.
I'm sitting here trying to figure the best approach to answering these deeelightful questions. I've managed to bluff my way through X-Ray, Zigzag and even Armpit, but now it's Magnet, and all the fun has evaporated.
Not that there was a puddle of fun to begin with, but you get my point.
I ticked "semi-close comrades" dreamily and moved onto the next question.
Does he prove to be a threat?
No.
Is he;
Violent?
No.
Boisterous?
What does that mean? Oh, well. No.
Profane?
I really think that's a stupid question, but I ticked the "No" anyway.
I randomly finished the questionnaire and breathed a sigh of relief when it was finally complete.
That's four boys done now. Four down, three to go.
I'm beginning to really hate this.
So what are the boys doing? Well, if you wanna be fun, they could be playing "Go Fish" or watching "Cheaper By The Dozen" and drooling over the oh-so-cute Jacob Smith (although they're boys, and boys drooling over other boys isn't exactly normal), or maybe even cooking apple muffins or making up a pop dance.
But if you wanna be boring and realistic, they're digging their forsaken holes.
I took off my visor, screamed when the sun rays pierced me, and quickly shoved it back on.
I am, like, so totally bored.
It's the third of August. Nothing much happened yesterday. Other than the fact that a new kid came and he smuggled in a tennis ball. He got put into A-tent and it just so happened it was D-tent's turn for a gambling session with A-tent.
There were six boys involved. Three from A and three from D. X-Ray, Armpit and Squid represented D.
Armpit lost straight away. Then Squid and an Asian kid from A-tent were kicked out.
In due time, it was only X-Ray and a guy called Dozen (A-tent dude) left. By then, there was a rather large pile of winnings. Eleven shower tokens, a lighter without a flame, someone's framed photo of their girlfriend and the tennis ball.
Man, that sucked. I've watched my friends gamble (innocently), and the winnings are decent things like small amounts of money, stray tubes of lip gloss, eyeliner, CDs (always singles, never albums), posters of cute actors, gel pens, and sometimes our parents' old credit cards go for the ride.
The gambling was sort of fascinating, but we were interrupted by Zero who had finally reached a decision to who would win the debate Armpit and I had ages ago.
"It's..." he said, his dark eyes roving from one side to the other. If I didn't know him better, I'd say he was creating suspense.
"A draw."
My mouth fell open.
All those days of judging and this is how he repays me?
Armpit, however, said, "A what?"
And he wasn't even saying it because he couldn't believe it. He just didn't know what it was.
Which was typical, but still so daft of him.
I'm one to talk, aren't I?
Moving on.
X-Ray won. Dozen looked like he was about to burst into stormy tears. X-Ray could've cared less. He split the shower tokens between D-tent and gave the leftovers to Armpit. He tossed the useless lighter to Zigzag, threw the photo of a girl out the window and then seemed vaguely interested in the tennis ball.
"Who wants to play handball?" he asked us with a grin.
I guess that could explain how we smashed the window of Mr. Sir's office.
They say it's my fault, but it so isn't.
From, "Hey, catch this, chicka!" up to, "Oh shat, RUN!", it was never my fault.
So what if I was standing right in front of the window? Magnet should have never thrown it at me.
I can't catch.
I even told them that.
But did they listen?
Noooooooo.
"It'll be fine, 'lil girl! Just don't scream and run away when it comes at you."
Which is precisely what I did do, but I can't be blamed.
Because I'm a girl, and girls like me always scream and run away when they see a ball flying at them.
As soon as Magnet yelled, "RUN!" we ran. I held my tongue and didn't scream for once. We just scattered off in different directions. Some of us dived into neighbouring tents, the others jumped into holes and I hid behind a tall, lanky guy.
You could've heard Mr. Sir yelling and raging like a hippo from the Philippines, I swear.
When we thought it was safe, we ran back to the Wreck Room and the boys almost wet their pants laughing.
Listening to them, you'd have thought that was the highlight of their day. Which is really sad.
Before dinner, Mr. Sir called each of the tents in to interview us on what happened.
It was sorta like an interrogation.
After C-tent, it was our turn, and I had to come along since I've been "recruited" to their tent, basically.
"So..." Mr. Sir managed to seethe, "Does anyone know what happened to my window?"
"Oh yes," Zigzag said brightly, "I remember it like it was yesterday..."
X-Ray and Magnet trod heavily on either foot. Zigzag didn't so much as blink.
"Uh Zig, it happened today," Squid said.
"I know, that's why I can't remember anything."
Ahaha, Zig's a funny man. And no, I'm not being sarcastic.
Mr. Sir glowered at Zigzag, who stared back as if he was a merely interesting television programme.
Zig's weird.
"There was this," Mr. Sir stopped glaring and produced the tennis ball, "I think this might've been what caused the window to break."
"You think?" I said blankly before I could stop myself.
Squid hit me on the head lightly.
Everyone else sent me fleeting "SHUT UP OR DIE" looks.
"YES!" Mr. Sir shrieked, "AND I WANT TO KNOW WHO DID THIS!"
"Sir, you're not supposed to have that here," Squid said with polite interest.
"WHA - what?" Mr. Sir gruffed, trying very hard to keep his temper.
"Yeah. There's a sign outside that says so. Oh, look, there's one here too."
On Mr. Sir's desk was a flowered-framed sign that began with the words, "You are now entering Camp Green Lake Juvenile Correctional Facility."
Mr. Sir turned a delicate shade of magenta before he slammed the sign down, hiding the hideous flower motif.
But Squid still read it out loud; I think he had it memorised.
"It is a violation of the Texas Penal Code to bring guns, explosives, weapons, drugs, or alcohol onto the premises."
We were all a little bewildered for a moment.
Then Mr. Sir said, "But this isn't any of those things."
"Oh, but you're wrong there," Squid said with the air of someone who is secretly bursting to go, 'I KNOW SOMETHING YOU DON'T KNOW, DOO-DAH, DOO-DAH', "This little tennis ball has proved to be quite a tricky weapon. Innocent it may seem, but you yourself have seen what deadly things it can do when used inappropriately. As for the drugs or alcohol... who knows, maybe the inside is full of vodka or cocaine."
Squid needs mental help, but I could tell his words were turning the cogs in Mr. Sir's somewhat dense head.
"You think?" he grunted.
"Yes, I do," Squid nodded.
Mr. Sir made another little grunt while he inspected the tennis ball.
"I'll keep tha' in mind, Squid. Alright, get your little kindergarten selves back to dinner."
My jaw dropped open.
The boys who looked positively relieved and happy all shot glares at me.
Squid put a hand underneath my chin and closed it.
It dropped open again.
"Shut it, 'lil gal," I heard X-Ray murmur in a dangerous voice.
We left in single file.
I made a beeline for my tent as soon as we were out.
"Where're you goin'?" X-Ray shouted after me.
"I'm leaving this crazy place; I've never met more daft people or... such psychos!" I burst out, "I really have to go before it infects me too!"
I was sincerely scared out of my mind. Mr. Sir had actually considered what Squid said, when it was obviously a load of waffle.
Maybe if I stay here too long, I'll become that waffle-ish too!
And that really blew my mind out.
In the end, it was Caveman who convinced me to stay.
He's a comfort to me. I mean, he's been here for a month and he's still as sane as can be.
Okay, enough with yesterday. Quit living in the past.
"You look bored," Magnet said, plopping next to me on the dirt and taking a drink from his canteen.
"I am," I replied, yawning, "Extremely bored."
It is the third of August, and I am still BORED.
Everyone could have a field day; the Most Boring Day On Earth.
I'm depressing myself.
So I took out my digital camera, took a happy-snap of Magnet and shut my eyes when he spat water all over me.
Ew.
--
Magnet had almost finished digging his three-foot hole when I suddenly remembered something.
Dun, dun, dun.
"SQUID!" I hollered, leaping up and streaking towards Squid. "I WANT CLOVER!"
"Ohhhh..." Squid looked down and dug some more dirt, "Um, about that..."
Oh boy. This doesn't sound good.
I put on my most evil look.
He took a deep breath.
"Zig-wanted-to-play-with-it-but-I-didn't-want-to-leave-him-alone-with-it-so-we-went-outside-and-then-he-accidentally-dropped-Clover-in-a-hole-and-before-we-could-do-anything-the-dirt-pile-collapsed-on-top-and-I-was-going-to-dig-it-back-up-but-I-forgot."
"..."
AHAHAHAHAHA.
That's funny.
"Dude, that's funny," I said with the smallest traces of a smile on my face.
Squid fell over, swore, picked himself up and said, "Really?"
"Yes, it's the most amusing thing I've heard all day."
"Oh..."
And he managed a smile.
As soon as he smiled, I changed my facial expression to something beyond furious.
"I am going to murder you."
"Ay... I had a feeling you'd say that," Squid mumbled.
"DANG RIGHT!" I shrieked. Then I did a Xena whoop and leapt on him, wrapping my arms around his neck in a headlock.
"AHHH! GET OFF ME, YOU CRAZY WOMAN!"
"CRAZY? YOU BURIED MY COW UNDER FIVE-FEET WORTH OF DIRT! YOU IMBECILE! TAKE SOME OF THAT - AND THAT!"
"Good gracious. Get off him, 'lil gal!"
I felt someone pull me off Squid.
FIVE MINUTES LATER.
"No fighting," X-Ray repeated.
We were sitting in a circle as if were back in kindy (I wish we were) and X-Ray was giving us a Very-Disappointed-Teacher lecture.
"But - " I started.
"NO. Be quiet."
"But he - "
"I don't want to hear it."
"HE'SGAY!"
"I most certainly am not, 'lil girl," Squid said, sounding offended.
HYNE, this is all the Muffin Man's fault. Curse you.
"About this balaclava cow thing - " X-Ray continued.
"His name is Clover!" I said through clenched teeth.
"Whatever - you two are gonna have to stay out here and dig him back up."
"But I didn't do anything!" I shouted.
"Um, excuse me?" Squid said politely, jabbing at the cut underneath his eye. "You have disfigured my beautiful face."
I snorted.
--
HAHAHAHA.
I am so high.
Hehehehe. Oooh look, a cloud.
Cloud pretty.
Dirt yucky.
"Pass me the overly-large spoon, me hearty!" I said with a shriek of hysterical laughter.
Squid, who was a bit bewildered at my sudden mood change but obviously rathered me being one percent close to entering a mental institute than one percent close to ripping his head off, passed me a shovel.
"Many expressions of gratitude, young sir!" I cried happily.
Ahoy hoy! Squid and I were just beginning our merry adventure. I'm calling it Mission Dig Up Clover With A Shovel. Or just MDUCWAS for short.
It'll be extremely fun, don't you think?
Everyone else had gone back in, even Caveman. Squid had pinpointed the desired location (where Clover had been "accidentally" buried) and now we were gearing ourselves up for the battle...
...the dig... whatever.
I was crouched down with my shovel held in a way I thought soldiers held their rifles.
"Ready?" I whispered to Squid.
"For what?" he said, sounding nervous.
"For IT!" I hissed, "Okay... one, two, three... CHARGE!"
I leapt up and began to run as if expecting someone to drop a bomb on me. I reached the hole and began to dig like crazy.
"WATCH OUT 'LIL GIRL, THE ENEMY HAS SIGHTED US! I REPEAT, THE ENEMY HAS SIGHTED US!" Squid yelled, charging up from behind me.
We both plunged to the dirt (I didn't even care if I was getting my clothes dirty) and crawled nearer to the hole. Squid made machine gun noises.
Then... silence.
"It's safe now," I whispered. I got to my feet and began to dig again, very hurriedly.
"We have to rescue one of our comrades," I said hurriedly, "C'mon, quickly, before they come back!"
For the rest of the dig Squid and I acted as if we were on a battlefield. We probably looked like idiots, but we had a lot of fun. It was really easy to dig up the dirt, because it had been previously dug up before and was extremely loose. It was like digging up sand at the beach.
"I SEE AN ARM! I REPEAT; I SEE AN ARM!" I screamed when I saw... well, I think it's obvious.
Squid dropped his shovel and dived into the hole. He landed in the dirt and picked up Clover.
"WE HAVE A COW. I REPEAT; WE HAVE A COW," he announced, holding him up.
I dropped my shovel as well and hugged Clover tightly.
"We did it, we did it!" I said, beaming. I linked arms with Squid and we danced around, until we imagined helicopters shooting acorns at us and we ran off with our hands above our heads and half-hunched over.
Mission DUCWAS is complete.
Halfway towards the compound, we grew bored of our battlefield game and thought out a good story in which we made peace with whoever we had been battling against.
Squid was carrying the two shovels while I played with Clover in a way very similar to how a mother would play with her three-month-old baby.
We continued to walk complacently.
I'm sure Squid was trying to talk to me, but I wasn't really listening. He wasn't making much sense, anyway. He was murmuring in a rhythm, so I decided he was singing. It sounded suspiciously like some sort of Usher song.
"...INSTEAD OF GOING UNDER!" he suddenly burst out loud, strumming the shovels as if they were guitars.
I almost leapt out of my skin.
"SHH! Clover's trying to sleep!" I hissed.
Squid grinned sheepishly.
Then it happened. One minute, the compound was in view and I could see the sky. The next, everything was flying up. Meaning I was falling down.
For a moment, I thought, Oh no, Final Judgement has arrived and God's not pleased with me. Then I saw a small circle representing blue sky and I thought, Why is hell so colourful?
Then I saw Squid's face hovering above me and I realised I had walked into a hole. And broken a billion bones. Well, my ribs were aching at any rate, and I knew I wouldn't be able to stand up without some help. Now that I think about it, my ankle was tingling unpleasantly, and I hoped it wasn't broken.
Squid was laughing, "You okay there, 'lil girl?"
Despite the pain I was in, I rolled my eyes.
"It's not funny. I think I broke my stomach and I need help getting up." Oops, mistake.
"You can't break your stomach, 'lil girl," Squid said, still laughing as he carefully eased himself down into the hole. He offered me his hand, which I stared at.
"If I could just pull myself up, then I would've done it already," I stated blankly.
Squid rolled his eyes, "What d'ya want me to do?"
"Get Mr. Pendanski or someone!" I yelped.
"Nah, the man's good for nothing," Squid said with an uncharacteristic growl. Then he bent over and slid his arm around my waist.
I almost gasped at the contact. Almost.
"What are you doing?" I asked, trying to stay calm.
"Picking you up - you obviously can't walk," he grunted, lifting me up and supporting me. I winced as he gently placed me onto the surface.
Good old sky.
Squid then got out of the hole himself and looked at me, "Are you alright?"
As much as I hated admitting it, I shook my head.
"It hurts," I whined. "It really hurts." I was still clutching onto Clover tightly.
Squid bit his lip and sighed. He turned away for a few seconds, then turned back to me and said, "C'mon, I'll carry you back."
Huh?
"No, no, no," I said feverishly, "No."
"Yes," he said firmly, his chocolate brown eyes fixed on me intently.
They made me feel really uneasy.
"I'm too fat, you'll drop me halfway," I protested.
Squid snorted, "Yeah, and I'm horny for Pendanski."
"EW!" I shrieked, scrunching up my face.
I'm going to have nightmares!
Goodness help me.
I'd been too busy trying to block out mental images to realise that Squid had me cradled in his arms. He had simply lifted me off the ground and was carrying me in his arms.
I'm freaking out here.
OHMYGOODNESSAGUYISCARRYINGME.
He was holding me relatively gently and was walking slower and more carefully. And... his arms were warm.
Though I've never heard of anyone with cold arms, but still...
They were really warm and nice.
"Are you feeling better now, princess?" he asked teasingly as he slowly walked towards the compound.
"Yes," I said in a tiny voice.
I wanted to stay in his arms a little while longer, because it felt really good. Like I was safe and protected.
SNIFF.
So corny. So very corny, it makes me cringe.
Squid held me a little tighter and I squirmed, because, although it made me feel really warm and fuzzy all over, it also made me feel edgy and nervous.
I can hear Claude shrieking inside of my head.
"OH-MY-GOSH-A-GUY-CARRIED-YOU-THAT-IS-ROMANTIC-YOU-LUCKY-COW."
Romantic?
Where had that come from?
CRUD. Claudette is taking over my mind. It's bad enough I have myself in charge of my mind, it's even worse if there's a part of Claude in it.
Then I ignored the edgy feeling and my best friend's oddness, and relaxed. I put my head against Squid's chest and let it rest there. It felt snug and comfortable, and I closed my eyes...
I must've fallen asleep for about 0.35 seconds, because I had a vague dream that included Harry Potter dancing in a bikini with Snape singing, "Sex bomb, sex bomb, you're ma sex bomb."
And in the background Trelawney was stripping whilst singing, "The one, with the power to vanquish, the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thriiiice defiiieed him. Born as the seventh month dies..." to the tune of 'This Love' by Maroon 5.
Then the dream changed and I heard Squid say, "I'm horny for Pendanski."
So instinctively, I screamed and jerked wide awake.
"AHHHH!" yelled Squid.
I felt myself plunging down (whee, I'm flying!), but then that pleasant feeling ended when I came into forceful contact with hard and dusty ground.
Owwww.
I blearily opened my eyes and saw... the sky? Circular sky?
Oh, man.
I've fallen into a hole again.
Suddenly, I had the whole scene envisioned. Me screaming and taking Squid by surprise. Squid yelling and dropping me at my sudden movement. A hole most conveniently placed underneath me.
Someone up there doesn't like me very much.
SNIFF.
"Hey, are you okay?" came a weak voice.
'Twas Squid.
The poor guy.
I actually feel sorry for him.
Oh, ewwwww.
I can't feel sorry for a delinquent.
Too late, you've felt sorry for all of them already.
Wow. I'm, like, talking to myself.
Let us take this moment to quote a verse from the Bible.
...Revelations, chapter -
Maybe I should reply to Squid.
"NO! I've been dropped into a hole two times! It hurts! I'm going to die!"
Okay, tad bit of an exaggeration.
"You won't die. You'll just be in a physical condition by the time you're a hundred and twenty five," came Squid's cynical voice. He picked me up again and I almost shrieked and hit him in the face. (Don't ask me way.)
We had almost reached my orange tent when I whimpered, "Please don't drop me again."
Squid grinned, "I won't."
And he didn't. He carried me pretty delicately and handled me with care.
...Do I have FRAGILE stamped on my forehead?
Squid eased me back onto the ground and I managed to stay up on my feet. I said a soft goodbye to him and staggered over to my tent.
When I was inside, I peeked out and watched him walk off.
And I smiled.
Squid just carried me back to my tent. And I liked it. And given the chance, I'd let him do it again. And again. And again.
Being held that way made me feel really... loved.
Loved?
I am not living in a romance novel.
--
A/N: BWAHAHAHA! I HOPE THAT WAS ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE WHO WANTED SOME SQUID/ANDII ACTION. Now that that's over, I have much to do! Like study! STUDY! Sigh... IT'S THE HOLIDAYS IN ONE WEEK BWAHAHAHAHA. ((REJOICES)) Oh, and if you could be ever-so-nice as to read my Zero story... "My Angel, My Only". I worked really hard on it:) Umm... who likes Cheaper By The Dozen! That's my fave movie right after Holes. BECAUSE OF 'LIL JACOB SMITH. He is so adorably adorable. It's not even funny. But in my world, unfunny things are funny. I'm working on a CBTD fic. I am appalled because fan fiction doesn't have a CBTD section. 'Tis insultive! Okay, maybe I should be off. Sayanora! - msq.