AUTHOR'S NOTE: Congratulations! You have now reached the first lengthy in-story disclaimer. Don't worry, they're made to last, so the next one won't come for quite some time.
The following two chapters feature a character of Mexican-American background. Before anyone runs off to the ACLU screaming about what a racist perra I am, please consider the following.
I grew up in a Mexican-American neighborhood and attended a mostly Hispanic high school. I have no problem with most Hispanic people with whom I come into contact; indeed, I have great respect for their rich cultural heritage and their relentless pursuit of the American dream, and two of my greatest friends in high school and college were Hispanic. The majority of Hispanic people you will encounter in America are respectable and hardworking people who are proud of their heritage and proud of the future they are helping to build for their children.
The character you are about to…hm…experience…is in absolutely no way reflective of the greater Hispanic culture; rather, she is, as Meli herself admits, a stereotype of a small minority within the Mexican-American community in Denver (and possibly elsewhere). Lest you write her off as entirely nonexistent, however, she is actually a conglomeration of a number of girls with whom I attended school (in fact, when Snarky and my roommate Bet read the first draft of this chapter, some half-dozen names were dropped, only one of which was a girl I originally had in mind when creating this character). Please, don't think that she's representative of the entire community—she absolutely is not—and please don't think that she is in any way representative of my views of Hispanics in general and Mexican-Americans in particular.
There are only two types of Mexican-Americans who bother me, and she represents them both: Those who forget they're Americans (and who are most definitely not Mexican save by ancestry, their claims to the contrary), and those who insist on plugging up South Federal every Cinco de Mayo weekend. Random trivia: Mexican Independence Day is 16 September, not 5 May.
PS For any who might think my opinion of Cinco de Mayo cruising to be unfair: I don't cruise my car through Highlands Ranch, with a St. Andrew's Cross or a Rampant Lion draped over my hood, or a kilt flying from my aerial, on Robert Burns' birthday, even though I am every bit as Scottish as the Cinco de Mayo cruisers are Mexican. Maybe I'm deprived…but the truth is, I prefer to think of myself as an American with Scottish ancestry and cultural influence—and better things to do with my life. Call me crazy.
PPS And for any who might be wondering why I kept this chapter intact once it was pointed out that I would need a frackin' huge disclaimer at the beginning…well, there are a couple of reasons. First, this girl, as she is, is perfectly adapted to the situation, and I couldn't think how to make an equally well-adapted character who wouldn't eventually show signs of being this type of person anyway. And secondly…truth be known, I am ultimately a Gryffindor, which means I'm pigheaded stubborn, and the minute someone decides to pick a fight with me over something, I'll stand my ground and find a way to work it out in the end. Even if it means writing out a disclaimer that requires about four drafts in order to settle proper wording, and nearly a page to spell out. (And you thought Snape and Dumbledore agonizing over Meli's obituary was entirely fictional—Pfft!)
Sigh. And if after all of this someone out there is still offended, I'm sorry, I really don't know what to tell you except that I tried. If it's any consolation to you, this character would not have come into existence in her present incarnation if such people did not exist in the world. I try to save caricatures for my parody fics.
PPPS And no, I'm not retracting what I said about Gryffindors! GEEZ! People are so easily offended these days—LIGHTEN UP!
PPPPS Oh yes, and I almost forgot. WARNING: If you are the sort to be particularly sensitive on either Zarekael or Snape or Meli's account, you may wish to skip the conversation between Alicia, Almyra, and Chickadee. Remember the warning to fangirls in "Selkirk"? Yeah. It's about to come home to roost.
AE
Chapter 9: Ah-LEE-see-ah Rrroo-EES
PRESENT: SEPTEMBERMeli heard nothing further about the Dursleys after that, but she assumed that Tippy had been dispatched as soon as reasonably possible to retrieve the ring, and she was likewise consoled by the thought that Zarekael and Snape were at work on the project immediately thereafter. What didn't enter her mind until she picked up the Daily Prophet a few days before the start of the school term was that they might also be working on other, less rescue-oriented, projects, as well.
The summer, she ought to have remembered, was ending, and Voldemort had had an upcoming operation in September. The headline would still have caught her off-guard, since he struck instead at the end of August, but she nevertheless berated herself for thinking that things would continue peaceful has they had done since the infamous assassinations six weeks before.
It would also have caught her off-guard because of its content, but there again, she shouldn't have been surprised. If Voldemort had had the temerity to strike at both the Ministry and Hogwarts, it should have come as no great shock that he was also willing and able to attack Azkaban, especially given that Meli and several others were well aware that the Dementors were his allies.
According to the Prophet, which was just trustworthy enough to be more or less accurate, at least in the major details, an army of Death Eaters (eyewitness accounts varied in the true count, ranging from ten to one hundred twenty-seven—a number so precise that it was undoubtedly wrong) had stormed the island prison, freed all of Voldemort's imprisoned supporters, and rallied the Dementors, as well. Only the fact that a surprise inspection had been about to start had kept the Death Eaters from being as successful as they had hoped; several Ministry officials, about forty Aurors, and at least two Unspeakables had arrived just in time to get underfoot and give the escapees a run for their money. Casualties on both sides had been heavy, and while details were sketchy, the Prophet was adamant in its claim that three-quarters of the Dementors had been destroyed.
Reading between the lines, Meli calculated that the Ministry forces were accurately described, the Death Eaters had outnumbered them about two-to-one, and between one-third and one-half of the Dementors had been either destroyed or otherwise put out of commission. The former feat required a very powerful wizard, and the latter required extremely specialized training, meaning that the putting out of commission, if it had been done, had been handled exclusively by the Unspeakables.
It was interesting, though, that the Ministry had let it be known that the Department of Mysteries was represented. She wondered briefly what possible purpose such a revelation could have served, but she soon let it drop; if she had understood even half of what was going on in the Department, she would probably be a top-level Unspeakable.
It certainly was noteworthy that the Department had had representatives there; it suggested, at least to her, that the Minister of Mysteries (Aunt Amber, she thought sardonically) had known that something was going to happen, which in turn suggested either that the Department had spies in Voldemort's Inner Circle or that there was an informational connection between the Order of the Phoenix and the Department of Mysteries. Hadn't Dumbledore mentioned before that he had a contact within the Department?
Very interesting, she reflected, then set aside the newspaper and went on with her work for the day.
xxx
Dumbledore summoned her to Hogwarts the following evening, and she found herself once more in the headmaster's office with others present. This wasn't a meeting of spies, however, and she considered, from the grim expressions all around, that that wasn't necessarily an improvement.
Snape was there, and so, too, was McGonagall, though whether she was present as the deputy headmistress or second-in-command of the Order remained to be seen. Meli knew only that she was probably not acting as the Head of Gryffindor House; if that had been the case, Flitwick and Sprout would have been present, as well.
"Minerva," Dumbledore said, after Meli had been offered a cup of tea, "I don't believe you've met Rasa."
McGonagall smiled tightly and extended a hand, which Meli shook. "Minerva McGonagall," the Transfiguration teacher introduced herself. "I'm honored to meet you."
"Jane Bingley," Meli replied. "And the honor is mine, I'm sure." She looked to Dumbledore. "What's happened, Headmaster?"
Dumbledore cleared his throat. "Nothing yet," he answered. "Or rather, such is our hope. That will be for you to determine."
She raised her eyebrows. "I don't understand."
"We believe that the Dark Lord has been actively courting recruits among the student body," Snape told her quietly. "I have, of course, been vigilant in monitoring suspicious activities and behavior within my own House, but since everyone suspects Slytherins and no one suspects anyone else—"
"That's an unfair generalization, Severus," McGonagall broke in. "You know the rest of us have been—"
"With all due respect," Snape interposed, "not all of you have been." He arched an eyebrow. "Oh, Ravenclaw is well looked after, I'll grant you, and I have no doubt of your own watchfulness, but what can be said of Hufflepuff? Our esteemed colleague there has not taken seriously the suggestion that her own House can be corrupted." He shook his head. "And then, of course, there is the fact that none of us, not even I, can possibly see or hear everything."
"Severus has an advantage over the other Heads of House," Meli observed. "At least a number of his students either know or suspect him to be a Death Eater, which means that he has more access to information." She smiled ruefully. "But no one could be so off as to think that either Professor Sprout or Professor Flitwick might be a Death Eater."
Dumbledore nodded. "In the end, the faculty can only see so much," he said, "and we all know how adept students can be at not confiding in their teachers or Heads of House. We need to have information that we simply cannot obtain in our present roles."
Meli arched an eyebrow. "Do mine ears deceive me, or do I hear you saying that you need a student to infiltrate?"
"Your ears are perfectly truthful," Snape replied dryly. "The students themselves see more than they understand, but the only way in which it could be passed on is through gossip."
"Which, I'm sure you'll agree, is not something students tend to pass on to teachers," McGonagall added in a similar tone.
"Very true," Meli said. "I assume you'll be wanting a transfer student who doesn't stay very long? I can't very well attend classes and be Rasa at the same time."
McGonagall all but panicked at the suggestion and sent a trepidant look Dumbledore's way. Given that students who didn't stay tended not to stay on account of disciplinary problems—and given what a handful Meli had been as a student while still managing to avoid suspension or expulsion—Meli thought that her alarm was probably justified. Oh, just think of all the havoc I could wreak! she crowed inwardly, her mind already whirling with ideas.
"A visiting student will suffice," Dumbledore told her. "Preferably one who will obviously not integrate well into the system"—he offered McGonagall a reassuring smile—"for medical reasons."
Meli smirked. "Medical reasons," she echoed. "Right. How long, then?"
"Visiting students who won't integrate well generally don't last more than one or two days," Snape answered sardonically.
"Plenty of time," Meli assured them.
Plenty of time for what, exactly, she neglected to say.
xxx
It was silly to consider posing as a visiting student from one of the other European schools, and Meli had no intention of trying. The students at Hogwarts had met a large delegation from each of those schools, and it was possible, even if unlikely, that some communication between pen pals might result in her being exposed. Also standing in her way were a lack of cultural knowledge from each setting and, of most immediate concern, her ignorance of both German and French. The only place other than Great Britain in which she had lived long enough to pick up the finer points of culture, dialect, and stereotype was America, and it was from that culture that she ended up drawing when she created her visiting student's identity.
So it was that Alicia Ruíz, a prospective transfer student from Tres Brujas High School in California, materialized.
America had a large enough magical community that there were three schools of magic, each larger than Hogwarts, in that country. Of the three, Ariel Academy on the East Coast was the only one bearing any close resemblance to Hogwarts. Prospero in the Midwest and Tres Brujas on the West Coast had each split into junior and senior high schools, did not have a process for Sorting into Houses, and were a great deal more influenced by the nearby Muggle cultures than either Ariel or Hogwarts was. Students at Prospero were allowed to go home on weekends for Cornhusker games, while students at Tres Brujas were forbidden to wear sports logos.
Inter-school rivalries were steep, and a number of stereotypes flew between. The students at Tres Brujas considered Ariel to be a den of uppity preppies; the students at Ariel thought of Tres Brujas as one step removed from a complete ghetto; students at both of these institutions told Prospero jokes as American Muggles told redneck jokes. An objective evaluator, however, would discover with little effort that each school provided an excellent education in all things magical—though it could not be denied that each school had a distinctive personality, nor that the students each attracted and produced invariably reflected that.
Thus, Meli made good use of her time spent observing American Muggle behavior to adopt the attitude and personality of what an Ariel—and therefore a Hogwarts—student would consider to be the typical Tres Brujas sophomore. Alicia Ruíz really had very little basis in fact, per se, but the dignified students of Hogwarts had almost no way of knowing that, and Meli found it useful to be as obnoxious as possible—a goal that was readily served by taking full advantage of an existing stereotype.
Alicia stood five and a half feet tall and had beautiful tan skin, eyes the color of dark chocolate, and thick, black, waist-length hair. She wore dark brown lip liner (no visible lipstick), heavy white eyeliner, and baggy jeans that hugged her hips and swept the floor more efficiently than any broom. Above those jeans she sported a black bare-midriff shirt that said "Bad Girl" in red lettering, and an open robe with an Aztlan logo over the left breast and an airbrushed design of theatrical masks on the back. Above the masks, stylized silver lettering read "Smile Now"; beneath, similar lettering advised, "Cry Later". No one came close enough to see, but she also had a cubic zirconia belly-button ring for good measure.
In truth, Tres Brujas would probably not have let a person so clad on its grounds; contrary to East Coast rumor, it was a respectable school, and its students were, for the most part, respectable people. Respectability did not serve Meli's purposes, though, and stereotype, however inaccurate, did.
xxx
As some sort of cosmic joke, Alicia was assigned to follow Ginny Weasley to her various different classes. Meli was amused; Ginny was so dismayed that she couldn't even think to panic—and that was before Alicia opened her mouth.
"Hey, Jeanie!" Alicia said, far too exuberantly. "How's it going?"
Ginny politely corrected her pronunciation, then, though she looked ready to throw up, said she'd never been better.
"That's great!" Alicia continued. "You're looking good, too, let me tell you."
Ginny managed a weak smile, then reluctantly led the way to Transfiguration.
xxx
Alicia succeeded in being obnoxious enough to—had she been a Hogwarts student—earn several detentions and to put her House (whatever unfortunate House that might be) several thousand points in the red. She loudly accused Professor McGonagall of deliberately speaking with a made-up accent, just to make it harder for a Mexican to understand the lecture. She publicly and often referred to Professor Flitwick as El Camarone ("the shrimp"), then managed to knock over the stack of books on which he stood with a charm thrown from fifty feet away; only she was amused. Professor Sprout actually had Alicia ejected from the greenhouse when she pulled out a Bic lighter and flicked it over a tray of gillyweed to see if it would burn (it did). Her crowning achievement, however, was in Potions, and in truth, it might not have happened at all if not for the very gossip-mongers she was there to pump for information.
As loud and disruptive as Alicia was, something about her attracted the local gossips, who, by some sick twist, saw in her a kindred spirit. This had, of course, been Meli's plan, but even she was thoroughly unprepared for the juicy bits they tossed her way.
After Herbology, Ginny led Alicia to the Great Hall, then promptly ditched her to go sit with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. Alicia rolled her eyes, uttered an irritated "Psssh!", and sat down to eat, at which juncture she was joined by Almyra Natterbek and Chickadee Chisholm, two of the most infuriating people Meli had had the misfortune to teach the previous year. As Alicia, however, she greeted them loudly and initiated what she hoped was a suitably trifling conversation.
Ten minutes in (after learning considerably more about Draco Malfoy's love life than she had ever wanted to know), Meli hit pay dirt. Almyra and Chickadee transitioned into twenty minutes of information on various student activities (most notably in, of all places, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor) that gave her some indication of who Voldemort was probably courting outside of Slytherin House. The clues were subtle but helpful, and she kept them coming by asking questions and throwing in a few (flamboyant) encouraging gestures and facial expressions.
After those extremely helpful twenty minutes had passed, though, Chickadee took the conversation to a new, disturbing level from which Meli could find no graceful escape.
"Now if you want the really juicy rumors," Chickadee said, with a smile that made Meli want to cringe, "you turn to the teachers."
Almyra chuckled knowingly. "Oh, yes," she agreed.
Alicia raised her eyebrows. "You mean those boring old drips are getting together?" she asked skeptically. "Psssh, whatever!"
"Oh, no," Chickadee admonished. "They really are."
"Oh, like who?" Alicia pursed her lips. I really don't want to hear this…
Almyra giggled. "Professor Snape and Zarekael," she replied, clearly savoring every syllable.
Oh, my dear sweet heaven, you people are SICK! Alicia merely looked thoughtful. "I don't know them," she said. "Which one's the girl?" Here it comes…
Chickadee and Almyra dissolved into giggles. "Neither!" the former gasped.
Alicia's jaw dropped, allowing a wad of chewing gum to fall free. "No way!" she all but shouted, attracting stares from throughout the Hall. "You gotta be kidding me!"
Almyra shook her head. "And that's not the half of it," she managed. "Snape is Zarekael's father!"
"Aw, that's just not right!" Alicia retrieved her gum and shoved it decisively back in her mouth. "Somebody oughta tell 'em to stick to women—away from the family!"
"Weell…" Chickadee drawled, taking a deep breath to quell the last of her giggles. "Funny you should mention that."
Oh, what's next—don't tell me Severus is having a steamy affair with Minerva on the side. Alicia leaned forward, anticipatory. "Yeah?"
The gruesome twosome exchanged glances, and Meli felt suddenly very trepidant. Almyra leaned in to whisper the latest scoop.
"Word is they swore off women over the summer."
Oh, no. You are not going there! "Why?" Alicia whispered back.
Now Chickadee leaned in. "They had a girlfriend," she confided. "All three of 'em would get together every weekend last year…but she died."
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW! Beneath the appearance charm that was Alicia Ruíz, Meli was screaming and greatly desirous of beating her head—or Chickadee's or Almyra's—against the nearest wall. She had a role to play, though, so with a draining, costly effort, she forced Alicia to look sympathetic rather than nastily vengeful. "Oh, how sad!" she cooed. "The poor guys! Who was she?" And if you say—
"Professor Ebony," Almyra said sadly. "She was our Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."
Meli couldn't decide if she'd rather vomit or laugh hysterically; even Alicia looked a little green, though she managed somehow to look interested, as well. "And…all three of them…together?"
The local gossips nodded solemnly.
Someday, somehow, I am going to reach beyond the grave and get you two—and there will be much pain and maniacal laughter involved. "Wow," Alicia uttered at last. "And I thought the teachers here were boring!" The things people come up with when they're too vapid to accept that appearances aren't usually deceiving. Hasn't anyone here heard of Occam's razor, dammit!
Shortly afterward, Ginny reluctantly returned to rescue her disguised charge from her vomitous associates.
"Where to next?" Alicia asked.
Ginny sighed, evidently contemplating the cruelty of the universe. "Potions," she replied. "With Professor Snape."
Behind Alicia, Almyra and Chickadee dissolved once more into giggles.
xxx
As it happened, Ginny and her cauldron partner shared a table with Chickadee and Almyra. Ginny pointedly placed an extra stool between hers and Chickadee's, then just as pointedly turned her back on Alicia. Meli was quite happy with the arrangement, and when she saw the daily potion, to say that she was overjoyed would be an understatement. It was the very potion that she and the Skulkers had tampered with as fifth years in order to bring forth fireworks from Anthony Flint's cauldron.
She resisted the urge to grin wickedly. As Rasa, she was a virtual walking pharmacy; she had to be. There was always the very real possibility that her charges would come to her wounded or poisoned, and she had to be equipped to treat, or at least to stabilize them. Because of that, she carried on her person more vials and pouches than Collum Fell had stowed in his satchel at the height of his Potions paranoia. She had, very literally, enough implements ready at hand to light up the entire night sky over Britain if she so chose.
Ah, sweet revenge, she thought, retrieving half a dozen pouches from the folds of her Aztlan robe. Tell me, Severus: do you believe that history repeats itself? She grinned inwardly. What is it you said that day? "Don't do that again"? Sorry, my friend, but you didn't make me promise
xxx
Snape had recognized Meli immediately, both because she was the only "visiting student" that day and because Ginny Weasley, as Meli had warned him, looked thoroughly disgusted with her. The thought of Ginny's revised expression should she discover Alicia's actual identity threatened to bring a smirk to the Potions master's face.
Chickadee Chisholm and Almyra Natterbek were, as usual, chattering in whispers as they heedlessly threw together their potions. At the other end of the worktable, Ginny and Verity True worked together in near-silence, pointedly ignoring the fifth student at their table. Alicia, sandwiched between Ginny and Chickadee, looked thoroughly bored. She leaned forward and slumped with her shoulders about four inches above the table, and her eyes had a glassed-over look that gave her the appearance of having just died in her chair. Snape, remembering the ease with which she had brewed potions even as a student, understood her ennui perfectly.
Or so he thought.
Events conspired to teach him that he did not remember quite accurately. He turned his attention elsewhere to monitor and criticize the other students' progress, and he neglected to sneak small peeks at the visiting student on the Gryffindor side of the room. Even had he checked, he later doubted that even he would have seen it coming.
Near the end of the class period, Chickadee and Almyra's cauldrons both blew, spouting ten different colors of fireworks that illuminated the dungeon classroom as only a nuclear blast should have done. Alicia was one of the first to duck, but she thoughtfully tackled Ginny, as well. Chickadee and Almyra fell over in terror, taking the entire worktable with them.
She did it again, Snape thought wonderingly, even as he recovered from the shock and started shouting for order. Students cowered under their worktables while the last of the fireworks fizzled out, but it was Alicia who emerged first from cover.
"Oh, wow, that was so cool!" she declared, not the less obnoxious for the scene, then continued rapid-fire: "It's like being at home, like on the Fourth of July, which is the second most important holiday after Cinco de Mayo, when I go home to cruise with my cousin down Federal—"
"Silence!" Snape roared, and even Alicia did as he commanded. He strode very purposefully down the aisle to glare down at the two chatterboxes who were now climbing out from under the table they had toppled. "What in the name of Merlin did the two of you do?" he demanded, knowing full well that even had they been responsible, they could not have given an accounting. When they merely gaped at him and shook their heads, he was obliged to give them something to gape about. "Fifty points from Gryffindor," he snapped, then, seeing Alicia arch an eyebrow, narrowed his eyes and added, "Each." Once the chorus of gasps died down, he continued, "And you will both serve detentions every night for the next fortnight."
"The next huh?" Alicia interrupted, drawing another round of gasps from all present.
Snape brought his burning eyes to bear on her, though it was all he could do not to laugh out loud. "The next two weeks, you insufferable American!" he enunciated.
"Hey, that's insufferable Mexican to you, viejo," Alicia shot back. "I got pride, man. I got dignity. You best respect!"
Meli, you are far too good at this. Snape looked from Alicia to Ginny. "Miss Weasley, you and your charming…foreign… guest will remain after class."
Ginny nodded, but sighed feelingly. By some miracle, doubtless facilitated by Meli's martial arts reflexes, she and Verity had escaped injury when the table fell. The visitor's goal had not been to injure but to amuse. And perhaps to punish, Snape reflected. He saw that the table had landed at an odd angle, with a distinct dusty footprint visible on its top surface where "Alicia" had probably kicked it away. The other two girls had fallen straight backward, and Snape wondered if Meli had even paid attention to them—the table had landed in a way that still threatened them with harm. I would have considered a broken leg a lesson well-taught in any case, he thought darkly. Even Flint wasn't nearly so careless.
xxx
The bell rang almost as soon as the worktable and stools were righted. Meli was genuinely sorry for inconveniencing Ginny, but Alicia looked to her guide with an unconcerned smile. Ginny glared sullenly at her, shouldered her satchel, and led the way to the front of the room, where Snape stood like a dark avenging angel.
Hm, Meli thought analytically. There's a chance I went just a little too far.
"Miss Weasley," Snape began.
Nope; he'd have spoken to me first.
Ginny gulped. "Yes, sir?"
"Based upon what I saw of both your brew and Miss True's prior to the incident, your potions were passable," he told her. "However, should either of you wish to re-brew them under more… controlled…conditions, speak with me later."
Ginny was in complete shock. She swayed slightly, caught herself on the corner of Snape's desk, and nodded, clearly unable to speak.
"See?" Alicia said, cheerfully slapping the other girl on the back. "It's all good."
That, as Meli had known it would do, drew the Potions master's attention to her. "Miss Ruiz," he said slowly, his voice suddenly deadly.
Alicia sighed in exasperation. "No, no, no," she cut him off. "It's not ROO-iz. It's rrrrrroo-EES. Get it right!"
Ginny gulped again; Snape narrowed his eyes in malicious amusement. "Miss ROO-iz," he repeated. "Empty your pockets."
Meli kept a grin from Alicia's face. Instead, with an air of wounded dignity, she pulled from the pockets of both her robe and her jeans every single pouch and vial she carried on her. Never had she wished so fervently for a camera; Ginny Weasley's expression was beyond classic. It required a full five minutes to lay out her entire stock, and at the end of that time she stepped back, crossed her arms, and looked defiantly up at Snape.
He selected from the stock a dozen different items, then, holding up each one in turn, identified aloud the color and blast pattern of the fireworks it had produced.
"Oh, I see how it is," Alicia said defensively. "You're trying to pin it on me, huh? Sure, blame the Mexican—"
"You pinned it on yourself," Snape countered. "You appear to be a Potions genius in your own right."
Alicia puffed up at the praise. "Yeah, that's me." And now you're going to go for the jugular—
"I wonder," Snape continued smoothly, "if you'd be interested in an apprenticeship. My current apprentice should have moved on by the time you graduate; I'd be happy to take you on."
Before Meli could properly marvel at this altered tactic, she was distracted by a loud thud to her left. Both she and Snape turned to find that this series of non sequitors had proven too much for poor Ginny; she had fainted dead away.
The two who remained standing broke character just long enough to exchange smirks, then Alicia stooped and tossed Ginny—who was three inches taller—over her shoulder. "I'll take her to the nurse's office," she assured Snape. "She'll be okay, no problem."
"I hope you understand that I'll have to confiscate these items," Snape said dryly.
"Psssh." Alicia straightened easily. "Yeah, yeah, I know the drill. I get 'em back at summer break." She strode jauntily down the aisle and out of the room, then, as a final farewell on her way out the door, started whistling "For the Longest Time".
Snape, who was blessed with a free period before his next class, shook his head and started gathering up Meli's pharmacy as Zarekael entered the room from the corridor, a bemused look on his face.
"Do I want to know?" he asked dryly.
"I'm smiling now," Snape replied, deadpan. "Perhaps I'll cry later."
Zarekael nodded. "Ah."
xxx
Alicia's antics were actually quite tiring to keep up, and by day's end, Meli was thoroughly exhausted. Ginny had recovered enough by dinner time to duck under the Gryffindor table when she saw Alicia coming. Chickadee and Almyra, by contrast, had refused to come to dinner at all, perhaps for fear that their fellow Gryffindors would beat them down as payment for Snape's steep point dock. All was as it should be, but Meli was sick and tired of people. She embarrassed Seamus Finnigan by trying to flirt with him, nearly got her head taken off for trying to play with Hermione Granger's hair, showered Lavendar Brown and Parvati Patil with unwanted (to say nothing of tasteless) fashion advice, then called it a night.
Rather than retreating to either a dormitory or guest quarters, though, she made her way to Dumbledore's office to file a report.
To her chagrin, Snape was there. As long as she'd been Alicia Ruíz, it had been easy to behave normally (by Alicia's standards, anyway) around him. Now, however, she was Meli Ebony, and there was no role to run interference for her. The rumors she'd heard repeated at lunch were manifestly untrue, but they were also extremely embarrassing.
Once safely behind the closed door to Dumbledore's office, Meli had switched to an adult appearance charm, lengthened Alicia's shirt, and closed her robe. She then calmly reported to Dumbledore and, at his invitation to sit, collapsed into the nearest chair.
"Based on complaints I've received from the faculty," he said, his eyes twinkling, "I have a feeling that your life may be in danger if they ever discover that you were their source of grief."
Meli groaned. "I would have killed a student like that," she replied. "The only shenanigans I don't somewhat regret are the ones in Herbology and Potions."
"Yes," Snape agreed. "You quite outdid yourself in Potions."
At the reminder of his presence, Meli swallowed. Snape, noticing this, raised an eyebrow. "Are you all right?" he asked. "You look rather…traumatized."
She sighed. "Something profoundly stupid happened today," she didn't quite answer.
Snape exchanged amused glances with Dumbledore. "You mean apart from pretty much everything Alicia rrrroo-EES did?" he countered dryly.
"Hm. Yes."
"It appears to have damaged you profoundly," Dumbledore observed.
"Gossip does that," she told him.
Snape suddenly came very close to smiling. "I believe I understand the problem, Headmaster," he assured Dumbledore. Then, addressing Meli, he asked, "Does this have to do with a rumor concerning Zarekael and me?"
Meli felt very ill. "Ahem. Yes." She smiled weakly. "And me, apparently."
Dumbledore looked a touch green, but Snape took it calmly enough. "Ah, you heard the two most popular versions," he said.
She furrowed her brow. "You know about them?"
Snape looked grimly amused. "The students have an unfortunate tendency to forget how sharp Zarekael's hearing is," he replied. "Moreover, they have a disturbing habit of looking for the most erroneous and sensational theories possible and repeating them as often as possible." He smirked. "Am I to assume, then, that the fireworks display in Potions was less a platform for a rapid-fire speech on Cinco de Mayo and more an attack motivated by overheard rumors?"
Meli nodded miserably. "Beastly gossips," she muttered. "I'd never before thought it possible to confuse celibate with bi."
"And I never thought it possible for gillyweed to burn," Dumbledore interjected quickly, if a bit loudly.
Meli looked blithely back at him. "Anything will burn if you put enough lighter fluid on it," she told him philosophically. "Remind me to tell you sometime about Andrea's Tasty Kake experiments."
xxx
FURTHER AUTHOR'S NOTE: Once again, I am happy to respond to the reviews you all have left for me.Cinammon- Sorry to disappoint you with regard to the toilet, but I promise, Alfred will make up for it with his other escapades, and I don't think the other house elves will disappoint, either (Oh, yes, you will be seeing more of Mortimer and Lavinia, too). And, as you may already have noticed from this chapter, short chapters are actually an anomaly in this story, so be prepared for a lot of long ones starting from here. Thank you for your estimation of the accuracy of the canonical characters, as well—that's one of my bigger concerns when writing, and it's the area I tend to wonder about even after posting; it's good to know that Snarky and I have it more or less right!
Omaha Werewolf- Ooh, enjoyable philosophy! Stay tuned for further adventures in Kantian ethics (which will become even more adventurous when they come into conflict with Calvinist ethics later on). Muchas gracias por el aplauso! As for Hyacinth…why, thank you for noticing! JKR set herself up; we just walked through the door she opened. But come on, when you name both canonical Evans sisters after flowers, it would be a crime not to play along. How could we not go there? I do apologize for the root beer, though…
Eilidh Ceilidh- sigh. Dear Eilidh, I know you have an email address. I also happened to know that you were dealing with other things these past couple of months, and I figured you'd check ff.n when you could. I would like to point out, though, that I also have an email address; please express personal concerns to me via that medium in the future.
Epiphany, being my favorite holiday, seemed like an appropriate time to start posting, especially since, as you'll recall (I know you read the bonus chapter before I pulled it), I promised to start posting "Dream" by Christmas. Epiphany is the Gentiles' Christmas, so I was able to keep my promise, post on my favorite holiday, and have a subtle pun, all at the same time (yes, I thought of Meli, too). And no, I haven't forgotten about Tinúviel. Don't worry—her time is coming, and fairly soon.
AE