My Reasons III: Babysitting
Chapter 6 – A Sinister Fairytale
"Grampa, tell me a story!" Becky asked.
"Yeah! Tell us about dad's superhero adventures!" Adam asked.
Sinister furrowed his brows as he sat on the rug in front of the fireplace with the kids, cooking marshmallows with them, indoors. He smiled evilly at them.
"Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, intelligent, perfect princess named Elizabeth." He said.
Becky smiled and beamed. "Mommy!"
Etienne gagged. "We don't want to hear a love story!"
"Be quiet." Sinister said. "This is not a love story. In fact, I hate this story. Because it's true!"
Sinister glared at all of them.
"So, this beautiful princess had but a single flaw – she had no ability to judge men." Sinister said.
"Is dat why she likes you so much?" Adam said. Picking up on the hints of Remy's sense of humor and accent in the boy, Sinister's eyes narrowed. "Are you looking at me? Cause, it's hard to tell when you don't have any teachers."
"Pupils, Adam. Not teachers." Sinister sighed loudly and pulled a marshmallow off the long fork, then forcibly stuffed it in the child's mouth.
"So, meanwhile, there was a thief that robbed castles." He started again and stopped when the boys high-fived on another.
"Dad!" Etienne said, loud enough for both of them.
"Thieves are bad guys!" Sinister exclaimed, hoping it would sway them, but knowing there was little hope. The children worshipped their father, especially Becky. "So, this thief tried to be a superhero, so he could kiss women who…kissed a lot of men." He paused as he attempted to say 'Remy was in it for the pussy' in terms that would not corrupt the children.
"Yeah! Girls!" Adam said. At least, that's what Sinister thought he said, it was hard to tell, with all the marshmallow in his mouth. Displeased he was capable of speaking, he stuffed yet another marshmallow in the boy's mouth. "mhmmh!" He protested.
"Yes, well, anyway…" Sinister said. "Princess Elizabeth's father, King Nathaniel, had the evil Cajun thief do a few favors for him. Of course, his snobby new friends didn't like the King. They didn't mind if someone worked for Magneto, King of Stupidly Directed Hatred and Compulsive Disorders…" The children looked at him blankly. "But, the evil thief knew that if anyone knew about the favors he'd done for King Nathaniel, he wouldn't be allowed to play hero with them."
"Nuh-uh! Daddy tells it different!" Etienne said, prompting Sinister to stuff that boy's mouth as well. Strangely, his tiny mouth required three entire marshmallows to stop noise from erupting from it.
"I always knew you had a big mouth." Sinister said to the boy. "Note to self, stuff Remy's mouth with marshmallows, this may be a genetic trait! I bet I can fit at least ten in there…"
Becky tugged on him and crawled into his lap. "Finish the story!"
"So the evil thief pretended he didn't know me, err…the King!" Sinister said, feigning hurt. Becky's eyes looked slightly sad as he continued. "The wicked thief fell in love with one of the heroes, her name was Rogue."
"Wait…that's not how it goes!" Becky said.
Sinister sighed. "Shhh!" The children were blissfully unaware of most of what Remy had done for the first part of his life. "Now, Rogue wasn't all normal, because she was raised by an insane bitch – err….uhh…witch! I meant witch! Raven, the Witch of Manhating!" Sinister didn't really want to explain that Mystique was a man-hating dyke. A slight sound began to come from Etienne, who soon found more spongy sweetness crammed into his mouth. "So, Rogue was very mean to the wicked thief, and also a hypocrite. Rogue, she was a killer, a mean one!" The children gasped. "She stole powers from other mutants!"
Nostalgically smiling, Sinister continued his horribly contorted version of the events. "So, out of the goodness of his heart, the King told Magneto about how Remy, the evil thief, had done a few favors for him. Magneto was in love with Rogue, so he may or may not have delivered the news in an inappropriate manner."
"Grampa…we don't understand you when you talk like that!" Becky said, almost nagging at him.
"Right." Sinister said. "So, Remy's superhero snob idiot friends decided to put him on trial."
"Like a criminal?" Becky asked.
Tilting his head as his eyelid began twitching, Sinister looked down at the children. "You all DO know stealing is again the law, right?" He'd told them all a million times, but somehow, they instinctively sugarcoated Remy's entire persona. "Nevermind."
"ANYWAY." Sinister said loudly. "Magneto decided to tell everyone that Remy had been friends with King Nathaniel, and his snobby friends decided they hated him. His crazy woman, Rogue, attempted to kill him by…locking him in a huge freezer." Sinister bit into a marshmallow and frowned.
"Out of the pure, good, kind heart of the King, he SAVED the wicked thief and brought him to his castle. He was very sick. Princess Elizabeth helped the King save his life." Sinister leaned in on the children. "Remy turned on the King by taking advantage of his daughter's blindness to fault."
"Goooo Dad!" Adam said, swallowing the last bit of marshmallow. Sinister picked one up out of the bag and waved it at him, which quickly silenced the boy.
"Your father is the villain of this story!" Sinister said. "Remy knew that the King would not approve of his dating Princess Elizabeth, so he used his mutant powers to charm her into lying and hiding their love for one another." Sinister said, taking an unpleasant trip down memory lane. "One day, the King discovered Remy and Princess Elizabeth…uhh…kissing." He shivered. "And soon, the wicked thief asked the King if he could marry his daughter!"
Realizing there was no easy way to explain he had tortured Remy the first six times he asked to marry Liz, Sinister simply moved on. "The week before they were set to be married, the King made an alliance with Xavier, the leader of Remy's super snob friends, who had taken him back. They tried to break the two apart for the good of the world!"
"You didn't want mommy and daddy to be together?" Becky said.
"No." Sinister said. "Uhh…the King, who loved his daughter very much, hoped to eventually arrange a marriage between Princess Elizabeth and Prince Scott, King of Genetic Superiority!" All three children, accustomed to their grandfather spouting about Scott's genes, all rolled their eyes. They barely understood what genes were, and they all hated Scott.
"Pole up his butt Scott?" Adam asked.
Sinister sighed again. "He doesn't steal, sleep half of the day, and works toward honest goals. I'm sorry your father corrupted you so. Scott possesses a sense of responsibility, not a pole up his…butt." The three children giggled when their grandfather said 'butt,' and then waited for him to finish the story. "And the King succeeded at first. But the Princess sat in her tower all day and cried, until she finally decided to blame everything on the King, as if it was his fault she had no taste in men. So, to save her from her sorrow, the King decided to let the evil thief marry Princess Elizabeth."
"Yay!" Becky said.
Etienne suspiciously looked at Sinister. "Papa said you saved him for his pants or jeans or something."
"For his genes, dummy!" Adam said.
Sinister watched the two twins fight and stood up. "For the preservation of your genes, Remy." Sinister said, mocking himself from the day he rescued Remy. He heard an explosion and ordered the children to bed. "Biggest mistake of my life."
………………………………………
Ring ring!
Remy sat up and picked up the phone. "'Ello?"
"It's me." Sinister said.
"Dat's ambiguous. Y'know y'could be anybody, literally. Who can't say 'it's me' and it not be true?" Remy smirked at the silence. He knew the exact expression Sinister had on his face right then, wrought with frustration and anger, staring at the phone like beating it would somehow transfer to Remy.
"Remy, I thought I would eventually get over my hatred for you, but I did not. Why is this?" Sinister asked.
Remy sighed. He heard this about once a week. "Cause y'don' wanna admit y'love dis Cajun!"
More silence.
"I was just thinking about how Scott Summers should be Becky's father." Sinister said, curling his lips into an evil smile.
This time, Remy was silent for a moment.
"Remy was just thinkin' 'bout how much he loves livin' in y'house, eatin' y'food, fuckin' y'daughter." Remy replied.
"Your real mother was a slut." Sinister said.
"So is y'daughter. Sex on da first date!" Remy said. "Actually…'fore dat!"
Sinister glared angrily at a picture of Remy on the table next to the phone and blasted it. "I set you up for your hike in Antarctica."
"Liz lost her virginity on y'desk." Remy said, chuckling.
Sinister looked over at his desk, and then felt disgust rise in him. "I tried to inject you with the Legacy Virus and it didn't infect you years ago."
Remy smiled. "Remy accidentally got Liz pregnant again. Maybe we name dis one Oops?"
"Accident? An accident is when someone slips and falls."
"Lots of times. On Little Remy." Remy interjected.
"You named it?" Sinister said. "That's…disturbing. Wait, did you just tell me Liz was pregnant again?"
"Oui." Remy said.
CLICK!
Sinister walked to his room, locked the door, and laid down on his bed. He was considering the inevitabilities of mortality when he remembered something and quickly redialed.
"Remy?"
"Oui?"
"How many marshmallows can you fit in your mouth?" Sinister asked.
Remy stared at the ceiling. "Eleven."
Sinister again put the phone down and Remy rolled over and snuggled up to his half-asleep wife. "At least dat wasn't strange."
Back at the lab, Sinister turned off the lamp beside his bed. "And they all lived happily ever after."
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Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel.
Next Chapter: Chubby Bunny!
B Oots – Yeah, there will be more of that in the next few chapters. Sinister forced to play with Barbies, etc.
Authorless -SG- -- Not humiliated, just faced with the truth he'll never be able to poison the kids against their father.
BlkDiamond – Sorry for the disappointment. Hope this chapter is better.