Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. Please keep them coming.
I still have car payments....my cell phone was a birthday present....and I live in an apartment. However, I just finished paying off my college loan....so does that mean I now own my education/degree? Whatever, I still don't own "Miracle" blah blah blah.
Chapter 16: Forever
These past few days have been....not what I had expected. Sure I knew it would be hectic and nerve wracking. I knew the games were going to be hard and I truly believed that we would do well....but we are not doing well....we are doing great....we are undefeated (with one tie)! The press seems shocked. I am not shocked....I knew we were good....but this has almost been easy. Mind you we haven't played the Russians yet....that will happen soon enough. We made it to the medal round and we are just waiting to hear the schedule.
However, any nerves I have about the Soviets are out weighed by worries about Jack. As the week has gone on he has gotten very....quiet. Don't get me wrong he hasn't become mute. He still jokes with the team....in fact he acts almost completely normal at practice. I am more worried about what he isn't saying. My dad wanting me to stick close to Jack was another unexpected turn this week....not that I am complaining....we have barely needed to sneak around. But it is when we are alone that get the most worried about him.
I know Jack gets quiet when he is mad....that whole situation with Tim showed me that....but this feels different. That night he was not only quiet, he was distant. He wouldn't touch me or look at me. Now....when we touch....it is like he is holding on to me for dear life....when he looks at me....it is like he is scared I am going to disappear. At first I ignored it, but now....lying in Jack's arms....I am getting a little scared.
"Jack....is everything ok?"
There is a long silence.
"Ah-ha."
I turn my head to face him and look straight into his eyes. I have to do this now.
"I know you are lying. Something is wrong. Please tell me. I want to help you."
Again the silence.
"I'm fine. Now leave it alone."
"No. I know you. Something is upsetting you and I want to know what. You are staring to scare me. I can help. I want to help. Please let me help you."
I am basically begging him. At first he seems set against telling me anything, but then slowly....almost painfully....I can see his face soften. I can sense his body relax. Finally he lets out a soft breath....like a weight being lifted.
"I'm sorry. I know I have been acting strange. It is just....the team has been playing so well....and everyone has been trying to make me feel like I am part of it....but I'm not. I have had nothing to do with any of it. I am just this waste of space. I take up room on the bench and in the bus. I feel so useless and....I guess....the thing is....I am just waiting for the day that everyone else figures out that they don't need....the day I get sent home. No more playing....no medal....no team....no....no you."
As Jack said that last part he turned his head away from me. I adjust myself so I am now straddling Jack's legs. I grab his face and turn it towards mine.
"What are you talking about? Of course you are a part of this. We all are. My dad is very good at what he does. He knew what he needed and each and every one of us fills some specific role."
"That may have been true a week ago....before I was hurt....but now....what is my role now?"
"Do you remember that test my dad gave you when you made the first cut?"
"Of course."
"Do you know why he gave all of you that test?"
"No."
"He wanted....no....he needed to know how far you everyone could be pushed. He needed to know what kind of people he was taking on. Look....I don't claim to know exactly what my dad is thinking, but I know he would not have kept you here if he didn't think you were important to this team. And as far a me....you could go to Alaska and I would follow you. This is it....you are stuck with me....forever."
"God....this is so messed up. I know you are right....it just....I want to play....I want to contribute."
"From what Doc says that could be very soon."
"Yeah. He said I could possibly play in the first game of the medal round. I just don't know what Herb is going to say."
"I wish I could tell you that everything was going to work out the way you want it....but I can't"
"I don't expect you to. I don't want you to ever feel like I am pumping you for information on your dad."
"I know....I don't feel that way. I just wish I could help you more.'
"You being here....in my arms....it helps more than you could know."
I smile and readjust myself so that my head is resting on his chest. We stay like that for a little while. Just happy to be with each other.
"Can you stay with me tonight?"
"What about Rizzo? This is his room too."
"I hate to break this to you....but hasn't spent one night in his bed. You have been here every night.....so he has been sleeping on cot in Mac's room."
"Oh my God! I didn't realize. I feel horrible! Poor Rizzo. We could always sleep in my room?"
"The fact that it is connected to your dad's may not be the best idea."
"Yeah, I guess you are right. Remind me to get Rizzo a present when this is all over."
"What would you get him?"
"Maybe a girlfriend?"
"So you are going to play match maker now?'
"I am going to need to do something when this is all over. Plus I think I have the perfect girl for Rizzo."
"Who?"
"You will just have to wait. Now let's try and get some sleep."
"I guess that means you are staying here?"
"I told you are stuck with me f...."
"Forever."
We both smile and close our eyes. I am relived that I finally know what is going on with Jack and I am a bit amused that my dad kind of saw it coming. This is why he wanted me to stick close to Jack this week....to make sure he didn't get too depressed. He also said he wanted me to check in with him if Jack did get down. Guess this means I go see my dad tomorrow and tell him everything Jack was feeling...well....not everything....I will skip the parts about me. Maybe I will also put in a good word for Jack playing. Couldn't hurt right?