Chapter 5
Dr. Madigan pulled the cord out of the socket, a loud beep filled the room, and the spikes turned into a silent, straight line…
Pilar looked as if she was going to fall as she had just witnessed her daughter's last few moments on Earth. It was more painful that she would bare. She needed Luis to keep her balance and finally, she fell into his arms as she let her walls fall.
No one could bare hearing the ongoing sound of the alarm on the machine that controlled her heart beat. No one could look on as they saw that the flat line before them finalized what they didn't want to accept.
Whitney was hysterical. She tried to mute her voice in Fox's shoulder, but it was in vain. Pilar seemed like she wanted to faint and Theresa's brothers seemed lost. They didn't know what to do or where to look. Fox, Chad, and Ethan were just as confused. They all realized that they couldn't stand to be in this room any more and they all turned to leave.
Just as they were leaving, the doctor included, they heard a beep. At first they all ignored it and continued on their way out, but then… they heard another beep… then another… then another. Everyone finally turned to see what was making the noise.
"I don't believe it," Miguel sighed.
They all looked back at Theresa and scanned the machines when they realized there was something different about one of the machines. In particular, the heart monitor. The line was no longer flat. A spike went up. But it returned to its line state. Then another spike. Then another, then another.
"I don't believe it. Doctor!" Pilar exclaimed. Dr. Madigan went over to Pilar to ask her what was wrong. "She's- she's alive. She's alive! Theresa's alive!"
Whitney and the others turned in shock.
"That's no possible…" Dr. Madigan couldn't believe this. He rushed over and checked the machine. His demeanor changed almost instantly.
"She's alive. Theresa's alive! Thank God!" Luis smiled and hugged his mother.
The doctor gave them all a sad look. "I'm sorry…"
"What do you mean? Her heart is beating without the machine, that means she's alive."
"Well, technically it does-"
"What do you mean, 'technically?'" Ethan inquired.
"This happens occasionally. Sometimes when the patient is on life support, the heart gets used to the rhythm and it takes it a while to actually stop beating. But as you can see," he said, pointed to the numbers on the screen. It now said 64.……………………………... 63.……………………………... 62.……………………………..., "The heart starts to slow down almost immediately. So, technically she is alive, but she is in no more than a coma still. Her heart is stopping… even now. I'm sorry."
"Oh, God…," Pilar cried.
It was as if everyone was losing her again. No one knew what to say. They were given a tiny ray of hope only to find out that it wasn't a ray, it was a grenade that exploded in their hands. They all walked out of the room feeling even worse than they had a couple of minutes ago; all were in tears.
Fox was consoling Whitney in the corner and Chad, Luis, and Miguel were talking amongst themselves. Ethan was alone with his thoughts, the thoughts that at tore him inside from every angle.
Just then, there was a ding and the elevator door opened. Inside was Antonio and Sheridan. And in Sheridan's hand was Little Ethan's. As soon as he saw Ethan, he ran to him with open arms. "Uncle Ethan! Uncle Ethan!" Little Ethan ran to Ethan with a smile that lit up the room in this time of great sadness. Ethan bent down and welcomed his godson into a hug, wrapping his arms around him tightly.
"Hey, buddy!" Ethan said, trying to muffle the lump in his throat and hide his tears. They held each other for a long time. Whitney walked over to them and stood, feeling even worse at seeing the light of Theresa's life in front of her.
"Aunt Whitney!" Little Ethan exclaimed.
"Hi, honey."
"I want my mommy! Can I see my mommy?"
The words sent a painful serge through them all.
Sheridan walked up to Ethan with her hands clasped together in front of her. "How is she doing?"
Ethan looked down at Little Ethan and smiled. "Hey, buddy, why don't you go play with Uncle Fox and Chad over there."
"Okay." Little Ethan hopped away from them and Ethan stood up slowly.
"Ethan…?" Sheridan pressed.
"Um… she's- she's not so good."
"Oh, no. How bad is it?"
Whitney and Ethan exchanged a painful glance, both not wanting to deliver the bad news.
"What's wrong with my sister?" Antonio asked suddenly.
"I don't get it," Whitney scoffed at Antonio. "You're concerned now but you weren't before when we first told you that your sister was in the hospital."
Ethan looked over at her with a cautious eye. "Whitney…" It was hardly the time or the place to begin this argument.
"You know what, I'm sorry. I'm just- I'm just going through a lot emotionally right now. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that, Antonio. I'm sorry."
Antonio stared at her a little frightened. "Um… that's alright. Don't worry about it." He was silent for a moment before he spoke again. "So, really, how is she doing?"
"Well… um… they… she's…" Ethan tried to get out.
"Ethan?" Sheridan asked again.
Whitney butt in. "She's dying."
Antonio and Sheridan both looked shocked. "What!"
"Well, she was in a coma," Ethan explained. "But.. uh… they pulled the cord-"
"They can't do that!" Sheridan yelled.
"They can if they had Pilar's permission."
"You're not actually saying that she allowed it!"
Ethan nodded. "She did."
"Why?"
"Yeah, why would she allow them to do that to Theresa?" Antonio chimed in.
"Well, the doctor explained that Theresa most likely wouldn't wake up. And he said that it wasn't right to just keep Theresa here as a vegetable. So, Pilar finally agreed."
"Oh, my God. Poor Pilar."
"Yeah."
"So wait a minute. If they pulled the plug, that means that Theresa's……"
"No… Well, not yet anyway."
Sheridan was confused. "But I don't understand. If she's no longer on life support then-"
"Dr. Madigan said that sometimes after a patient has been on life support, the heart gets used to the rhythmic paces," Ethan explained. "So, it may not just stop beating all together. It will slow down and eventually it'll stop."
"So, she's alive?"
"Technically, yes."
"Well, can't they wake her up?" Antonio tried to contribute.
"No, she's in a coma in a way, but her heart is giving up even now…" Whitney trailed off.
"Oh, my God! I can't even imagine what poor Pilar is going through. Where is she?"
"I'm right here, Sheridan," Pilar greeted stepping into the waiting room.
Everyone turned and saw Pilar standing not too far behind Ethan.
"Mama…"
"Antonio, mija, I'm glad you're here," she said embracing him. "Thank you for coming." She hugged Sheridan as well. "You too, Sheridan. Thank you."
"Of course. How are you doing?"
She let out a slight laugh. "I've had better days."
"Do you want anything? Can I get you something from the cafeteria?"
"Um… you know what, I'll go with you. I need to get away from all of this for a couple minutes."
"Okay, c'mon." Sheridan goaded Pilar in the direction of the elevator.
"I'll go too." They all hopped on the elevator and descended downward to the cafeteria.
"Uncle Ethan!"
Ethan turned and saw his godson calling him. "What's up, buddy?"
"Can I see my mommy now?" he asked with innocent eyes.
Ethan and Whitney gave each other the same look. "Uh.. sure. If you want." Little Ethan nodded enthusiastically. "Okay. But… uh.. you know what, mommy's sleeping right now."
"Can I kiss her goodnight?"
Tears welled in Ethan's red eyes. "Um.. yeah… C'mon." Ethan took Little Ethan's hand and led him into the hospital room, hating each second more than the last. Little Ethan saw his mother and went to her.
"Mommy?" he whispered. "Mommy, are you sleeping?" he whispered again. "Hey, Mommy. Guess what! Aunt Sheridan took me for ice cream, and then we got on a plane and it was really loud. Then my ears hurted and the lady gave me a thing for my jacket. She said they were wings. And then I got to go to the carpet and I saw them fly the plane. It was fun. Hey, Mommy, when are you going to wake up?"
"Why don't you tell your mommy that you love her and kiss her goodnight," Ethan whispered to him, passing the lump in his throat.
"Okay." Little Ethan bent down and kissed his mom on the cheek. "Goodnight, Mommy." He turned back to Ethan slowly. "Hey, Uncle Ethan, when is she gonna wake up?"
Ethan's throat clenched. "Um… I'm not sure, sport. But I think she's gonna be asleep for a long time."
"How come?"
"I'm not sure how to answer that one, sport. You'll understand when you're older."
"Uncle Ethan…?" Little Ethan asked. Ethan looked at Little Ethan for his question. "Are you crying?"
"Um… a little."
"Why?"
Ethan- "Don't worry about it, sport. Hey, are you hungry?" Little Ethan nodded. Ethan walked him out of the room and into the waiting area where Whitney was. "Whitney?" Ethan called.
"Yeah?"
"Can you take him down to the cafeteria? I'm gonna spend some time with Theresa."
Whitney knew that Ethan had been aching to see Theresa alone all day. "Sure. C'mon, Little Ethan." Little Ethan and Whitney got into the elevator and descended.
Ethan turned back into Theresa's room. He walked into the room and took the seat next to her bed. He sat there and took Theresa's hand in his. He looked at her for a long time before he spoke. Finally, when he did start speaking, he tried to push the lump out of his throat. "Theresa…. Theresa, you can't die. You have so much to live for."
Ethan's mind drifted backwards and he remembered times that he and Theresa spent together before.
The snowfall fight was one of the most prominent memories and he focused on it. He remembered getting hit with a heavy lump of snow and seeing Theresa back down for another ball. She twisted and danced in the snow like an angel and he attacked her with his strength. When they fell to the ground, engaged in heavy laughter, their eyes connected. That was when he first felt that eternal pull. He knew from that moment on that somehow, Theresa had embedded herself into his soul… forever.
"Theresa, we've had so many wonderful times together. And we're going to have so many more. There's so much we haven't seen and done. There's so much joy and laughter ahead of us." He paused. "Do you remember you said that there are things that we can teach each other and show each other? You were right, Theresa. You were right." Again he looked up at the heart monitor. The numbers had dropped to 53 already. And they continued to drop. "I love you, Theresa. C'mon…. c'mon. Theresa, you can't die. I won't let you die. Theresa, I need you. I love you. I truly love you."
Fox had just walked into the room as Ethan finished his speech to the incoherent Theresa. He stood there and listened carefully. "Uh-hum… Am I interrupting?"
Ethan turned and cleaned his tears. "Um… no… I was just… I'm gonna head over to the chapel. I'll be back."
Before Fox could respond Ethan was gone. "Poor guy. I couldn't even imagine what it's like to lose the woman you love…"
And the numbers seemed to be on a never ending fall.
44.…………………………….. 43.……………………………... 42.……………………… 41.…………………………… 40.……………………………...
Ethan arrived at the hospital chapel, his heart breaking by the minute. "God, I know this is my fault. I've been a terrible man. And Theresa doesn't deserve to be going through something like this. She's done nothing but live her life to the fullest. And this is my fault. I should have left the apartment the minute I found out that she was staying there, but I didn't. And one thing led to another. But… but I don't regret it. Those last few times that I was with Theresa will stay with me for the rest of my life. If I could turn back the clock, if I could turn back time, I would tell her to go back to Harmony to get as far away from me as she possibly could, because if I had, Theresa wouldn't have been around for Gwen to attack her. Theresa would healthy, happy, and she would be with her son. She wouldn't be lying in a hospital bed with her son saying goodbye to her for the last time. But instead, she's fighting a war that she won't win because I was weak. Please, don't punish Theresa for my weakness. You punish me. And if you have to take someone, don't take her. She has a son. A beautiful little boy that she needs to take care of. You take me. You hear me? You take me!"
In Theresa's room, the numbers on the screen continued to drop.
33.……………………………. 32.…………………………… 31.…….…………………. 30.………………………….. 29.………………………….
"I know I'm to blame for all of this," Ethan admitted out loud to no one. If I'd only said no to Theresa, none of this would have happened. Theresa was right. She was the woman that I was supposed to be with. But I was too blind to see it. And because of that she is being taken from me. How can I ever forgive myself for this? How can I go on without her? She was the one person that could make me truly happy. And it's my fault that she's lying in that hospital bed without even the opportunity to fight back."
19.……………………………... 18.………………………… 17.……………………….. 16.…………………………….. 15.……………………………... 14.……………………………...
"I know that after everything that's happened, I don't deserve any happiness. Pushing Theresa away, not wanting to accept that fact that she was right and I was unhappy without her. If only I could do yesterday differently."
Ethan's mind was taken aback to the last time he talked to Theresa…
"I'm moving out, getting a hotel room near the hospital," Ethan explained.
"Ethan, you don't have to leave. I'm going to leave."
"No, Theresa. No, not necessary, okay? I just need you to swear- promise me that you won't let Gwen know that you are here in L.A."
"So much for the honorable upstanding half-brother," Fox said sarcastically.
"Fox, stay out of this, okay? I'm just trying to do what's right for my wife and my baby here."
"Yeah, right. Is that what you were doing when you got it on with Theresa earlier at the beach tonight?"
"I really, really mean it. Stay out of this, okay? The important thing is that she is kept calm and stress-free, at least up until she gives birth."
"Ethan, you've got my word, ok? She's not going to know that I'm here in Los Angels instead of home." Theresa looked at him with sincere eyes.
"Thank you. I mean, Theresa, the doctor told me her pregnancy's still high risk. I mean, any shock could harm the baby, could endanger her life, as well. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to either one of them."
"Ethan, I swear on my grandmother's grave there's no way Gwen's going to find out that we spent any time together or that we wound up in the same bed together."
"Don't forget about the hot-and-heavy workout on the beach earlier," Fox butt in again.
"Fox, really. Really, anytime you want to shut up, please feel free."
"Oh, thank you. Aye, aye, St. Ethan."
"And since she's not going to find out that I'm here, there's no reason that you should get a hotel." Theresa was doing everything she could to keep Ethan near.
"No, no, there's a hotel three blocks away from the hospital."
"But staying here is just two blocks away from the hospital. Don't you want to be as close to the hospital in case of an emergency?"
"The only emergency that Gwen is going to have is if she finds out that you and I are in the same apartment. Look, I already hate it that I've lied to her already. I just don't know what else to do with her pregnancy at this high of a risk. One shock and she could have a miscarriage."
"Finding out about Theresa could definitely fall into that category." Fox loved to anger Ethan whenever the opportunity arose.
"Ethan, you don't have to worry, ok? I'm going to stay far out of your guys' way. Just don't leave."
"You don't understand, do you? This is like a game to you. This is not a game to me. I love my wife, and I already love that baby, okay? This is a life-and-death situation to me."
"I know that."
"No, I don't think you do. Because as long as we' in close proximity to each other, Theresa, there's going to be a problem."
"Yeah, and why is that, Ethan?" Fox asked already knowing the answer.
"It's a problem because it always ends up the same way. We end up too involved, we end up too close. And it's not fair to you, and it's not fair to Gwen. I need to check into a hotel, and as soon as that baby is born, we're looking for a house somewhere."
"What do you mean? I mean, you're going to go back to Harmony, right?"
"No. I -- I've been thinking about this a lot, and I realize that it's just asking for a lot of trouble. We need to live as far away from Harmony as we can get."
Theresa was hurt by his false admission. "You mean far away from me."
Ethan winced when he answered, knowing that it would hurt her to hear it. "Yeah."
"Ouch," Fox interjected.
"You don't mean that. You don't mean that you would move thousands of miles away just to get away from me, Ethan. Would you?"
"I would and I will if it means keeping my marriage and my family happy and healthy."
"But I would never get to see you, and you would never get to see me. You would miss me too much."
"Yeah, I would," he admitted. "But I'd know I was doing it for the right reasons. I'm sorry, okay? My wife and my baby have got to be my first priority. They're the ones I need to think about. That's just the way it is."
Theresa shook her head sadly. "You can't mean that, Ethan."
"Hey, what's going on?" Whitney asked upon entering the room.
"My worst nightmare. Ethan's trying to break it off with the woman that I love, and she's breaking in two," Fox lied to keep up his pretense.
"Ethan, don't break my heart by telling me the worst thing I could ever imagine. I mean, yeah, it's one thing that you were married to Gwen and you want to be a good father to your child. But to tell me that you want to move all the way far away just to get away from me so you never see me again? Well, how am I supposed to keep hoping that things are going to work out for us?"
"You don't!" Ethan exclaimed. "That's the idea. Theresa, we had a really close call here tonight, okay? If Gwen would've seen us together, she could have lost that baby, and I refuse to take that risk again."
"But, Ethan, you love me. I just-"
"Listen to me, listen to me. You've always told me how much you love the fact that I've always been honest and that I always try to do the right thing, regardless of having been raised by a Crane."
"Yes. Yes, but-"
"No buts, no buts. I'm trying to do the right thing by my wife and my baby, but I can't trust myself to do that when I'm anywhere near you, Theresa."
"Ethan, doesn't that tell you anything?"
"It tells me that I'm making the right decision by moving away from you. If we're in the same town, if I even see you, it's too much of a temptation. We have proved that from our actions these last couple nights."
"It proves that you still want to be with me, Ethan. Don't you see that!" Theresa begged.
"I can't be the kind of man I want to be or the kind of man that I need to be when I'm anywhere around you. If you love me as much as you say you love me, you'll let me go. You'll let us go. It's the only way…"
Theresa stared at him in pain. She heard the words and yet she knew that he didn't mean them. His eyes were begging her to believe him, let it go. But was she capable of turning her back on the most precious thing that she had ever experienced?
That answer was simple. Silent tears spilled from her eyes and when she saw that the pain in Ethan's eyes mirrored her own, she fled the room, running past her love. Ethan whipped around, knowing how much he had hurt her, trying to stop her. But she was gone.
Ethan was brought back to the present and everything around him seemed more painful when he realized that Theresa would die with those words echoing in her head. 'You'll let me go. You'll let us go." If only she knew that he didn't mean it. He wanted nothing more than to take it all back. "If only I could turn back time," he whispered into the silent chapel.
The machine continued to countdown to something unknown.
9.…………………………… 8.…………………………….. 7.……………………………... 6.……………………………... 5.……………………………... 4.…………………………….
Pilar, Sheridan, Antonio, Whitney, and Little Ethan had returned from the cafeteria and were in Theresa's room, watching as Theresa left their world. Suddenly:
"Where's Ethan?" Pilar asked.
Fox looked up and answered. "Um… he said that he was going to the chapel."
"He should be here. Theresa… Theresa's leaving us…"
"I'll go get him." Fox left the room in search of Ethan.
And the numbers continued to drop.
3.……………………………... 2.……………………………... 1.……………………………... 0.……………………………...
And it ended with a beep. Theresa was gone…
It was strange. Ethan was kneeling before a statue in the chapel, when all of a sudden he felt this immense jerk. It was almost painful… And he knew….