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AN/ ADULT THEMES (read at own risk)

Part 3

I was lay there, I had work to do. I knew that but couldn't bring myself to move from where I was lay against his chest, an arm wrapped protectively around me, I was safe. There were times in my life that I thought I'd never feel this again. IT was wired, how things were right now I'm almost sure that the word bouncing around from side to side, wall to wall of my head is that L-word, Love. His hand was running absently up and down my arm as I moved mine around him. "Ever wish you could stay like this forever" He asked me.

I smiled, nodding my head; "Always" I think we've been here a few hours now, felt like minuets though. Time fly's when you having…

Something broke into my thoughts, his hand moved down over my shoulder to my collar bone. I winced emboss, not in physical pain but emotional – on instinct as he traced his fingers softly over the scar. He noticed how I reacted, I moved swiftly and stopped his hand, "Don't" I tell him, it's a pathetic attempt to hide my emotion. Not well I might add. I wouldn't even look at him.

"You never told me where you got this" He said.

"You never asked" I replied back. For some reason my breathing became less calm, uneasy.

His hand pushed my hair from my face, "I'm asking now…" He spoke softly as if comforting me into answering.

"Kids will be kids" I offered feebly.

"Paige, I'm a doctor…this is resent a few months, a year…"

"Look, just leave it" I tell him. I sit up from his embrace and move to the edge of the bed where I grab my jeans, he confused…I know that because he hasn't made a move and I can feel his eyes burning into my back.

I stand up, and pull the jeans on and manage his shirt. "Paige … baby stop…" He reached over kneeling on the bed and facing me. Grabbing my shirt he pulled me into him. "I'm sorry" He offered.

"What for?" I asked

"I don't know but usually when a girl acts like this I have done something" He explained. With his charming smile.

The next words that left my mouth I couldn't help but say it with a smirk, yet I was serious at some level – "This happen to you a lot then?"

"You know I come with a past" He explained.

I nodded, and mumbled "Not the only one"

"What's that meant to mean?" HE asked me

"Nothing" I shot, and then looked to the floor, "Can we pretend like this never happened?"

"I'm not sure what has happened" He explained.

There was a few seconds silence and then he moved back onto the bed, taking me with him. He sat with his back against the headboard and he brought me into his chest holding me close I rested my head on his shoulder. "You don't like to not be in control do you?" He spoke. His arm snaked around my waist.

I didn't answer, I didn't know what to say. After a few seconds I turned and looked into his eyes, "What do you want me to say?" I asked.

"You cops are all the same" he mused.

"What's that meant to mean" I shot

"you take the weight of the world on your shoulders Paige and it'll crush you" He tells me. I can't help but smile,

"You're my boyfriend not my shrink" I remind. "Just, be my boyfriend okay?"

He smiles, the charming smile – and he moved in to me to kiss me but stopped short, he was only inches away and he stopped he lifted me so I was sat on his lap. Then he kissed me, passionately. I ran my hand down his chest and was getting drawn into his passion. "I love you" he murmured. I pulled back from the kiss and looked into his eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"You hared me" He smiled, "I love you"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, I buried my head into his neck and replied "I … I love you to"

The kiss then deepened, as he turned me over so I was under him.

------------------

My gun

My gun!

God damn it, normal people they lose their keys, me no, me I lose my gun!

Why the hell can't things be normal in my life? I mean what kind of person loses their gun. I had literally turned my room inside out and decided that it must be in the living room. As I headed in that direction the buzzer rang out. I lifted the phone, "yeah"

"It's about time…"

"Come on up" I buzzed her threw. Then went about looking for my…gun.

I managed to look behind the sofa cushions then I hared her, "Hey sis"

"Hey Prue" I stood up and looked towards her, "What brings you by" I asked as we hugged.

"just passing…wow sis" She reached forward and moved the hair behind my ear so she could see my neck. "…looks like you've been having fun" She smirked.

"What!" I was confused.

"Look in the mirror" She tells me. I do just that. Turning around I walk over and then I see.

"Damn…" I ran my hand over the mark on my neck.

"You got a love bite sis" Prue stood behind me.

"No…No way. I'm going to kill him" I growled.

"And would this be the guy from P3?"

"Yeah, The guys called Jeff" I tell her, "damn, the guys are going to have fun with this one."

"Nice to see you so happy…"

What is it with these guys, why is it so shocking I'm happy. I role my eyes, "Okay look…we can talk but do something useful…I've lost my gun"

"Your gun?"

"I know… I know…" I mumbled.

Prue did help my look...

It took us a few minuets and I realised I had slipped the gun under my sofa the night before. I reached for it. And there it was. "Thanks for the help sis" I smiled.

"Ah, wait…you're not getting away that easy…"

I looked at her, "Oh god what now?"

"Tell me"

"About?"

"about Jeff…" She took hold of my hand and forced me to sit on the sofa, "Must be getting serious"

I shrugged my shoulders, "He's great…" I tell her.

"But?" She asked

"But…I don't know I just…" I lent back in the chair, Prue turned looking at me, "he said that he loved me"

"And your not happy?"

"I am… it's just…"

"Just what…"

"I don't know…I'm just scared. This is the first guy since…"

Prue nodded, she understood what I was getting at. "It's going to be hard to trust again" She explained.

I shook my head, "No it's not about trust…"

I stopped, maybe I shouldn't tell her, but I can't keep going on like this. She might be able to help me. Doubt it but it's worth a shot. I turned and looked at her. "When…when I was raped…" I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. If I could I avoided this subject but I couldn't avoid it this time I needed help. My big sister to tell me that I'm not crazy, though I felt it "I was scared. And sometimes when I'm with Jeff I kind of flash back…I feel like I'm going crazy." I growled. For some reason anger caught hold of me. I lent forward and rested my head on my hands pushing them threw my hair. "I see his face, and…I can't forget what he said…over and over and … over… he told me he loved me, that I was his. 'I love you inspector…' – it's all that I hear over and over. I sleep with guns all over my house because I'm terrified. And my boyfriend touches me and I act crazy…"

It had been awhile since I had lost it. Lost it like this in front of anyone I mean.

"You are not crazy" Prue told me, "Paige what happened, it's not going to fix overnight."

"It's been months Prue, MONTHS" I tell her.

They'd never be able to understand and I never wanted them to fully get what I'm feeling. Ever…

Prue knew exactly what I needed though, not for her to talk to me.

She reached forward and wrapped her arms around me I lent into her – "Sorry…" I cried weakly. Great now the tears came. "I see him everywhere Prue, when I'm asleep he's there…when I wake up in the night I walk into the living room and see him sat on the chair, smiling at me…smirking. Every time I answer a call I expect to hear him…he's out there somewhere Prue...he's out there."