A/N: The people who find this to be unrealistic shouldn't worry because it is a rather silly story, and also, I don't care. In fact, let's call this an AU…yes…one where almost everyone is a total moron. And as for the OOCness, meh.

After Tom had been standing in his room for all of thirty-nine seconds, he heard some forceful knocking on the other side of his door. He waited for a few moments before answering it, because who answers their door right away? It looks pathetic. When he finally got around to opening it he was startled to see Harry Potter standing across the threshold.

"Why couldn't you open the door? I knocked immediately after you shut it."

"Silly Harry, I never open a door right away. Actually, I usually don't even open doors. That's what I have Wormtail for." He paused and then looked at Harry inquiringly, "So…what do you want?"

"I'm wondering why you haven't tried to kill me. You've probably been at Hogwarts for some time now and I can't figure out why you haven't done anything really evil."

"Oh. Didn't I tell anyone?"

Harry rolled his eyes, "Tell anyone what?"

"That I'm going to be a good person for awhile."

Harry didn't know what to say. However, after a few false starts, he managed to choke out, "You what!"

"Is that all you could come up with? I know that having your arch nemesis decide to join your side must be fairly shocking, but you could have thought of a slightly more articulate question to ask."

"Oh I'm sorry. Next time I'll consider how you're feeling when I ask a question."

"Right," Tom began to shut the door. "By then."

"Ohhhh no, " Harry pried the door open. "You're not going back in there without explaining yourself."

"Fine. Come in."

"I'm not going in there!"

"Well, if we argue in the hall, everyone will hear."

Harry considered things for a moment and then said, "Oh all right. But if you try anything…"

"I'm not going to—remember, I'm a good person now." Harry glared at him and they both went inside. "Tea?" Tom asked.

"No."

"Are you sure?"

At this point, Harry almost grinned, "You're beginning to sound like Dumbledore," he said.

Tom shuddered and then said, "If you say that one more time, I will kill you."

"I thought you were going to be nice," Harry said.

"I didn't say nice – I said good. And I'm only being good because I was bored and needed a change in my life. I refuse to ever be nice, unless I really mean it. But I doubt that I ever will."

"Good people are nice." said Harry.

"Are they? Oh dear, I never considered that." Tom looked contemplative for a moment before saying, "I suppose I won't do bad things, but I might say them."

Deciding to get back to business, Harry said, "So you're saying that the only reason that you're here, at Hogwarts, and being nice is because you were bored?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Well, why do you look like Tom Riddle instead of Voldemort?"

"I'd chalk that up to Wormtail's incompetence. Not that I mind, of course, incase you haven't noticed, I'm gorgeous."

Harry looked like he was taking this in but then a strange look of anger crossed his face and he said, "That's it! I'm leaving. I refuse to have a civil conversation with the creature who killed my parents and has been trying to kill me all sixteen years of my life!"

"Goodness, you're sixteen now? My, my, time certainly does fly."

"Argh!" Harry exclaimed as he stormed out the door.

Tom chuckled and then glanced over at the hourglass on his nightstand, "Oh dear," he said. "It's past time for breakfast." He walked down to the Great Hall and sat at the Slytherin table. Most of the people at the table turned to look at him, mildly curious about the new student. Only Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle knew that he was Voldemort – or Tom Riddle, for that matter. He hadn't been introduced to anyone yet.

"Oh look!" Draco said, seeing Tom, "It's the former Dark Lord! Guess you don't know how to control your Death Eaters, eh Tommy?" Apparently he had recovered from his earlier fear of his father's, to say the least, boss.

"What on earth are you talking about, Draco?" asked Pansy Parkinson, who was sitting next to the irritating blonde lad.

"Yes, please enlighten us," Tom said.

"Never mind," Draco muttered, deciding it best to save the teasing for when everyone knew whom the new student was.

"Draco," whispered Crabbe, "you shouldn't tease He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. He could kill you."

"The way I see it," Draco whispered back, "is that anyone who sticks up for Harry Potter deserves to be teased." Obviously Draco was still sore about the little incident in the hall earlier that morning. "And besides," he continued, "seeing as how he's turned back to his sixteen year old self and is now attending Hogwarts, he's as good as defeated." A smug look developed on his face before he said, "My father is about to take over the Death Eaters shortly and then we'll see who's the most powerful wizard in the world."

Tom, who had heard this entire exchange, (due to his acute hearing) quietly said, so that only Draco could hear, "I couldn't care less about your father trying to take my place. He can bloody well have the Death Eaters if he wants them. They're completely incompetent. Why don't you go sit at a different table? The sound of your voice is making me lose my appetite."

"Why don't you sit at another table? I've been sitting here all year."

"Where should I sit! I'm the Heir of Slytherin, for Christ's sake. I'm not sitting anywhere else."

"Neither am I."

"Fine. You and Pansy switch places. That way she can be between us."

"Oh alright."

After a great deal of shuffling they were finally free of each other and Tom was able to get back to his meal. That is, until Dumbledore stood up and said, "Students, we have a new student," then he paused, reflecting on the stupidity of that sentence. "His name is Tom Riddle, but you probably know him as Lord Voldemort. Let's give him a warm round of applause as welcome to Hogwarts."

Needless to say, no one clapped. Well, actually there was one person who started to clap, and then quickly stopped. But for the most part, Dumbledore's welcoming speech was met by a shocked, frightened silence. 'Oh brilliant,' thought Tom, 'he just had to tell everyone who I am.' He decided not to dwell on the fact that everyone hated him and began to eat his breakfast of half a grapefruit.

A/N: sorry this was really short.