Chapter 4

Ethan raced to the hospital for the second time today. Again he rushed up to the fourth floor and almost ran into a wheelchair. Finally, getting to the waiting area nearest Theresa's room, he could see that there was something terribly wrong.

Fox saw Ethan coming towards the huddled group of Theresa's friends and family and went over to him. "Hey, Fox. What's going on?" Ethan asked.

"The doctor's taking her off life support."

"Why? I don't understand."

"He won't really explain. He just keeps saying that it's useless and pointless."

Ethan went over and saw Pilar speaking to a doctor he had never seen before. "…she is in a very critical condition-" he heard the unfamiliar doctor explain.

"Excuse me. What's going on here?" Ethan demanded.

"Sorry, and you are?"

"It doesn't matter who I am. Who the hell are you thinking that you can just take her off life support!"

"I'm the in house neurologist."

"And that gives you the right to kill someone!"

"I'm not killing anyone, sir. She's practically dead already."

Ethan was ready to lunge forward but Luis' strong hands restrained him.

"Look, sir, we've done all we can do. We've run tests and have looked over past experience notes. Everything leads us to one conclusion. She will not wake up. It's just a waste of all of your time here to continue with her on life support."

"At least she'll be alive!" Luis yelled at him.

"Yes, she'll be alive, but in the vaguest sense of the word. It's like if you had a car that didn't run, but the only way to keep the engine running is if you always had gas being pumped in. You would need to leave the car at the gas station all the time. And clearly, you can't drive it if it's always at the gas station." Luis was silent. "It's the same thing here, sir. In a way it's cruel to your sister. I understand that she is your family and you don't want to let her go. But you can't be selfish, not like this. This is a human life, sir. You have to let her move on. Modern medicine has done all it has the ability to. This is as far as it can take her, and as you can see, it hasn't helped. Clearly, this is her time... Whether you accept it or not."

The words hit everyone like a ton of bricks as Dr. Callahan approached. "I have to agree with Dr. Madigan." Everyone turned to face him. "It is our very strong expert opinion that you take her off now. We will have to insist."

Everyone was silent, all expected someone to say what they were all thinking. Pilar looked down at the floor, yet prayed to above for guidance in her decision. Finally, she nodded and looked up. "Okay," Everyone turned to face her, stunned. "Alright, we have no choice."

"Mama, you can't be serious. You can't just allow them to kill her."

Pilar put her hand up as she was losing her patience. "Luis, he's right. We can't keep Theresa here like a vegetable. She should be able to move on. It's only right."

"But, Mama-" Miguel tried to dissuade her.

"No, Miguel. He's right. We can't be selfish." She turned back to the doctor. "Okay… you have my permission." The lump in her throat wasn't easily missed.

The doctor gave a hesitant smile, turned, and walked to Theresa's room. The friends and family followed and held their breath and prepared themselves for their last goodbyes. Everyone watched as the doctor went over to the machine near Theresa's bed and pressed a button. A red light started to flash and he reached for a cord.

"Wait," Pilar said suddenly and the doctor turned and eyed her curiously. "Can we have a moment, please? I would like to say goodbye to my daughter if you don't mind." She was trying as hard as she could to keep her tears at bay; trying to stay strong for her sons… for her daughter. Theresa had always said that no matter what, Pilar was always the one that was strong. She was always the one that kept the family together whenever it was in peril. And Pilar would be strong now. Now that her daughter needed her more than ever. She would be there for her daughter. She would be that person that Theresa had admired so much.

"Of course," Dr. Madigan agreed. "I'll, uh, I'll be right outside."

Luis looked like he wanted to punch him as the doctor walked past him and out of the room. As soon as the doctor left, Pilar slowly walked towards her daughter and took her hand. Even though the years had made Theresa taller than her mother, her hand always fit perfectly into her mother's.

"Theresa- Theresa, I know you can hear me." She smiled and let out a hesitant laugh. "Just as stubborn as you always were. I remember when you were a little girl, I had to call you more than ten times to get you to come down to dinner."

Luis and Miguel both smiled as they remembered their sister and walked over to their mother. "Yeah," Luis began softly, "you were the hopeless romantic of the family. I remember when I told her repeatedly to stay away from Ethan. But she didn't listen. No, you chased after Ethan instead and insisted that he loved you. Well, you were right, sis. You were right…" Luis trailed off with watery eyes as he turned them in Ethan's direction.

"I, uh, I don't really know what to say." Miguel paused trying to maintain his composure as the impact of the situation hit him. "You were always my favorite person. Always telling me not to worry what my life would be, because Fate would always take me where I was supposed to go; all I had to do was trust in it. You're my big sister, Theresa. You taught me so much about life, love, and the meaning of it all. I just want to say thank you. I will always take you with me." Miguel stopped in an attempt to dry his tears. "Always…"

"Theresa, we love you," Pilar said tracing circles on Theresa's hand. "None of our lives would be the same without you. Without you, I wouldn't have so many gray hairs. Without you I wouldn't know how to make pancakes-- your favorite. You've made my blood pressure go through the roof these past couple of years with all of your crazy hair-brain schemes. But that doesn't matter now. We need you here." Pilar stopped, gathering her thoughts. "But, for some reason that I don't understand yet, God has decided that it's time for you to go back to His kingdom where you fly above us all as the angel you are. I love you, mija. I always will." Pilar covered her mouth and let the tars fall from her eyes again. She stepped back and allowed people to go forward. Whitney was the first one.

"Hey, girl." She said wiping her tears. "Um, what to say? I don't know." She offered a sad smile. "You know, this is the first time that I can't think of anything to say to you. Ever since I met you in kindergarten, I was always telling you what a bad idea it was, or something along the lines of 'Are you crazy!' But not today. This isn't a scheme, this isn't a joke, this isn't a game, Theresa. This is real. And I can't think of one thing to say to you. You've been my best friend for almost two decades. I can't even imagine how to go on without you. I won't be able to… I love you, Theresa. Remember that pact we made when we were in fifth grade? You said that we would be best friends forever… And we will be… Forever…." Whitney took Theresa's hand, brought it to her mouth and kissed it. Her tears seemed unstoppable as she got up and left Theresa's side, practically hysterical.

Chad was next. "Hey, T-Lo. You've been a real adventure, girl. Let me be the first to tell you that it hasn't been easy knowing you. You were always getting into trouble. But, above it all, you are my friend. You believed in Whitney and me when no one else would, including Whitney. You told us that we would be together, whether we liked it or not. You've always been there for me, and I wish you could be here for me forever. But sometimes things don't turn out the way that you want them to. It's hard to just let you go. But, we all have to believe that we'll meet again. And when we do, trust me, we're gonna party all night long, girl. I'll be the DJ." Chad laughed slightly, trying to lighten the intense moment that he seemed to be drowning in. "I'm gonna miss you, girl. We love you."

No one moved after Chad got up. "Fox?" Pilar said turning to him. "Would you like to say something?"

Unknowingly, Fox's tears were pouring onto his cheeks. "Um, yeah, sure." It took him a moment to actually move his feet but he eventually made his way to Theresa's side. "Theresa, um, this isn't easy. How can I say goodbye to you? You're the best friend I've ever had. I still remember those late night talks we used to have in your room when you were living at the mansion. It seemed like you were the only person to ever understand me. You knew me from the inside out and you could relate to everything that I ever told you. You never judged me and believe it or not, you're the first person to do that. You know, I'd give anything to have just one more of those heart-to-hearts again." Fox stopped, not knowing what else to say. "Um, I- I'm gonna miss you, Theresa. More than you know. But, make sure you reserve a seat for me up there, got it? If I say that I'm a friend of Theresa Lopez-Fitzgerald, then they'll have to let me into the pearly gates, right? You're the best, Theresa. I'll miss you everyday of my life." Finally, Fox couldn't take it anymore, and got up, a little more than teary eyed.

Finally, it was the one goodbye that they were all dreading. Everyone knew a goodbye from this person would be more than they could take… And then, Ethan walked to Theresa and took her hand in his.

"Um…," he began, clearing his throat. "What can I say? Theresa, you changed my life, more than once and in many more ways than one. Actually, you were like a hurricane that ripped through my orderly life. But you were the one storm that I didn't mind. I couldn't deny my feelings for you then and I can't do it now." He stopped to compose himself. "I don't-- I don't know what to do now. I'm trying not panic here. It, uh, it just feels like I'm losing you all over again. You were right, Theresa. You were right when you said that Fate would bring us back together. I couldn't fight it anymore, and as much I wanted to, I couldn't stay away from you. Something was always pulling us together, not pushing us apart as I once thought. I'm just sorry that I didn't listen to you. And I blame myself for everything that's happened. God, I'm sorry, Theresa. It's my fault that you're here. I'm the reason that you and Gwen fought. I'm always the reason. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry that it took me this long to finally realize how much you mean to me. I didn't want to listen to my heart when it was screaming inside of me. I never looked deep enough because I was terrified that if I did, that I would see something that I shouldn't. I was afraid of seeing your face there when I should be seeing Gwen's. But now, I'm not scared to look anymore. I have and all I see is you, Theresa. I love you, Theresa. More than you'll ever know. I've always felt alone without you, but now I know why. It's because you are a part of me. You have a part of my heart, and you've had it since that day you spilled paint on me. You have it still. You always will, Theresa. I will never love anyone like I loved you. When you said that it would be impossible to erase me from your life, from your heart, you said that it would impossible because there would be nothing left. And I never realized it until now, Theresa. I feel the same. I can't say goodbye to you, because if I did, there would be no reason to live anymore. If I could have one wish, one thing to do over, it would be our wedding. If I hadn't let you run from the alter, we would be married right now, regardless of what other people said. We would be together right now, none of this would ever have happened. We would be living that life that we always dreamed and talked about." Ethan stopped again and looked down, trying to hide his tears from everyone around him. "It's strange, I never understood the saying, 'Emptiness engulfs those who have lost', until this moment. I feel empty, I feel lost… and alone. It seems like the world has just fallen from beneath me. You know, it's not fair. There are hundreds and hundreds of people in this hospital, all going about their daily lives. Some are welcoming a new son or daughter into this world, some are smiling, some are sleeping, some are sad. But none know what, we, here in this room, are going through at this very moment. Many in this hospital are fighting for their lives. Many are trying to hang onto that last bit of life. But, it's not fair, you don't have that choice! I might as well be one of the other patients on their death beds. I can't go on without you. I can't live without you, Theresa. I can't even begin to explain how loud my heart is screaming right now. I can't even begin to put into words what I'm feeling right now. I need you, Theresa." He paused again and stared at her motionless body. His fingers tried to wipe away the tears but he couldn't keep up with the rapid falling of salt water. "One day, Fate will bring us back together, just like you always said it would. But, I'll think of you, Theresa. I'll think of you when I see snow. I'll remember our first snowball fight. When I see someone smile, I'll think of you because I'll know that yours was prettier. When I go to the beach, I'll remember the night we made love and I'll think of you. When I see Little Ethan, I'll think of you. I'll see you looking out through his eyes." That was it. That was the one instant where things seemed much worse than they already were. People were so caught up in their own grief, they didn't stop to think of what this was going to do to her son. "I can't say goodbye to you, Theresa. But I can say I love you. I always will, Theresa. Always..." Finally, Ethan's heart-wrenching speech was over. And he finalized it in a way that no one would soon forget.

Ethan kissed her then. The tears from his eyes wet Theresa's face. He could never have imagined that kissing Theresa could hurt so bad. It was the one time that when he kissed her that she didn't kiss back. There was no spark, no fire… Nothing. The kiss felt as empty as Ethan's heart did. But, nonetheless, Ethan couldn't stop himself from doing it again. He kissed Theresa's lips again… for the very last time.

When Ethan turned around everyone was in unstoppable tears. He let out a hard breath and tried with everything he had left in him to control himself.

Suddenly, Pilar left the room. When she returned, Dr. Madigan followed her. He stopped before them all. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I've been through this kind of thing many times, and never before have I seen so many people who were truly touched by one person. She's really lucky to have all of you care for her so much."

"We were the lucky ones," Ethan whispered, never taking his eyes from her.

The doctor shot a strange glance at Ethan and proceeded. Again, he went to the machine next to Theresa's bed. He bent down, grabbed the cord, and turned back to everyone. Everyone's eyes we drawn to the screen that showed Theresa's heart rate. The spikes were coming in rhythmic paces. Again, the doctor looked down and grabbed the cord taut. Whitney closed her eyes and fell into Fox as he wrapped his arms around her. Dr. Madigan pulled the cord out of the socket, a loud beep filled the room, and the spikes turned into a silent, straight line…