Okay so before I go on to my notes, I'd like to ask my dear cousin and benefactor Hannah a question. What the hell do you mean it wasn't Snape's fricken fault? He listened to Dumbledore plead and beg and ask for mercy! Snape practically laughed at him! HE said the killing curse loud and clear and walked away without a second look! Tell me it wasn't because he's a cold hearted, evil, conniving, ugly, sinister, greasy-haired bastard! Give one good reason to change my mind!
Oh and I was really mad for two other reasons. One: Harry broke up with Ginny. Two: Ron and Hermione didn't get together. Oh, and I think it was wicked awesome that Lupin and Tonks are in love. So sweet and it plays right into my story. Now on to chapter eleven!
Chapter Eleven: How Lily Evans Really Thinks
"So who do you think this so called Secret Admirer really is?" Jen asked Lily while sitting in the Common Room twenty minutes after being released.
"I don't know. But I'm sure it was someone wonderful." She replied dreamily.
Hannah was examining the rose and the card. "There aren't any thorns on this. And this ink is all different colors."
"Does this seem familiar to anyone?" Andromeda said uncertainly.
"No, why?"
"Well Zonko's hasn't put that ink on the shelf yet and there are certain people we know who could make it."
"Are you saying that one of the Marauders sent me this? Lily said.
"No, I'm saying that they may have had something to do with this."
"Lily, I have bad news." Remus had just walked in.
"What is it?" She immediately put on her business face.
"The Christmas Ball has been canceled. Apparently Professor Dumbledore has a clogging lesson scheduled for that day and the Weird Sisters are booked every other time."
"Clogging?"
"Well, I'm sure there's a better reason than that but they won't tell us anything else." Remus flushed. "But I actually I also have some good news."
"Well enlighten us why don't you?" Jen said sassily. Remus stared blankly at her for a moment then seemed to collect himself.
"Right…The Potters are holding a Christmas Masquerade ball, and all of you are invited. They do this every year and James is going to send you invitations and explain it more fully." Remus smiled knowingly at Lily. "I just wanted to give you guys a heads up."
"Thanks. Our brake is nearly over so we should head to our last class." Hannah said packing up her books.
"Remus did you invite them?" James asked anxiously.
"Don't you mean did I invite Lily?"
"No…I mean did you invite her and all her friends?"
"Yes I invited them." Remus laughed.
"Come in, come in! We have a wonderful potion to brew today!" Professor Slughorn called to the Gryffindors and Slytherins assembled.
"Consider yourselves very lucky because today we will be brewing a potion called Felix Felicis. Can anyone tell me what it is?" Lily's hand immediately shot up. "Ah, yes Miss Evans?"
"Felix Felicis gives the drinker instant luck in whatever they attempt. However it is illegal to use it in contests or tests."
"Correct! Ten points to Gryffindor!" Slughorn cried proudly. "Who ever brews a successful potion can take a small amount as a prize. Just enough for twenty-four hours of luck. Directions are in your books please proceed."
As every one began to make their potions a certain Slytherin boy was calculating. Severus Snape was studying the list of ingredients and scribbling in the margins. 'The fool who wrote this was obviously not very gifted with Potions.'
At the end of the lesson only four students walked away with a bottle of gold potion. Lily Evans, Severus Snape, Aden Mellacost, and James Potter. James headed straight for his dormitory, hid his potion, grabbed his broom and went down to the pitch.
There he found Lily with her bag resting against the shed and a broom in her hand. He noticed that she looked pleased to see him and that her hair was in two braids instead of in a bun.
"Ready to do some flying?" James greeted her.
"Yeah, as long as it's slow." She warned.
"Okay then. Mount your broom and kick up. Good, pull your handle slightly up and go up a couple of feet." When they were about twenty feet in the air Lily gave a small scream and shot James a frightened look.
"Can we stop now?" There was a note of panic in her voice.
"Sure. Hold your broom steady and lean forward gently." They began to move forward slowly. "Now to turn shift your weight to either side slightly and guide your handle in the direction you want to go."
James demonstrated by going in circles. Lily watched transfixed. "Now you try." He said supportively.
After about an hour of trial and error Lily had mastered slow, if somewhat wobbly, circles. James instructed her to land and they reached the ground.
"Yay!" Lily squealed triumphantly. "Thank you!'
"Don't thank me just yet. But remember Evans you are inimitable." Lily gave him a strange look.
"Did you say inimitable?"
"Yeah, why?"
"No reason. Just it's not a common word."
"Oh."
"I'd better go." She picked up her bag and walked off. James watched her go and was about to leave when he noticed a worn purple leather book on the ground. He picked it up and looked at the front. In curly silver letters it said Lily Evans.
'I shouldn't open this. It's Lily's.' But his curiosity got the better of him. He opened the book and flipped through the pages. All of them were blank except for a date at the top of the page. He stopped on two days ago date. James stared at it for a moment then there was a bright flash and he found himself in the girls dormitory. Lily was sitting on a bed and apparently talking to herself.
"Diary, I know I don't usually do this but I'm going to talk about a dream I had. Well actually the boy in the dream I had." Lily's porcelain skin seemed to glow in the diary's depiction of her.
"He's been floating on the edges of my mind ever since. But I can't figure out who he is. All I know is that his eyes are beautiful and somehow familiar. I wish he were real, but he's not. He's too perfect." She said in a whispery dreamy sort of voice. "Those eyes…" Realization seemed to dawn on her. "Those eyes! They're his, but they lack that arrogant gleam. No they can't belong to Potter!" She spat the last word.
"He is the bane of my existence! The thorn in my side! He says he likes me. But does he really think that I don't remember, don't know that Black dared him in third year? Potter is a fool, not worth my time or energies."
"But I could drown in those eyes…"
James had seen enough he closed his eyes and found himself in the grounds once more. He stuffed the diary in his bag and went up to the castle. Two feelings were raging inside him. The first was a deep regret that she seemed to him so much, and the other was the need to know more about how Lily Evans really thinks.
"Hello Lily. Where have you been all afternoon?" Andromeda asked suspiciously at dinner.
"Oh, you know. At the Library doing homework." Lily said easily.
"Really?" Hannah asked skeptically. "Because Aden said that James told him he'd be at the Library today also."
"And that doesn't seem very likely." Jen continued. "Because he hates the Library."
"And I know you haven't gotten any homework done because none of your books have parchment sticking out of them." Andromeda grinned at the now cornered Lily.
"And we found James' things up in the boys Dorm half an hour ago while you two were missing." Hannah said smugly.
"So we are led to the obvious conclusion that the two of you were together since I noticed ten minutes after you showed up he did." Jen finished.
Lily looked slightly panicked for the briefest of moments. Then her expression cleared. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I did not go to the Library, but I wasn't with Potter."
"Sure you weren't." Andromeda said and continued to eat her mashed potatoes.
"Sssppp."
"Ahhh!" Jen screeched and jumped as she felt someone blowing on the back of her neck. She turned around and found all four Marauders laughing and patting Remus on the back.
"Good one Moony!" Aden said appreciatively.
"I know Stripes!" Remus grinned. "Angelic Jenny is just to jumpy for her own good."
"Can I speak to you for a moment Lupin?" Jen said deadly quiet.
"Sure." Remus replied carefully.
Once the two were out in the hall and alone Jen turned to Remus and said "Look Lupine I don't know what you're playing at but it better stop!"
Remus was nearly as white as a ghost. "What did you call me?" He asked weakly.
"Oh yes you're little secret." Jen grimaced. "It really wasn't that hard to figure out. I've been thinking about it for a long time, way before I woke up. Your nickname, trips to your mothers, and your uncanny hearing. I'm a smart girl Remus, you should known I'd figure it out."
"Do—do the others know?" He loosened his tie nervously.
"No, they haven't paid quite as much attention to you as I have. But it shouldn't be long, I know Lily suspects something."
"So I guess you hate me now."
"No, your condition doesn't really bother me. I know others with the same condition. I want to know why you've been treating me differently since I woke up."
"I haven't. I'm doing what I do to everyone else, I know more about you now."
"How so?" She looked disdainful.
"Why don't you go talk to Fabian about it? I'm sure he could fill you in." He shot back.
"How do you know about that?"
"I was only pretending to be asleep, I heard the whole conversation. I didn't know you felt that way about him, but now I do." He started to turn away.
"I don't like Fabian! I couldn't remember his name then, let alone remember whom my affections truly rest with! I didn't even know who Lily was!" She said tearfully.
"Then where do your affections rest, huh?" Remus glowered.
"Why should I tell you now? Everyone else seems to know, why don't you?"
"I don't know. Wishful thinking? Denial? Take your pick."
"What if he was standing in this very room?"
"Then the choice would be limited, considering there are only two first years standing over there and no one else."
She seemed to come to a sudden decision. "I've liked the same person for a long time." Then before Remus saw it coming she kissed him full on the lips. He finally responded and deepened the kiss. Jen's stomach was doing back flips, she had dreamed of this moment for nearly two years.
Finally Remus broke the kiss. "Me?"
"Well obviously, seeing as how I just kissed you." She laughed. "The girls are going to torture me when they find out."
"So this means you're my girlfriend now right?"
"Yeah, I guess it does."
"Well then, shall go back and greet the peasants?"
"We shall."
The two walked back in together smiling. They walked back to their table and sat down next each other. It was obvious everyone had been talking about the 'fight'. Lily coughed and looked at Hannah who in turn looked at Andromeda.
"So…what was that about?" James broke the silence.
"Oh, just a misunderstanding." Jen said lightly.
"But we made so everything is fine." Remus added simply.
"Great! Now that that's settled, I need to give the girls their invitations." James produced four red envelopes with green writing and handed them to the girls. "I hope you find these clear and are able to come."
Everyone finished their dinner and went to their dorms. As soon as all the girls were in the room Jen gave a delighted squeal.
"What?" Andromeda asked.
"You're not going to believe what I have to say!"
"Tell us!" Lily said impatiently.
"I kissed him!" She replied in a hushed voice.
"Who?" Hannah gave Jen the 'get on with it would you?' look.
"Remus! Who else? I am now the girlfriend of Remus Lupin!" Jen could barely contain her excitement and began to twirl around the room.
"I didn't think you had it in you!" Andromeda said animatedly.
"How was it? Is he good?" Hannah eagerly asked.
"Heaven on earth! Oh my god!"
"Well describe it!" Lily was not leaving any details unheard.
In the next room over a similar discussion was being held.
"So what really happened in the hall?" Sirius said to Remus who was now lying on his bed and staring at the ceiling.
"Why do you want to know?"
"Because it's obvious you did more than 'make up' out there." Aden replied mockingly.
"I think 'made out' is a more appropriate term." James joked.
"Well wouldn't you know Prongs, that's exactly right! You were the first to figure it out." Remus grinned.
"Are you serious?" Aden asked incredulously.
"Actually I am." Sirius received three pillows in the face.
"Yeah, it was great."
"Oh, little Moony is growing up! He has a girlfriend and everything!" James teased.
"Does she know about your lycanthropy?" Sirius asked seriously.
"She figured it out on her own." Remus looked relieved.
"After all that worrying too. Don't you wish you had asked her sooner?" Aden asked.
"No, I'm fine with this. I would've had to tell her if I had asked sooner."
Later that night James had woken up and couldn't fight his curiosity any more. He got up pulled out the diary and went down to the common room, not even bothering to put a shirt on.
He opened to yesterdays date and a flash of light pulled him into the diary.
"Today was so strange diary, I went out to the pitch to try and teach myself to fly when out comes James Potter. Much as I hate the boy I let him give me lessons. I couldn't keep my gaze of his eyes. They were just like in my dream. Friendly and gentle, without the slightest hint of arrogance."
She sighed and twisted a strand of that luscious hair. "I couldn't think straight, and all I could notice were his good looks and charm. Damn hormones! I know what he's really like, but today he wasn't Potter, I'm not sure who he was."
Her expression changed. "If he ever heard this or even looked at you diary, I'd kill him! I'd castrate him! If he found this I'd never forgive him."
Suddenly James found himself face to face with the real girl. She had a look of such pure hate that the contrast between the diary-Lily and the real Lily was shocking. How could he have been just a minute ago seeing her with a dreamy relaxed expression and now she looked ready to kill?
"What are you doing?" Lily was shrilly trying to be quiet.
"I'm sorry! This fell out of your bag today, and I was going to give it back, but I wanted to know what it was!" James pleaded.
"I don't care if you wanted to give it back! You should have returned it right away! That is highly personal, you're stupid but I didn't think you were this stupid!" She yelled at the frightened James.
"But…"
"But nothing! I hate you and nothing is going to change that!" She slapped him hard across the face leaving little pricks of blood where her nails had hit. Lily snatched the book off the ground and marched upstairs.
'Oh boy did I screw up really bad or what?'
Lily woke angry and upset and frustrated. She turned over on her pillow and winced. She looked down and found a thorny red rose with a card attached to it. This time it read:
Whatever is trueWhatever is noble
Whatever is right
Whatever is pure
Whatever is lovely
Whatever is admirable
If anything is excellent or praiseworthy
I find it in you
I never want anything to hurt you,
Your secret AdmirerWhen she picked up the rose a drop of blood fell onto her pillow from her finger
A/N That last bit with the rose and poem is highly symbolic. It's the same person notice anything though? Well thank you to my reviewers next chapter I'm going to start a review response section so leave me some really long reviews! If you would like to criticize anything on this chapter I welcome it. I think this was a little substandard but I want your opinions!
Poll: What is your favorite color? Mine is pink! Celina K2 :)