Disclaimer: I don't own Holes, and never will!
In General: Thank you times a million fifty billion plus forty-five and the number of people online on my MSN list! Reviewing puts a smile on my face and keeps me motivated. :D Can you believe it's been a year since I started this fic? I can't! Words can never express my love for you reviewers and readers. I could marry you! Honestly! All of you have encouraged me to keep writing and have also inspired me so very much. If it weren't for all of you, I'd have given up on this fic a long, long, LONG time ago, before time was even known. So thank you sooo, sooo, sooo, soooooooooo much. You people are all delusional and need to splash cold water on your faces (I ran through the rain, kicked and jumped in puddles today) but I don't mind coz you're just like me. :D In the way that you enjoy strange stories, that is. Hehehe. :) I've done enough rambling, so happy reading!
PS. I just noticed the most awful error. No one notices Andii's large scar on her face. WHY, you scream, WHY? BECAUSE I FORGOT THAT SHE HAD ONE! (cowers from angry readers) I'm dreadfully sorry! Let's just pretend it magically disappeared. Yeah? Yeah. :)
The Inspection Of CGL
Chapter Twenty Four ll Two Returns Make A Happy Clover
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!YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY MISS THIS!
SQUID'S POV
25th of August, 2004.
Aha, I'm free, FREE, FREEEEEE AS A BIRDIE!
...Yes, I am indeed free. Free of those insane things sticking into me. What where they called? Tubes? I dunno. Something that gave me blood. Blood. I'm not a vampire. I don't need blood to survive.
Aaaanyway, I have some excellent news for you non-vampires.
I'M GETTING OUT OF THE RUDDY HOSPITAL! WHOOP-DEE-DOO.
I would do a victory dance if that nurse over there wasn't staring at me like a hawk, making sure I don't do something stupid like leaping onto my freshly-made bed and kicking my heels up.
Fine, I suppose I'll enlighten you.
I've been in this strange all-white room that smells like bleach for a couple of days now, after I got sat on by an elephant. Haha... I wish I got sat on by an elephant. It would've been better than what actually happened.
Which I won't go into detail about.
They did all sorts of strange things, those hospital people did. They attempted different methods to make me feel better. And I do, so that's something good on their conscience.
All that's left are a couple of bruises and scars. My shoulders are fine, contrary to belief.
AND I'M FREE!
The helicopter's coming along shortly to take me back to my beloved Camp Green Lake.
And my friends.
And the 'lil girl.
I started grinning insanely at the thought of seeing her. Surely she misses me and will welcome me with open arms and a great big kiss, and together we can ride off in the sunset?
...That was rather pricky, wasn't it?
Oh well. I know she wants me.
...OKAY I'LL SHUT UP NOW.
That's not going to stop me from grinning insanely, though.
:D :D :D :D
I've really missed her... like really. I just can't help myself. She's such a bright and cheerful thing. You feel happier just by looking at her. Or at least I do. And she gives you hope and sunshine and comfort and faith and joy and humor and I knew my brainy thesaurus would come in handy one day.
"Smith, Alan?" called Dr. Ewell, walking into the all-white room with his nose buried in his black clipboard.
"Yes, doctor," I answered patiently. This man is cool, don't get me wrong. But even after several days of nursing and looking after me he still greets me as though we've never met.
"How are you doing?" he asked gravely, lowering his clipboard and shaking hands with me.
"I'm fine, doctor," I replied contritely, "I'm leaving today, remember?"
"Oh. Yes. Of course," he said rather solemnly, lifting The Clipboard again, "Today. On the 25th of August, at precisely 11:30 AM you will be walking out of these doors to join the helicopter which should arrive at 11:25 AM, then depart at approximately thirty-two minutes past eleven."
I stared at him.
"Yeah, sure," I said quickly, remembering my manners. I nodded, "That's exactly right. Really excellent job, doctor."
Dr. Ewell smiled wryly at me, "Thank you, Alan. I trust you won't get into anymore of these osh-b'goshes at that camp?"
What the?
"Oh, yeah. I'll behave myself," I said with a forced grin, figuring "osh-b'gosh" must be some oldie word for "provoked attack on jerks".
"That's good. I don't want to see you again in that state. I'm not much of a fan of blood, if I do say so myself."
Okay, this doctor is so not cool. I don't even get what he says. I just nodded and agreed, since that seemed polite. Then it was really time for me to leave. YAY. Back to osh-b'gosh land.
At least Dr. Ewell's accurate. The helicopter arrived in due time and I clambered on with great relief.
It was an amazing ride, let me tell you that. Since I didn't know the next time I'd get to fly high, high, high above such a beautacious wasteland, I savoured every moment and had my face glued against the window.
When we finally landed just outside the camp compound, I had that insane grin back on my face. Oh, I am back, guess who's back, I am back, with a great new hat!
Slightly disappointed that no one was around to hear my poem, I climbed off the helicopter carefully. The people in white coats who had accompanied me also climbed off.
"To the administration, first," one of them instructed me.
"The what?" I asked before I could stop myself.
They pointed to Mr. Sir's shabby, poor-excuse of an office.
"Oh, that," I laughed as I comprehended. For a moment I was afraid we had landed at the wrong place. CGL has no fancy thing called administration.
This may seem crazy, but I was overjoyed to see Mr. Sir. I could've kissed him!
He hadn't buttoned up his shirt, though, and his open chest was enough to put me off kissing for at least three years. Or so I thought.
"I see yer back," he growled, narrowing his eyes.
"Yep," I said with an idiotically handsome grin.
"How are yeh?" he asked a bit grudgingly, signing a form on the clipboard those white-coat people had handed him.
I grinned some more (he does care about me!) and answered chirpily, "Never better!"
Mr. Sir finished signing the last form and said informatively, "She's in the big log building with red curtains. Wouldn't recommend yeh go now, though, she's paintin' her nails. As for you, boy - " he turned to me aggressively, "No diggin' fer a couple of days, by order of the Warden. Yeh can go back to yer cabin or the Wreck Room. None of yer other 'lil friends have finished yet, don't think."
"Can I go visit the 'lil girl?" I asked politely.
He looked at me with something I couldn't put my finger on. Emotion. Almost sympathy. I frowned. That was certainly out of the ordinary.
"Er - I wouldn't recommend it," his tone had suddenly gone softer and more human. He put his cowboy hat back on and said, "Just go back to yer cabin and wait for the others to finish their holes."
"Okay," I said slowly, wondering what had brought on the sudden change. I walked out of the air-conditioned building and made my way back to D-cabin. I saw the white-coat people standing on the Warden's porch, and something suddenly struck me.
The orange tent was gone.
"What the..." I muttered to myself, tearing my eyes away from the strangely blank spot and pushing open the door to my much-missed cabin. It was dark and empty, and I sat myself down on my cot. With a sigh, I laid back down and stretched, trying to recapture the feelings of happiness and excitement I had felt this morning. For some reason, I just felt confused and empty now.
When I was too tired to wonder anymore, I drifted off to sleep.
---
"...careful, you were about to sit on him, Pit."
"I was not!"
"You were to. Sometimes you don't realise it, but you are kinda big-boned."
"I know I am, man, but seriously. As if I was gonna sit on him."
"You were leaning back! Your backside was about to touch his frickin' hose! If that's not about-to-sit, then I dunno what is."
"It's called trying to get between his cot and Zero's."
"Whatever, man."
"Are you tryin' to start me?"
"I guess I am."
"You two, shut up."
I slowly opened my eyes and let my vision clear.
"Hey, he's up!" someone called gleefully.
I blinked several times and a grin slowly unfurled across my face. I propped myself up on my elbows and sat up. "Hey guys," I said weakly.
"Squid!" they all called, grinning back. They gathered around me and Magnet reached out for a high-five.
"Sup, man?"
"How was it?"
"You got to go up in a helicopter, you lucky bastard!"
"Did they try to suck your brains out?"
"Eww, Zig, you're gross."
"What? The last time I woke up in hospital, they had tubes stickin' out of my arms."
Magnet rolled his eyes, "They were savin' your life, you twit."
"Whatever."
I had to laugh with everyone else. Then I briefly explained my visit to the hospital and the ride in the helicopter. While I was talking, I realised something. Andii wasn't there. Where was she? Was she okay?
Before I could ask, X told me how those B-tent-cabin losers had pretty much gotten away with it all.
"Hey, that's not true," Caveman said very slowly, as if he was about to bring up something he probably shouldn't.
"What d'ya mean? All the Warden did was make them dig extra holes for a couple of days while decreasing their water," X-Ray said, frowning.
"No, that wasn't all," Zero said with a small smile, comprehension dawning on his face, "That blonde one - that really nasty guy - what was his name?"
I shuddered, "I hate that one especially."
"Yeah - him. He didn't exactly 'get away' with it, now did he?" Zero looked around the other guys expectantly. Slowly, it was if they were getting lifted by an invisible fishing line. And small smiles crept on their faces.
"That 'lil gal, seriously," Pit mumbled, looking at the wall, "You can't deny, she's got style."
The others nodded in a solemn kind of agreement, and I raised an eyebrow.
"What did she do?" I decided to ask before, "Where the HECK is she?"
They all glanced at each other, slightly amused. I started to get impatient.
"Well," X-Ray finally said, "She - er - ...went up and slapped him."
My eyes widened, "She did what?"
"It was mad!" exclaimed Zigzag, his eyes also bulging out with enthusiasm, "Man, that was so wicked. I wish I could slap like that." We all laughed. I grinned the most. The thought of that feisty little girl slapping that arsehole was very satisfying, to say the least.
"Well, I need to thank her," I said brightly, "Where is she?"
And just like that, their faces fell.
I had to frown. D-tent may have mood swings, but this isn't normal. Come to think of it, CGL has been extremely abnormal since my return.
My thoughts immediately flipped to this creepy game called Resident Evil. Ugh, if that's what's happened to CGL, I'm packing my bags and hitchhiking back to Dr. Ewell in a couple of seconds.
"Squid..." X-Ray seemed to have become the spokesperson for them, "She's... she had to..."
He looked around helplessly.
"She had to..." I prompted, gesturing with my hand to make him continue.
X-Ray couldn't go on. There he was, with his mouth half-open, and he looked like an idiot. But I knew better than to point that out.
"Listen, Squid," Caveman took it upon himself to speak up, as the other dudes were all looking at the ground, "You know she was only gonna be here for a prolonged period of time."
"Eh?" I said, puzzled.
Zero rolled his eyes, "Squid! Man, seriously. Wake up!"
"I'm awake! I just wanna know where she is! Is that too much to ask?"
A few of them sighed.
"Squid," Zig said quietly, "She's gone."
For some reason, as soon as I heard those words, I forgot what they meant.
"What?" I said automatically.
"She left a couple of days ago... her time here was up. She's gone back home," explained Caveman sympathetically.
My mouth went dry. My brain froze up. I felt my insides go glacial. And an overwhelming feeling filled me; the feeling that I had missed out on something really important.
"...Oh," was all I could say.
"We're really sorry," X-Ray murmured, awkwardly reaching out to pat me on the back. It may have been awkward, but I knew it was sincere. I looked up at him with a brief and very forced smile.
I wanted them to all leave me alone, but they weren't budging. They sat there, around me, silent and still, not looking at me.
After silence for quite some time, Zig cleared his throat.
"Hey, Squid?" he said tentatively, getting up and crossing over to his crate. He took something out and slowly strode back to me.
"She... she left something," Zigzag lifted a small and dirty bundle, "We all agreed you'd be the best at looking after him. Here, take him."
I managed a real smile this time as I slowly reached out and took what he was holding. With a small sigh, I looked at it affectionately and tried not to think of some strange yet memorable times I had had.
It's just like the 'lil girl to forget something as important as Clover.
---
ANDII'S POV.
"Are we there yet?"
You know how on long car trips, there's always one annoying person?
"Are we there yet?"
And they just don't shut up?
"Are we there yet?"
Even if they've asked the same question about fifty-seven times?
"Are we there yet?"
I bet you thought I was the most annoying person on the face of the planet. But aha, there is someone more annoying than me. Oh, it just makes you tremble within your rainbow toesocks, doesn't it?
Actually, there are two people more annoying than me.
Behold, ladies and gentleman...
My sister.
"Are we there yet?" she whined for the fifty-ninth time, kicking at the seat in front of her and then chewing on Snuffles, "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet? I'm hungry. Can we go to McDonald's?"
I couldn't help myself. I snorted, "And do you see a McDonald's anywhere around here, dearest sister?"
That shut her up for a split second.
Then -
"Are we there yet?"
The other most annoying person on the planet was, of course, my best friend.
Claude was sitting there quite peacefully, looking contentedly at a trashy magazine. In fact, she was very much preoccupied and I wouldn't be the slightest bit annoyed at her if she hadn't had her music turned up on full blast so you could almost tell what songs she was listening to if they weren't in Korean.
And you could tell they were Korean because she was singing.
And the other annoying factor was she could not hear you. So even if you said, "Oliver James is about as ugly as a hen's arse" she wouldn't even look up. No, instead, she'd continue singing mumbo-jumbo and making no sense at all.
Of course, this probably wouldn't have annoyed me either. Goodness knows on any other car trip she'd be jumping up and down in her seat hyperactively, acting almost exactly as Cecily was.
But I need someone to talk to.
With Claude being strangely quiet and Cecily being Cecily, I had no one to converse with but my parents.
And they are the next two most annoying people on the planet after moi.
Mum was filming our car trip, and there is nothing more irritating than when you've been sitting on your arse for hours and you're tired as hell, and suddenly a camera is shoved in your face and someone like my mother says cheerily, "Aww, doesn't Andii-wandii look so tired and angry. It seems as though she'd like to bash my head in, but I'll just continue filming for no one's sake!"
Of course, you say something along the lines of, "Mum, I'm tired. Put that away. There's nothing to film, anyway. Look, it's a hairball."
Oh, how I hate that hairball.
I expected Daddy to be sane but for some reason the whole world was against me on that day. He was driving and watching TV at the same time. (We have one of those cars with a TV.) There is nothing wrong with TV except he was watching some rugby game. Every time some random jerk kicked the ball with the wrong foot or whatever, Daddy would screech and yell and stamp around in fury.
Mum did nothing but calmly tell him to keep both hands on the steering wheel, dear.
So there I was in the middle of all this pandemonium. Cecily requesting to go to McDonald's. Claude singing crude songs and flicking her magazine. Mum poking the camera in people's noses and then out the window again. Daddy almost killing us by not keeping both hands on the steering wheel.
There was nothing I could do. I tried to talk to Claude. You yelled at her and she didn't even blink. You poke her and she squawks at you angrily with a loud chorus of a BoA song.
So I tried to talk to Mum.
"SAY HELLO TO GRANDPA AND GRANDMA, ANDII SWEETIE!"
Shudder.
I tried to talk to Daddy.
"Run - run - run - KICK, DANG IT! No, you idiot, what are you doing? No - no - NOOO!"
And there is no way I'm going to talk to Cecily.
We'd been in the car for a total of seven hours and it was about noon.
I was slowly going insane.
No kidding.
"Hey, Andii?" Claude asked, taking a headphone out of her ear.
"Yes?" I replied, trying not to slap her across the face for finally acknowledging my existence.
"Whatcha gonna do when we get there?"
Suddenly, everyone's ears pricked. Daddy was still looking at the TV but I could tell he was straining to listen, because he was slowly starting to lean back towards me. Mum was still filming the incredibly ravishing scenery but she had stopped commentating on our endless car trip. Cecily was looking up at me with wide blue eyes and when I didn't answer for awhile she bit my hand and commanded, "Start talkin'!"
"Ow! Jeebez!" I exclaimed, yanking my hand away as Claude snorted in laughter, "I dunno! Talk to the Warden? Talk to D-tent? Exchange hearty greetings with Mr. Sir? Sit down for a much missed meal of refried beans? Sip tea and slice some pie?"
"Andii, sweetie, don't be silly," Mum said nonchalantly, "You can have tea and pie at home any time."
Mum just doesn't get it.
"I was kidding," I said lightly.
"What, about talking to the Warden?" Daddy wanted to know.
"What about a kiss for - " Claude started teasingly.
"There's a kangaroo on the road!" I suddenly shrieked.
"What the - !" Daddy yelped, jerking the steering wheel instinctively.
And that is the story of how the car crashed into a tree and we all died.
The end.
Pah, you wish.
We decided to take a break and sat on a picnic mat outside on the dirt. Mum poured cordial for us while Daddy demanded to know where the kangaroo was.
By the time we piled back in the car, they had forgotten about Claude's Absolutely Ridiculous Question Which Caused Me To Falsely Accuse An Australian Animal Of Being In The Middle Of Texas. Mum put away her camera and started to fall asleep. Claude was curled up in her seat, still listening to her MP3 but her eyes were closed. Daddy, Cecily and I were the only ones awake.
The sky was going a pinkish-orange colour which I had never noticed when I was at CGL. Soon, it darkened to a pinkish-purple. There were holes all around in messy little clusters as we continued travelling on the dirt road.
Sheesh... this is boring.
Cecily fell asleep shortly thereafter.
Daddy had turned off the abysmal TV and was concentrating on his driving. We were both sitting in the car silently.
Cecily snores.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
I was busy thinking about what I'd do when we did actually arrive at CGL. And how the boys would react. Would Squid even be there? What if he's too hurt to return back to camp? Oh dearie me. Why do I ask important questions when it's too late?
Was that a hairball?
What if the D-tent boys are angry at me? Sure, they seemed sad when I left, but what if they've developed a newfound hate over the past week? What am I going to do then? How long am I going to stay? Are my parents going to go ballistic? What if Claude drops her hair crimper in one of the holes?
I closed my eyes to clear the swirling thoughts in my head.
"Well," Daddy broke the silence as he glanced at me in the rear view mirror, "We're almost there, Doughy Butter. Just another two hours, I think. You can sleep if you want."
"Nah... I'll be fine," I said quietly, still thinking.
We were silent again.
"Daddy?" I spoke up tentatively.
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
Daddy grinned, "No problem. Anything for my sweet little butter."
I shuddered. I hate his baby name for me. Doughy Butter. But then I smiled. My Dad is great.
"So what's this chap's real name again?" Daddy continued as Mum's head drooped and hit his shoulder.
"Alan Smith," I answered, looking out the window where the outside sky was darkening rapidly.
"Alan Smith," Daddy repeated. I could tell he was frowning and thinking, "Sounds familiar..."
I didn't know what to say to that, so I resolved to keep my mouth shut. Cecily whimpered in her sleep.
"Do you know how old he is?" Daddy asked, startling me.
"Um..." I said, trying to get over my surprise, "Yeah. He's fifteen, only recently. I think." Cursed be my faulty memory.
"Oh..." Daddy still appeared to be concentrating on something, "I see. And do you know where he was born?"
Oh my jelly.
To be honest, I'm starting to get scared. Daddy's turning into one of those lawyers, or worse, one of those fathers who asks a lot of questions about their daughter's to-be husband!
But Squid and I aren't getting married.
GAH, the thought of that makes me a bit woozy.
"Um, Daddy?" I said carefully.
"Yeah?"
"Are you all right?"
"Of course I am." Sure you are.
"Oh... okay then," I said uncertainly, "Well... to answer your question... no, I don't."
"Oh. That's fine," he replied, though it was obvious he was disappointed.
We sat in a comfortable silence after that. Then I must've fallen asleep, because the next thing I know, we've stopped outside Mr. Sir's ugly grey office (his window's still broken) and Cecily's jumping out of the car, running right towards the Mess Hall. Mum's calling after her, though not with much real gusto to try and stop her from walking right into the middle of some delinquents' dinner.
Claude grinned at me, "Finally woken up?"
"Huh?" I mumbled, rubbing my eyes, "Holy sugar muffins! We're here." I suddenly felt very, very scared and small.
"Yeah!" Claude's grin grew even bigger, "C'mon, let's go in."
Oh.
Dear.
Goodness.
I stayed curled up in my seat, trying not to shake. Claude frowned.
"Andii? Dude, what's the matter?"
"Nothing! I'm cold! I think I'll just stay here for the night, and we can leave first thing in the morning. Okay. Good night," I babbled, hiding my face in my arms and pulling my knees to my chest.
There was quiet for a moment.
"Andii, don't be such a fool," Claude said calmly, prying my arm away from my face. She took my hand, "I'll come with you, and together we will smite the world! There's no need to be afraid. They aren't gonna bite you. And if they do, that's all right. I do tae-kwon-do." She grinned insanely and I subconsciously shuddered at the thought of her getting violent.
"Nuh... I'll be fine," I said heartily with the biggest smile ever, "I'll just... stay here. You can go in. Tell them I said hi!"
"Andii!" Mum called sharply, "Get out of this car right this instant and get yourself over there, young lady. Don't make me ask you again."
"Yes sir - ma'am!" I squeaked, my hands flipping around like spiders as I frantically opened the car door and fell out onto the dirt.
I have missed you, dearest dry dirt.
I sprang up to my feet and slammed the door shut, cursing my usually gentle and sweet mother. A grinning Claude got out on the other side. She linked arms with me and said courageously, "To the Squidster!" and led me off, skipping like a little girl on the first day of kindergarten.
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A/N: Last night I was watching Everybody Loves Raymond and I was having THE BIGGEST LAUGHING FIT ever. I was lying there on my parents' bed, bawling (with tears of laughter, of course) and giggling silently, occasionally chewing on a pillow to calm myself. Then I grabbed the phone and rang my friend to share the love, joy and happiness, and I swear I think her bro thinks I'm a nutter cos I was hyperventilating when I asked for her. :D Hehe. Well, it was hilarious. I have a thing for laughing at sit-coms. Doesn't everyone?
AHEM.
Hello, hello, hello, I am your beloved... MissSugarQuill. And welcome to my LOVERLY home. Okay. I need to stop quoting ASOUE. :O WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?
The holidays have made me a tad bit insane.
:D
:D
:D
...Hi! I'm happy that I was able to update a bit sooner than last time, even if this chapter's kinda short. It was s'posed to be longer, but I wanted to update during these hols cos I'm sure if I'll be able to when school starts. Y'know, with the teachers being prats and all.
I love doing emoticons. I have this mad one on MSN that goes "SHUT UP" in black and white, and it flashes about in a most irritating yet assertive way. Did I thank you for reviewing? Well I'll do it again!
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My birthday's in 18 days!
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Hehe... awfully sorry, I s'pose I better get back to doing nothing at all. And please pray for London! That tragic explosion thing... and all those poor victims... that made me so sad. :( I hope everything turns out alright in the end. - msq.
An Insight Of The NEXT CHAPTER:
Andii gets reunited with Clover. (Yay!)
And Squid, of course. (Awww.)
And... stuff happens. :)
I'm not very good at writing an overview of what happens, am I?