A/N: Thanks so much for your wonderful reviews! They make writing this story so much FUN!
Just for clarification…I'm not a doctor, neurologist, or brain surgeon. I've done a bit of research, but I'm sure that I'm making mistakes! Please don't flame me for them!
Iron String – Part 7"I scrambled his brain, didn't I?"
"Now Rodney, there's no indication…."
"No indication! How much of an indication do you need? He's been unconscious for three days!"
"Yes, it's a mite troubling that he's not awake yet, but that doesn't mean you scrambled his brain."
"Oh no? What do you call it then when you turn a switch that shoves a stream of electrons into your best friend's brain? I don't know about your dictionary, but scrambling comes close in mine!"
Carson and Rodney had been going around like this for several minutes, and John was aware of every word. He wasn't quite clear about what was going on, but he intended on finding out as soon as possible. The only problem was that his eyelids seemed to be weighted down by something immovable, and lying about with eyes closed was generally not an effective way of gathering intel of the sort he needed right now.
"Rodney, you need to calm down. You're not doing anyone a bit of good by continuing to lay all of the blame on your shoulders. For all we know, it could have been the insulin that caused this. And besides, I'm the chief medical officer. If anyone is going to take the blame for Colonel Sheppard's present condition, it's going to be me."
Rodney gave a cynical bark that disturbed Sheppard to the point where he was almost able to open his eyes. Unfortunately, his efforts remained unsuccessful, and he had to settle on simply listening to McKay's response.
"You know as well as I do that the Colonel never would have had to undergo either of those procedures if it wasn't for…."
"Shhhh!"
"What? Why? You know it's true. This is all my…."
"Rodney, are you daft? Quiet down! I think the Colonel's conscious!"
"Really? How can you tell? He looks the same to me." Sheppard could almost picture the quizzical look on Rodney's face.
"The heart monitor, Rodney. It's sped up a bit," Carson's voice was a mixture of anticipation and irritation that John would have laughed at if he had the strength. "Colonel? Can you hear me? You need to open your eyes now."
A stern hand clasped John's shoulder, and he again struggled to open his eyes. The task seemed beyond him until the hand unexpectedly shook his arm. The surprise he felt presented him the power to lift his eyelids until a crack of bright light swam painfully in his vision.
His eyes immediately snapped shut, and he attempted to move himself away from the perceived source of the light. Groaning weakly, he only managed to shift himself minutely. The dizziness that assaulted him was a nauseating indication of the fact that it might not actually be a good idea to open his eyes, and so he tried hard to drift back into the darkness where nothing and no one could bother him.
He had almost managed to float completely away when the hand shook him again. Its insistent tug pulled him out of the grayness that he had wandered into and forced his eyes open again. This time, thankfully, the light wasn't blinding, and he was able to blink heavily until his vision cleared well enough to recognize the blurred face wavering in front of him.
"Carson?" His voice was nothing more than an ineffectual gasp, but the face burst into a wide grin nevertheless.
"Aye, Colonel. You had us a wee bit worried there. It's about time you woke up."
"What happened?" Sheppard really wished that there were more power to his voice, because this was just damned pathetic.
"Well, for starters…." Rodney's voice rang out from somewhere just out of John's line of vision, and he tried to move his head to catch sight of the man. Much to his dismay, he could not manage this small task.
Meanwhile, Carson must have quieted Rodney with a furtive glance or perhaps a muttered word, because McKay had stopped speaking before he had even gotten his explanation rolling. To top it off, Beckett was now gazing at John with something that looked suspiciously like concern.
"Why don't you tell us what you remember, Colonel," Beckett asked the question nonchalantly, but for some reason John got the impression that there was a lot riding on the answer he gave the man.
He knew that he should concentrate and answer the question, but he was too distracted by his immobility to respond.
"Why can't I move?" he asked, tiredly. Against his volition, his eyes began to slip closed. Carson's hand shook him yet again, and he forced them back open.
"It's all right, Colonel. You're just very weak right now. Nothing that a few days in the infirmary won't fix. Now, why don't you tell us what you remember?"
Satisfied with the answer to his own question, John attempted to search for a response to Beckett's. But no matter how hard he concentrated, the reasons for this newest infirmary visit were beyond him.
"I don't know," he gave the only answer he could and then looked expectantly at Beckett.
"What is the last thing you remember then?" Beckett asked.
It took a moment, but then John remembered. He wished that he could see Rodney's face, because the memory he had recalled detailed a particularly sweet triumph over the self-proclaimed genius.
"I beat Rodney at chess," he said weakly but with a faint smile.
A loud noise came from where he knew McKay was standing, and it's sudden occurrence startled John just enough so that he was able to turn and see the physicist. McKay had apparently fallen heavily into the seat of a chair, because he sat there slightly askew and with a stricken look on his face that alarmed John.
"Three months. That was three months ago!" Rodney's tormented words were directed at Beckett, but they made John's heart hammer wildly in his chest.
888
"He has no memory of any of the events that have occurred after the chess game he won with Rodney. There are scattered traces of long-term memory loss, but nothing significant."
Sitting in the quiet of her office with the doctor, the distressing nature of the words caused Elizabeth to contemplate Carson's often-overlooked abilities. Like Rodney, the people of the Atlantis expedition often expected Carson to perform feats of medical magic that would have been beyond any other doctor. Up to this point, his successes in performing these miracles had vastly outweighed his failures. Elizabeth just hoped that Beckett's record stayed intact after this latest development with Colonel Sheppard.
"What does this mean?" she asked the doctor.
"Well, I don't think the memory loss will interfere with his duties. His ability to build and maintain new memories is intact, and although I consider the memory loss significant, I think the Colonel will be able to catch up on everything he's missing by reading through mission reports."
Elizabeth breathed an audible sigh of relief and felt something in her chest loosen at the doctor's words.
"And what about his condition otherwise?" she managed to ask after a while.
"Well, the good news is that his brain wave patterns have reestablished a normal configuration. I'm mostly concerned about his emotional status right now."
"What are you talking about?" Elizabeth asked with evident concern.
"His emotions are all over the place, Elizabeth. He's been quick to anger, and the fact that he couldn't remember the name of his childhood dog practically had him in tears. I consider this behavior to be uncharacteristic of the Colonel."
Elizabeth's face tightened with worry, and she had to agree with Beckett's assessment. John was notorious for his agreeable personality even under the direst of circumstances.
"What do you think is causing this?"
"Well, it could simply be that it's taking longer for his brain chemistry to reestablish itself than it did his brain waves. I'm waiting for the chemistry results from another set of blood tests before I make any real conclusions. Until then, we're all just trying to keep the Colonel as comfortable as possible."
Elizabeth's brow furrowed further with the worry she was feeling, but she forced herself to straighten behind her desk and to eye Carson with resolve.
"What is the worst case scenario, Doctor?" she asked with complete seriousness.
Carson responded by sighing heavily and rubbing a hand over his tired expression. He hated this question.
"Well, I honestly don't believe that the memory loss will cause any long term problems. Dealing with the three month gap in his past may be disconcerting for him, but I think he'll eventually adjust to it. The minor loss to his long-term memory will also surely continue to be distressing to him, but I again believe that he will adapt to the condition. And then there's always the chance that he'll recover some, if not all of his memory over time."
Elizabeth allowed herself to lean back in her chair and consider the doctor's comments about John's memory loss. In the end she determined that the situation could have turned out considerably worse, and she nodded in satisfaction to Carson.
"All good news. But what else?" she prodded.
"Aye, well, the emotional disturbance is quite a bit of a concern to me. If it doesn't reverse within the week, I may have to consider pharmaceutical intervention or possibly even another go at the ICT/ECT procedure," Carson's face spoke grim volumes at the prospect of the latter possibility. Inwardly, he shuddered as he remembered the look of utter horror on Rodney's face and of his own sense of wrongness when the electrodes had been placed upon the Colonel's temples. For the past three days, he had been plagued by the image of Sheppard's body as it shook and twisted beneath that electrical touch. Re-living the scene through memory was bad enough; the thought of repeating it for real was almost too much to bear.
"I see," Elizabeth responded quietly. She then gave herself a moment before continuing. "In your opinion, Doctor, what do you believe are the Colonel's chances of being restored to active duty?"
This was the question that Carson had been dreading the most, simply because he wasn't sure he had an answer. It was too early in the Colonel's recovery process, and the man's symptoms were too varied for the doctor to produce any firm opinion.
"Elizabeth, I'm just not sure," he said, opting for honesty. "I'm dealing with so many unknowns in his condition right now that it's impossible for me to come to any conclusions. I have no idea how that pod from the Aurora worked, and there's no way that I can determine what percentage of his symptoms continue to be caused by his exposure to the technology. Additionally, I had not anticipated him being unconscious for three days after the procedure. ICT patients generally recover within minutes upon being administered glucose, so I have to wonder if the pod continues to cause complications."
"I understand," said Elizabeth unhappily. Carson completely sympathized with her.
"Elizabeth, let's just take this slow," he said in an attempt to reassure her. "The blood test results will be delivered to me soon, and then I can decide whether or not additional treatment is necessary. The best I can do after that is keep you apprised of the Colonel's condition."
"Okay, Carson," Elizabeth response was as wan as her expression. She smiled wearily and slid further into the confines of her chair.
Beckett returned the tired smile with one of his own and then made a move for the office door. Elizabeth expected him to leave, but instead he paused in the doorway and turned to face her with a considering expression.
"One last thing, Elizabeth. I think we might have need to keep an eye on Rodney."
Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she thought about all that Rodney had also been through during the past few weeks and realized that Carson was right. "I suppose he's had a real hard time of it," she stated.
"Aye, it's true. But there's more to it than the obvious."
"What do you mean?" Despite the fact that she was nearing her wits' end, she couldn't help but be grateful when Carson answered her in his characteristically candid way.
"He's continuing to blame himself for the Colonel's condition to the point where I think that he needs absolution from the man. The problem is that the Colonel doesn't remember anything that happened to land him in the state he's in."
"But you said that all John had to do is read the mission file to understand what happened. We both know that John doesn't blame Rodney for his condition, and I'm sure that he will say as much to Doctor McKay when he can," Elizabeth's face was almost blank with puzzlement.
"Aye, I'm certain that you're right about that, Elizabeth, but I just don't think it's going to be good enough for Rodney. I think Rodney actually requires more than an apology based on the words in a report."
"But that's all that we have unless John regains those memories back!" Elizabeth stated, a bit exasperatedly.
"Aye," Carson said sadly. "So you see the problem then," he added. Then, after nodding politely he turned his miserable expression away from her to walk out of her office and back to his patients.