My Reasons III: Babysitting

Chapter 7 – Games

"This is a science experiment!"

"Pulling our hairs out was an 'xeriment. This is weird." Adam said.

Ring! Ring!

Sinister furrowed his brows. "Hello?"

"Daddy? What are you doing to my children?" Liz asked.

"Nothing, darling. We were just about to go work on the tree house." Sinister replied. He looked suspiciously around the room. None of the children were even close to a phone. His eyes glanced from side to side, and then fixated on Becky. Becky, who, days before, exerted enough mental power to convince him he loved Disney. Becky who never gets into trouble. When was the last time he'd said 'no' to her? He put his hand over the phone and leered at her. "You telepathic tattletale!" He said, childishly. Becky just shrugged. "Hey!" Sinister yelled into the phone. "When was I going to be informed of this?"

"Ugh…Daddy, you didn't ask." Liz replied.

Sinsiter angrily glared at the phone, then at the children. "Fair enough. Are any of you other monsters telepathic?"

"They all are, Daddy. The boys can only communicate telepathically with one another though." Sinister heard.

"Treachery!" Sinister cried out. "Remy has poisoned you against me! Put that lazy excuse of a man on the phone right this instant!" He heard a little background noise, then began yelling. "Remy, of all the crooked, stupid, dishonest, lazy, disgusting things you have done to and for me this tops all!"

"What?" Remy said, groggily.

"I hate you!" Sinsiter yelled, slamming the phone down. "I never wish to see your face again."

Remy groaned. "Y'had m'wife wake up for dis? So y'could tell me y'don' like me? Remy t'inks we got dat all sorted out. Been an asshole t'me since I y'left me in da street of New Orleans t'fend f'myself. Dat's strong language dere. It says 'I hate you, Remy Lebeau.' Remy hates you too, Dad. Did y'forget?"

"Remy, let me speak to my daughter!" Sinister growled. Why was it that he only seemed dumb when someone was mad at him?

"Daddy, you haven't answered my question! What are you attempting to do to my children?" Liz said, more threateningly.

"Have you ever heard of Chubby Bunny?" Sinister said. "I plan to test the capacity of each child's mouth by seeing how many 'jumbo' sized marshmallows they can fit in their little mouths!" He said, with an almost heinous tone. After adding an evil laugh, he paused.

"Daddy? Do you remember being a scientist?" Liz asked. "Because my father, the man that performed brain surgery on my husband, the oh-so-sly Nathaniel Essex WOULD NOT be conducting any experiment that combined children and marshmallows. I'm good at that game though."

"How can you be 'good' at a test of mouth capacity?" Sinister asked.

"No gag reflex, Daddy." She said.

"Shut up, woman." Sinister said. "I am wearing my mad scientist skin! Bahahahaha! Hold still, children, this will not hurt a bit!"

Elizabeth Essex Lebeau rolled her eyes and hung up the phone, turning to her husband, who was talking to her stomach.

"Y'got t'ree siblings. And da craziest fucken…ow!" Remy rubbed the side of his head.

Liz pulled him up by the arm so he was facing her. "Developmentally, the baby can't hear you. But I'm getting sick and tired of this rivalry. And you just said the f-word to your unborn baby!"

"Sorry, Mom." Remy said. "So what da hell happened t'ya dad?"

"Problems with Emma. He likes to pretend he's a big bad geneticist when his personal life is in the gutter. You should have seen the fight we had before he set you up to get dumped in Antarctica." She replied.

"Guess dat plan backfired on him, eh?" Remy said.

"Ha, Daddy is pumping our already hyper twins with sugar. I pity his lack of foresight. We'll see how the mad scientist in him handles Adam on a sugar high." Liz said, laughing.

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Things were not going well for Mr. Sinister. It wasn't that some devious plan had failed, or that one of the Summers boys was chasing him around, or even an unexpected visit from an enemy.

"How the hell is a mere mortal, much less a child, supposed to open one of these damn things?" He said, untwisting what seemed to be the millionth tie that bound the Barbie doll in its hot pink cardboard prison. He'd once again found himself bribing the Lebeau children.

POPOPOPOPOPOPOP!

"BOYS!" Sinister yelled. The two twins walked into Becky's room. "Read the package. For OUTDOOR USE ONLY. Is this 'outside?' Do I really have to tell you that setting off firecrackers is not an indoor activity?"

"Well, most people aren't experienced in handling t'ings dat go boom!" Adam quickly said.

Sinister turned. "You are not experienced in 'handling' anything. You are experienced at the wonderful art of blowing my lab to pieces."

"But—" Etienne said.

"Out!" Sinister yelled. He turned back to Becky with the tattered bits of the wrapped that had been on the fire crackers. "For outdoor use only…I always wondered what kind of idiots would actually attempt to use these indoors."

"No 'fence Grampa, but buying my brothers 'xlosives was a dumb idea." Becky said.

"Agreed, darling." Sinister was vaguely aware that his frustration seemed to melt slightly, but the next thing he knew, he was digging through Becky's 'Barbie Box,' attempting to find a top in a shade that complimented the pink skirt his Barbie already wore.

"What about this?" He said, perching a grey tank on his pinky finger.

"No!" Becky yelled, as if offended.

"Sorry." He had come to his senses but was curious as to what type and color Becky would find acceptable. That was his excuse at least.

CLANG!

Arclight, Sabretooth, and half of the former Marauders entered the lab, only to find their great leader sitting on the carpet of Becky's room, making the girl giggle as the topless Barbie in his right hand did a rigid, asinine dance.

My name is Barbie
Mattel is full of idiots
Cause I'm impossible
And would have to walk like an ape
With limbs like these!

He began to make ape-like sounds and gestures until his head slowly turned and realized, with horror, that he was being watched. "What? You insolent slugs!" Sinister squeaked. "Get out!"

Arclight smiled. "Or what? You'll make that Barbie bend at the knees?"

Sinister put his hands over his granddaughters ears. "Or I will torture you to death and clone your body. I recently developed a nerve agent that will turn every pain sensor in your body on at once. While you suffer intense agony, I will peel you like a tomato and then submerge you in a vat of acid." He uncovered the girl's ears as Arclight stepped back and fled.

"Now," Sinister said, pulling the skirt off the Barbie and replacing it with a white wedding dress. "We all know Barbie has no right to wear white."

"Neither did I."

Sinister turned to see yet another person standing in the doorway, only this one he didn't hate. "Nice, Dad, playing with Barbies." She giggled as Becky ran right past her and leapt into the air, caught by none other than the Cajun thief himself.

"'Ello, Princess!" Remy said. "Y'been 'nuff trouble f'Grampa?"

"No, Adam and Etienne were." She replied.

"Well den." Remy kissed his daughter. "Since y'brothers are outside blowin' stuff up, we can t'you da news 'fore dem. Y'gonna have a lil' brother or sister. Mommy's gonna have a baby."

Becky's eyes sparkled and, as a particularly loud explosion caused Elizabeth to go put an end to the Lebeau twins' assault on nature, she asked the question neither Remy nor her grandfather wished to answer.

"Daddy, where do babies come from?"

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