(as told by Roger)
I left the hospital after only moments. I couldn't take it any more. I walked the streets back
toward the loft unwillingly losing myself in thought.
First April.
Then Angel.
Then Mimi.
Now Collins.
My world is slowly falling apart, our family is slowly just going away.
And One day it's gonna be me.
Right now the one thing I really want, is the one thing I know I can't have. The one thing I
shouldn't have. And as I come back to reality I find myself on a familiar street corner. I have a couple of bucks, why not?
"Dad! Dad, come on!"
I turn around. A boy about eight years old is pulling a man from next to a building. The man is obviously drunk or high. The boy is struggling to balance the man as a woman runs to them and steps on the other side of the man and the three of them soon turn down a nearby street.
What the hell was I thinking?
I slowly take a few moments to just clear my head. I'm really losing it. How much more of this am I really supposed to be able to take?
Eventually I make my way back to the loft.
Mark and Ella are in the kitchen, talking. The little girl is on the couch and Benny is on his cot nearby, just staring at the ceiling.
"Hey, you're back." Mark stands.
I shrug. He nods.
"Maureen and Joanne came by to pick up the twins. Cade, Scott and Matty are down stairs. Scott was getting pretty worried. Noah's asleep."
"Okay, thanks, um, I guess I'll to see Scott..."
"If you want I'll go tell him you're back." Mark offers.
I shrug, he makes his way back to the door, and I make my way to my room.
As I pull off my coat and sit on by bed I can hear the small sounds of Noah's snoring coming from the toddler bed.
He asleep oblivious to the rest of the world and all its troubles.
God, I wish he didn't have to grow up...didn't have to know.
If only I could only protect him forever...
But I can't.
All too fast I'm asleep and then the morning comes and I am up again.
Making my way to the kitchen I can see that Ella stayed over, the little girl is still on the couch asleep.
"Hey," Benny says as he hands me the box of Cap'n Crunch and a bowl.
"Hey, yourself."
A few moments go by, Benny and I have never been one to really give the talking thing a try.
"Hey, um, I don't think any of us are going in today...to the studio."
I nod. We both know he's stating the obvious just to be talking.
"I'm thinking about taking Noah out, hanging out, just the two of us." I say.
It was something Collins had suggested quite often and I guess I had just avoided it.
"That sounds like a good idea."
I finish my cereal, take a shower and head back to my room. Noah is still asleep laying sprawled so that the blanket had fallen off and his own plaid pants laid revealed. He had wanted a pair "just like Daddy's".
"Hey, little man, let's get up."
He groans and rolls over. Definitely not a morning person.
"Come on let's go...I've got a treat for you."
That kind of helps and soon he's finishing his own bowl of cereal.
"Come on, lets go."
I help him into his coat and we are out of the loft.
For the most part we just walk towards the park, occasionally I have to pull him away from something he wants to touch.
Once we get to the park, he starts running around and I lose myself in chasing him.
"Can cat me daddy" (Can't catch me daddy.)
He runs to a bench, sits down and laughs.
I sit down next him.
"Guess I caught you little man."
"Yah"
We both sit and catch our breaths.
He looks at me and just asks,
"Is Caw-ins wit Mommy?"
I look at him, and for some reason I'm fighting tears.
"Yeah,"
He nods,
"Will you go to Mommy?"
How am I supposed to tell him?
He waits patiently and I swallow hard,
"One day, little man."
He just nods gets off the bench, turns to me and smile.
"Cat me daddy." (Catch Me daddy)
Okay hey every body. there's chapter eleven.
BwayDiva: I'm glad someone saw that too.
Kelby: And as always there more to come.
Carsonheir: I'm curious to know what you think of Roger's reaction. Glad to hear you're feeling better
Lils: Thanks for the review all the same.
Until next time this is me...signing out.