Aargh! I was actually done with chapter 4 but someone at my mum's office accidentally deleted it! So please forgive me if this isn't so good. Sharon, you are so lucky! So many reviews… surely you don't need me to help you with Chapter 4?

So it's Christmas. And I'm writing in you for the second time tonight. It is snowing heavily both outside and in my heart. I'm so confused. Why is Ren so mean to me? I think I'm going to listen to some music. See you.

Pirika

'Staring out at the rain with a heavy heart

It's the end of the world in my mind

Then your voice pulls me back like a wake-up call.'

After the word 'call,' the radio just went kablooey and refused to continue playing the song. I thumped at it in anger, but it didn't help. Ding- Dong! Great. A visitor. There was persistent ringing, forcing me to run down quickly. I flung the front door open, despite the fact that my hair was messy, my eyes were red from crying and I had on an old Tweety shirt and shorts. Oh, yeah, and that it was minus 10 degrees outside or less. My mouth formed a silent 'O', and I hurriedly choked out a surprised 'Ren!' in order to save us both from turning into frozen popsicles. Suddenly, music floated into the room, as if the radio had specially stopped and then decided to play the song just at that moment.

'I've been looking for the answer

Somewhere I couldn't see it

It was right there but now I know what I didn't know'

And then it stopped. Ren looked at me, hesitated, then stepped in. We headed to the kitchen in unison and in silence. It was automatic, I just followed him. He eyed a mug full of cocoa as he spoke. 'Here.' It was just one word, but it matched the blizzard outside. Frosty. He held out an envelope, plain white just like snow – and just like lilies, my favourite flower. (I'm assuming) 'Thanks,' I whispered hoarsely, feeling uneasy. I wanted to smile, but then realized I was supposed to be angry for what he did this afternoon. 'I'm going. Do you mind?' He pointed at the mug. I shrugged. Horohoro must have left that for me before going over to Tamao's to celebrate, seeing as his sister had turned into a depressed Ren- maniac. Then Ren set the mug down, and walked towards the main door. At this moment, the dumb radio decided to continue. Was it haunted? Possessed? Spoilt? What on Earth was wrong with it?

'Because you live and breathe

Because you made me believe in myself when nobody else could

Help

Because you live, girl

My world has twice as many stars in the sky'

That made me grin inside, wishing that someday Ren would dedicate this song to me. And so before he turned that doorknob and walked away, I whispered a soft but still audible 'Wait!' Then I mustered up all my courage, ran towards him, and pressed my lips against his. I'd always imagined what my first kiss would be like. I never imagined it would be the almighty Tao Ren, or that it would be on Christmas night. And without a mistletoe, too. He didn't pull back, which surprised me, but I guessed it must have been Christmas magic. When we finally broke apart, he smirked. 'Not so bad,' he commented. I glared at him in mock fury. Ha. He was soooo idiotic- yet cute at the same time. S-I-G-H. Oh, yeah! I forgot. I hadn't asked him about the crush thingy yet. 'Hey, Ren, were you the one who gave me the message for Christmas crush?' I asked. 'No,' he replied, then decided that perhaps he should make a move. As the door clicked softly, I opened the letter he gave.

'Dear Pirika,

You probably hate me. But the reason why I made up lies about Hao talking about you and saying that you were a fan girl was because I'm in love with you. I'm falling deeper and deeper in love, and I'm scared. So scared you won't return it. However, though sorry seems to be the hardest word, I will say it. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. I have found out who your admirer is. It isn't me, nor is it Hao. Well, bye.

Ren '

WHAT? He- loved me? No way. Ok, I was in serious denial. Here was the truth staring at me in the face, and I was telling myself it couldn't be. My mind floated to the smile Ji-Hyun and I shared at the Vanilla Bean in the afternoon. His shy smile. His brown hair, spiked at the fringe. His liquid black eyes I could literally melt into. His dimples, which I didn't really get to see. The way he blushed. But then I snapped back to reality. I'd always been used to having a crush on Ren, and now, though I do still have some feelings for him, I don't know what to do. It somehow doesn't feel right to me. Uh- oh. Am I caught in between a triangle of Ren, Ji- Hyun and in the middle – me?

Next day in school

'Pirika!' a breathless yell from Ji- Hyun as he scrambled up the steps and caught up with me. I tried hard not to focus on how cute he was with spectacles on, but found myself drawn to his eyes- pools of jet black. 'Yup?' I answered, shooting him a friendly smile. 'Are you free today? After school? Maybe we can – hang out?' he asked. I beamed. Why not? It wasn't as if I was Ren's girlfriend or anything. Besides, I didn't have any plans. 'Yeah, seems cool. See you,' I replied, giving him a tiny wave as I skipped my way to class happily. 2 people liked me! YAY!

Mr. Tiramisu foxtrotted his way into class this time, as the entire classroom became as quiet as a graveyard. Everyone was anxious to find out whether their crushes liked them back – or not. I didn't bother. I bet it was Ji- Hyun. So one by one, so-called couples' names were read out. My ears only started LISTENING when he mentioned the name 'Pirika'. 'Pirika and…and…wait. The person who wrote this, are you sure it's for Pirika and not for Anna K.? ' For me and not for Anna? Does that mean – I whirled around and saw Yoh. Lazy Yoh Asakura. He nodded slowly, blushing, and I buried my face in my hands. Yoh. That made it 3 people who liked me! AAAH……..