Harry Hunting

Chapter Three

Think Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts

And so the hunt begins . . . .

Disclaimer

I own nothing. No matter what they tell you I own nothing.

" 'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute term."

Baron Frank N. Furter

After potions where Harry wasn't surprised to get a detention with Snape. You know for a guy who is meant hate his guts they sure do spend enough time together. He had, had charms and Herbology. While Potions had made him question the unwritten rule saying that it was a bad idea to gut your teacher. The rest of the day had made him perk up. He may die a slow and painful death by magical means, but at least he would be well educated at the Sitting opposite from Hermione and Ron, Harry made sure that none of the professors at the high table were checking him out so as to later kill him and started eating. "What did you get up too during the holidays?" Ahh a question that inane could only come from one source. The answer that surged to the front of his mind was, 'Oh I don't know hunting my bastard of an Uncle down with a rusty axe like the dog he is.' Ron sat there waiting for Harry's reply.

"Nothing happened. I did a lot of house work like usual and enjoyed catching up on assignments." Harry wasn't surprised when Ron accepted this.

" You know Harry I was wondering just between us.' Ron lowered his voice. "Do you reckon you could scream and faint during next Tuesday's Potion class. It's just that I got Neville to put a bet down and I saw this great new cannons team shirt that's for sale. If you do that I'll have enough money to buy it. Come on mate, Please." Hermione turned and looked at Ron,

"Ron, you know you shouldn't ask Harry to do that for you it is completely wrong and underhanded. I can't believe those Ravenclaws still have that betting pool going." Ron dropped his cutlery.

"Your just sore cause you placed that bet that Harry would get it off with Cho and you lost money." Hermione faced Harry and held out a hand.

"That is completely untrue Harry I would never gamble over your life." Pulling himself out from the table Harry just shook his head.

"If I tell you what I'm going to do I would have to split the money." Leaving the dinning hall Harry went off to enjoy his first detention of the year.

Walking through Hogwarts Harry was glad he didn't have to clean the place it had more dust collectors then anywhere he had ever seen. Everyone had retired to their respective common rooms and the school was quiet. There should really be a central common room where everyone could gather that would cut back on the hose rivalries, maybe. Anyway the school was quiet and as Harry walked back from first detention, he rolled his shoulders, the ache had stayed in his back and it was a real pain. In the distance Harry could hear something, at least he didn't have to worry about Filch giving him another detention he had a reason for once to be out this late. A noise was echoing through the hallway. At the moment he was passing near the transfiguration classrooms which reminded him he really needed to fix up that assignment that he should have done during the holiday. It was all right if McGonagall was in the right mood he could usually charm here in to giving him an extension. The noises were getting louder it was a heavy thudding noise and he could hear voices. As he got closer to McGonagalls classroom the sounds got louder and louder. Suddenly Harry heard a scream.

Lets take a moment here, now there are three types of people, there are the people who run to help the person screaming, there are the people who run away, and then there are the people who run to look at what's happening to the person screaming point and take photos. Three guesses which one Harry is and the first two don't count?

Running down the corridor, Harry wondered why Filch hadn't turned up to give the people detentions. The pictures on the walls were all strangely not surprised in fact Harry though he caught one portrait out the corner of his eye wearing earmuffs to keep out the noise. As he reached the door to McGonagall's classroom Harry swung to a stop grabbing the door frame to stop himself. The sounds were coming from inside in fact it sounded as if someone was beating another person the heavy thumps of flesh hitting flesh could be heard. The door into the Transfiguration classroom was blocked with a locking spell but with a little work Harry was able to break it. Easing the door open Harry rushed in.

In a dark section of Hogwarts library not that far from the restricted section, only used by seriously horny or tired students. A table was covered by piles of scattered parchment, and the six people sitting around it were totally centred on their reading. An occupied voice spoke up. "Did you know that in 1768 it was rumoured that the entire sixth and seventh years of both Ravenclaw and Slytherine had an orgy in Slyrtherine's common room. It was followed closely by the great Chlamydia outbreak in the winter of 1769." No one looks up from their books and the person stops talking. "You would think Hogwarts: A History would have that in it."

"What the hell are you reading?" someone's head pokes up from their book.

"Oh, it's a unofficial history of Hogwarts it was written by a, you could say dissatisfied Magical Creature teacher who was fired over rumours that she was getting over attached to a certain Hippogriff."

"Why the hell are you reading it?"

"Well, I though that I might find inspiration between it's pages of how I could approach Harry."

"Who says your the one who's going to get Harry?"

"I think it's obvious that those with the best knowledge of the circumstances and have read every sexual aid book in the restricted section should have a certain advantage over others." The rest of the group now have their books; which now that we take a better look are not so much text books as they are soft core porn and Cosmo.

"Who says that you can get Harry, I thought we agreed that I would have him as I know him best."

"What you've hardly said two words to him since first year." The person who had been reading Hogwarts: Uncut sighs and places the book carefully on the table.

"She's right what makes you special."

"I think me and Harry have a deep and unbreakable bond."

"Bullshit your just saying that because you have those picture's Colin Creevy got of him in the shower last year that you won't share." At this point everyone at the table starts to declare their right to be Harry's first. It could be a Jerry Springer moment, but is saved at the last moment when the reader of Hogwarts: Uncut pulls her wand out and sends a small soundless firework off in the centre of the table.

"Look I have an idea, why don't we each try to get Harry. I'll write everyone's' names on a piece of paper we pull them out of a hat and in that order we each try and catch him."

"I don't know what happens if someone catches him before I get a turn."

"Well, you have to promise not to keep him if you catch him you get a week then you have to pass him on."

"Don't you think that's kind of demeaning to Harry." The five other people swing around in their seats and almost shout.

"NO"

"Okay"

"I have aHarry Potter notebook,if you can get him in a puffy shirt and get a picture."

"But we still have a meeting on Friday don't we?"

"Of course we do." After everyone scrambles to write there names down and pass them to the undeclared organiser there is silence as the girl pulls out the first name.

Hermione had been staying late at the library not studying as some people may assume there are other things you can do with books besides study. Her parents had sent her the latest in a book series she had been reading, and she really didn't want to read it in the same room as four other people. It was Laurell. K Hamilton Anita Blake Vampire Hunter, the latest book Incubus Dreams had tried to fix up the problems that the author had created in the last few books. It was interesting. Luckily her parents didn't check her books for content. Like some people she knew. Walking through the fat lady's portrait Hermione was surprised when she wasn't the only person awake. Someone was sitting in a large chair staring into the fire, rocking backwards and forwards. As Hermione crept closer not wanting to startle the obviously frighten youth she heard mutterings. "Wrong, wrong, bad, bad, bad wrong, wrong, wrong." Slowly she placed a hand in the shoulder of the trembling boy. Shocked the person turned around "Epp" it was Harry and the look on his face can only be compared to a man who had hand glided over Hell.

"Harry what's wrong." Hermione sat down next to Harry keeping her hands at her side as Harry flinched from her touch.

"Do, . . . do you think you could Obliviate me."

"What no, Harry what happened?" Harry started to rock back wards and forwards again clutching his knees to his chest.

"Beautiful Fairies that live at the bottom of the garden, the beautiful fairies that live at the bottom of the garden." Hermione gently placed a hand on the back of Harry's chair. "Harry do you think you can talk about it, or should I get Mcgonagall?" Harry screamed and stuck his head between his knees and started taking deep breathes.

"Wrong, bad, bad, wrong." Hermione dropped her books and raced up to her room she had some calming potion set aside for when she got her period. Racing back she shoved the vial between Harrys' lips and watched as the potion took affect slowly Harry stoped trembling and brought his head up to look at Hermione. "Th...than...thanks. I needed that."

"Harry, was it. you-know-who?"

"What, no, every time I stub my toe or yell at someone it's not Voldemort. I just saw something I don't want to remember." Hermione sighed Harry was keeping secrets from them again and that had worked out so well last time.

"Harry you know telling someone about your problems can help." Harry looked at Hermione sceptically. Hermione's ability to always sound like she knew best really got his nerves sometimes. He wasn't feeling that kind at the moment and if she said sharing could help.

"I'm warning you , you may not want to know."

"Harry, I'm your friend I'll always be here for you." Oh, she sounded like she had been watching to much Dr. Phil. You couldn't say he didn't warn her. Pleased that now he could share the pain Harry took a breath.

" I was walking back from detention with Snape and passed by Mcgonagall's class. I heard noises I thought some one was in trouble so I rushed in." Harry paused he so didn't want to think about this. "McGonagall and Filch and they were going for it."

"What do you mean going for it?"

"Making the beast with two backs. They were having sex."

"Why didn't you say it's a perfectly normal thing for two grown people to have a sexual relations."

" This wasn't normal. McGonagall was dressed in a shiny P.V.C bra and suspenders Filch was wearing this all over body suit of rubber. Mcgonagall had a horse whip in one hand and was hitting Filch over the arse. There was this huge mirror in front of them and they were both watching themselves in it. This was all I saw before I ran for it, but I swear I saw a chicken tied up lying next to Filch." Hermiones mouth was open and she started to tremble.

"Harry you know I think I might be able to do that Obliviate for you if you do it to me at the same time."

Authors Note

This is the begining of the hunt. I have two other chapters which were up under The Kindly Ones that I will put back up tommorow. If you have an idea for a method of hunting harry down. Or any other idea please tell me.

The Slytherine/Ravenclaw Orgy of 1768 is based on an actual event that occurred at a college at my University. The orgy there was also followed by a STD outbreak, which the college is still known for. I will not name the college or University.

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