Caitlin put the phone down and tapped it thoughtfully. Maybe it was time to go back to LA; her trip home hadn't been that successful and Hawke had sounded eager to have her back…she stalked to the window of her childhood bedroom. She crossed her arms and stared out unseeingly at the silhouette of the massive oak tree across the lawn with the remnants of the tree-house that her father had helped her build in its branches. Dammit, she'd gotten past this, past her crush on Hawke, she thought angrily. She'd accepted that he didn't see her as anything more than a friend and she'd been…content.

Caitlin slumped into the window seat. She'd been kidding herself, she realised miserably. The situation with Le, Hawke needing her so much, had renewed the small, tiny buried hope she'd had. Well, Hawke might have needed her then but he didn't now and if she wanted to stay in LA and flying Airwolf, she was going to have to get over it and stop hoping for something that was never going to happen.

She sighed hearing her mother calling for her and got to her feet. Why had she thought coming home would be a good idea? All she'd had all week was criticism over her choices; joining the police force, leaving the police force, being single. Her older sister Erin, recently married and now pregnant with her first child, had been held up as the shining example she was failing to live up to. She pushed her feet into a pair of sandals and viewed her appearance with a critical eye, reaching for her lipstick. Her mother had insisted that they dress up for a big family dinner that evening so she was wearing a new green silk halter-neck dress that flowed over her boyish body accentuating the few curves she did have. Her brothers were coming over with their families and even her younger sister was coming with a new boyfriend apparently. Caitlin frowned at her reflection. Something was going on. Her whole family had been cagey about the dinner as if something important was going to happen and only she didn't know what…she sighed at her mother's second, more insistent call, put the lipstick down and left the bedroom. Her family's ranch was a sprawling maze of rooms and it took a few moments for her to reach the den. She paused outside the door, the chatter of excited voices audible through the thick wood and straightened her shoulders, took a deep breath. She swung the door open and stopped. Shock coursed through her at the sight of her little sister with a diamond flashing on her left hand hanging off the arm of Caitlin's own childhood sweetheart…

It was past midnight when Caitlin celebrated getting through the evening with another bite of chocolate ice-cream and wondered when her life had become such a mess.

'Ice-cream?'

Her head swivelled to her older sister Erin standing in the doorway of the kitchen, her hands resting over the small bump of her unborn child.

Caitlin shrugged. 'Trouble sleeping?'

Erin laughed. 'I haven't slept since we found out about the baby.' She admitted. 'Is that chocolate?'

Caitlin got up and guided her sister to the chair next to hers. She got another spoon from the drawer and handed it to Erin.

'You know if Mom catches us we are going to be so grounded.' Erin said, tucking in.

'She can't ground us.' Caitlin giggled.

'Want a bet?' Erin joked, smiling. There was a short silence as both sisters dug into the tub.

'So how are you doing?'

Caitlin stiffened at the sympathetic question. 'I'm OK.'

'Cait…'

'I'm OK.' Caitlin insisted. 'I mean, Tom and I broke up years ago.'

'Because you said no to his proposal.'

'Because he couldn't deal with my having a career.' Caitlin said. 'He wanted a stay-at-home wife and that wasn't me.' She sighed. 'He and Fiona seem happy; I'm happy for them.' She rolled her eyes at her sister's disbelief. 'Really.' She scooped out more ice-cream. 'I just wish someone had told me and saved me the surprise.'

'I don't think any of us knew how to tell you.' Erin admitted. 'And besides, you've hardly been around to tell.'

'I've been here all week…'

'Sure and this is practically the first time since Christmas. Since you got this job in LA you rarely call and when you do you seem distracted. And when you visit, you come back covered in bruises. We worry.'

Caitlin took a bite of ice-cream and tried to keep a smile on her face. 'You sound like Mom.'

'Maybe she's got good reason.' Erin said and held her hands up before Caitlin could argue. 'Hey, you even missed my wedding.'

'My plane got hi-jacked.' Caitlin muttered.

'My point is,' Erin stressed, 'that you've put more than just physical distance between you and everyone here.'

Caitlin considered how hurt she'd felt the last few days with Hawke and she flushed with guilt. 'I'm sorry.' She said.

Erin shook her head. 'I'm not asking for an apology. It's just…you were a good cop, Caitlin.' She started digging into the melted mush left in the tub. 'I don't think any of us kinda understand why you suddenly threw in the towel to play at being in Hollywood.'

'That's a little harsh, Erin.' Caitlin said stung.

'Well, what are we supposed to think? You never talk about it.'

Caitlin fiddled with her spoon. She had never told her family the details of what had happened in Pope County or its ramifications.

Erin flicked her red hair over her shoulder and took a mouthful of ice-cream. 'So what did happen?'

Caitlin squirmed in her chair. 'It's complicated.'

'I'm not going anywhere.' Erin said firmly.

'You can't tell anyone.' Caitlin said.

Erin nodded and traced a cross over her heart solemnly as she had done when they'd been children and swapping secrets.

'You know I got reassigned to Pope County.' Caitlin began.

Erin struggled to hear the quiet words but nodded solemnly.

'My first day, I saw a prisoner on a bike being chased by the Pope County Sheriff, a guy called Bogan.' Caitlin's eyes focused on the past, on a sunny day with the shriek of sirens cutting through the engine noise of the helicopter, of the two streams of dust below her from the bike and the pursuing police car. 'He was a nasty piece of work, ran the prisoner off a high verge. The man was hurt but Bogan threatened to shoot him if I didn't leave.'

'You left.' Erin confirmed.

Caitlin nodded. 'But I went back that night on my own time, asked to see the prisoner. Bogan refused so I figured I'd get a court order, go back the next day.' She gave a humourless laugh. 'At the time I thought he was just being territorial and sexist to boot.'

'But he wasn't?'

'Nope.' Caitlin shoved the spoon in the tub. 'He was completely corrupt. He would find drifters and sell them to this hunting ranch where people would pay the owner to hunt them.'

'God in heaven.' Erin's hand crept to her belly.

'Anyway, he tried to scare me off by getting some local boys to kidnap me but there was…a distraction and I got away.' Caitlin dropped her eyes to the table. 'I went back the next morning with the court order.'

'Alone?' Erin questioned. 'You didn't take back-up?'

'It was my second day, Erin. I didn't want anyone to know that I screwed up and let it get out of control.' Caitlin sighed and brought her feet up onto the chair, wrapped her arms around her knees. 'I got to the jail, there was no sign of the prisoner but Hawke was there.'

'Hawke? The guy you work with now?' Erin's eyebrows shot up.

'Yeah. Hawke knew the prisoner, Jimmy. He'd come looking for him only Bogan had thrown him in jail. The Sheriff caught me helping Hawke make his phone call. I got shoved in a cell and Bogan sent in his boys to rough me up a little.' Caitlin's fingers traced the edge of the table as she avoided her sister's eyes.

'Caitlin…'

'Before anything really bad could happen, Hawke rescued me.' Caitlin said.

'Some timing.'

'It sure was.' Caitlin said and her eyes focused inward on old images; the rough touch of the men crowding her back into her cell, the panicked run from the jail, the shots zinging through the air and the sight of Airwolf, protecting her small police chopper like a she-wolf with its cub. 'Anyway, Hawke disappeared as soon as he checked out I was OK but there was a hell of a mess left behind.' She shook her head to clear the memory of the burning rubble that had been all that was left of the jail. 'And I was left with having to explain everything.'

Erin put her spoon down. 'You got into trouble?'

'That's one way to put it.' Caitlin said dryly. 'I don't blame the department really. I'm not sure I would have believed the report I submitted.' She bit her lip; she'd consciously failed to name Hawke and had left out a full description of Airwolf. Not that either would have made the report more believable. She sighed. 'And besides, my judgement, how I tried to handle things with Bogan, it was questionable. The whole thing ruined my credibility.' She wondered at the relief of finally saying it.

'Oh Caitlin.' Erin reached out across the table and took hold of her younger sister's hand.

'When I asked for leave, nobody in the department tried to stop me.' Caitlin gave a brief laugh. 'And when I resigned, they just sent me a standard letter.'

'Why didn't you tell any of us?' Erin asked.

'Sure and have Mom tell me she told me so.' Caitlin shook her head and withdrew her hand gently. 'I just wanted to get my own head around what had happened.'

'Is that why you ran off to LA?'

'I didn't run off.'

Erin sighed. 'Cait, after what you went through in Pope County and afterwards with the police department…I would have wanted to run away from all that.'

'I volunteered to return Jimmy's body to his family as my last act as a police officer. I thought it was the least I could do since it was my fault he died. I should have stayed with him when he was hurt.' Caitlin explained.

'And you met up with Hawke at the funeral?'

'And I met up with Hawke.' Caitlin confirmed omitting that she'd searched him out. Erin didn't know about Airwolf and she wasn't telling her.

'Does he know what happened with the police department? Is that why he offered you a job?'

Caitlin shook her head. 'I've never told him. What would be the point? I stayed because I like LA and I like the work.'

'And you like Hawke.'

'Of course I like him.' Caitlin said. 'He's one of my closest friends.'

'That wasn't what I meant.' Erin said taking another spoonful of ice-cream.

Caitlin sighed and dug back into the ice-cream. She definitely wasn't talking about her mixed-up feelings for Hawke.

Erin watched the play of emotion across her sister's face. 'So if you're not upset about Tom and Fi, what's wrong?'

'You're being bossy.' Caitlin sniffed.

'Big sister privilege.' Erin pointed at the almost empty tub. 'You only eat ice-cream in the middle of the night when you're unhappy.'

'I'm not unhappy.' Caitlin automatically denied the charge.

'Cait,' Erin said, 'a blind man could see you're out of sorts. What is it?'

Caitlin caved under the stern sisterly gaze, and gestured with the spoon, spilling ice-cream onto the table. 'Maybe Mom's right. Maybe I haven't made the right choices.'

'I can't believe you just said that.' Erin laughed. 'Are you sure you're feeling well?'

Caitlin raised a small smile. 'Well, I look at you. You've done all the things Mom told me to do and you're happy; married, baby on the way.' She fidgeted. 'And whilst I'm really OK about it being Tom marrying Fi…I guess it's just a little galling that my younger sister is going to be married before me at all.'

'You've never acted like marriage was something you desperately wanted.' Erin said slowly. 'You've always been more interested in your career and flying.'

Caitlin shrugged. 'I turned thirty not so long ago, Erin. Maybe my priorities are changing.'

Erin regarded her for so long, Caitlin moved in her chair uncomfortable with the intensity of the look.

'What?'

'I was just thinking how much I've envied you over the years.'

'You have?'

'Yeah.' Erin said. 'Oh, don't get me wrong, I love Paul and I'm thrilled about the baby but…I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like if I'd gone to Paris to study music like I wanted and not taken the job in Grandpa's business like everyone told me to.' She smiled. 'You've always been brave enough to go after everything you want. I admire that.'

'I don't feel very brave right now.' Caitlin confessed.

'You know what I think?'

'I have a feeling you're going to tell me.' Caitlin said.

'I think your confidence got shaken with the Pope County thing and I think you ran off to LA to lick your wounds.' Erin sighed at Caitlin's mulish expression. 'And I think you're feeling unsettled because you're starting to realise that it isn't what you want.'

'So what is it that I want?'

'Honey, that,' Erin levelled her green eyes at her sister, 'you're going to have to work out on your own.' She rose from the table and dropped a kiss on Caitlin's head. 'Goodnight, sis.'

'Night.' Caitlin murmured. She retrieved the spoons and took them to the sink. She considered Erin's words as she washed up. Maybe her sister was right. Maybe she had run away to LA, she mused. She had been badly hurt by the Pope County thing; she'd never fooled herself on how close she'd come to dying that day. She had seriously questioned her own judgement and had never blamed her superiors for doing the same. Meeting Hawke again, getting involved with Airwolf had given her the excuse she had needed to hide from it.

She sighed as she wiped her hands on a towel and threw the ice-cream tub in the trash. Even if she had run to LA, her life there wasn't so bad…she got to fly an incredible helicopter, take part in some important missions and there was her friendship with the guys particularly Hawke…she frowned unhappily. But was it what she wanted? The question sat uneasy in her mind as she made her way up to bed.