Lust for Sin

A Story by Rikku-Hoshi

First off, I'm sorry it took me so long to update! Tennis is officially starting, and that just means no time for me to write! Hopefully I'll be able to update once or twice at least next week though, so that's good. Also, I think this story is going to start going! Ooh, and one more thing. I think I'm going to make a prequel-type story when I get towards the end of this one. It's going to be all about Tidus, and his story! There's some insight to Tidus' story in this chapter, but not much. Let me know if you think that's a good idea! Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 9: Wanting to Die

"I stabbed myself once."

Yuna couldn't focus. All she could think of was the conversation that Tidus and she had had the day before. She was sitting in the temple, and was trying to focus on Dona's father, but was finding it horribly difficult. All she could think of was Tidus...

"Regret."

There were so many questions she had for him. He seemed so distant, really. So mysterious. Sure, Lulu was mysterious and strange in her actions, Paine was just a mystery, but Tidus...Everything about him was unclear. It almost seemed as if he didn't even really exist.

Yuna leaned forward, so deep in thought, concentrating on nothing in particular. She didn't even notice that the sermon was over, and that people were beginning to leave.

"Yuna?" Seymour said, snapping her out of her thoughts.

"Huh?" Yuna said, and then noticed that Dona, Seymour, and Barthello were all staring at her, and the temple was almost empty.

"Oh, sorry," Yuna said, as she stood up also, "I was thinking..."

"We could see that," Dona just said, and smiled, almost nastily, "What were you thinking about?"

"Oh, nothing of interest," Yuna just said, and quickly changed the subject and said, "If you three don't mind, I'd like to stay here for a while and contemplate on today's sermon."

Dona smiled wider, and said, "That's fine, Yuna. But first...I heard you saved the witch's life yesterday."

Yuna was shocked. What was she to say?

"Well," Yuna said, "I saw her up there on the scaffold, and I thought that it wasn't right that they were doing that without permission. I mean, sure, the sheriff was there, but nobody really wanted to see her burn. And it was raining, and..."

"And people said you came running with none other than Tidus," Dona said, raising her eyebrows.

"Is that true?" Seymour said, looking shocked.

"Of course not," Yuna said, "I haven't seen Tidus since...since that day I thanked him."

Dona just gave Yuna an interested look, and said, "Well, we'd better leave you here. Come on Seymour."

"But I promised her father–!" Seymour started.

Yuna stood up, and said, "Don't worry. He's fine with me here. And I'll be back long before dark. After all, aren't you having supper with us, Seymour?"

Seymour smiled, and said, "Alright, take care, Yuna."

She knew he would leave at the option of supper.

Dona, however, just glared at Yuna, but then smiled and left with Seymour.

Yuna sat back down, for the longest time, and finally, decided that they had left, so she made her way toward the little house backed up to the forest.

-

"I wasn't expecting to see you," Tidus said, although he smiled, as he let Yuna into the house, "How was meeting at the temple?"

"I'm not really sure," Yuna just said, "I wasn't really listening..."

Tidus just chuckled, almost to himself, and said, "I always figured it'd be boring..."

"Haven't you ever gone?" Yuna asked then.

Tidus just shrugged, and said, "Honestly, I can't even recall."

Yuna noticed the house was dark again, with just candlelight. It really was the oddest house.

"Where's Paine and Lulu?" Yuna asked then.

Tidus' eyes dimmed, and he said, "Well, Lulu's out like she is everyday, but Paine's...ill again."

"Really?" Yuna asked, "Should I get the doctor? Should I even be here? Should you? We could catch it..."

"It's not contagious," Tidus just said, "Believe me, I know. It's more like a horrible depression. I get it too, sometimes...Paine just seems to get it a lot lately."

"Oh," Yuna said, feeling somewhat shocked.

"Don't worry about her," Tidus just said, although Yuna could tell that he was worried about her, "She'll be fine in the end."

Yuna just nodded, and said, "Well, I suppose I should ask you the questions that have been on my mind..."

Tidus looked shocked, and said, "Um, what questions?"

"Well, we can start with that hideous scar," Yuna said, "You really stabbed yourself?"

"Well...Yeah," Tidus said, and leaned forward, "Sometimes, Yuna, it's easy to want to die. But you, and Lulu, don't really understand. I–I...I can't even explain it to you. So...I'll put it in easy words, 'kay? You see, long ago, when my mother died, I was...Well, I became distant. That's when I stopped going to the temple and stuff like that. Well, over the years after my mother died, the people of the town began to think that I was...Kind of like a witch, kind of like Lulu. So then, they all decided to lynch me, and led by my best friend, they attempted to kill me."

"Wait, your best friend tried to kill you?" Yuna just said, shocked.

"Mm-hm," Tidus said, "Like I said, he led it. Anyway, they came awfully close. It's weird–it was almost like I died, without knowing I died. I disappeared for years."

"How old were you when this happened?" Yuna asked.

"Yuna," Tidus just said, "Let's not put ages to this, okay?"

"...Alright," Yuna just said, although she was confused.

"Anyway, there was a war leaking out, and my friend came to me, almost as if bringing me back to life, and asked for my assistance. I turned him down, but he forced me to fight."

Yuna was growing more and more confused, and knew there was a lot of things Tidus was keeping out of the story. However, she was glad that he was finally telling her more about him, so she just continued to listen.

"How did he force you?" Yuna asked then.

"He...He just did," Tidus said, looking at Yuna ask if praying she wasn't going to ask anymore, "Anyway, I began to dread living. I wanted to die so bad. I didn't want to kill people. But my existence began to seem as if it revolved around killing..."

Yuna's eyes grew wider and wider, and Tidus finally just shook his head and smiled, and said, "I guess that's why I thought it was okay to die. That's why I stabbed myself."

"How did you not die?" Yuna asked.

Tidus shrugged, and said, "Honestly, I don't know. I guess it just wasn't my time...Or something along those lines."

At that, the door suddenly opened, and Lulu came walking in. She saw Tidus and Yuna sitting there, but didn't look at them long. She just silently closed the door behind her, and walked past them, her eyes downcast.

"Hey Lu," Tidus said, and the so-called witch stopped, but didn't look at him, "Wakka stopped by to see you a little while ago."

Lulu just looked at him, and Yuna noticed that her eyes weren't their usual reddish violet color, but completely red.

"Oh?" Lulu just said.

"He says he's sorry," Tidus just said.

Lulu didn't answer, but just kept on walking away. She went into a room then, and was out of sight.

Tidus just turned and smiled at Yuna, and said, "You know, it's hard for me to keep cheery sometimes. I want to die more than both of them combined, but here I am, the only one that's not slipping into depression."

Yuna just stared blankly at him, and then said, "You still want to die?"

"Sometimes," Tidus just said.

The two talked about other things then, basically the weather, and that sort of thing, before Yuna finally bade farewell to Tidus, and left, promising that she'd continue to come. After all, she was beginning to feel more and more as if she belonged with them. Even if they all were a morbid bunch. Not only that, but she seemed to feel as if she was pulled toward Tidus. Everything about him made her curious, and she felt as if she had a thirst for the knowledge of his background. She wanted to know him...and she wanted to know him well.

-

As Yuna was walking up the hill toward her house, she couldn't help but continue to think of Tidus. His words continued to play over and over in her head, and nothing made sense. Why wouldn't he put an age to thing? Sometimes, she wondered if he was ageless. She couldn't guess at his age anymore.

She continued to play their conversation over and over in her mind, trying to make sense of it all. She also thought of Lulu, and Paine. She felt as if she had Lulu figured out. Lulu was just a heart-broken woman who'd lost her love to the scaffold. An old friend betrayed her, and she was then believed to be a witch. Lulu's not okay with the whole witch thing, but the idea of dying on the scaffold seems to be something of her liking.

Paine though...She was different. Yuna had only seen her–what, once or twice?–and knew nothing about her at all, except for that she fell into the depressions, and currently was under them. Still, hadn't Tidus said he fell into them too?

The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if Tidus and Paine were in the same category, whatever their category was. They were unlike Lulu.

Yuna was in such deep thought though, that she didn't even notice that someone was sneaking up on her.

Suddenly, that something grabbed her from behind, and before she could scream, she was pulled into the bushes that dotted the path, knocking her unconscious as they went.

A/N: Sorry for leaving it on a cliff, but that just motivates me to write!