Letting go

by akiyume kye

Disclaimer: Until the day I become Takeshi Konomi, I will not own pot.

Pairings: TezuFuji

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Chapter 4: Absence

He plopped himself onto the sofa and let out a laboured sigh.
Rubbing the back of his head where he had knocked when he fainted in school after practice, he frowned.

Things weren't going well.
They had almost found out.

The truth.
The truth behind his actions.
The truth that he was hiding from everyone.

He wanted to run away.
To free himself to the baggage that was weighing him down.
To love who he wanted to love.
To say what he wanted to say

But he couldn't.
The tensai just couldn't.

The baggage wouldn't leave him. It was a part of him.
It was the truth that he was keeping from everyone he knew.

The truth that he couldn't reveal.

The truth…
that could kill.

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Tezuka paced to and fro in his room, occasionally stopping to look at the photograph of the Seigaku regulars that Fuji had taken at the mountaintop where they had watched the sun rise together. His eyes fell upon the blue eyed, smiling tensai.

Something pierced his heart.
There it was… again.
That feeling.
The feeling of losing the person you love most.
The heartache, the pain.

It was all coming back.

He couldn't forget it, no matter how hard he tried.
How could someone who loves you so much turn you away?

It was unexplainable. An enigma surrounding Fuji that he couldn't seem to understand.
He wanted to know why.
He wanted to know why he did what he did.

There were questions. Millions of them.
But Tezuka couldn't get them out of his mouth.

Was he afraid of the answer? Or did he expect no reply?
The tensai was unpredictable. And Tezuka did not know what to do.

The events of the day flashed past him once again, and he found himself back in the scene when he had found those packets of tablets.

Fuji had been quick to cover up the packets before he had a chance to read what was on them.

Was he on drugs?

Impossible.

That wasn't like Fuji Syuusuke.
But then again, he was unpredictable.

Drugs…
Could it really be? That the prodigy was now addicted to drugs?

It was only a guess, but still, it angered the buchou.
He felt his blood boiling, and fury was eating into him.

Could this be why you rejected me?
Could this be why you turned my love for you away?

Fuji… what has become of you?

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Kawamura was disturbed. The sushi wasn't well done, the plates half-heartedly washed, the tables left dirty and messy. The boy could not concentrate. The game he had with Fuji was still fresh in his mind.

It had been different today.
And it felt wrong.

What it was, he didn't know, as he sat in a daze behind the counter, oblivious to the orders of the customers.

His father looked over at him and shook his head. He pulled Kawamura away from the counter and forced him up the stairs to have an early night.

The lights were off, the air was cool, and the night was calm.
But Kawamura could not sleep.

The match continued to play in his head.
And he spent the rest of the night, tossing and turning restlessly in bed.

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Fuji woke up.
Again.

He felt his lungs constricting, his throat closing in on him.
He couldn't breathe. He didn't have the energy to.

He frantically got up and felt his way through the darkness to his bag. He took out some tablets and swallowed several down at a go. Settling himself next to his bag, his eyes welled up with tears.

The pain. Turmoil. Confusion.
They were all playing in tandem.

It wasn't fair.
It just wasn't.

He didn't deserve this.
It was too painful to bear.

Why? Why me?
His questions were left unanswered. Prayers never heard.
Everyone seemed to have forsaken him.

He was alone.
And he was afraid.

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The tensai failed to turn up for morning practice that day, but Tezuka dismissed it as having overslept. The other regulars were not so sure. They had witnessed Fuji's match the day before too, and everyone knew that something was wrong.

"He will run laps later. Continue with your practice," the buchou ordered the regulars.

Walking out of the courts, he looked around for any sign of the tensai, but he could see none. Frowning, Tezuka retreated into the tennis club room, and there, he waited patiently to confront Fuji.

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He never made it for morning practice.

Tezuka packed his things and waited for a few minutes more, but still, there was no sign of Fuji. He was gradually becoming irritated at Fuji's irresponsibility of not coming for practice, but decided not to let it affect him. After all, there was nothing between him and Fuji, was there?

Nothing. Nothing at all.

He left the room, locked it, and headed for his first class.

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"Kikumaru! What's the answer for question 79?"

The sleeping red head jumped up at the sound of his name. He stood up gingerly and gave his sensei a lop-sided grin, as the rest of his classmates tried in vain to control their laughter. Turning to his left, he expected Fuji to be there to tell him the answer but then, he remembered.

Fuji wasn't there.

That day, poor Eiji got a detention slip along with a long lecture for not paying attention in class.

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He opened his eyes and cringed at the bright light. Slowly, he sat up and looked around.

He was on the floor in his bedroom.

Fuji realized that he was late. Very late indeed.
And he had collapsed yet again.

Grabbing his tennis bag and forgetting his medicine, he rushed off for school, without any breakfast, ignoring the nauseating feeling that would soon overcome him.

To be continued…
Hmmm. Is this ok so far? Hope so. :)
Please review. Thanks.

Spoilers: Fuji finally arrives in school and is just in time for afternoon practice. But what happens when he is forced to run laps under Tezuka's order? Will he continue to hide the truth, or will he suffer in silence?