Disclaimer…nanaman???!! [AGAIN???!!]: …AGAIN…I don't own saiyuki [AGAIN… gloom…gloom… gloom…(~.~)] AGAIN… like any fan of saiyuki, I sometimes wish that I do own it! AGAIN hehehe!!!! {AGAIN…j/k, hindi naman masamang mangarap diba?[ AGAIN…hey, it's not that bad to dream, right?…]} (^_~)
A/N: {shouts out loud} welcome to chappie 2!!!…First of all, I want to thank those who put their reviews for the first chapter of "If and Then Statements"…{bows head} MARAMING SALAMAT POH!!! [ARIGATOH x 10000 to the nth power]…I appreciate it very much (^__^,)…er…I don't want this note to be very long…so please refer to chapter one's A/N instead…so let's begin!!!
P.S. btw…AGAIN…don't worry about the Filipino words here…I italicized them and put their translations in brackets so that everyone can relate (^_^)
If and Then Statements Chapter II
by dragon_wing_master
STATEMENT # 09: IF the Gensomaden Saiyuki characters will have their own basketball team…
…THEN…Kougaiji's team vs. Sanzo's team??? {ehehe…sweatdrops}
…THEN…Sanzo will obviously be the coach…ordering people around is his expertise (^_^)'
…THEN…Hakkai will obviously be the referee…inside AND outside the court
…THEN…Gojyo is nowhere to be found during "timeouts"…it's because he's busy scoring on something else; scoring with the pretty cheer dancers in the bleachers, that is! [hmmm…very typical of Gojyo {sweatdrops}]
…THEN…Goku and Lirin is nowhere to be found, too…where could they be? [looks for Goku and Lirin…Gee {sweat drops}…]…they're in the stalls buying popcorn, peanuts, hotdogs and…wait a minute…IS THAT BALOT???!!! [pinoys out there can relate…for those who can't relate…Balot is a Filipino delicatessen…it's duck's egg [lil' duckling inside included] eaten with salt…elders in my country says that eating Balot will make your knees strong…unfortunately I dunno any explanation about this…if you think that it's gross, disgusting or whatever you want to call it…here in my country…they call it… "DELICIOUS, my compliment to the chef!"]
…THEN…Doku will be kicked out of the basketball court by security guards and will point on a sign on the door… STRICTLY ONLY BASKETBALL PLAYERS CAN ENTER THE COURT: WRESTLERS, BOXERS OR ANY OTHER PLAYERS NOT CONNECTED WITH BASKETBALL ARE NOT ALOWED TO PLAY!…join the WWE or knockout sonny!
…THEN…Kougaiji will win the "MVP" award…he's very good in basketball…summoning those fireballs are pretty hard…but dribbling them?! [A/N: notice when Kougaiji summons evil…he forms it into a ball first…well, that gave my crazy mind an idea that he might be good in basketball!]…wait a second…that means he ties up with Hakkai!!…Hakkai has cool Chi' balls too! [unfortunately Hakkai is the referee already…he'll be the MVP too if he joins…but I don't want that to happen…without Hakkai for a referee…Araneta will be in ruins in no time! (Araneta is a coliseum here in my country where basketball games are usually held)]
…THEN…{GASP!}…Kanzeon Bosatsu is part of the members of the board??!!! Together with Kougaiji's step mom!
…THEN…Jiroushin will be the announcer…even if he sees the people in the court going chaos already, he will not announce anything bad happening because he always follows Kanzeon's commands…and knowing Kanzeon…who knows what EXCITING things might happen {a lil' peek in this scene…}
Jiroushin: {announcer type voice}…AND KOUGAIJI SCORES AGAIN!!!
Gojyo: that's unfair!…He used magic to score…
Kougaiji: I did not! You're just envious because girls likes me better than you are…I'm the MVP!! BWAHAHA! [A/N: Did you know that Sakuragi's (of SLAM DUNK) voice actor is the same as Kougaiji's? Unbelievable? Believe it!]
Kougaiji's OWN cheering squad: KOUGAIJI!… KOUGAIJI!…KOU-GAI-JI!! {hoorah, hoorah, yadda, yadda}
Goku: Sanzo…timeout…harahetta…
Sanzo: {cocks gun} URUSAI! Focus or we'll loose!
Lirin: Baldie Sanzo…HARAHETTA!!! {hugs Sanzo with cute puppy eyes}
Jiroushin: {announcer type voice} O-OH! Looks like our players are having a rough time in the court…er…{voice goes berserk already} YIPES! Gojyo and Kougaiji's fighting already…the crowd's gone wild…what to do…ACK! WHAT TO DO?!…Let's ask the board for their decision…what do you think Kanzeon?
Kanzeon Bosatsu: {smiles slyly} let them have a little fun…unchanging basketball scenes are boring… {watched blissfully as Gojyo hit Kougaiji with his chain-and-blade while Kougaiji's summoning evil and Sanzo fires his gun while Goku and Lirin caused a rampage on the hotdog stalls}
Jiroushin: {sweatdrops}…and your decision ma'am?
Kougaiji's step mom: …same here…[laughs deviously]…Go my Kougaiji! Hit him! Kill him! Riiiiip Him apart!… And give me Sanzo's sutra afterwards!
Jiroushin: er…THEN LET"S CALL THE PARAMEDICS!…AND THE REFEREE, what the hell are you doing?!
[It turned out that the head of the paramedics is Yaone and she's busily talking with the referee Hakkai right now]
{Jiroushin fainted…Nii took the microphone and announced "That's all folks!" showing his cute stuffed plushie bunny in the camera}
STATEMENT # 10: IF a Gensomaden Saiyuki character has {…GULP…} SARS…
…THEN…obviously, the one who has it is the old man that works for the group of Kougaiji [A/N: Sorry…I don't know his name…he's the old man with a weird head with weird stuff sticking on it and other gizmos…he works for the Gyumao revival project, inform me please if you know his name {er…I guess it's not that important}]
…THEN…the one who made the virus is Nii…perhaps he injected it on the weird old geezer guy with a weird head
…THEN…everybody will ask Hakkai to heal them…er…that is…If he CAN heal them!
…THEN…Yaone will try to create a potion to cure it (^_^)
…THEN…Sanzo will use his long sutra to cover his mouth [A/N: but Sanzo…you must do something about your eyes too {imagines Sanzo in shades…ACK! CREEPY!}]
…THEN…Gojyo will minimize his girl hunting…he's afraid to be contaminated by the virus…but knowing Gojyo…well…YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!
…THEN…hmmm….perhaps from this day forth, the Sanzo-ikkou will try their best to make sure that their surroundings are clean…Hakuryu's compartment I mean, it needs a lil' cleaning [definition of cleaning: cigarette butt free, scattered porno magazines free, spoiled food free, obviously dirt free, and who-knows-what-lies there free]
…THEN…er…do you think… If Goku has it…he will minimize his big appetite? [his three companions pretended that they didn't hear anything]
STATEMENT # 11: IF the Gensomaden Saiyuki characters [Gaiden included] will enter a mall…
…THEN…they have to disguise their selves or else fans will go drooling over them in no time…crushing them into a pulp
…THEN…Gojyo will buy new Polo shirts for his big brother Doku…let's just say that he noticed his brother wearing almost the same thing everyday that sometimes he's not wearing anything on top at all, and if he DO wear anything, Gojyo noticed that it's like a dress {sweatdrops} [A/N:…again, sorry to interfere, but I just noticed that usually Doku is portrayed wearing pants only and nothing on top: no shirt, no polo, no vest whatsoever or he's wearing the white thingie that…err…looks like a dress (^_^)'…no offense to Doku fans out there…if there is]
…THEN…Tenpou's first stop in the mall is National Bookstore or PowerBooks [National and PowerBooks are both bookstores here in my country]
…THEN…awww….Goku and Lirin eating together in the food court…hmmm…do you think they'll accept Sanzo's credit card?…NO?!…O-Oh! We're in big trouble!, they have to wash the dishes then, afterwards to pay for it [that will take for months!]
…THEN…ooops!, Sanzo cannot enter?…the metal detector go berserk when Sanzo passed…guess he have to leave Smith and Wesson to the security guards… but knowing Sanzo, he'll blow their heads with his gun instead!
…THEN…Yaone cannot have a shopping spree unless she will give the security guards all the explosives she brought
…THEN…the security dogs will keep on barking on Hakkai, they detected a bomb inside his body [Hakkai: yare yare desu ne {summons a chi' ball}]
…THEN…Kougaiji's mom is in the beauty parlor right now having a pedicure and a hair treatment…it's time for her to put those ugly looking dumplings in her hair away and ride with the new fashion hairstyles [Kougaiji's mom is so vain that it's killing me!…I wanna puke!, I think what she needs is a plastic surgery!]
…THEN…Nii will look for cute stuffed bunnies in Gift Gate…they sell the cutest stuffed toys there (^_^)…awww, cute plushies!
…THEN…Kanzeon Bosatsu will be in the Gardening Department…she must buy new plants for her pond in heaven don't you think? [Holland Tulips anyone?]
…THEN…hmmm…what will happen if Sanzo bought a machine gun?? {a lil' peek on this scene…}
Sanzo:………………………………..alright, I'll buy that {took machine gun from storeowner and KATCHING! from his gold credit card}
{somebody entered the store…GASP! It's Zeon!}
Zeon: What the…{saw the machine gun} GAYA GAYA! [YOU COPYCAT!]
…THEN…Shien will buy hair accessories! [I liked Shien's hair when he unleashed it in the second to the last episode…so long and so silky that he could have passed for a shampoo commercial! Head and Shoulders?]…and a jumping rope?! Gee…
…THEN…Konzen will be lost in the mall looking for Goku…but knowing Goku, there's only one place to find him! [hmmm…I think Konzen must do something with his hair too, It sure will attract a lot of attention! His hair is so beautiful that I wish a person truly exist with such wonderful golden hair [btw I liked Sanzo's hair too…to think that they're the same person]
…THEN…Kenren probably will be in Padi's Point or any bar in the mall with Hakkai having a drinking competition…the whole gang could be there too!
…THEN…Nataku is…what?!, he's looking for a cell phone and a laptop? So much for a fighting god! [hi-tech!]
…THEN…Jiroushin is…hmmm…where the hell is Jiroushin? {looks for Jiroushin…er…guess where he is?}…he's having a neo print taken! {Jiroushin shows dragon_wing_master the neoprint…Jiroushin with the peace sign} ehehe {sweatdrops}, perhaps he wants a remembrance for his first mall experience here on earth?
STATEMENT # 12: IF someone will give the Saiyuki boys a Play Station…
…THEN…that means they should buy a T.V. right? {Sanzo showed dragon_wing_master the almighty credit card…KATCHING!…[sweatdrops]}
…THEN…Hakkai will play Gran Turismo, Nascar Rumble, Rally Cross and almost all driving stimulation games humans invented
…THEN…Hakuryu will love to play Lunar…he will have a dragon friend there [You know the cute dragon Nall?]
…THEN…the Play Station will be destroyed…Goku will try to eat the wires thinking it was Yakisoba!
…THEN…Sanzo will love playing violent games…games that includes shooting a gun if you know what I mean
…THEN…poor Gojyo, It's pretty hard to find a game with sexy ladies that you can interact with, Thousand Arms have a dating game though, wanna borrow? {shows the CD, Gojyo nods!}
…THEN…Kanzeon Bosatsu will buy one too if she sees the Saiyuki boys having fun, A Play Station could put away the boredom that heaven's environment have [imagine Jiroushin and Kanzeon Bosatsu playing Street Fighter or Tekken!…ACK! Imagine them doing…WHAT?…DANCE REVO?!!!]
…THEN…their journey to the west will be postponed…if they will keep on playing games instead of focusing in their journey
STATEMENT # 13: IF Hakuryu can change into an airplane…
…THEN…
Hakuryu: {sweatdrops}…Kyu Kyu?
Hakkai: a jeep's fine with me…but an airplane?! Who will drive that thing?!
Gojyo: {looks at the huge compartment} hmmm…huge compartment heh? All my chicks will have room here…Aida will sit there, Lorna will sit there, Fe will sit there…Blah! Blah! Blah!
Sanzo: URUSAI! {whapack!}…I have plans for that space {thinks to himself: I will place all the weaponry in our temple there…}
Goku: Sanzo…can we put a restaurant inside?
Sanzo's harisen: WHAPACK!
…THEN…they will reach their destination in one hour…BORING…Hakuryu being an airplane is not a good idea after all
…THEN…how will youkais attack them now? I've heard of youkais jumping very high…but youkais flying?!
___________*****__________
…to be continued…
A/N: yipeee! Chappie two is finished! Watch out for chapter three k?…hope that you like this fic, I want to make it longer but I want to save the other statements for the next chapters…please x 10000 to the nth power, review, I want to hear from you, I want to know if I could be a good fic writer someday like those fanfic writers out there because I'm just a beginner {Yep! This is my very first fic…by the way, please read my second fic too, the title is "VALUE OF FRIENDSHIP" and I hope that you'll like it too}, and if you have ideas don't be shy to tell me k?…but if you have comments…please say it nicely Ne?…don't be harsh on a thirteen years old gurl like me…tao lang ako nagkakamali din! [I'm only human, I make mistakes too]…{KNOCK! KNOCK!}…hey I have visitors…come in!
Sanzo-ikkou entered dragon_wing_master's lair…
Hakkai: konichiwa dragon_master_wing, Ano…you don't mind if we have a little peek on the new statements? We hear you shouting praises that we couldn't help but wonder if the second chapter is finished [smiles]
Dragon_wing_master: [thinks to herself: o-oh!] a…..e…..i…..o….
Hakkai: Is there a problem?
Dragon_wing_master: …U!…{snap back to reality}…Oh, nothing! Nothing!…please feel at home…you want tea?
Sanzo: what we want is to read the new statements!
Dragon_wing_master: {GULP!} k…{hands the new statements to Sanzo and hides behind Hakkai}
Sanzo:………………………………………………………………..{cocks gun and points it to dragon_wing_master}
Hakkai: {sweatdrops}…you're torturing us again Ne?
Dragon_wing_master: ehehe…GOMEN GOMEN GOMEN! Wait a minute!…how did you guys know that I…
Goku: It's because we read the first chapter while you're sleeping!
Dragon_wing_master: …………(o.o)….you did? {thinks to herself: and to think that I want to make it secret!}
Gojyo: hmmm…not that bad…{laughs like a hyena}…TRUE! TRUE!… I noticed that my big brother wears the same thing almost everyday! Harhar! guffaw guffaw!…{stops laughing and looked at dragon_wing_master} say…how about dinner and…you know…{holds dragon_wing_master's hand}
Dragon_wing_master: ACK! Let go of my hand…you pervert! {good thing Sanzo saved dragon_wing_master…or else!}
Sanzo: URUSAI! {whapack from the almighty harisen} she's only thirteen you ero kappa!
Gojyo: Hey! I just want her to be my FRIEND!
Hakkai: yare yare desu ne!
Goku: Hey! Lirin and company is here too {reads statement}…hmphhh! No way will I share food with that Lirin! She's Baldie Sanzo's girl frien….
Sanzo: Continue it and you're one dead monkey {points gun}
Dragon_wing_master: please…please…don't fight here…I don't want my room destroyed…(^_^)'''' {knock! Knock!}…hey…We've got company…come in…
Kougaiji's group entered dragon_wing_master's lair…
Dragon_wing_master: Yipes! This means more trouble! {looks at readers} Goodbye then! And please review! {runs out of the room}