Disclaimer: I don't own Holes, and never will!

The Inspection Of CGL

Chapter Sixteen ll Hardly Ever Mentioned: ZERO

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ANDII'S POV.

Project Inspect Camp Green Lake - Journal

7th of August. (Day 17)

Mood: I-HATE-D-TENT
Time: 8:34pm

DID YOU KNOW WHAT D-TENT DID TO ME?

No, of course you don't! That's why I'm going to tell you! They locked me in a tent with Count Sexappeal! (Count Sexappeal is this sorta cute guy from C-tent with the most GORGEOUS eyes. He'd be called Mr. Sexappeal but Mr. is used a lot, and, well, you rarely see Count. Like Count Dracula is the only one I've heard of.) I mean, do they honestly HATE me so much? I dunno what happened, really...

Today was my first day in interviewing Zero, and I had a nice day. I was hoping for a nice, quiet, PRIVATE chat with him, like I've managed to have with X-Ray, Zig, Armpit, Magnet and Caveman, but Squid kept interrupting. He'd sort of stammer and say, "Zero... I'm not..." and then he'd squeal like a pig and run off. Once, I heard him murmur, "Bad Squid, bad!" I asked Zero what was happening but he had no clue. Oh, and I've got the funniest snapshots of Squid! Zero said something like, "Nothing to be ashamed of" and you should've SEEN the look on his face! Completely hilarious.

But I'm straying off the subject.

After I took a shower, I spent the usual half hour in my tent enjoying some time to myself. Then I was about to head to the Wreck Room when I saw all seven boys crowded outside of "C-tent". Well, I walked over to them and they all stopped talking when I came. Were they talking about me?

They said their "hi"s and "hello"s a little too happily, so I got a bit suspicious. When I asked what they were doing there, Zig and X-Ray grabbed me by the shoulders and shoved me through the flap! GAH! I stumbled in and then I heard Zig yell something malicious... I was about to hurl back one of my famous comebacks when I realised...

Count Sexappeal was standing right in front of me!

I had a seizure and died.

Night, Andii.

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8th of August. (Day 18)

Mood: a tad bit calmer
Time: 4:41am

Currently: breakfasting
Wishing she was: sleeping
Thinking about: nothing
Flicking cereal at: Squid

Okay, he's annoying me. Well, maybe I skipped over the "Tent-Tale" a little bit. Nothing interesting. When I found out X-Ray and the others weren't keen on letting me out, I sat on the cot furthest away from Count Sexappeal and folded my arms and sulked. It was extremely awkward. Later, he came over and said "hi". We started talking and... I got bored. Not fidgety or anything, but BORED. That guy may be cute, but he's sooo dull. I'd talk to Claude, Squid or Caveman any day.

For some odd reason, the convo soon turned to be about our personal lives. I made up all this stuff that I was an orphan and lived on the streets and was adopted by a toughie who got all their money from illegal gambling and black marketing. I enjoyed that part. Hehe, but he didn't seem very interested. He just nodded and said, "That's nice." After my little story, it was his turn, and HIS LIFE IS EQUIVALENT TO A SOAP OPERA!!

"I really like Riley, but for some reason I went out with her best friend who's really hot, but there's this new girl Trisha who's a total babe... Then my best friend Owen's bisexual and I think he's coming onto me, and I dunno, maybe I have feelings for him too... Also, a total of three girls asked me out and I'm not sure who to hook up with first. Courtney's so cute, but she's Riley's sister's friend's cousin, and that could really mean trouble when it's traced back to her..."

...and it didn't end there...

"Ashley'sreallyprettytooandshe'ssosweetandinnocentIdon'treallywannahurtherbutthere'safiftydollarwagerifIcanTHERE-WOULD-YOU-LIKE-ME-TO-SHUT-UP-NOW?"

So maybe he didn't say the last part, but it just goes to show how ANNOYING he was. A complete disaster. I wanted to hit him with a very pink Barbie doll, but it was all the way in my orange tent.

I had to pretend I was interested, too.

MAN, that was the worst part! I am so glad D-tent's lives aren't like that or all of them would have CONCUSSIONS!

THE. END.

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Day 18

Just so no one gets confused or lost, it's my second day of interviewing Zero; the crazy, fast, enthusiastic DIGGING MACHINE!

Seriously, he digs so fast. I suggested that he starts his own little class for all new campers so they can be taught how to dig correctly and quickly so they won't have to stay out in the hot sun for so long. But he just shrugged and said that he doesn't want to start some tutoring random thing.

So much for my wonderful, revolutionary idea.

Hehe, Zero stole a pair of shoes. So did Caveman. Is it just me, or are there some similarities between these two crimes? Probably not. Oh well, who cares? It can't mean much to anyone.

Anywho, guess what time it is?

TIME TO GET A WATCH!

Haha... it's lunch time. Lunch? Spaghetti between two pieces of stale bread. Rock-hard apple that was like, powdery and un-juicy. Gah. Corn chips. Water.

It was one of those better lunches, sadly enough.

"Hi 'lil one!" Squid greeted enthusiastically, sitting next to me.

"Hello Squidster!" I returned cheerfully, crunching on my chips.

"How's it going?"

"Alright... I suppose. What about you?"

He shrugged, looking decidedly cute while doing so, "I'm okay, too." Then he grinned smugly, "You've got crumbs on your face."

"Huh, where?" I whined, batting at my cheeks.

To my surprise, Squid leant forward and gently brushed at my face. I felt the heat creep up to my face and knew a blush was imminent. But... it's Squid. Why are my blood cells rushing to my face at Squid?

Not - normal.

To divert the attention away from me, I fumbled weakly, "Sooo... Incredible Juke Box. How about a song?"

"Umm... what about; beauty queen of only fourteen, she, had some troubles with herse-e-e-lf. He was always there to a-nnoy her, she, always was o-bliv-vious."

OH MY GOODNESS ME!

HE'S SINGING MY FAVE SONG A.T.M.

A bit disfigured, but still my fave song a.t.m!

"You got the lyrics wrong!" I cried.

"This is my version," Squid shot back, "Let me finish... I walked for metres and metres and ended up at... Zero's ho-o-ole. I've annoyed you so many times but somehow, I want - "

"Mo-o-ore!" I chorused happily.

"I don't mind spendin' everyday," Squid sang (did I mention he has a horrible voice?), "Out on the dirt in the - "

"Pou-our-ring ra-ai-ain!"

"Look for the girl with the white visor - "

"Broken smile, you dolt," I said agitatedly, realising he was singing about moi which made me feel uncomfortable.

"Ask her if she wants to use my scisso-ors," Squid continued, grinning at me.

"And she wi-i-i-ill be - " I sang loudly, glaring at him. If he disfigures the song any more then I will throw a rockmelon at him!

" - eaten, she wi-i-ill be ea-a-aten," Squid burst out happily.

Since there was no rockmelon nearby, I picked up the apple and hurled it at him.

I have bad aim.

It flew over his shoulder and hit X-Ray in the rear end.

Hehehe, despite knowing throwing fruit at people's butts wasn't a very wise thing to do, I was still amused.

X-Ray straightened up (having this really scary look on his face), picked up the apple and smashed it on Armpit's back, evidently thinking he was the one who threw it at him.

"What was that for?" Armpit yelled.

I instantly looked up at the sky, whistled and twiddled my thumbs.

When I heard them begin to argue, I put my head in my hands and whistled some Japanese song Claude's obsessed with loudly.

"You know I could just tell them it was you," Squid finally said maliciously.

My head immediately shot up, "You wouldn't dare!"

Squid's smile dropped, "I know."

I smiled back to show that I found him... odd.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY SANDWICH!" Armpit was now screaming, "NO - NO! Alright, you put that down this instant! - NO! X YOU FIEND!"

"TAKE THAT!" X-Ray screamed hysterically, picking up a stick and poking Armpit in the - ergh, never mind.

I don't understand why they're at this camp when they should be shipped off in white straight jackets. Orange is so not their colour.

After ten tiring minutes of "My dad could beat up your goldfish any day!" and "Your sister's boyfriend's a skank!", they finally stopped arguing because they couldn't remember what they were arguing about in the first place.

Zero finished digging three minutes and forty seconds after 1 PM. I know this because I stared at my watch and counted down. D-tent joined in with the counting down and when we reached zero, we yelled, "HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

I'm supposed to go back to the compound once whoever-I'm-interviewing finishes digging, but I decided to stay when Zero walked back. Squid joined me on the ground (he's been coming up to me lately) and started folding boats out of the paper I was tearing out of my notebook.

AND-DO-NOT-GIVE-ME-A-LECTURE-ABOUT-KILLING-TREES-AND-WASTING-PAPER-AND-EATING-UP-THE-OZONE-LAYER!

I need to rule this margin perfectly, and if it's not perfect, then, well, too bad for the paper, BUT IT'S GETTING RIPPED OUT!

Usually, I'm pro at ruling straight/flawless margins, but it's sort of difficult when you don't have a ruler.

"So, d'ya like them?" Squid asked me, grinning proudly.

Wide-eyed, I stared at the fleet of paper boats that he had... err... folded.

Holy sugar, it looks like the First Fleet that sailed to Botany Bay in Australia or something like that! I know as an American I shouldn't be paying too much attention to Australian history, but for the love of all things orange, I have a crush on Captain Cook.

Um, perish that thought.

It's just so - ew.

Ugh.

Sick.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Okay, I'm calm now.

"I - err- they're very nice," I gabbled, my tongue flopping uselessly.

Squid glared at me, "You hate them."

I cringed inwardly and put on my most "no, it's just that - " face.

"I don't hate them, it's just... well, you're ruining my paper," I said understandingly, pulling together the biggest bluff I have created. Nah, I've lied much better and more than that. Like the time I knocked the top ice cream scoop of Claude's double chocolate, and I blamed it on Mario, her Italian cat. She didn't believe me though, because she said Mario wouldn't do that to her and that cats were trained in the mother's womb never to knock ice cream off a cone.

I told her she was the biggest pyscho I had ever seen, and she said, "Look who's talking!" and some random boy skating past yelled, "BACKFIRE!" and laughed insane-like until he tripped over a rubbish bin.

Hehe... memories...

I remember I slipped and fell into a pond and screamed, "I'M DROWNING, I'M DROWNING!" before realising that I could stand up... yeah, the pond was kind of shallow... Hey, I was little then!

It happened a few months ago.

Uh, yeah, I bet you I've grown since those "few months ago".

"Do… you like me?"

Oh yeah, and there was this one time when I stacked it over -

WHAT?

Okay, stay calm, he's just trying to confuse and unnerve you. All you have to do is deliver the coolest and most indifferent comeback that will leave him writhing in pain.

"Whatwazzat?"

Oh, BRILLIANCE! My brain has officially dogged me.

Curse you.

Squid grinned lopsidedly, "I said; do you like pizza?"

My mouth dropped open.

Yeah, I agree I have faulty hearing every now and then, but HE SO DID NOT SAY THAT BEFORE!

"You're lying, you so did not say that and if you don't tell me what you really said then I will set my army of beavers after you. AND, get this. They know KARATE!"

Oh, dear. It's bad enough my brain has left me, but did I really need to drag my imaginary army of beavers into this mess?

Someone hand me a mop.

And a bucket of water.

And some soap.

"I did say that," Squid stared at me, then sighed, "C'mon, I'll cure you of your hangover."

"Of my what, excuse me?" I spluttered, "I did not get drunk last night!"

"First sign of drunkenness: denying you're not an alcoholic. Don't worry, 'lil girl, it happens! But in time we can cure you so that you'll never want to touch a beer again!"

He had finished digging so he went back towards the compound...

...and carried me with him.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" I screamed, trying to fight him off, "This is assault, I can get you in jail for this!"

Squid chuckled, "As if!" Then he began to swing me around in circles.

How is that curing me of my supposed "hangover"?

No, cereally, tell me!

"STOP!" I screamed, though I was giggling. "AHHHHHHHHHHH! PUT ME DOWN!"

Ah, first mistake.

"Okay."

BANG.

Oh, Squid put me down alright. He just happened to let go instantly. So that I fell back on the dirt, very dizzy and in lots of pain.

"Ow," I moaned, "Ow, ow, ow." Throbbing. Migraine. In-part-near-ear.

"Grab a shell, dude," Squid chuckled, bending down with his back facing me. It took me a moment to understand what he was doing, then it clicked in place.

"Yay, piggy-back ride," I said weakly, sitting up and wrapping my arms around his neck. He picked me up and I rested my head against his back, unaware of what I was doing. I was in PAIN!

You try spinning around in circles for thirty seconds and then being dropped onto the floor instantly.

"You aren't going to drop me on the ground when I tell you to put me down, will you?" I asked wearily.

"I might."

"If you do," I murmured into his warm shoulder, "I'll steal a bow and arrow and try out my non-existent archery skills."

He chuckled. "Have you ever hit the bullseye?"

I smiled in spite of myself, feeling deliriously warm. "I've never even hit the board."

Squid chuckled again, his hold on me tightening. "Don't worry, princess," he said with a small sigh. "I'll teach you how to do it properly... one day."

"No one can teach me. Trust me."

He snorted, but I could tell he was smiling. "Typical."

When we finally reached the compound, I slid off Squid's back, which reminded me of dismounting a horse. Just please don't tell him that because he'll take it to offence, probably thinking that I classify him as a horse and not a human, and therefore I'm being racist and like his great-aunt or whatever.

Squid's mind works in mysterious ways.

"Whoa," he said blankly.

"What?" I asked, turning towards the compound. I stopped and gasped.

"Someone stole the tents!" I yelled, outraged.

"No, you ningnong, the Warden's replaced them with cabins!" Squid said enthusiastically, looking awed.

I gave him an edgy glance, "Oh yeah, you're just saying that 'cause you were involved with the theft. Weren't you? HUH? PUNK? Oooh, I get it. You're a gangster. Well, STEP BACK!"

"You are so weird," Squid rolled his eyes before walking forward. "Whoa... this is awesome! Cabins!"

I was still suspicious, "Where'd you ditch the tents, huh?"

"Get over it, 'lil girl, I didn't steal 'em."

"Pfft, such a liar," I countered, taking off my visor and shaking my hair free. Squid turned back to retaliate when he stopped short and got this awed look on his face. After five seconds of this, I asked, "What?"

He was still staring at me with something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

"Squid," I prompted, starting to feel antsy.

Squid swallowed, seemed to come together and finally said, "Your hair… it's long."

It was my turn to stare.

"Ye-ea-ah," I said, very slowly. "Do you... have a problem with that?"

"No," his voice was strangely constricted. "It's - pretty. But don't you think it's too long?" I blinked, taken-aback, at his sudden brisk and defiant tone. "Seriously, any longer and you'll look like a banshee. Combined with that detrimental scream of yours. Ugh."

I gaped at him, speechless. "You - "

"Me what?" Squid grinned infuriatingly while I garbled my mouth like a goldfish. He laughed, turned around and walked off, waving his hand at me carelessly. "Catch you later, 'lil girl."

I made a face and stomped back to my tent, planning to play knock-and-run later with their NEW AND IMPROVED cabins. Bah, that'll teach them.

Especially that horrible, mean, insensitive, ungrateful, cute, greedy one, Squid.

CUTE?

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A/N: Hehehe, that's it for now! I went on camp and shoved so many things in this chapter from it. Mentions of archery, horses, knock-and-run, screaming rock songs, the re-make of "She Will Be Loved" (Maroon 5), getting piggy-backs and swung around (and dropped on the sand, ow). Lots of things in this chapter are credit to my beautiful friends whom I love! (Tears of mirth - Julia!) Hehe. I had a wonderful time. Anywho, Squid was mentioned a lot here. Hmmm... hehe. THANKS FOR REVIEWING! And sorry for the long time it took me to update. I've been busy... Really busy. In fact, I better go now. Au revoir! x) - msq.