"You certainly aren't Amy," Sam said, unable to find anything else to say, confronted with her ex, his arms full of roses.
"I certainly have made an effort not to be," Jack said. "Any chance I could come in?"
"Of course." You don't leave a man with an armful of flowers standing out in the cold no matter what the past history.
Once inside, Jack held the flowers out to her and said, "This is only a token Sam. I know that a lot more is required to truly apologize to you."
Sam was shocked. Jack was really trying. It had seemed to her that he had quit trying after their relationship was only a few months old. She took them and made noises about putting them in a vase and getting him something to drink. A few minutes later, they were seated on opposite ends of the couch, the roses in a vase on the coffee table in front of them, and a beer in Jack's hand. Jack looked at the beer and set it down on the coffee table, being careful to use a coaster, and turned in his seat to face her. Sam continued to be impressed by his priorities.
"I made a big mistake Sam, two big mistakes. First of all, only a coward breaks it off with someone in a letter. I hate talking about feelings. I hope you realize just how serious I am about this apology that I'm willing to do it now. I was afraid that if I tried to break it off with you verbally, I wouldn't handle it well. I wrote a pretty good letter though, huh?" he asked hopefully.
"I never read it, Jack. I'm sorry. That was probably petty of me."
"I understand. Do you still have it?"
Sam thought about the crumpled ball of paper that, yes, she had retrieved from the wastebasket as she was about to carry it out to the trash and thrown at the bottom of a drawer. "Yes."
"In it I said that it wasn't that I didn't love you. Rather I thought I wasn't making you happy and that I wouldn't ever make you all that happy unless I changed more than I was ready to at the time."
She nodded. It was all true. The difference between then and now was that she had been willing to settle for what he offered. She had had too much invested in the idea that he was the love of her life not to. Now she knew differently. Jack seemed to be encouraged by her calm acceptance of what he said. "Things have changed. It has to do with the second mistake. I realized pretty quickly that you were too good to lose, that it was worth trying to change if that was what it took to hold on to you."
He edged closer to her across the couch. "I was wrong. I was an ass. I love you and I want us to try again if there is any way you can find it in your heart to give me a second chance and let me try to do a better job of meeting you at least half way."
Sam felt so touched and so sad looking at his handsome face with its stern lines and those puppy dog eyes. It was a huge thing for him to humble himself like this and to put himself out emotionally. She was afraid what would happen if she said no. Would he put up even higher walls he could never bring himself to take down for anyone? "Jack, this means so much to me, the things you've said, the effort it took to come here."
He smiled and took her hand. He was assuming she was going to do as he asked, she realized. "I need to ask you a question. Are you still in love with Sara?"
He blinked. "Huh?"
"Are you still in love with Sara? Tell me the truth."
He was quiet for a long time. "Yeah."
"Has that been part of our problem? I'm not really like her. I make a totally different set of demands on you, don't I?"
"Yeah."
"Have you ever thought about getting back together with her?"
Another long silence stretched out. At last, he said, "Yeah." The expression on his face was very wary now. He still held her hand but it was as if he had forgotten he was doing it.
"Jack, I finally realized that all these years, I've been in love with Daniel. If you felt like I was unhappy with you, it was because I was comparing you to him. It's not that you are better or worse. You are just different. Whatever the person you love most is like, that defines what you are looking for, right?"
Jack looked down and seemed startled to see her hand in his. He dropped it rather like it was on fire. "Daniel. You, a general's daughter, you're in love with Danny Boy."
"There are many ways to be besides being like a general but that isn't even the issue. I mean, come off it Jack. Every time you feel at a disadvantage with Daniel you start talking about him as if he were a bumbling geek and maybe a little effeminate too. The truth is that you know that by the time Daniel went to Atlantis he was as capable of kicking ass as the next man. You've seen him now. He's almost scary; he's that dangerous." Her voice had gotten hard and angry. You didn't criticize someone she loved and just walk away.
Jack had the good grace to look sheepish. "You're right," he gritted out.
"Jack, I was tempted for a moment when you made such a lovely gesture, said such lovely things. I've lost Daniel. He offered me a chance and I turned it down for reasons that I'm not that sure any more were good ones. He told me that he would never offer again. I don't really want to spend the rest of my life alone, but I don't want to subject you to comparisons for the rest of your life that aren't fair to you."
Jack looked at her consideringly. "I guess, thanks for that Sam. I don't feel very grateful right now, but I suspect that as I think about it, I will. And, Sam, the cliché is people talk about staying friends when they break up, but I really want it to happen."
"I do too," she said. They stood. She hugged him and walked him to the door. He hugged her again, very hard, and then he left.
A month later, Sam lost her partner in commiseration. She and Cam had gotten into the habit of having a cup of coffee every day they were on base and reminiscing about Linter. They knew it wasn't healthy. They knew they had to move on. They just couldn't help themselves. The gate activated and there was a code from Linter, following by the arrival of Elspetha, Davi, and Tildi. Each of the women had two heavy bags slung over their shoulders, and Davi, held in the staggering Elspetha's arms, clutched a small backpack. They wore a hunted look and, when Landry, went up to greet them, Tildi fainted into his arms, revealing a blood stained shoulder. "His Grace Danyal was able to hold the gate long enough for us to escape," Elspetha gasped, walking quickly next to the gurney bearing Tildi to the infirmary, "but by now he has fallen back and left the city to Hunan's forces."
Sam asked, distraught, "Daniel, what's happened to Daniel?"
Elspetha said, "Hunan, backed by most of the court who have never appreciated His Grace Danyal as an outsider who was slowly eroding their prerogatives, attempted to stage a coup. He did not count on how much of a hold Danyal has on the people or how emboldened the people have become in a few short years. Danyal's army is far larger, but not as well equipped or organized, composed as it is of ordinary citizens for the most part."
Sam asked again, "Daniel's all right?"
Elspetha looked down at the little boy she held in her arms. "He lives and he fights to keep living for his son."
Cam came barreling around the corner. Sam would never forget the power of that moment when he and Elspetha saw each other. She made a noise, a very primitive animal in a trap noise of despair. They ran to each other and he caught her and the child in a powerful grip. He didn't know any of the circumstances yet but still he said, "It will be all right. I will make it all right for you."
Elspetha went almost boneless and let him bear her and Davi up on his strength alone. The gurney with Tildi kept rolling and Elspetha let it go on ahead without her for the moment while she took refuge against this strong man. Sam stopped where she was, several feet away, and watched them find a center in the chaotic universe in each other. After a few moments, she went to them and offered quietly, "How about Davi comes with me? You need to talk and then you'll want to be with Tildi."
Elspetha looked gratefully at Sam. Davi was looking at her with interest. He had not yet processed that he had lost his father and everything else that was comfortable and familiar except for the two women who loved him most. He went willingly to Sam and she carried him off to her office where she managed to entertain him for a couple of hours until he fell asleep in her lap.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Cam took Elspetha to the infirmary and watched her watching over Tildi. Although she was swaying with exhaustion, she refused to leave the woman's side until Tildi sank into a deep sleep, made all the sounder by some heavy duty pain medication.
Cam put his arm around her and pulled her gently away from the bed. "I need to get Davi," she said. "He will be fretting."
"Sam's very good with kids," Cam said. "We need to talk for a moment first."
She looked up into his face and said, "Ah, yes we do."
He took her to his office and settled her on the small couch. "Can I get you some coffee?"
"I remember coffee," she said, smiling slightly. "I did not like it. I will start trying to learn tomorrow, but for now it is enough just to look at you."
"What are you going to do now? Did Daniel give you any suggestions." She looked away, suddenly shy, and slipped the bracelets on her arm up and down in a nervous gesture. He moved closer and stilled her hand. "Something's wrong. Well, hell, you're a refugee. A lot's wrong, but there's something very specific to do with me I suspect."
"It was all very romantic on Linter. I was all the more interesting because I was unattainable. Here I am, a, how do you say it, 'a fish out of the ocean?'"
"Fish out of water," Cam supplied.
"Yes, a fish out of the water, with no status. I am not so romantic a figure now. I don't want you to feel that you are obligated to … to do anything for me."
Cam shook his head, but he didn't say anything right away. Something was still missing from the picture. She brought up things that hadn't mattered to him in the first place, but was leaving something unsaid. He tilted his head and asked, hesitantly, "You didn't say anything about the unattainable part. You said your estranged husband was very ill. Did he pass away?"
Her head down, she said, "Yes. I just had word three days ago."
"I know I should be sorry, but God help me, all I can think is that you are free now to marry me."
Her head came up rapidly and she stared at him transfixed. "You really want to do that? You are not just sorry for me?"
"If I was sorry for you, we'd do a car wash or something?" She looked puzzled. He waved his hand, "Never mind. I just meant, you're not a charity. You are the most desirable woman I have ever meant, not only for your beauty, but for your strength and courage."
"I will marry then! Oh, I forgot to wait for you to actually ask the question," she said, chagrined.
"We'll just fast forward past that part," Cam said, pulled her into his arms, and kissed her until they were both breathless.
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Later, Elspetha and Cam came to her office and found the pensive woman with the soundly sleeping child. They slipped him off her lap very carefully and then Sam went into the corridor with them quietly. "Tell me what happened," she implored Elspetha.
"It was very fast. I know almost nothing. I was in Davi's suite with him and Tildi. Danyal suddenly appeared and handed me one of the bags I carry. It has a fortune in jewels in it so that Davi and I would not be dependent on anyone. He told me I had but moments to put whatever was most important to me, Davi, and Tildi into bags we could carry ourselves. That I should think what I would have if I could never come back. The practical things the jewels would buy. I should take things of the heart. He left but came back even sooner than he had said he would and said now was time. Tildi and I grabbed what we had at that point and Davi and followed him. There were sounds of fighting elsewhere in the palace. We were almost to the gate when some of Hunan's people fell upon us. Danyal and the guards loyal to him fought them off but not before Tildi was wounded. Danyal said he would fall back to Sherpi province and fight the usurpers from there. He gave me documents that make me Davi's guardian. The last thing he said to me was 'Tell Davi even after he forgets me, that his father loved him with everything in him.'"
"Did he…" Sam's voice trailed away.
Elspetha looked very sad. "I cannot lie to you. He gave me no message for you."
In the weeks and months that followed, Sam could only find comfort in Davi's company. Davi found some connection to his father in her and was always delighted to see her and, for her part, every time she looked at him, she saw more and more of Daniel in him. Elspetha doted on her grandchild but she was distracted by the love that she and Cam were free to express for each other at last. Cam was like a little child at Christmas. He was so happy that it was infectious. Every once in awhile, he would feel bad that Daniel was lost to them and very likely fighting for his life, but it could not detract for long from having the woman he loved with him, loving him back. Two months after she had arrived, Lady Elspetha di Murini married Cameron Mitchell. Davi was willing to stay with Sam while Cam took his bride away for a honeymoon.
The doorbell rang while Sam was reading to Davi and she kissed the soft hair on top of his head and left him on the couch while she went to answer it. "Jack, what a pleasant surprise," she said and she meant it.
He broke into a smile when he saw Davi and Davi returned it. Sam was delighted. Davi had become a very solemn child whose smiles were few and far between. "Hey, big guy," Jack said.
"Hey very big guy," Davi returned.
Jack laughed and ruffled the child's hair. "Why do big mens do that?" Davi asked. "Is because lots big men no have hair to mess up?"
"This is Daniel's kid?" Jack asked. "He seems more like mine."
Jack read to Davi using a wonderful repertoire of comic voices and was a huge success immediately. After Davi was in bed, Jack sat with Sam and said, "I'm sorry about what's happened to Daniel. I wish there was some way we could help him, but with his enemies holding the gate, it doesn't seem like there is much we can do."
"I know," Sam said. "Believe me I've run scenarios by the hour. There truly isn't anything."
"I want to be there for you," Jack said. "I also think there are a couple of things you should know." Sam waited him out. "First, Daniel will come back; when hasn't he? But then you knew that." Sam nodded. "What you don't know is that he asked me to be the one to bring the treaty back so that he could give me hell for breaking up with you and urge me to apologize properly and win you back. More than anything he wanted you to be happy. He was just, well too modest I guess, to realize that he's the only one with a prayer of accomplishing it.
Tears pricked the back of Sam's eyes. "Really, Jack, really? You wouldn't be making something like that up just to make me feel better, would you?"
He pulled her into a hug, "No, Sam. It's true." For the first time, since Elspetha, Davi, and Tildi had appeared through the gate, Sam let herself cry without restraint.
When at last she was cried out, clasped in his strong arms, he wiped the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs and said, "Let's do like they did back in the day." He pulled a yellow ribbon from a pocket and said, "Let's tie this around something. It can be inconspicuous but just like Sara kept the faith that I would be back then, we need to keep the faith for Daniel now."
They tied it around a potted Norfolk pine Sam had in the corner of the living room and every morning, Sam touched it and said a prayer for a man on the other side of the galaxy.