Bandit- Bah. I liked the beginning of this chapter, and then… I don't know. (growls)

Sanji- (lights a cigarette) I don't know why you're surprised. All your writing sucks.

Bandit- Watch it! Keep talking and I'll make you kiss Zoro!

Zoro- That's just wrong!

Bandit- (snickers) What? I like a little Zoro/Sanji in my diet too….

Disclaimer- Errr…. (checks bank account) I think a "NO" would be the safe answer.

(A/N)- Hehehe… Sanji gets his revenge, Luffy and Zoro go to the Baratie, and Luffy does something really stupid… Oh the horror…

If there was one thing Zoro learned that day, it's that Monkey D. Luffy shouldn't be allowed to hold a butter knife, let alone a sword.

By now most of the other pupils gave the newcomer a wide berth, always keeping their eyes out for flying wooden swords. Even Joni, who generally made friends with everyone, kept his distance and let Zoro handle the boy alone.

"No Luffy," Zoro said, his patience starting to strain. "You hold the sword like this. And you keep you hands on the handle. Don't let go."

"Okay, Zoro-sensei!" Luffy replied cheerfully. His face soon became one of concentration, and Luffy tightened his grip, going through the motions like Zoro taught him.

Bring it above your head. Check.

Wait a second. Check.

Bring it swishing down at the speed of sound and let it fly so it made that cool whistling noise!… Wait…

"I SAID DON'T LET GO!" Immediately everyone yelled and ducked for cover, but soon after a sharp cry came from the farthest corner of the room. Zoro sighed. "Joni, go see who got hit."

"Sure thing Zoro-aniki!" Joni yelled, shooting Zoro a look of sympathy.

This was getting out of hand. Already the assistant master had sent three people home because his new student liked how a sword sounded when it flew through the air. Luffy was by far the worst pupil he'd ever had, and a wonderful addition to Zoro's shitty day.

He wanted to get angry so bad. It was right there on the corner of his mind, begging to be unleashed. Trevor had vanished during Luffy's appearance, so Zoro never got to relieve his morning stress. Every fiber of himself shouted that Luffy should pay for letting his prey get away, and pay dearly.

"Sorry Zoro-sensei." Luffy grinned sheepishly and placed a hand behind his hat, chuckling lightly. "I just really like that whistling noise. I won't throw it next time." The look on the boy's face said the exact opposite.

The anger in Zoro hissed at the cuteness the boy emitted and ran for cover. Despite everything that had happened, Luffy was also the most enthusiastic student Zoro ever had, and that counted for something. He always seemed eager to try again, and he never got frustrated once, even though they'd been going at it for nearly four hours straight.

"Don't worry about it, Luffy," Zoro sighed. No, he couldn't get angry at the boy. It wasn't his fault he was having a cruddy day… well, he wasn't the only reason. "Just try harder next time, okay?"

"Yep!" Luffy ran to get another sword, and Zoro prayed to any god he knew for patience and help. He just wanted this day to end so he could go home and sleep. How he wanted a nap…

"Hey, Zoro-aniki!" Joni cautiously came up to stand next to him. "How's it going with the new kid?"

"He's eager… and surprisingly he's got a lot of power for such a skinny kid," Zoro mused. The boy's arms were sticks compared to his own, yet even he wondered how hard Luffy could punch. "That's why the people who get hit by his flying swords end up bleeding. He just can't seem to keep a sword in his hand for long. It's a miracle I haven't been hit yet."

"I went ahead and sent Sarah home," Joni explained. "She got clocked pretty badly. That straw hat kid's a menace, Aniki."

"Yeah, but I can't get rid of him for being motivated. He's got to do something wrong firs--… Luffy! Don't touch those!" The boy had long forgotten his mission, and was now reaching for one of the ancient swords resting at the front of the room. At the sound of his name he froze and looked back at his teacher.

"Why can't I use these swords?"

"Luffy, if you can't use a wooden sword properly, what gave you the idea that you could use a real one!" Zoro ranted.

The boy, who still had his arm outstretched, thought hard about it, then replied, "I don't know, but it looked cool when you used one."

It took willpower not to scream, but Zoro managed. "Luffy, get down here and get a wooden sword. Now."

Luffy wasn't quite ready to give in yet. "But what's the point in having swords if you just hang them up without using them? That's stupid," he replied, still not getting it.

To his surprise, part of Zoro actually agreed with the boy, but he refused to let it show. "Luffy, just please get a wooden sword!" Finally the dark haired teen did as told, still grinning to himself and not realizing the headache he was causing Zoro.

"…Does that count as doing something wrong?"

"Joni, shut up and go help the others." Sensing Zoro's rising temper, Joni scurried away for saver grounds.

'Maybe I shouldn't have snapped at Joni…' Right now, Zoro needed all the help he could get. He wasn't sure how long he'd last.

"Alright! I got one!" Luffy zoomed next to Zoro, waiting for his next lesson. "What now?"

"Uhhhh…" Zoro racked his brain for any techniques that wouldn't cause more injuries to his diminishing number of students. "How about we work on your mental strength." Zoro pried the sword from Luffy's fingers. "Being a swordsman doesn't mean you just swing a sword around. It takes mental preparation as well," he lectured. "You want to see the sword as an extension of your arm, so your movements will be more in tune… Luffy?"

Luffy turned his head back to face Zoro. "Na, did you say something?"

"… Luffy, you need to pay attention if you really want to become a swordsman." 'And I really hope you don't, because you'll end up killing yourself and everyone around you by accident.'

A deep gurgling noise was Zoro's answer, emitting for the boy in waves of sound. "Wow. Guess I'm really hungry!" Luffy rubbed his stomach fondly and laughed.

'No kidding,' the swordsman thought wryly, eyeing Luffy's stomach with wariness as if it would attack him. "Maybe you should take a break and get something to eat…"

Zoro jumped six feet in the air when Luffy howled in joy. "FFFFOOOOODDDD!"

"What the fuck!" he shouted, backing away slowly. "Yes, food!"

The dark haired boy then proceeded to do a strange dance around the room. Zoro thought he'd lost it. "Yosh! I haven't eaten since breakfast! I'm so hungry!"

Deeming it safe to approach the kid again, Zoro cautiously walked back over. "Yeah, there's a really nice restaurant around here called the Baratie. You can eat there."

"What are we waiting for?" Luffy did one last jig before grabbing Zoro by his wrist and yanking the man toward the entrance. "Let's go!"

"W-wait! I'm not going!" Luffy didn't seem to be listening anymore, and the boy had a grip of steel. "Luffy! I can't leave my class!"

Luffy stopped pulling and looked at Zoro in confusion. "But it's lunchtime. You have to eat, too," he stated matter-of-factly. As if agreeing, the swordsman's stomach chose that moment to complain about the lack of food.

"Luffy…" Something inside him clenched, forcing Zoro to look away. 'What the hell is happening?' "I really don't think…" The boy kept staring at him blankly and Zoro shut up.

"It's fine Zoro-aniki!" Joni jogged up next to the pair and grinned. "I'll take over the class while you take the new guy to lunch! You can count on me!"

Zoro wasn't sure if he was glad for Joni's interference or not. "I… I guess it wouldn't be a problem…" Sanji was gonna kick his ass straight out the restaurant, but hey, no problems.

Zoro's consent was all the straw hat teen needed. "Come on, Zoro-sensei!"

With nothing left to do, Zoro allowed himself to be pulled out of his dojo and out into the busy city. 'Why am I doing this? I barely know this kid!' Still, it felt refreshing to step out from work, and the promise of food did a little to cheer him up.

Luffy suddenly stopped pulling, looking over his shoulder at his companion. "Ummm… which way am I going?" Zoro had been wondering when the kid would realize that.

"Come on. We'll take my car." The green haired man led the boy back to his car down the street. "We can't stay long at the restaurant, Luffy. There's someone there who doesn't like me very much."

"Oh?" Luffy glanced at Zoro, then smiled. "Don't worry. You're really strong, so you should be able to beat him. If you can't…" The boy's smile widened, showing gums, "I'll kick his ass!"

Something about that sentence struck Zoro as hilarious, and he struggled to keep his face straight. "Really? You?"

"Yep! I'm really strong!" Luffy proudly showed off his skinny arms. "I can beat you in a fist fight!"

Now Zoro did laugh. "I seriously doubt that."

Luffy's brown eyes started to take on a glint. "Why don't we fight when we get back to the dojo? I'll show you I'm strong."

"I never said you weren't, but come on…" Zoro showed off his own arm without flexing, and it was easily twice the size of Luffy's. "I think there's a huge difference in strength."

By now the straw hat kid was pouting to himself, trying to glare at Zoro and failing. "I could too beat you," he muttered.

Zoro chuckled lightly to himself. "If you want me to beat you that bad, fine. I accept your challenge." Immediately Luffy brightened and grinned up at his teacher.

"Thanks Zoro-sensei! And I won't lose!"

The older teen frowned. "You can just call me Zoro out of class. I'm not really your teacher out here." If possible, Luffy's grin got wider.

"Alright… Zoro."

"Ladies!"

The girls giggled at Sanji's generous greeting, smiling teasingly in his direction. "All of you look exceptionally radiant today, like the sun on a winter's morning! My orbs of sunshine!" Hearts exploded everywhere and the girls cooed at him.

Usopp snorted to himself while he washed an empty table. Sanji never failed to amuse him. 'He's used that line at least four times…' Well, better the blonde be busy with women then try and take his revenge for the rumor. In truth, Usopp was surprised Sanji had forgotten already. The man could hold a grudge when he wanted to.

More giggling came from the entrance and Usopp rolled his eyes toward the ceiling. How could Sanji live with that noise surrounding him!

"Someone come and kill them," he muttered under his breath, washing the table harder. He really wished it were Wednesday; at least then he could talk to Kaya about his 'problem'. It was starting to eat at him again. "Kaya, I could really use your advice right now…" he sighed, glancing up toward the entrance.

Sanji was no longer there.

Usopp froze in place and his hand stopped. 'Shit.'

It wasn't that he was worried Sanji would get back at him when he wasn't looking. Oh no, that wasn't the problem at all. He already knew Sanji would have his pound of flesh before the day was over. The problem was how much flesh would be required to satisfy him. Challenging Sanji's sexual preference was a dangerous game, even if done on accident.

"Hey Usopp!" The blonde girl who had spilled the news about the rumor earlier pointed to a distant table. "You need to get the order from table five on the double!" She gave him a meaningful look then turned around.

"Sure Becci!" Usopp called, then shot her the evil eye when the girl's back was turned. 'It's her fault Sanji's after my ass!' (1)

He couldn't help but shudder. All he wanted to do was run under the nearest table again, but duty called. 'The Great Usopp is no coward!' he shouted in his mind, striding resolutely up to the table. He just needed to be confident and everything would be fine. It wasn't like it was that big of a deal. And even if Sanji hadn't forgiven him yet, how could he expect to deal with his 'problem' if he couldn't face his best friend's wrath? 'I'm one of the bravest people in this city!" he declared brazenly, feeling surer of himself (he hadn't seen Sanji, so that was a good sign). 'I fear nothing! I'll show Sanji who he's messing with!' His mind cried out in pride, forcing his shoulders back, his head to be held high, nose sticking straight in the air… In his fantasy people were cheering wildly, clapping for him and praising his bravery and wisdom. He was the Great Usopp, warrior of courage and bravery! Nothing could stop him!

"Can I take your order?" he announced, his chest puffed out. His customers looked at him strangely. They'd never met anyone so… proud of their job.

"Umm… can we start off with three glasses of Sanjina red wine?" the one man asked.

"Of course, sir!" Usopp was still riding on the high of his mental pep talk. "Exactly what year would you like?"

"I suggest you try the 1985 bottle. It's one of the sweetest we have," Sanji proposed from behind Usopp.

Usopp's courage shrieked in terror and fled, leaving its owner to fend for himself. "Sa- Sa- Sa-"

Sanji's one visible eye gleamed evilly. "Hello Usopp. I'm supposed to bring you to the kitchens. Apparently, there's something you need to work out with one of the chefs." Usopp started choking on his tongue.

"Err.. Is he alright?" one of the customers asked worriedly.

"Don't worry about him. And there's another waitress who will serve you momentarily." Sanji waved Becci over. "This lovely lady should be able to get you your drinks."

"Hi! I'm Becci, and I'll be your server!" The blonde announced, shooting Usopp a look of deepest sympathy. 'I didn't know he'd get you while you were serving!' her eyes cried out.

Usopp felt a tug on his arm as he was pulled away to his doom, mentally forgiving Becci. She had tried her best…

Sanji smirked. Oh, he was gonna have fun now. 'I'll teach you to start rumors…' "Now Usopp, I don't want there to be any hard feelings after I'm done with you…" The younger teen whimpered pathetically and tried wriggling away. Sanji let go of his arm and grabbed Usopp's nose.

"Ow! Sanji, that hurts!" Tears started to sting the boy's eyes. "I'm sorry, okay!"

"I don't really think you're sorry yet…" Sanji mused to himself and dragged the wailing boy into the kitchen.

"Sanji! Please let go!"

All the chefs in the kitchen watched the scene, shaking their heads. No one dared to interfere. The long-nosed boy was on his own now.

When Sanji finally stopped near the freezer in the back, he turned and grinned at Usopp. "Now Usopp," he started, tightening his grip, "What have you learned today?"

Usopp whined in pain and grumbled something. Sanji shook his fist with the nose in it. "AH! I'M SORRY, YOU BASTARD!"

"Wrong answer." Usopp felt his nose being released and had barely enough time to duck from Sanji's kick.

"AHHHHH! SANJI STOP!"

"I'm only saying this once, so listen carefully Usopp." Sanji reached into his pocket and stuck a cigarette in his mouth, not bothering to light it yet. "I have never slept with Zoro, and I'd rather quit smoking and give up girls than look at his shitty body."

"I GET IT! I WON'T SPREAD ANYMORE RUMORS!" Usopp scrambled off the floor and tried to make a run for it, but Sanji's foot connected squarely with his ass and he went flying. "OWWWWW!" He crashed into a pile of dirty dishes, plates and silverware shooting out in all directions as the pile imploded around him.

"Now, what have you learned today, Usopp?" Sanji called cheerfully. He walked over to the pile and leaned down on one knee, watching the prone teen. "Huh?"

"Don't… get… caught…" Usopp moaned in pain and flinched at Sanji's frown. "No more rumors with you in them!"

"Very good." Sanji felt himself relax. He graciously pulled the boy up to his feet, acting as a crutch for Usopp to lean on. "You need to go to the bathroom and clean yourself up. You look like shit."

"I hate you so much right now," Usopp muttered into Sanji's jacket, grasping at it before his knees gave in. Damn, no one wanted to be on Sanji's enemy list, with good reason. "You took this entire thing way too seriously."

Sanji chuckled and led Usopp toward the bathrooms. "Suck it up, you wimp. Just a little bout between friends."

"Wow. I think that's the first time you've admitted I was your friend. Are you sure you didn't kick yourself on accident?" Now it was Usopp's turn to laugh, though it slid into a whimper from the pain. "Shit, Sanji! It was a rumor! And I probably didn't even mean it that way!"

"What other way could you have meant it, liar?" Sanji tsked and gave Usopp a quick look over, just in case he had overdone it. "It's not like you're gonna die." By now they'd reached the bathrooms, and the smoker let his friend lean against the walls. "Just wash up and you'll be fine."

"Did I mention how much I hate you?" Usopp muttered. The man might be suave with the ladies, but he was a real dickhead when it came to men. "You just kicked me into a pile of dishes! Zeff's gonna take it out of my paycheck!"

Sanji only shrugged. "I bet next time you'll think before you lie, huh?" Usopp glared at him.

The bathroom door swung open, followed by one of the newer chefs talking with a waiter. "--en so much food! I already served him ten plates and he's still going at it! He ordered everything off the menu!"

"I don't know if he can pay for all of it… Did you see his clothes?" The waiter sniffed and shook his head. "I bet you he'll be washing dishes after he's finished."

"Eh, true. But maybe that green haired guy can cover the bill… Then again, that is quite a bill they're racking up." The two ran into open stalls, never noticing the haunted expression on Sanji's face.

Usopp, however, did notice and gulped. "Green hair?" Usopp whispered, not wanting to believe it. "He'd never set foot in here." He'd hoped to put Sanji at ease with his assurance. Sadly, he barely got his sentence before the seething chef was out the door, murmuring "That shitty bastard" on his way.

Usopp stared at the swinging bathroom door, very disturbed by the new information. "If he is here, I hope he brought his swords. Sanji's in a really bad mood today." His cuts and scrapes agreed with him.

Zoro looked around warily, waiting for a flash of blonde and the smell of cigarettes to attack him. He loathed being in this particular restaurant; it was an unspoken agreement between the two men that they would only tolerate each other's presence at their apartment. Other than that, all bets were off.

"Mmmm…. I smell meat!" Luffy grinned at Zoro. "I can't wait to eat."

"Uh, yeah. Sure..."

Luffy started to set off for a table, but an arm held him back. "Luffy, they have to seat us first."

"Oh." Luffy blinked and squirmed. "When will they get here?"

Zoro shrugged. "I don't know… Now remember, we can't stay long. I have to get back to my cl--"

"Excuse me? Would you like a table for two?" A young man in a waiter's outfit came up to the customers and bowed. "Smoking or Non?"

Before Luffy tried to speak, Zoro cut in. "Yes, and make it Non." Like hell he'd go into the Smoking section. Sanji would no doubt be prowling around there.

"I'd like a pound of pork, and some prime rib and--"

"Luffy! He's only showing us to our seats!" Zoro yelled as they followed the waiter. He wanted to smack the kid in the head. "Have you ever been inside a restaurant?"

"Yeah. I go into them all the time."

"And they serve you at the door?"

The straw hat kid thought for a moment before nodding. "Yep. All the ones I go to do." He glanced around the Baratie, frowning. "I wonder why they don't do it here?"

Zoro just shook his head, not quite believing the teen. 'I've never heard of a restaurant doing that, unless it's for people with money coming out of their ass…' And Luffy certainly didn't look the part. He had on worn blue jeans and a dirty, red vest plus sandals; a far cry from expensive.

"Here you are, sirs." The man bowed again. "What would you like to drink?"

"Water for him," the swordsman said quickly. "A cup of Bean Me! coffee for me." (2) He looked at Luffy out of the corner of his eye to see if the kid minded, but he was already digging into the menu, grinning at the selection of meat he found.

"I'll be back in a second. Your server will be here shortly." He bowed one last time then walked away.

"They have a lot of food here," Luffy commented after a while. He stared at dish after dish, not sure what he'd pick. "I don't think I can choose…" A bright idea formed in his head. "I'll just order it all!" He looked up at Zoro for permission. It wasn't like he was buying.

Zoro nodded vaguely, still looking out for Sanji. "Whatever." It's safe to say he hadn't really heard what Luffy said.

When he finally deemed it somewhat safe to relax, Zoro faced his companion, unsure of what to say. Once again, he asked himself why he was doing this. 'I hardly know anything about him…' Oh well. That was as good a place as any to start.

"So, Luffy," he began kind of awkwardly, "How old are you?"

"Sixt-- No wait. I'm seventeen now."

Zoro almost choked on his breath, if that were possible. "Seventeen?" He looked more like fourteen! "You're really that old?"

"Uh huh." Luffy nodded and just because it sounded right, asked Zoro his age.

"I'm eighteen," the swordsman answered, still surprised about Luffy. 'He sure doesn't look it… or act like it.' "So, you live with your parents?"

"No, they're dead."

"Oh." The awkwardness got ten times thicker. "I'm… sorry," he said, not sure what else to say.

"That's okay." Luffy didn't seem to notice the odd tension in the air. "I live with my brother, so he takes care of me."

"Well that's good," Zoro answered, glad that the boy could shake off such a depressing question so easily. He was just about to ask something else when a different waiter appeared with their drinks and a pad of paper.

"Welcome sirs. Here's your water and coffee." He placed the cups in front of them. "What would you like to eat?"

Luffy got the first say this time. "I'll have everything!"

Zoro stared at the boy, shell shocked. 'He has to be lying!' There was no way a skinny kid like that could eat everything the Baratie offered.

The waiter was having similar thoughts to Zoro, his eyes wide and mouth reaching the floor. "E-E-Everything?"

"Yep!" Luffy grinned happily. "I want everything you've got."

Still in shock, the man turned to Zoro. "A-and what will you be having?" He cringed, almost expecting Zoro to ask for the same thing.

"I'll have a prime rib meal. Make sure it's well done. Fries, not mashed potatoes. Caesar salad with ranch," Zoro monotoned, watching the man write his order down. "And now that I think about it, get me more coffee. In fact, just leave a pitcher here." He ordered small on purpose. In Zoro's mind, there was no way Luffy could eat even a tenth of the meal he was ordering. He'd help the kid along, but he was sure they'd have to break out the doggy bags. 'One of everything…' Well, at least he wasn't paying Luffy's part of the bill.

"I'll have your meal out as soon as possible," the waiter stuttered, turning on his heel and taking off. Zoro couldn't blame him.

"I hope they hurry up." Luffy pouted slightly, gazing longingly at the kitchen entrance. "I'm so hungry right now…"

Zoro sighed to himself and got ready for the long wait. 'I always get the weird students…' he thought, then promptly downed his cup. Thank God for coffee...

(1) (snickers) You can take that sentence two ways… (giggles) Usopp should be thanking Becci…

(2) Remember Bean Me! Coffee… You'll be hearing a lot about it in this story. (cackles) Oh, and if anyone can guess where I got the name, I'll dedicate a chapter in your honor! ;p

XD I was gonna make this chapter longer, but I decided I'll let you all stew and wonder just what's gonna happen when Sanji finds Zoro and Luffy. I'll tell you this much: Luffy and Sanji get off to a rough start… :p Shout outs!

Asaka- (snickers) Yeah, and I laughed when I wrote you checking Sanji out! As for the hair… Damn it. I had a huge debate in my head whether you were blonde or brunette, so I actually made you dirty blonde… XD Hehehehe… Maybe I'll have you dye your hair later on… And thank you for the restraining order. (looks at pissed Sanji) Yep, it's gonna take him a while to come around.

Spooky-chan- GAH! (can't breathe) AH! SPOOKY, CAN'T BREATHE! (turns purple) I hope you like the Sanji/Usopp and Zoro/Luffy moments! I loved writing them… And when are you gonna update? Or maybe you have… it's been a long time since I've been on LJ… Damn school. (remembers she's choking and passes out)

Anime-Dudette- (squeals) You dedicated a chapter to me! I'm so happy and honored! (dances with Luffy) And you're no failure! I love your Sanji/Usopp stories. I realize a lot of people don't really like the pairing, but I'm addicted to it! XD So if you keep writing, I will! (hugs you)

AlibisDragon- (glomps you) Me likey Sanji/Usopp stories… especially if they're from you. Must warn you though: Many people might not review your story if that's the main pairing. (cries) I'm not trying to deter you or anything, and you probably already realize this, but just in case you didn't know. I hope that doesn't stop you though! It certainly isn't stopping me! So write, and make me proud! XD Oh, and update your Zo/Lu story! I must know if Zoro saved Luffy… even though I have a feeling he did… :p

Review people! They feed my poor, weak ego. :p