Kit's going to eat me for updating so soon, but, got some reviews already of people asking for more, so, gotta give the reviewers what they want. D I'll upload two more after this one (even though there is more) and tomorrow i'll let Kit in on what's happening. Let's hope she's not angry! So far I've done everything about setting up the story, so, tomorrow I'll turn the reins over to her and from here on out it's alllll communication (starting when she emails me the next piece that she's neglected to send for the past month! -sob!-)
HEH, erm, you've read the disclaimer by now! On with the show!
KS:
There she sat in the dirty stream, staring at her hands. She was numb, her legs were cold and her hands were shaking. She closed her eyes and began to sing shakily, her words could not be heard by the two looking on, but to Kaye they were the most truthful song ever written was being sung. She sang her heart out, her voice still shaking but strong.
"Kyo," whispered Tohru, "What is she doing?" Kyo shook his head watching. She was rubbing at her arms, her wrists especially, as if willing the scars and the blood to disappear. She knew what she had done was wrong, she knew she should never have started doing it, but it had felt so nice… so free. Like it was something for her and only her. She was shaking, whispering the words that only she could understand. Whispering away whatever pain was left, and willing life to continue its normal course without her messing it up. She didn't want to be a cutter anymore. She didn't want to run away from her troubles anymore. She didn't want to go back and see the devastated faces of Kyo, Shigure… and Hatori.
She let out a soft sob, a sharp intake of breath. She got on her knees in the stream and plunged her hands into the freezing depths. Kaye cupped her hands and took the water, splashing it on her face and washing away her tears. Kaye rubbed at her eyes, trying to make the reddish splotches disappear. A raindrop splashed on the stream. Kaye looked up, startled, watching as the sky cried with her. Her tears fell freely; she didn't care if anyone saw anymore. The sky was crying and so was she.
The rain fell faster, pelting Kaye. It was punishing her; she had been a horrible person and would have to change. She knew she would. But it scared her. Change scared her. She was accustomed to everything as it had been before she left to America, and then as soon as she gets back, Tohru. An outsider no longer the outsider. Someone who was so similar to Kaye, yet so different. They were parentless, but not without friends who loved them all too much. Sometimes the two felt as though they didn't belong when it was obvious that they did. They thought everything was their fault, no matter what it was, and blamed themselves for it. Only difference was that Tohru didn't want to kill herself every time she made a mistake.
"What is she doing?" Tohru asked again, watching as Kaye stared at the sky. Kyo again shook his head and watched as Kaye put her head into her knees and sneezed. She had closed her eyes and stopped moving. Either dead or asleep, Kyo panicked and sloshed his way to her. He kneeled down in the mud beside her and looked on as her breath remained steady. He sighed deeply in relief and smiled to Tohru, saying that Kaye was still among the living. Tohru nearly laughed in spite of herself and ran over to Kyo.
Kyo grabbed Kaye, placing his arm under her legs and another arm to support her neck, cradling her against his chest. He remembered how she had rejected him earlier and sighed, hoping she wouldn't do the same. He prayed she would not forget how to speak again. Tohru walked with Kyo and pushed back Kaye's hair from her face. 'She looks… so peaceful…' Tohru thought, wondering how such peace could come from such a disastrous evening.
Kyo and Tohru ran home, for Kyo had seen Kaye's light blush turn into a fevered one. Her breathing had become slightly heavier and her hands were cold. Kyo wanted to run faster but was afraid to lose Tohru. However Tohru was just as worried, her father had died of pneumonia and she didn't want Kaye to have the same fate. Even after how the girl had treated her, Tohru did not wish death for the girl. She even felt it her job at times to be an older sister to Kaye, despite that she already had a brother. Tohru wanted to set an example for Kaye and show her how much fun life could be, despite hardships and toils that bombarded you. Tohru would know, too, her mother, her best friend, had died.
Kaye was thinking in the deep sleep she had entered. The cold she felt permeated even the dream world she had entered, remembering life before cutting. It was hard to remember, it was so long ago she could hardly think on it. The memories were slow in their arrival, and were played at an even slower pace.
"I tried to kill the pain
But only brought more
I lay dying
And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved
Am I too lost?"
The song playing was familiar. Kaye's inner self snorted, music was playing in her flashback. She chuckled and muttered the words of the song.
"My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation
My God my tourniquet
Return to me salvation"
Kaye exhaled slowly and inhaled as if she were breathing in the words, taking in their meaning and realizing that the song was much like her.
"Do you remember me?
Lost for so long
Will you be on the other side
Or will you forget me?
I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming
Am I too lost to be saved?
Am I too lost?"
No, Kaye wasn't lost; was she? Was she too lost to be saved from the eternal hell that awaited her? What was with the hell-like fairy tail ending she had brought upon her? Why was everything happening too fast, so fast she could not control it? Why was everything changing?! She held her head in her hands, willing the insanity to cease.
"My wounds cry for the grave
My soul cries for deliverance
Will I be denied Christ?
Tourniquet
My suicide…"
Kyo and Tohru had made it to Shigure's house, and kicked off their shoes. They ran to Kaye's room, and Kyo placed the freezing girl on her bed. Shortly after their arrival, Hatori and Shigure ran like crazy into the house. The two quickly kicked off their own shoes and followed the watery footprints upstairs. Hatori pushed in front of Shigure and ran into Kaye's room.
Kaye was on her bed, under the covers and in clean pajama's. Kyo was asleep, his head resting at the end of the bed. Tohru was folding up Kaye's wet clothes and putting them into a basket with her other clothes to take downstairs. Hatori rushed to Kaye, sighed, and checked her forehead.
IS:
"Is she going to be okay Hatori?" Tohru whispered softly, looking at Kaye, Kyo and Hatori himself sadly. If she wasn't going to be alright then it was most likely the other two wouldn't be either.
He didn't answer her question. "Tohru, please run downstairs and fetch my bag, okay?" Tohru nodded vigorously and, balancing the basket on her hip she ran downstairs to fetch the bag for Hatori.
Taking the bag from Tohru he brought out medical tape, gauze, and a long roll of bandages. Tohru awoke Kyo and the two of them did whatever they could for Hatori. He cleaned the wounds, bandaged both of her arms to a point where no skin showed and carefully tucked them in close to her sleeping form. However, before fully bandaging them, he had given her a shot, one Tohru recognized as the one he'd given her when she had a fever.
Tohru said something about leek soup and hurried downstairs. Kyo watched her descend and sighed, turning back to his sister. Tohru had been right; she did indeed look peaceful. Her conscious struggle was soothed, even if temporarily, by the freezing virtuoso of silence, the sensation brought on by this feverish nature. The last thing Kaye needed when she was in this condition was a cold. Kyo rubbed both temples with one hand only and peered through his fingers to look at Kaye. He just wanted to talk to her again, even just once.
Hatori sighed and stood up. He looked very, very tired as he peered at Kyo. "She should be fine," Hatori assured him. Kyo breathed a sigh of relief and sat down on the edge of her bed. "Maybe another good, thick blanket would de her justice, though…"
"Oh, umm, I think I'm a bit ahead of you here Hatori," came Tohru's voice from the door. She already had in her arms a large bundle, a spare blanket, one from her own bed. She walked over and Kyo helped her pull it over Kaye.
Kyo and Hatori smiled at her. "So it seems," Hatori said softly. "So it seems." He headed for the door. "I'll be spending the night just in case." Tohru and Kyo nodded and turned back to Kaye.
"I'll stay with her," Kyo whispered to Tohru, his eyes not moving from his sister. "You don't have to stay."
"I don't mind, really," Tohru said quickly, "I just want to make sure she's going to be okay." Kyo perked up and listened. "The pain that comes from losing someone as close to you as your sister is, well, from knowing that feeling myself I don't ever want anyone else to have to go through that if it's preventable." She reached forward and tucked in the corners of the blanket closer around Kaye, and checked her forehead. She stood back and continued. "I know death will happen anyway, but it won't happen anytime soon for your sister." She turned to Kyo and put and hand on his arm. "Not if we can help it, right?"
Kyo gave her a weak smile. He made a slight movement towards her but from downstairs they heard someone come in and Tohru made to leave the room. "I sent Shigure back out to fetch Yuki. That must be them." Kyo nodded and turned back to his sister. He would sit at her bedside all night.
Tohru went downstairs and rushed over to Yuki and Shigure. "You're both soaking wet!" she exclaimed and she ran off to the laundry room to get some clean towels and clothes for them to wear. She went into the kitchen while they changed and made tea for everybody.
No one slept that night. They all took shifts watching over Kaye even if Kyo refused to leave her side. Everyone, except Tohru that is. She would have, but she kept thinking of what would happen if Kaye were to wake up and see her there. She didn't want to make matters worse, so she did whatever she could for the others.
The next morning while everyone was eating quietly at the kotatsu Kyo came down with his head in one hand. Tohru started at the sight of him but he didn't say anything until asked. He sat down at the kotatsu with them and let his head hang lowly. ""What's wrong?" Hatori said nervously, glancing upstairs.
"She's in a silence," Kyo muttered. Hatori and Shigure both hung their heads, too. Yuki stood up.
"I'm going to go talk to her," he announced quietly before heading up the stairs. It was half an hour before they saw him again. There was tinkling noise and they all saw him run down the stairs. He looked shocked. "She… She threw a vase at me."
Everyone else also looked surprised. "I would of that that she would have listened to you of all people, seeing as how you've been in her situation before, Yuki," Shigure mused, thinking hard.
Tohru stood. She cleared her plate and everyone else's and headed for the stairs herself with a dustpan and a tray. "Umm, Tohru," Shigure called," Where are you going?"
"To clean up the broken glass," she said. "Wouldn't want her to get hurt. Broken glass gets me nervous." Kyo flinched and looked away. She had a point there. "And besides, I made her this soup last night but she didn't wake up until now, so…"
Tohru continued up the stairs one step at a time, her eyes fixated on Kaye's door. Slammed shut, shadowy, reflecting as it should what was to be found within. She tucked the dustpan under her arm and cautiously slid back the door, peering into Kaye's room. It was so dark. It was a cloudy, rainy day outside but she had the shade closed. Tohru set the things down on the bedside table and kneeled beside Kaye.
She was rigid, much as she was in the water of the stream last night. She seemed perplexed, whether it was from her thoughts or from throwing that vase at Yuki Tohru didn't know, but she didn't seem to acknowledge anyone's presence in the room until she was spoken to.
"Kaye?"
Her head turned on the pillow slowly and deliberately. It was like a horror movie. Her eyes were wide and there were dark bags beneath them. Now that she knew Tohru was there those huge eyes glared at her, glared at her, glared at her without even moving. They didn't have to. Tohru just instinctively knew the feeling the real Kaye was perforating her with.
And still, Tohru smiled. She grabbed the dustpan and turned on her knees to clean up the glass. "Why…. Why did you throw this Kaye?" she asked quietly and she heard a shifting. She hoped Kaye wasn't reaching for something to axe-murder her with, but she kept her faith and just supposed she'd turned over. "Why did you throw it at Yuki? He just wanted to help you. We all do."
Beneath the thick blankets Kaye clenched her fists. 'Help me will you? This will be amusing.'
Once Tohru was sure all the glass was cleared she turned back around to the girl beside her. "Kaye… you can't let your grief consume you." Kaye merely blinked. Tohru's voice was soft and she was speaking to her lap. "If you let your grief take hold of you, everything comes crashing down, including the people that care about you. They told me you can't really control this, but you can start it. You can, but you don't have to. It's going to be okay, Kaye. No one blames you for what happened. Not at all."
Kaye flinched, hearing a quaver in Tohru's voice that meant the tears were coming. She was thinking about how she hadn't said 'Be safe' on the day her mother died, something she often reflected on despite herself, something that made her feel the same way Kaye did now. "Things happen sometimes that we can't control and no matter how badly we want to change them the past is gone. When my mom died I would have done anything to bring her back, but I can't go back in time, just like at the time you couldn't stop that man. But, just because of what happened you can't do this to yourself." She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, her voice now shaking with tears. "You can't."
Tohru lifted her head with a small gasp hearing sobbing sounds from the bed. Kaye was scrunched up tightly in a ball, her eyes finally shut and tears pouring down her face. Tohru smiled weakly and stroked her cheek lightly. Kaye glanced up at Tohru and quickly looked away. She whispered, "I don't know any other way."
Tohru withdrew her hand and pulled back her sleeve ever so slightly, just below her wrist. She exposed it to Kaye. "Neither did I." A faint little scar showed beneath her wrist, just a sliver of a thing, but still Kaye couldn't believe it.
"Y-you?"
"I stopped myself half way through, remembering that mom might have been dead but that was no reason for me to give up. I had to keep going for her because there was so much she had done for me and so many sacrifices she made for me and all I can do now is be grateful, and I am. There is no one I love more than my mother, and no matter what no one can take her place."
Kaye blinked a few times. She felt the same way about Kyo. No one could ever take his place, and to him no one could ever take her place. Tohru stood up and brought the tray over from the bedside table. She set it before Kaye, smiling. "I made you some soup, it should help your fever a lot. It's still warm if you want it." She smiled once again, walked to the door and said, "Get some rest, okay?" and then she went back downstairs.
KS:
Kaye watched as Tohru walked down the stairs to everyone else, where she wanted to be. What an amazing revelation. Tohru? A near cutter? What was the world coming to? Tears continued their steady stream down Kaye's face. It was all so confusing. She was so happy, parentless, sibling-less; she had nothing but the Sohma's and those two friends. How could she do it? Could Kaye be like that? Kaye sighed, hoping it was all true. She could change. Sure she could. With a little help from… dare she admit it… Tohru. She needed to follow Tohru's example and be herself, and be happier. And quit cutting. Kaye looked at the stairs, they were welcoming. Tempting her. Kaye wiped at her tears and slowly began to eat the soup, savoring each taste like it was her last. She put it beside her bed and let out a sob she had been trying to keep down, then rolled over and fell asleep.
"She talked to you?" Hatori asked, unbelieving. Tohru nodded, pouring the doctor some tea.
"Why? I thought she hated you!" mused Yuki, taking a sip of his tea.
Tohru nodded, smiling, "It seems we had more in common then we thought."
It was a few days later. A Wednesday, in fact. Kaye awoke to the sunlight, scathingly hot, brushing across her face. She sat up quickly, knocking off the blankets that had been caressing her in her nightly slumber. She sighed, brushing her hair behind her shoulders. She had skipped school for a while and Hatori wanted her to get back there when she could. Keep her mind off of things.
Kaye had snorted. Keep her mind off of things. Yeah right. The information she had acquired was secret by pact between two girls, but was still heavy in her mind. Cutting and relief went together like peanut butter and jelly. But being happy and not cutting, and still having a relief? It seemed impossible.
In the time that she could get up, Kaye helped out Tohru whenever she could; laundry, dishes, cooking. But she still couldn't look anyone in the eye. Only Tohru because only Tohru understood. No one else did, only Tohru. That one of a kind, happy-go-lucky, never ending fountain of smiles. Kaye couldn't help but see why Kyo and Yuki liked her so much. Kaye loved having Tohru as a friend rather than as an enemy. It was a lot easier, too.
Kaye swung her legs out from under the covers and yawned, stretching her arms.
She walked over and grabbed the boys uniform that was hanging on the bed post. She was scheduled to go back to school today - her story had, luckily, not spread throughout the school and it had been rumored that she had had a really bad cold. Rumor was on the money. Kaye smiled, something she knew she would have to get used to again after a while.
She sighed, losing the flowery smile and looking into the mirror. She had taken off the gauze and nothing was there but a few old, fading scars. And two fresh ones. With the uniform, there was the hope that the remaining scars would not be seen. She tugged on her uniform, hoping that no one was up yet. Unfortunately, someone was.
Kaye still wasn't speaking much, softly at the most. However the first thing she had done was apologize tearfully to Yuki, for the vase. Yuki forgave her, but Kaye hadn't forgiven herself yet. Kaye sighed again, walking downstairs and listening for the sounds of life. Breathing, snoring, anything to display that something alive was downstairs.
It was Kyo.