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Chapter 3 – Grampa Gets Laid

Sinister nervously fixed his tie for the millionth time as he walked through the kitchen and pressed the button on the answering machine.

"Hello, Nathaniel, this is Hank. I've had some uhh…personal matters come up. Perhaps the children can accompany you on your date?"

After a few choice words, Sinister picked up the phone and called Emma, who hesitantly agreed to meet him at Sinister's place. "Kids!" He yelled, waiting as they noisily came to him. "I am having company. You will go to bed and stay there at eight. You will go in your rooms, turn out the lights, pull the covers over your little heads, and sleep."

They stared blankly at him.

He continued, his stern expression conveying a seriousness the children had never seen. "You will not come out. You will not blow anything up. You will not bother us for any reason, at any time. You will not let your pet reptiles out to play. You will not, under any circumstances, make noise. Am I clear?"

Adam said, "Can we –"

"NO." Essex said, cutting the boy off. "Now, give me a kiss and go to bed."

The children went along with his orders and disappeared quickly. He was quickly pleased with himself and smiled as he lit the candles on the table.

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"So, Nathaniel…" Emma said to Essex, who nervously shifted as they sat on the couch. "Jean says you gave her the best massage of her life." She turned and removed her over shirt, exposing her open back under the halter top she wore. He morphed into his more human-looking form and smiled at her. "Nathaniel! Tell me you're not nervous!"

"Yes, well." He said. "The last time I had sex was nine months before my 30-year-old daughter was born."

Emma laughed at him and smiled. "I always thought that evil men were sluts."

"I was never that kind of 'evil,' Emma." He said, shyly.

She laughed and straddled his lap. "Well, maybe you need a little Frost in your life." Emma whispered in his ear. He nervously shuddered. "Which way is your room?" She said as she wiggled around on his groin.

"Uhhh…" He stared at the ceiling, trying desperately to remember what that sentence met. "My room? I forget…" He remembered a few moments later and carried Emma in that general direction, kicking the door open in front of them.

Meanwhile, the three Lebeau children were all sitting in Becky's room. Becky was sitting on the bed with her arms crossed. "I don't like her!" Secretly, she was jealous her grandfather had neglected to read her a story that night so he could hang out with another girl.

"Let's go see what they're doing." Adam said. The three children scurried down the hall silently and put their little ears to the door.

"Ohhhhhh! Oh God!"

"Is she hurt?" Becky whispered. The older boys shrugged and Adam picked the lock and opened the door about a foot. Three little heads peeked in and then quickly the door slammed.

Essex heard the door slammed and looked down at Emma in horror. "Oh hell. My grandchildren just walked on me having sex."

Emma frowned. "They're probably freaked out. We might as well finish." Emma said.

"True." He replied.

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10:00 AM, The Next Day

"So…" Essex said, scooping ice cream into a bowl. "What does grandpa need to do to keep what you guys saw last night a secret from Mommy and Daddy?"

"I want a pony!" Becky said.

"Done!" Essex replied.

"A unicorn!" She specified.

"It may take awhile, but grandpa can make one." Sinister said. "What about you two?"

"I want a tree house." Adam said. "The kids at school all have nice ones. I want the best!"

Essex sighed. "I bet none of the kids at school have treehouses with functioning elevators and an indoor playground." He hated bribing them, but there was no way he'd face his son-in-law after this.

Ring! Ring!

"Hello?" Essex said, as Emma slowly walked down the hall wearing a pair of Liz's pajamas.

"Remy 'tinks we need t'have a talk." Essex groaned and walked with the phone into the empty lab. "You know, Liz and Remy been havin' sex f'years witout bein' caught."

Remy laughter gave Sinister that old I-want-to-murder-my-daughter's-husband feeling. "I locked the door!" He paused. "Although, the gesture has little merit in a house of Lebeaus. Damn you and your…lock picking genes! How the hell do you and Liz manage?"

Remy continued to laugh. "Y'fucken' nuts…but Remy gotta know somet'in'. Was Emma good?" Sinister smiled as he heard his daughter smack Remy. "I mean, did y'have a nice date?"

"It was lovely, Remy." Sinister replied sarcastically. "Now, I need to go design a treehouse, genetically engineer a unicorn, and…I don't know what the other one wants."

"Have fun, Dad!" Remy said, chuckling.

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