as told by Ella
23 November
Why is this feeling back?
I thought it had gone away.
That little feeling that I just wanted to run, to get out, to just do something more.
Then I found out that I was pregnant with Kenna, and I had to put aside those thoughts, that feeling...
But when my life seemed like it was unraveling I moved Kenna and I to the city, so I wouldn't have to face the fear of that thought again, instead I came face to face with Mark.
The need to run was destroyed.
Or so I thought.
My hands slowly find my growing stomach, but I don't find the reassurance that I had been looking for.
The slight snoring from Mark, slows, then dies, before he turns and faces me.
"...Can't sleep?"
I shake my head 'no'.
He smiles, "Come 'ere."
He pulls me in, wraps his arms around me and lay my head against his chest.
He soon asleep again.
Why can't...no, why isn't this enough?
Why am I getting cold feet after the fact?
Why do I want to leave?
Does this make me a bad person or does it make me normal?
Morning comes, and I find myself sitting in the kitchen holding back all the urges to yeall at the rock star wannabe who relentlessly feels that its okay to practice at five in the morning.
But, it doesn't bother anyone else, hell, it didn't even bother me at first.
So, why now?
After an hour I carefully sneak back into the room, to get dressed...maybe...no, I can't...
But what if it helps in the long run?
What about Kenna?
Mark will watch her.
What about Mark?
Roger and Benny will watch him.
Later...I'll go later today...
"Did Roger wake you up?"
Mark's voice breaks through my thoughts.
I shake my head, "No, it's this little guy..." I nod to my stomach.
His smile broadens...maybe, I'm just being selfish...
"Are you okay?"
I laugh, don't let him suspect me, "What makes you think that?"
"Nothin' just asking...are you sure you and Kenna don't want to come today...make it a family event?"
"Then we'd have to drag Roger, and Noah, and Benny and..anyhow, I thought you were looking forward today..."
He picks up my attempt at teasing him, he comes over and silences me by kissing me...
I slowly pull away...don't let him know...
"Now, you'll get a chance to give Cade the third degree about that guy you saw her at the Life with?"
"Mark! Cade here." Roger's voice rescues me from acting anymore.
Mark gives me one more concerned look before he throws on a shirt and leaves the room.
But, he back, kissing my cheek,
"I love you."
"Love you, too." I answer as he leaves again with a quick good-bye.
I relunctanly drag myself back into the kitchen...
"Mommy, can we go to the park today?"
"After you get dressed..."
She off, dragging her poor Noah who hasn't even had a chance to finish his cereal.
A few moments go by before...
"Are you planning on hurting Mark?"
Roger is leaning against the counter, his eyes scanning me fiercly.
"What makes you say that?"
I try to sound defensive and not guilty.
"I, of all people, know how it is when somebody wants to run..."
He starts to walk away.
"Roger?"
"Yeah?"
"They're just thoughts...don't tell Mark, please?"
He slowly nods.
God, I hate it went Roger has his wise moments.
------
But it's 8 P.M. now and I'm staring at a packed suitcase...
My taxi is here.
Just for a couple of days, I reassure myself.
Just to find a few answers.
Mark'll be back soon...it's now or never.
I drag the suitcase to the door.
Noah and Kenna are playing in their bedroom with Benny and Roger's out getting dinner. Here I go.
Down the steps.
No, looking back...just a few days. That's it.
I had snuck into Cade's apartment (she rarely locks the door)and called forthe taxi earlier.
But as I hand my suit case over, I look around, and up to make sure the area is clear, my eye catches the end of the street. There are two people running away, and then I see...where they ran from...
"Cade! Mark!"
Oh, God...
I can see...
Author's Notes:
Tenmore days
Sixty-Seven more days (or fifty-seven after the ten either way)
This started out being a very fluffy, cutesy chapter but I began to decide that the overall story is a tad too fluffy for my liking therefore making this the perfect moment to show some of Ella's flaws...now don't hate her...she's just a little lost.
I don't think it help that I was watching/listening to a death scene being rehearsed...which oddly was followed by a lead who decided to break the tension with what he calls a 'Fanny Bryce worthy Yiddish accent' on a French song...
so any how Review responses:
carsonheir: Oh, well, I guess it what gonna happen eventually...oh, trust me, the antics fly around daily...unfortunately some times even the best prank comes at the most inoportune moment...Thanks as always.
eLpHaBaFaBaLaElPhIeFaE: Yep,...I guess you figured it out...glad you found it and enjoy it...Love to hear more from you (nudge, nudge, hint, hint, wink, wink) Thanks.
BwayDiva: I'm very glad to hear that...and it's hard to not love Mark. Thanks.
Lils: I was waiting to hear from you. Fabulous? I think I love that word now. Thanks as always.
two more things:
1) If you get a chance check out Bound By Something More by lost my rent...a clever idea about how Mark and Roger met posted by a friend of mine...it's pretty good...chapter two will be up soon for those who are reading it...I've been nagging him to update it...
2) I'm gonna repeat my request from the last chapter:
I have a big favor to ask all you guys...I'm starting to outline the rest of the chapters to this story (I know its sad, but it had to come eventually) but we do still have a bit (and I have other stories that have been pushed to the back burner because of this one)...I was just wanting to know if you guys had any questions/ ideas that you were wondering about...any loose ends that you see that I should tie up...all you guys...even you readers who don't review (I know you're out there) I would really like to know so that when this story ends all ends are tied...any question of background/backstory let me know...Thanks...You guys all rock, but you knew that already didn't you?
Thanks again and...
I lied there's a third thing
3) the next chapter to All We're Left With Are The Memories will be up (if all goes as planned) by Wednesday and Deeper Than The Surface by the following Wednesday...
until next time, this is me signing out...