Harry Hunting

Chapter Five

"I laugh in the face of danger, . . .then I run and hide until it goes away."

Disclaimer

I claim this plot in the name of Phorcys, everything else you may or may not recognise doesn't belong to me and whileI can't get money for my work, chocolate will be warmly appreciated.

"Now this is a very poisonous snake, that can kill a man with a single bite, you hold it Terri while I poke it with a stick."

Steve Irwin 'Crocodile Hunter'

Through thehunters head they stalked theoblivious boy, if this had been the muggle world there was a good chance he would have had an AVO out on them years ago, outside the kids mind classes went on as they usually did,people ran around stuck in their own worlds while inside their head a soundtrack and voice over could be heard. . .

From this point on imagine a corny Australian accent

Today were going to be hunting a timid and rarely seen creature that can only be found in special places. This shy little fellow is know as a Harrius Potterus or commonly know as the Boy-that-lived, or Harry Potter, he doesn't like to come out of his burrow much and when he does you've got to keep an eye out cause he's a quick little bugger.

It was quiet in Harry's corner of the common room no one was about, mostly everyone had headed outside for the chance to get some sunlight and recover from the party of the night before. While sunlight is clinically proven to be bad for your eyes when you have a hang over sunbeams have also proven to have a restorative affect if you sleep in them while you feel like crap. As he didn't quite feel up to the task of dragging his sorry arse down the stairs and back up them to go outside and sit in the sun he had curled up in front of the fire and was enjoying a large glass of water and the heat of the fire, he didn't plan on moving for the next few hours and god help the useless idiot that tried to move him.He watched cheerfully as the puffy shirt burnt in the fire he didn't knowwhere he got it from lat night, but since the name tag said'Slave' he thougtit a goodidea to get rid of it.Windows from outside shone a dim light into the Gryffindor common room and the fire spread a warm glow over the room. Sipping carefully on his glass of water Harry closed his eyes, and eased back into the chair he was sitting in the blankets piled around him, he was so going to kill Hermione one of these days but first he was going to get that hangover cure off her it bet raw eggs and Tabasco sauce any day.

Now, today we can see Harry quietly sleeping off a hard night working. Once in a while this shy beast will venture from it's burrow which you can see has been decorated in bright festive colours of red and gold this is either to warn off other creatures from attacking a Gryfindor as they're know or are used as a mating ritual to display their suitability as a mate. Other creatures can be seen in a variety of colours and can often be seen pruning themselves to better approach the opposite sex. Here we can see Harry has been exhausted from his social gathering, this is an important part in searching his for an attractive mate.

Harry gathered up his blanket and shifted out from in front of the fire when people started to come back inside. He wasn't really up for conversation at them moment and the next person that started humming "I got you Babe' will have his boot up their arse. As he walked up the stairs to his room he swore he could see someone hiding behind one of the couches, but he wasn't sure.

Quidditch is important to Harry, the ability to glide through the air above a cheering crowd tended to push back the latest attempt on his life by Voldemort. So when it came time to organise the new years teams, Harry's place on the team was important to him. Though you have to wonder, are there any other sports practiced at Hogwarts, even the most, Rugby, football, or Cricket obsessed high school does tend to have other sports or other out of class events for the students. At Hogwarts is there a Drama club, Art, Fashion, Photography, anything. Back to the story, Harry came down from the bathroom for the beginning of a new week; to see a sheet pinned up on the Gryffindor poster board. Next to the note that some one had an old broomstick for sale and if any one had seen Ron's pants, last seen wrapped around the statue of Dumbledore in the bottom hall entrance. If returned a reward is offered.The meeting for deciding the new team was going to be that Friday in the afternoon and announced that all decisions made last year by teaching staff who shall not be named are declared null and void.

Now, as we follow this fine specimen of a Gryffindor there are certain facts you have to remember. This is a delicate species they are known for acting wildly and irrationally at times. It has been suggested that a swift smack round the back of the head and the demand to 'Get over Yourself' would snap them out of it but it has yet to be tried. Those gathered around him are often seen following a Harry Potter, one is know for the large brain and big mouth the other, has a bright red brush and hair on the palms of their hands. The eating habits of a Harry Potter are a topic that has been discussed by many, now as we keep a careful eye on the shy fellow I'm sure we can catch a glimpse at him consuming his meal.

The Gryfindorr table was bustling with the noises of hungry students, you could almost hear the arteries hardening as the melted butter oozed off the side of a platter of mashed potatoes. The piles of roast meat and boiled vegetable brought a tear to the eye of any one who before going to Hogwarts had to eat food from a boarding school or college. No unnamed meat, here, no strange stews that have the same colour and consistency as wood glue. No evolutionary meals that begin as one thing today and appear tomorrow back on your plate as another. The students at Hogwarts would die of heart disease, but they were going to die with smile on their faces. The roof above the students heads was lit with hundreds of stars and would have made George Lucas eat his heart out.

Harry had a pile of roast potatoes and gravy a foot high on his plate, while the Dursley's were of the dry toast and water animal keepers. When he got back to Hogwarts the chance to stuff his face was to good to pass up, he could just imagine if Dudley had ever come her he would be fat enough to demand a forklift to get out of the house. Beside him Ron was picking away at a plate of roast beef which had been coated in a horseradish sauce. "Harry do you ever crave something different." Harry put his knife and fork down carefully.

"Well, Ron, I think everyone has the right to make their own choices and if you want something different that is perfectly fine with me." Harry picked his cutlery back up and dug into his potatoes.

"What they hell did you think I meant, no I mean there are times when I really crave vegetables, they haven't been roasted in dripping. Sometimes at night I dream of a crisp baby lettuce leaf salad with no dressing and cherry tomatoes." Harry chewed and swallowed the potatoes he had forced down his throat.

"I know what you mean, It's great to eat this stuff, but the never ending medieval feast does tend to turn you off roast meat and veg after a while." Picking up one of the bread rolls, sure that this at least could not be covered in animal fat like the rest of dishes on the table Ron started to pick the centre out of it.

"Once I asked the house elves to make a salad and they came back with the bowl of iceberg lettuce floating in salad cream./mayonnaise. I love roast but having it every night for six years is starting to really piss me off." From another table at the dinner a small head pops up and quickly sits back down the girl sitting next to this inquisitive watcher turns and stares.

" Hey, I don't mean to be rude but why are you wearing a Kahki safari suit?"

A Harrius Potterus have certain habits which we can take advantage of to catch the little blighter. Now he is a survivor and in the past has demonstrated an ability to survive life threatening situations that can't be rivalled. With no regard to his own safety and often the safety of other a Harrius is often shown to have the survival instincts of a suicidal Lemming. The young Harry was often seen visiting the hospitals ward, after exhibiting his total lack of self interest. While normal teenagers can also show this regard, only on Jackass is it equalled. A certain theme which links this head long rushes to his own doom, beside Voldemort, are the chance for Harry to rescue some helpless victim. A cute but misguided student who needs saving will bring Harry potter to our carefully laid trap quicker than a Quiditch match and a porno.

The classes before the Quidditch trials dragged by, for Harry, while everyone expected him to get the seekers position instantly he hadn't been able to practice in a while and as we all know Harry has the self worth of an earth worm. As he walked into Potions, he caught a movement out of the corner of eye, it had been happening all week some sandy coloured blob, just at the corner of his vision was following him around. He would be more worried but he didn't think Voldemort or any of his spies wore kahki shorts and elastic sided boots. As he got a glance at the first years pouring out of Snapes room, he noticed that several now had purple spots, and cat whiskers. It looked like they had had fun.

His first glance at Snape's red face was that this was a man who had not only visited hell and seen the devil but had also brought the coffee mug, and had his t-shirt signed, by Lucifer himself. At his table with Pansy, she had carefully lined up her Quills and her parchment was in neat piles and her ruler dived the desk in half. As he watched she carefully underlined1 her title page in red ink and placed the date and time on the top of the page. She had started humming under her voice. " . . .got you babe." Harry slapped his papers down on the desk and pulled out a stool. "Is it true that when you and Draco have sex you do it doggy style with a collar and choke chain?" Pansy stopped humming and started writing a letter to a friend and ignored the Gryfindor. Across the room a silent watcher kept an eye on Snape and palmed off ingredients form their table. At the front of the class Snape slammed a heavy book down on his desk right

"Today we will be attempting a simple potion which many are yet unable to complete Oilusb Ggeus. Now the list of instructions is up on the board if any one wants me I will be preparing for a later class. Don't try to bother me, unless the world is ending and even then knock first." Snape slumped down in his chair and rested his hands in his heads, 'Why was it him that got Potions, if the little delinquents weren't bad enough with magic he had to place chemicals that could make high grade explosives in their hands. This stuff wouldn't just blow up, it would turn you pink and cover you in feathers before it did it.' from his desk Snape carefully pulled out his silver hip flask and took a sip.

Walking out of his last class of the day, Harry was jubilant, he had Quidditch trials in an hour, as he walked down the dungeons corridor, a slip of paper in the shape of a paper bird flew down the hall and into his face. The bird stuck to his nose, Ron who had been walking with him jumped at the piece of paper. "Harry, are you Okay mate?" the paper remained attached to Harry's nose while he tried to yank it off.

"Ron, leave off, I think you'll rip my nose off." Ron stepped back as Harry aimed his wand at his nose and dissolved the spell on the paper. Written on the paper were the words:

Harry,

I have a person most precious too you. This misguided fool attempted to help you and in doing so has brought about their own doom. The only way to save them is to go to the second door after the stairs to the Ravenclaw common room past the painting of the Monkeys.

Your Sincerely

Second Cousin twice removed of Slytherine

P.S Could you stop off at the kitchen and pick up a fruit basket.

Thanks Do we need to go back and see what Harry does when he thinks that someone that was trying to help him is hurt by his enemies, no I didn't think so.

Right now we have to be very very quite when your hunting a Potter, this species is know for getting out of difficult situations. Now today, we've laid a careful trap to capture the little critter. A trail has been laid which will lead him to this room, inside we'll wait quietly and then when he springs the trap we'll get him.

The corridor off the Ravenclaw common room led to a small door, that was slightly ajar, to rush in or not to rush in. Harry ran inside to find no windows or lights lit the room, except for a small glimmer of light from a single torch he could not see the room,so he stood spotlighted in the open doorway, clutching a fruit basket in one hand that he had picked up from the kitchen house elves. "Get away from them you, . . What was it again?" As his eyes adjusted to the light he could see a figure wrapped in bulky dark robes sitting tied to a chair in the middle of the room. Rushing into the room Harry kept his wand out and a hand on the fruit basket. With a quick spell he managed to remove the ropes and kept telling the body that they we're going to be all right and that they had nothing to worry about, hands up everyone who thinks Harry gets off saving people sometimes. As the last rope slipped off the figure the door behind Harry slammed shut, and the figure rose up and collapsed into his arms, making him drop the fruit basket. "

Oh Harry, thank you thank you I don't know what happened." a slight voice emerged from the covered figure, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have rescued me." Harry held the cloaked figure in his arms.

"Umm, okay, do you know what happened to you and do you know how to get out of here." The figure reached to pull the cloth away from their face when an unseen breeze slipped through the room blowing out the single torch.

"Oh no the light has gone out and we can't see a thing."

"It's all right I have my wand I can just. . . ." the kidnapped figure stumbles in the dark into Harry knocking his wand away.

'I'm so sorry I can't see a thing. But I feel safe knowing your here Harry." Banging his ankle on the chair the figure had been tied to Harry kneels down and starts feeling around on the floor for a his wand.

"Oh Harry please don't leave me I don't feel safe." From above his head Harry felt a hand come down on his neck and he swore it started petting him. Jumping to his feet Harry tried to think of the most unsexual thing he could think of, this poor lost student didn't need him. Dursley's having sex Dursley's having sex. The lust was now under control. Before he knew it an arm came out of the darkness and was wrapped around his waist and a head was resting on his chest.

"Oh, Harry I don't think I could do this if you weren't here, your so brave," Another hand was slowly climbing up his chest and reached the edge of his t-shirt and played with the collar.

"You didn't say exactly who you are." The hands moved around to circle his neck and tightened gently,

" Oh Harry that's not important, all that's important is that I can show my gratitude in you saving me from a fate worse than death." Harry suddenly felt a hand drift down his back and go down the back of his pants. With a gasp he stepped away, and the door swung open slamming against the wall. In the bright light of the door Harry could see Ron standing with their broomsticks.

"Hey mate, sorry to interrupt your rescue mission but Quidditch trials are up so do you think you could save them after it?" Glancing around the room Harry could not see the figure, though the noticed that what had been tying the person to the chair looked suspiciously like a Khaki safari shirt. Scratching his head Harry grabbed the broomstick from Ron's hand and left the room. "Sure, I don't think they needed saving from a bad guy, per say, maybe from themselves, but not a bad guy."

Well today folks, we've seen how hard it is to catch a Harry Potter, this strange and rare creature is difficult to catch and the furthering of the species is something I feel needs particular attention. From the shadows of the room the boy most know as Crabbe picked up an apple from the pile that had fallen to the ground and bit down. He had tried but it looked like he had lucked out, oh well there is always next time.

Authors Note

Steve Irwin is strange creature not even Australian's understand.

Take a moment please to imagine Crabbe in a kahki safari suit.

This chapter didn't work as well as I hoped but, here you go.

Harry in this story is going to be completely oblivious to any one who is attracted to him. In fact to be able to get into bed they may have to lay naked on his bed covered in roses and burning scented candles. And when I think about it probably holding a big sign saying 'LETS HAVE SEX, YES YOU, YES NOW.'

Oilusb Ggseus. That is Boil Eggs in pig Latin .

Thankyou so much for reviewing Ophelia, Volleypickle16, and Licelli, this chapter is kind of a water shed the shit is going to hit the fan next week when other start to notice the hunt.I don't know if he'll end upwith one person, five people or no one, Thankyou for reviewing this chapter when it was registered under The Kindly Ones.

If you have any idea's please tell me, this story if you hadn't already picked it up is mostly my strange mutterings so if you have an idea I would love to try to put it in somewhere.

Please review, just click on the blue button right below you. If you could see me I would be doing puppy eyes. Please