Part 22

The machines are the only sound in the room.

Her hand is cold. So I decide to rub it, to warm it up. I caress it with care and tuck the blanket around her.

I watch and feel helpless. She needs me to be strong and I will be. I will be her rock, her light at the end of the dark tunnel, beckoning her to come back to me.

I look around the room and know I am alone. My family has given me this time with her. They won't interrupt. They'll wait until I am ready to face them again. They know how hard this is for me, but I will not falter. I am going to do as Karina had said.

I will open my heart to my true love.

True love.

That's what we have. I never felt like this with any of the other people in my life. I loved Sarah. That was a mutual love. I loved Charlie. That was an unconditional love. For all my faults he had still loved me, no matter what. But deep down I know Sam's love is both mutual and unconditional, a combination of both. She loves me for me. She loves the beast within and knows how to soothe me when needed. She sees beyond the cranky facade that I weave, my barrier from the world. She knows it is all an act and still she does not judge me. True love never finds fault, it is just there, a bond that cannot be broken. A love that will last 'til the end of time, a love that is pure.

"Oh, if I could just put into words what I'm thinking, Carter, I'd be a rich man."

I squeeze her hand.

"I know you're in there, hiding. But you don't have to anymore, I'm here. I'm alive, Sam, I didn't die. I couldn't. I would never get to feel the warmth of your body next to mine. I would have never gotten to experience our first kiss. I would never have found out where that elusive mole is."

I chuckle.

"Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking. Don't laugh, I have. A lot of thinking, years of thinking really. Put it this way, I've thought so much about what I would say when I finally got to tell you what I feel, that I've gone blank now. I do know this, my angel, I've had feelings for you since our first mission. The way you came through that door like hell on heels blew me away. I baited you and still you would not buckle. I admired you and kinda told you so. Remember what I told you before you walked through the stargate for the first time? You where so young and innocent then, both you and Danny, so full of enthusiasm, that it was contagious. I try to pinpoint the day I fell in love with you and I think it was the first time you smiled just for me. I was hooked. My cold heart started to feel again. I actually wanted to make you smile and after a while, it became my duty to see that smile at least twice a day. It made me start to care. I started to hope for better things in my life. This was all due to you."

I look up to see if she is responding.

Her chest moves up and down, the ventilator helping her breathe.

"This is ironic, isn't it? The man with a few words is pouring out his heart and soul to the woman that babbles constantly and is never at a loss for words. Come on Sam, you've got to agree, that is funny, huh?"

No response.

"You're not going to make this easy, are you? You're gonna make me confess everything to you. To confess to you things that I have hidden deep inside me, that I've repressed for so long. My past sins and my present ones, things that I never thought I could tell anyone."

I let out a slow breath and continue to caress her hand.

"To be honest with you, I'm afraid of what you will really think of me once you hear what I have to say. I know you're a forgiving person, Sam, but I don't know if you would be able to forgive me, or even look at me the same way, once I burden you with my guilt, my sorrow, my regrets, my black soul. But I know I have to. I don't think I can move forward if I keep anything from you. I want to be a better man. I want to be the best man I can be. For you. Sam, you make me want to be a better person, inside an out. I know I can be, if I am given the chance and you have done that for me."

I bite my lip as it starts to quiver. The voice in my head is whispering and planting doubts into my mind.

What if she doesn't wake up?

What if she does and is repulsed by my confession?

I feel lost.

I get closer to the bed and lay my head by hers.

"Please, Sam, come back to me. I want to see you open your eyes. I want to feel you squeeze my hand, caress my face. I want to hear you speak to me. Tell me if I'm wasting my time, tell me how wormholes work again, tell me that you feel the same way I feel about you, tell me that you love me…"

I pull back, cover my face with my hands and drop my head. This is harder than I'd thought it would be. Before this mission I hid my feelings deep inside, not saying anything, just watching from a distance, but now everything has changed. I have set the ball in motion. I will not back down.

I hear someone clearing their throat behind me.

I turn to see Doc Frasier and General Hammond.

I smile at them, but it is a half hearted attempt.

They move forward.

"Sir, I'm sorry, but I have to check her stats. I'll only be a minute and then I'll be out of your hair for an hour or so. How is our patient doing?"

"She's in there, but she's gonna be really upset with you, Doc. I think you took off a little too much from the top and the sides."

Doc looks shocked and tries to stop the giggles that are bubbling up inside of her.

"Sam, wake up and tell Doc what I think of giggling".

Doctor Janet Frazier lets loose with her laughter and even the General is chuckling.

Doc wipes the tears from her face, comes to my side and hugs me.

"Thank you, Sir! I haven't had anything to laugh about lately, and they say that laughter is good for the soul."

"So I've heard. It's nice to hear laughter again."

She turns to Sam.

"Come on, sweetie, wake up and make this man's day, no year, ah strike that, his life. Remember those things we talked about over all those bottles of wine and tubs of ice cream? It's within your grasp, Sam. Wake up and find your peace."

She looks at me. "Find peace for both of you."

She squeezes Sam's hand and whispers that she'll be back soon, with something for me to eat. I thank her. General Hammond places his hand on my shoulder.

"Jack, I spoke to the president and so did Jacob. They are willing to work something out."

My heart is still. Maybe I am gonna finally get what I want more than anything.

"Thank you, Sir, from both of us. I know it wasn't easy. But, like I said, I can't go back to the way things were, I'm getting to old for this stuff and I won't fumble the ball again."

"I know, Jack. You're right, you deserve to be happy and you've never crossed the line, of this I am sure. You wouldn't bring any disgrace to the Major. You are a lucky man, Jack."

"Yes, Sir, and I will never forget that. I've been given a second chance. I've found hope again. She's my strength. She keeps me here, guides me as I try to better myself. She is the light in my soul. She's climbed every barrier I've put up and she refused to back off, which I am so grateful for. There has been too much tragedy in our lives and I want our happily ever after, like Karina said. I don't think its too much to ask for."

The General smiles and agrees.

"I've got to get back, but I'll leave you with this. Major Carter is no longer in your Chain of Command. She is on medical leave, which places me in charge of her, so if that's what's keeping you from completing your mission, soldier, forget about it. You have a green light."

I smile and thank him again. He leaves us alone.

"Did you hear that? I can have my merry way with you and I won't be thrown in the brig, or damage your stellar reputation."

I chuckle, wanting to pinch myself, wondering if this isn't just another dream, that I will wake and find myself alone again.

I become somber.

"I need you Sam. You're my strength, you keep me going. You're the tether that keeps me anchored to this world. I want us to share the rest of our lives together. I want to grow older with you. I want to plan a future and hopefully children. Come back to me Sam. Never surrender to the voice that is calling you away from me. I am here, watching over you. I'll wait forever, I'll never leave you. I will protect you. I would give my own life, just to see you smile for me again. Open your mind, Sam, hear me, please. I'll get down on my knees, I'll pray to god and ask him not to take you away from me. Fight, angel, I can't lose you. We're finally free to explore our feelings and I am not strong when you are not here."

The tears I've held for all those years start to fall. The pain of hiding my feelings follow. I feel so alone. I grasp her hand like a lifeline and my tears wet her hand.

I don't hear the footsteps behind me. I soft hand touches my back.

"Shhh, don't cry, Colonel Jack, she hears you, I know she does. You're just opening your heart to her and I can see it is hard for you. You are good, never forget that."

I pull her into my arms and she squeezes me. Her warmth is like a balm to my tattered soul.

I look up to see Daniel andDoc wiping the tears from their faces.

I am vulnerable right now. I never let my defenses down and in a day I have shown more emotion to others than I have in a lifetime. All thanks to this child in my arms.

"I think she's heard enough, Colonel Jack. Why don't you kiss her?"

This is it, the moment of truth.

I hope, even though I know that this would probably only end well if we were in a fairytale. I know Sam won't wake, but I'll try my best to wake my princess up.

I let go of Karina.

I stand up and look down at Sam.

I'm so nervous.

Our first kiss and she's asleep.

Well, technically our third kiss.

There was virus kiss that nearly brought me to my knees and the kiss that I gave her after handing in my resignation to the General during that whole time loop fiasco. But they really don't count.

"Okay, how hard can this be?"

"Jack, do you want us to leave? Karina, come on, let's leave Jack alone."

"No, you guys can stay."

"How about us?"

I turn to see dad, Teal'c and the General. Oh great, I don't think I can do it in front of them!

"Hey, dad, you're back. So, how are things?"

Hey knows I'm buying time, but lets it go.

"I found out some interesting things, but maybe we'll talk about this later."

Things? What things?

He sees my expression change.

"Jacob? I take it that it's not good news."

"Jack, later, I want to see my daughter."

I nod and step back.

"You don't have to leave, Jack, I see you haven't completed your mission."

"No, Uncle Jacob, he hasn't. I don't see why he doesn't just…"

Jacob sits by the bed.

"Give him time, he'll do it when it feels right. Sweetheart, I heard you've got a new home and your village will be leaving soon."

"Not until Major Sam wakes up. He needs me until then."

She's pointing at me. I smile at her.

"Yes, I do need you here with me. You're my protector."

"So go ahead and kiss her then, it's not that hard."

This is it, there's no turning back.

She comes to me and starts to pull me to the bed.

She climbs up and keeps pulling me towards my princess.

"If your heart is true, Colonel Jack, she'll wake."

I whisper, "What if she doesn't? What if she never wakes? What if my heart isn't true?"

"Your heart is true, Colonel Jack, don't be silly. She will wake. You're here, waiting for her. Major Sam knows. I know she does, she would never leave you alone. Back in the ship she didn't want to leave us, but we knew she'd be back, she would not leave us. She will wake, I have hope."

She puts my hand in Sam's.

"Do it, Colonel Jack, wake your princess."