Bandit- Wow, I actually updated! I'm so proud of myself!
Sanji- (red in the face) I can't believe you're pairing me with Usopp! What the hell's wrong with you!
Bandit- Shut up, Sanji. You don't get a say in the matter.
Zoro- Suck it up, Love Cook. He's not that bad.
Sanji- Why don't you get paired with him then?
Zoro-… I'm with Luffy.
Bandit- Would you both stop arguing so I can post this thing? Gods, stupid muses…
Disclaimer- Nah, I just force them to do my will.
(A/N) Two more characters introduced! (cackles)
"SANJI!" The blond hid a wince as his boss stormed out of the kitchens, creating a ruckus for all the diners to see. God, this was not his day. "WHAT THE HELL DID I TELL YOU ABOUT BEING LATE?"
"Chill, old man," Sanji replied, sticking a new cigarette in his mouth. He'd just gotten inside the restaurant and already getting chewed out. The man had a sixth sense or something when it came to tardiness…"It's just a few minutes… not like it's a big deal or anything." That was one of the dumbest things he could say, and both he and Zeff knew it.
Before Sanji had time to react, his ass was flying through the air and kissing the walls in a split second. The old man could move fast when he wanted to, despite his peg leg.
"I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE ASSISTANT CHEF! YOU CAN SHOW UP ON TIME LIKE THE REST OF US! NOW FUCKIN' GET TO WORK!" Zeff gave Sanji the evil eye, then whirled around and stormed his office upstairs without another word.
Customers shook in their seats with wide eyes. They'd known the Baratie could be a violent place to eat at, but most had never seen it first hand. Only the regulars, waiters, and cooks shrugged it off. Seeing Sanji get his ass kicked wasn't anything new.
Calmly, Sanji picked himself off the floor with more grace than someone would give him credit for. Yeah, he was bleeding from a head wound, but the injury was minor; Zeff was in a good mood today… There wasn't even a dent in the wall. 'He had to make me lose my cigarette…'
"Oi. Sanji!" The blonde glanced up and rolled his eyes in annoyance. "Looks like ya got another ass whooping today!"
"Thank you for that update, Pati," Sanji deadpanned, walking away to the bathrooms. God, the man was annoying as hell. "Now stop following me and get your shitty ass back into the kitchens."
"Ho, you're not the boss of me!" Pati totally ignored Sanji's request in favor of harassing him some more. "You think we don't knows why you're always late, but we knows!"
Despite himself, Sanji had to wonder what stupid rumors were flying around, especially if the were about him. "And exactly what do you people know, huh?"
Pati puffed out his massive chest and grinned evilly. "It's obvious! You're rolling around with that roommate of yours… Zoro, ain't it?" Pati's grinned harder as Sanji's face slowly drained of both color and emotion. The man apparently didn't understand the extreme danger he was in. "Yeah, we all knew a pansy like you liked it in the ass, Sanji! You're as gay as they come!" Pati continued on, digging his grave in the process.
Some of the waiters who'd overheard the conversation quickly herded customers near the soon-to-be murder site away to safer grounds. Other's prayed for Pati's soul when he reached the afterlife, and one waiter in particular just dived under the nearest table, ignoring the angry protests from the people sitting there. It was every man for himself because Sanji was about to go off the deep end.
Zeff grunted as he heard the series of smashes and howls of pain from downstairs. He'd bet Pati had just said something extremely stupid. "SANJI! IF ANY OF MY TABLES ARE BROKEN I WILL KICK YOUR ASS OUT THIS RESTAURANT!" he bellowed.
"TAKE IT OUT OF MY PAYCHECK, OLD MAN!" Sanji hollered back, his foot resting on Pati's bleeding back. "I'M GONNA BREAK A FEW THINGS TODAY!"
"Wait! Sanji mercy! I was only joking!" Pati tried to scramble out from under Sanji's Italian boots, but the blonde wasn't done yet. The man applied more pressure with his foot and searched for another cigarette.
"Stop squirming and take your ass whooping like a man," Sanji drawled, smirking nastily. "I'll show you exactly who's the pansy in this restaurant."
Five minutes later, the Baratie returned to some form of normalcy. Pati was in the medical room Zeff had built onto his restaurant in case of injuries (it was used almost everyday), some of the more squeamish customers had fled, and everyone else ate the rest of their meal as calmly as possible.
The one waiter who'd scrambled under the table made his reappearance, his eyes glancing back and forth for any danger. When he deemed it safe to get up, the man crawled out and got to his feet, heading directly for the blonde smoking near the entrance door.
"Geeze Sanji! What'd Pati say to set you off this time!" Sanji glanced at the long-nosed boy and looked away.
"Hello, Usopp," he replied easily. "I see you've come out from under that table."
"Hey! I wasn't hiding! The Great Usopp doesn't hide!" Usopp puffed his chest out as he addressed himself in such a manner. "I was checking to make sure there wasn't any gum under the tables! We can't have any dirty tables at the Baratie, after all! The boss would have a fit!" Usopp's face took on an earnest look, as if he believed his own lie.
Sanji resisted smiling. "Did you make that up just now? Not too bad. An idiot might actually believe it."
Usopp huffed loudly and folded his arms, offended. "I'll have you know that was exactly what I was doing!"
In response, Sanji blew a cloud of smoke Usopp's way. "Whatever, needle-nose."
The boy coughed and got ready to shout as his friend when he caught the blood Sanji had suffered from Zeff's rage. "Uh, Sanji… there's still blood on your head." Usopp gingerly touched the small wound and showed his bloody fingers to the blonde. "Come on. Let's get this cleaned up."
Sanji had no time to protest as Usopp dragged him by his jacket straight to the bathrooms. "It's a scrape, Usopp. I'm not gonna die."
"Yeah, that's what you said when Zoro almost gave you that concussion. You were in the hospital for three days." Usopp pulled Sanji through the swinging doors and in front of the nearest sink.
"Shit head got in a lucky shot," Sanji mumbled, straightening his jacket when the long-nosed boy let go. Without any interest, Sanji watched his friend pull off his head scarf and wet it with cold water. "You could just use a towel…"
"Do you know what we wash those in?" Usopp asked, and then handed the handkerchief to Sanji. "It's not soap, I'll tell you that right now. Dab it, Sanji," he instructed when Sanji just stood there with the wet cloth in his hand, staring at Usopp. "And why are you staring at me?"
"Do you know how long it's been since I've seen you with your hair down?" he replied, doing as told. The coolness soothed away the little ache from Zeff's attack. "No wonder you don't have a girlfriend. Maybe if you kept it like this you'd get a date."
Nervously, Usopp pushed his hair back behind his ears and pulled another scarf to wrap it in. "I hate my hair. It's too curly and gets everywhere," he complained. "And maybe I don't want a girlfriend, Sanji. Not everyone's a major player like you."
"One, I'm not a player. I'm a gentleman. Second, I've seen you eyeing that rich blonde girl that comes down here on Wednesdays," Sanji said. He chuckled lightly as Usopp sputtered in embarrassment. "Oh come off it. Maybe if you actually talked to her you'd have a chance. Even you have some charm." He eyed Usopp with a smirk. "Well, maybe not charm, but you could always make her laugh at your stupidity."
"I don't like her like that! And I have talked to her, so there!"
"Liar."
"I'm serious, Sanji! Her name's Kaya!"
The taller man shrugged. "Whatever you say…" Sanji threw the bloody cloth away to his friend's disappointment. "I'll buy you a new one, though I don't know why. You have at least fifty."
"But that was my favorite," Usopp whined, following Sanji out the bathroom door. "And you knew it!" Once again, the blonde shrugged, not really caring. He was already overdue for greeting the pretty ladies at the front door.
The two walked in companionable silence for once as they headed back toward the main part of the restaurant. They still had customers to wait on, and if Zeff caught either of them doing nothing he'd deduct at least half of their paycheck.
"Hey, Sanji… Why did you beat Pati up?" Usopp asked curiously before they parted ways. While Sanji could practically do as he pleased (as long as Zeff didn't catch him), Usopp was just a waiter and had to get back to work.
Sanji raised a curled eyebrow. "You didn't hear that elephant shout it to half the restaurant?"
"Hey, I took one look at your expression and ran for cover. I know how you get."
"I thought you said you were looking for gum under the tables?" Usopp pointedly ignored that question and waited for Sanji to answer. "Alright… he said the reason I'm always late is because of Zoro."
Usopp looked confused. "I thought that was the reason you're always late. At least that's what you tell me."
"He thinks Zoro's fucking me," Sanji deadpanned.
It took Sanji three minutes to calm Usopp down from his laughing fit. "Would you shut your mouth! It's not that funny!" He'd kick the boy into a coma if he wasn't afraid Usopp would laugh himself into it.
"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU AND ZORO? GAHAHAHAHAHA!" Usopp couldn't breathe and had to lean on a wall. Oh, he'd seen those two fight, and there's no way anyone could get them in the same bed, let alone have sex. "WHAT IDIOT CAME UP WITH THAT RUMOR?"
Just then, two young waitresses searching the halls stopped and stared at them. "Usopp, you're the one who started the rumor," the blonde woman said while the brown haired one coughed to hide her smile. "Remember? Everyone asked you why Sanji was always late and you said it was probably because Zoro kept him up all night." She nodded to herself. "Yeah, you said that this morning when the boss was going on about how he'd kick Sanji into next week."
Abruptly Usopp stopped his laughter and started to sweat. Slowly, Sanji turned to face Usopp, his face void of any emotion except for the danger reflected in his one visible eye. "Oh yeah, I did say that…" Usopp didn't wait for his friend to respond and ran as fast as his legs would move. "I HAVE TO SERVE THE CUSTOMERS! TALK TO YA LATER!"
'I know where you live, liar,' Sanji seethed silently. Instead of chasing after like he wanted to, Sanji abandoned all thought of Usopp and faced the two women. "Ladies!" he gushed with hearts in his eyes. "Thank you so much for clearing that mess up for me! You're both so smart!" The blond woman blushed at the compliment. The other just rolled her eyes and nodded toward the direction of the kitchen.
"We came to find you, Sanji. Zeff came down and said he wanted you cooking or he'd personally stick his foot up your ass. He's still angry about you coming in late… and he saw all the broken tables." Sanji winced.
"Thank you for telling me." He grinned at them both and bowed. "My pleasure talking to you ladies," he said as a farewell before gliding to the kitchens.
"Becci, stop drooling over him…" The blond didn't hear her, eyes locked on Sanji's ass.
"He's so hot…."
"Oi. You're pathetic."
"Yo! Zoro-aniki! (1) We got a new student today!" The green haired man resisted the urge to bang his head against something. He'd barely walked through the doors and already bad news. It wasn't that he hated new students; no, he hated the snobby rich kids who thought they knew more about swords than their sensei. Still, he mused, it would be entertaining to kick some new punk ass. Relieved stress, after all.
"Who is it, Joni?" Zoro asked with as much patience as two cups of coffee would give him. He still needed at least one more to insure his student's well-being. "Don't tell me we got some smart ass or something like that."
The dark haired man with a tattoo on his left cheek came running in from the inner dojo, his facial expression one of nervousness. "Well… he's the… You're not gonna like this," he warned. "The kid's dad wants to buy this place." Joni glanced at the brownish spot on Zoro's pants, but wisely kept silent about it.
'Damn it.' Zoro was far from surprised. Of course his day would turn out like this. He glanced at the clock. 'And it's only 8:15...' "Alright. I'll deal with him, Joni. Just let me meet my new student." Joni nodded and quickly turned with Zoro following.
The swordsman walked down the long hallway decorated by ancient swords and scrolls his father had picked up on his travels. His eyes grazed over them, and the stale taste of bitter resentment filled his mouth. Only these particular swords could piss him off so much. 'Calm down, idiot…' But he did make the mental note to get rid of those things.
The hallway ended into a large room with mats lined up neatly in a row, along with wooden swords scattered everywhere. The room appeared traditional with sliding wooden doors and glossy boarded floors shining from the overhead lights, but a gym set, computer and TV near the back wall gave it a more modern taste to balance the traditional feel.
All of Zoro's students hadn't heard the assistant master come in; their attention on one teenager who Zoro assumed was his new pupil. Already he wanted to punch the kid's teeth in. The tall teen swept his dark, black eyes around the room with a huge air of supremacy and arrogance, a scabbard hanging at his side. He was the only one to notice Zoro walk in, and immediately the boy sneered in disgust, obviously not pleased by the teacher's appearance.
"Are you the owner of this dump?" he shouted, drawing everyone's attention to Zoro. The tall, brown haired boy strolled up to the swordsman and used his extra two inches on Zoro for intimidation purposes. "My dad's thinking about buying this place, so he sent me here to check it out. From what I've seen, it doesn't look like much." Zoro said nothing, his face passive but one could feel is aura darkening. All his students took a step back. "Do yourself a favor and sell it to my dad. He'll give you much more than its worth."
"What's your name?"
Mistaking the demand for a name as sign of giving in, the boy's smirk widened. "My name's Trevor Toyasaku. My dad's the owner of Katana Co. and he's been eyeing this place for a while. You're making a smart move." Trevor nodded his head, agreeing with himself.
"Don't do it, Zoro-aniki!" Joni chose this moment to speak up, practically jumping up and down. "You can't sell this place! I'll be without a job!"
Zoro rolled his eyes. "Joni, you know I'm not gonna sell it. I just wanted his name for future reference." He looked Trevor in the eyes. "You're never to step into this dojo again. Now leave."
The boy's smile disappeared. "Look, it's not like this place is bringing in much money. Just sell it already."
"No." The green haired man's simple answer was forceful enough to give the snotty boy pause. Trevor certainly didn't feel as confident now. A few chuckles reached his ears, and the boy felt his face burn.
"My dad can totally destroy business for you," he snarled.
"And your dad can wipe my ass, throw diamonds at me, and bring me coffee every morning for all I care… Well, I could use the co-- Uh, NO! I'm not selling. Now get the fuck out." Zoro dismissed the boy with a silent glare promising pain if he didn't get moving. "I have a class to start."
Unfortunately for Zoro, his visitor was a certified dumbass. Trevor's eyes glared with anger as he reached for his one sword menacingly. The entire class, including Joni, backed up all the way to the walls, whispering to themselves. It wasn't everyday a suicidal person walked into the dojo.
"Kid, you don't want to do this." Zoro really didn't want a fight. He'd end up maiming the kid, then he'd have to go to court again, and Sanji would bitch and moan when he bailed him out… Yeah, he didn't want to fight. Way too much hassle. "Just do the smart thing and walk away."
Zoro might as well be talking to a tree. Trevor slid his sword out from his scabbard and pointed the tip at Zoro. "Like you can defeat me. Someone who shits their pants can't be much of a challenge!" Trevor sneered at the stain on Zoro's groin and chuckled. No one else dared make a sound.
"It's coffee!" Zoro hissed out, his cheeks turning pink. 'Looks like we're doing this the hard way…' "Hey Joni. Give me one of the wooden swords." A collective gasp echoed in the room, the students practically in a frenzy. Not only was their teacher gonna fight, he was gonna kick ass with a wooden sword. This beat doing drills any day.
Trevor was much less enthused. The swordsman had the nerve to insult his skills like that. "I'm not some amateur! Use a real sword!" he shouted. "I was trained by the best swordsmen my dad could find!"
Zoro smirked and caught the wooden sword Joni threw at him. "Well, I wasn't your teacher, so your dad didn't find the best."
In complete embarrassment and anger, Trevor charged wildly. Even to the youngest students, it was obvious this guy couldn't hit the wall with his aim. Zoro did the slowest sidestep of his life and Trevor ran past, missing his intended target.
'Does he even look to see where I'm standing?' Zoro mused. Despite his confidence, he kept a sharp eye on the teen, just in case the idiot did have skills and was hiding them.
Trevor turned and made another charge. Zoro sighed softly and got ready to put an end to this pathetic fight when at the last moment, Trevor jumped in the air and directly over Zoro's head. The downward thrust was aimed at Zoro's cranium, and gravity added to the momentum. It was impressive looking, and in the right hands the swordsman might actually be in trouble. In Trevor's hands, it was probably the most ineffective attack in the world.
Zoro took half a step backward and watched Trevor crash to the ground. The sword stood straight up, embedded deep into the wood floor. The rich boy had gotten his own weapon stuck in the ground.
Every single student in Zoro's class howled with laughter at the sight, unable to believe this guy had the balls to challenge their sensei.
"Everyone, quiet." Zoro didn't have to speak that loud for silence to descend on the room. A few giggles still escaped here and there, but a fierce glare from Joni kept them in line.
Trevor fought to yank his sword out from the floor, his face nearly purple from mortification. The green haired man hadn't even swung once, and he'd already lost. 'But that always works! How could I have missed?' His sword instructor was so fired.
"I hope you're not planning on trying again. I have better things to do than watch your attempt at dancing." Zoro heard the Toyasaku kid growl, but other than that the kid made no move at him, still trying to dislodge his sword. Zoro considered letting him squirm, just so his students could get a lesson on what happened when stupid people tried using swords.
Finally, Zoro got fed up with waiting and walked over. He pushed the kid out of the way and yanked the blade upward, the sword coming out in one smooth motion. More whispers from the students.
Trevor was now thoroughly humiliated. Sullenly, he took his sword back from Zoro's outstretched hand and put it back in his scabbard. Part of him wanted to scream in denial and conclude that somehow the other man had cheated. Luckily, the almost non-existent, more logical part understood that saying anything right now would only destroy what little pride he had left.
"You have your sword. Now get out and run back to daddy. I don't want you in here again." The daddy comment stung more than losing. Zoro knew he probably shouldn't have said that, especially now that the boy looked ready to charge at him again.
"You just wait! My dad will take over this pathetic excuse of a dojo and put you out of business, you shit head!"
Silence echoed in the room. Zoro twitched. Joni told some of the younger kids to close their eyes; things were gonna get ugly.
Trevor might have been stupid, but something in his gut told him he just went too far. That something just happened to be the wooden sword Zoro had hurled at him, sending the boy flying backward with the force. He skidded across the polished floor and into a wall with a crash. Yep, he was gonna have a few bruises by the time this was over.
Normally Zoro would stop right there and wait for his temper to cool, but he still hadn't had that elusive third cup of coffee. And the stab at his hair reminded him about how much Sanji pissed him off, which reminded him about this morning, which reminded him about his spilt coffee and stained pants, which reminded him how much his life sucked ass. Zoro wanted something to die so he could feel better.
He pulled out his sword and got ready to charge.
"Zoro-aniki! You can't kill him!" Joni shouted, keeping his distance. "Sanji-aniki won't be very happy!"
"Sanji can go fuck himself!" Zoro roared.
The students cheered.
Trevor screamed like a girl and prayed for a merciful death.
"Wow! This place is so cool!"
Time froze and openly gaped at the boy who chose that moment to announce his presence. Zoro was so shocked that his temper plummeted back to Earth and the man halted his advance, staring at the newcomer.
Not understanding what he just interrupted, the grinning boy looked around and beamed. "Wow! Look at all the swords!" Holding the straw hat firmly on his head, the kid whipped around the room like a tornado, touching this and examining that with enthusiasm. No one said a word, waiting for Zoro to make the first move, but the swordsman had been struck dumb.
"I've never touched a real sword," the kid said to no one in particular. He bent down and grabbed a wooden blade. "This one's made of wood. I didn't know there were wood swords. Hey, I wonder if there's paper swords, too! That would be cool!" He did a practice swing and sent the weapon flying through the air at the group of students, who yelled and ran out of the way. "Oops. Sorry!" The boy still grinned at them, not sounding all that sorry. And then he spotted Zoro's blade and was on the move.
"Hey, you have a steel sword? Are you in a fight?" The boy stopped directly in front of Zoro, his large brown eyes practically smiling along with the rest of his face. "Can I watch you fight?" Zoro said nothing, his voice refusing to work. The boy's smile disappeared, replaced by a quizzical look. "What's wrong with you? You're acting really strange." He looked down at the man's pants and frowned. "Um, I think you had an accident. You really need to change those pants."
"Hey kid!" Joni yelled out from the newly formed crowd of pupils. "Show some respect! He's the assistant master at this dojo!"
The black haired teen's eyes widened comically. "Really?" He stared at Zoro. "You don't look like an assistant master. Way too young," he said bluntly.
The students grinned to themselves. Two stupid people in one day… That was a record. The last time someone had commented on Zoro's age their teacher had sent the guy home with a wooden sword stuck up his ass.
Zoro mistook the comment as insulting and dived back into the realm of anger. "If you have a problem with th--"
"That must mean you're really good," the boy interrupted, nodding to yourself. "You're probably one of the best."
Zoro's anger rolled on its back and died.
"Kid, what's your name?" he croaked.
That thousand-watt smile made another appearance. "I'm Monkey D. Luffy! Are you gonna be my sensei?"
(1) For anyone who's wondering, Joni calls Zoro "Zoro-aniki" in the manga. Aniki means brother (no, they're not related). I'm not planning on using Japanese words, but I might use titles like -san and -kun and sensei because it sounds better in my head.
Err… Did I keep everyone in character? I'm not worried about Zoro and Sanji, but Luffy and Usopp… Simple characters make it so hard for me. (glomps Luffy) I love them anyway! Shout outs!
Alibis Dragon- Hehehe. You seem to be popping up everywhere! And as for the coffee, same here. I can't stand the stuff, but I can see Zoro drinking it. Yes, there's something right about the Sanji/Usopp pairing. (glomps them) I had to write this! And you should definitely write a Sanji/Usopp story! I would love you forever! We need more authors willing to write the pairing! I'm willing to beg… XD Thanks for the review!
Asaka- (giggles with you) I absolutely love my first chapter. It gets my undying love. And I'm bringing you over to the dark side even if I have to drag you by your hair! (cackles wildly) Nah, I'm messing with ya, but hopefully you'll learn to like it. All I ask is that you keep Sanji from murdering me while I write this fic… (shifty eyes) I don't think he's forgiven me yet…
Anime-Dudette- I should applaud you, because if it weren't for your fics I wouldn't be writing this. I love your stories so much! The story Jealous was so sweet! (glomps you) I hope you keep reviewing my story and it meets your standards!
Spooky-Chan- (glomps you) Here's that San/Uso story I kept talking about. Hope you like it! And you better update your story 'cause I can't wait to see what happens next! (bounces in her seat) Thanks for that review!
nanji- Yes, I have to torture them. It's way too much fun for me! XD Thanks for the review, dear!