Thanks for your reviews. They were very helpful and nice and whatever else you want them to be. And once again, I'm so freaking late on updating. Seriously, the world will probably end if I update two days in a row.
Bakura: That would be cool.
Yugi: To you maybe. But I would like to reach puberty first. (frowns at the sound of his own voice)
Joey: Da only ting you should worry 'bout reaching is da top of a yardstick.
Tristan: Hahahahaha!
Yugi: I thought you were my friends…
Tea: I'm your friend!
Yugi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Hrmm… moving on.
Disclaimer: I'm tired of this. From now on, the Chapter will do my job, and I'll do the chapter's.
Chapter: WHAT?
Disclaimer: You heard me. Now, let us begin.
Cha… I mean Disclaimer 10- Questionable Occurrences
Everyone is staring at the horror that is…Tea.
"W-what's she doing here?" stammers Ryou, hiding behind Bakura.
"Come one friends! Let's be friendly and happy in friendship and do friendiful things like friendship friendliness!" Tea shouts gleefully. She runs up and hugs Yugi, who starts to cry.
Atem tries to pry her off. "Get your Ra-damned hands off my hikari, Witch of Amity!"
Tea just laughs and dances around. She then grabs Atem's hands. "Come on friend I will show you the way of the friend and friendship will be our path to love!"
Malik and Bakura burst out laughing. "Hahahaha! Atem and Friendship-girl sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!" they sing.
Atem glares at them. "Malik and Bakura, how you will pay. In hell you'll burn this VERY DAY!" He struggles from Tea's grasp but she grips his wrist again.
"Atem, don't be so unfriendly-ful. We're all friends here." She smiles as he looks around at everyone in pain.
"What my question is, is how did she manage to escape from the Shadow Realm?" ponders Seth.
"She must have some sort of magical friend power or something." mumbles Marik. Suddenly his face lights up. "THAT'S IT!"
"What's it?" asks Mokuba.
Seto glares at his younger brother. "You know what Mokuba? You know what? I'm sick of your attitude!" He drags him out the door. "Now begone!"
"But big brother… you said you'd always be there for me." sobs Mokuba while looking up at Seto.
"I. Changed. My. Mind. What do you thing about that?" He slams the door.
"I think that you can't use merely one word before ending a sentence because it would not have both a noun and verb and therefore would not be a complete thought, now feel my KNOWLEDGE!" comes a voice.
"Who said that?" asks Ishizu glancing around.
A girl with blonde hair and glasses comes in. "That would be me. Me: pronoun, meaning the objective case of I, or in some cases used colloquially as a predicate compliment with a linking verb."
Joey held his ears. "Stop! Stop! Too…much…intelligence!"
Yugi's eyes widen. "Rebecca!"
Tea stops smiling. "WHAT?" she growls. The two girls glower at each other.
Rebecca pushes her glasses up and smirks. "Oh, now don't utilize an interjection tone of voice with me. My aptitude of intellect and understanding outweighs that of your pathetic, ineffectual mind by more than you can possibly perceive. Why don't you now compose yourself into a tranquil status of mentality, for I do believe that this would be the superlative, if you don't mind me saying."
Everyone just stands there, staring at her. Except for Bakura, who seems to have an interest in lightbulbs.
"Hee hee. It's so round and shiny. I want to touch it… DAMN IT BURNS!" He holds his hand and stepped away from the hot, bright glass.
Mokuba somehow sneaks back into the house. "Marik, what's it?" He is immediately shoved back out by Seto.
"Why don't you go get yourself kidnapped or something, so that I can be a jerk and pretend to be willing to commit suicide for you?" Seto mutters.
Mokuba grins. "Ok!" He is suddenly kidnapped by Bam Margera and Tony Hawk, who take him on a World Destruction Tour. Thirteen years later, he is the most famous skateboarder in the world. Three years later a cement mixer runs over him and he dies. Then God (this has nothing to do with religion whatsoever) presses the "rewind" button for the purposes of this fic, and Mokuba is only kidnapped by a mayonnaise jar and a bottle of ketchup… for no reason at all.
"What? Oh, right. Hey Yugi, come hither." Marik motions for the two to come toward him.
Yugi looks perplexed. "Hither?"
"Hither: also meaning- here." Rebecca chirps. She smiles and looks around. "That definition was made especially for my boyfriend."
Joey and Tristan gag.
"Come here!" Marik growls.
Yugi manages to get himself away from his "girlfriend's" grasps and go over to Marik who gets him in a two man huddle. (is that even possible? o.O)
After a few seconds they break out. Marik looks at Yugi.
"Time to do your stuff."
Yugi nods. He goes over to Rebecca and clears his throat.
"Rebecca, I'm gay."
Rebecca stares as everybody else tries to hold back their laughter and comments. Well, almost everybody that is.
"O RA, YUGI! YOU'RE GAY? I KNEW IT, I SO FREAKIN' KNEW IT! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SO THAT'S WHY YOU WANTED ME TO SPARE KAIBA'S LIFE AT DUELIST KINGDOM! (can you guess who it is?) But, ew. I had to live with you… inside you! I HAD TO LIVE WITH A HOMO! Well, I guess it's not as bad as living with Michael Jackson… (he shudders violently at this point) but YOU'RE GAY YOU'RE GAY HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!"
Everyone turns their attention to Atem, who is having some sort of laugh attack.
"Uh, Pharaoh. This is your hikari we're talking about." Bakura tells him, though he is also laughing somewhat, mostly at Atem's folly.
"I know! That makes it even more ironic because I'm not gay! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yugi, you never told me this! If you had, I probably would have like DIED or something. Then again, I'M ALREADY DEAD! Hahahahahahahahaha! Ugh…" Atem suddenly sways to the side. "I don't feel good…" He passes out.
Tea bursts into tears. "Oh no! My lover, Atem is dead! We were going to have a big wedding and invite all our happy friends from Happy Friendship Land! Woe is me. WOE IS ME!"
"SHUTUP!" Ishizu yells at her. "Can't you see he's not dead, you freak? Although he'd rather be dead than be around you!"
"That's not true!" Tea cries. "He loves me, I can smell it!"
Marik smirks. "What would get you to believe that he doesn't love you?"
Tea sniffs. "If he tells me himself."
Meanwhile, Rebecca is in shock. "Y… Your gay? Yugi, no!" She starts to cry.
Yugi flashes a grin to Marik. "Yes, I am afraid it's true."
"Who do you really love then?" she asks looking up at him.
He pauses and bites his lip. "Why… uh…. M- Michael Jackson of course. He's gay too, right? My yami just said that."
Michael Jackson pops in. "I'm not gay!" he shouts as he fends off a lawyer.
Bill Clinton comes in as well. "I did not have sex with that woman!"
Britney spears suddenly falls through the roof. "I don't lip sing!"
Bakura speaks up. "Well, while we're all on the subject of lying, I didn't flush Ryou's Ashlee Simpson poster down the toilet." (actually, I think Ashlee Simpson is cool. Apparently Bakura doesn't though.)
Ryou's eyes get wide. "Bakura, how could you?"
"Well, it was rather simple. First, you rip off the wall, then slip it into the toilet, then you use the toilet brush to get it all down, and finally say 'Ahh' in relief."
A bunch of people come in and start doing a little dance, while saying "Rip, slip. Brush, ahh… Rip, slip. Brush, ahh…"
Seth looks around. "It's getting a little crowded in here…"
Seto gets a large metal rod and clears everybody out. "Ah ha ha ha ha ha! Death to the media!"
Bakura and Malik also grab rods and start smacking random people. They sing this song while their at it (lyrics made by me, my brothers, and my cousins)
"Get hit…
With a rod of iron across your face!
Until it feels good across your face!
And there's a bloody pulp upon the floor!
And then you ask for some more!" (you can also insert 'chain of steal' or 'mace of grace', which by the way makes no sense at all, in for 'rod of iron'. Either way, it works.)
Malik looks at Bakura. "The authoress sure is weird."
Bakura nods. "I know, seriously."
Then they were struck by lightning. Again. And again. And again. They look up with their fried heads. "We're sorry! We're sorry! Please forgive our words!"
Another lightning bolt.
"And we'll clean your room and do all your math homework forever!"
More lighting.
"…and… we'll buy you the boxed set of Family Guy!"
The lightning stops. A girl's voice comes out of the sky. "You mean that one show I don't own? Hmmm, which season?"
Marik tries to shrug, but fails miserably. "The…cough… first… season? Cough."
"Wrong answer." This time, a flaming meteor hits him.
Bakura moans. "All… the seasons… Your Highness. The day they come out."
"That's a good boy." The two are miraculously healed in 0.027 seconds.
Ryou looks up. "Are you the authoress' yami?" he asks.
"Oh contraire. I am her light. The normal authoress is probably somewhere thinking up a way to buy as many Alkaline Trio Cd's (don't own) as she can before her parents find out. And I don't even want to know what her dark side is doing…"
Juvenile Hall
My yami (name unknown) is arguing with the guard. "What do you mean it's illegal to build nuclear and atomic bombs in your cell? It's my cell! I should be able to do what I want!"
Three guards try and grab her but she uses her dark magic powers to blind them, and then stabs them to death with their own… flashlights.
"What a mess. I guess I'll have to find another cow to make a new leather jacked. Too bad there's not many left from that farm down the street…" She shrugs and walks out of the building.
Seto's House/ Mansion/ Whatchamacallit
"Wow. PADA has three sides to her. And you're her light too." Yugi says, his eyebrows raised.
"Yes." the voice says. "But I must be going now. I'm not allowed to talk to the characters for too long."
Rebecca is still crying. "No, Yugi likes guys. Now he can't love me… or can he?" She looks into Yugi eyes. "Do you love me, Yugi?" she asks, pleadingly.
"Heck no foo. Whatchu think me out to be? Some cheap rip-off affectioner? Man, I am da gansta from Gansta City."
Everyone looks at him weird.
"That means no."
Rebecca suddenly falls into a portal of Unintelligence and UnYuginess, screaming "MY BOYFRIEND WILL SAVE ME!" on the way down.
Marik grins and gives Yugi a high five. "All right. One down."
Joey stares at them. "You mean, Yugi's not gay?" The two nod. "That's a relief."
They turn toward Atem on the floor and see Tea above him. She is leaning over him, forcing his mouth open.
"Ok, Atemu-mu. Time to give you your mouth-to-mouth resuscitation." She leans over him and puts his lips on his just as his eyes shoot open.
His eyes widen. "GET OFF ME, YOU WHORE!" He shoves her off and scoots over towards Seth, hiding behind him. "Cousin, save me!" he whimpers.
Seth just laughs. "Oh, Atem. You have to be a little tougher. I mean, you're gonna have a lot more challenges like this and- HOLY CRAP!"
Tea suddenly lunges at him, shoving him out of the way. "Come on, Pharaoh! You know you love me! Friendship binds us together like fireworks and half-melted plastic army men!"
Yugi grinned. "Hey, I did that once. Didn't work out too well though. My grandpa wasn't too happy about that whole 'game shop catching on fire along with all the customers inside it' thing."
Atem darts around the room, trying to get away. Marik suddenly catches him by the arm.
"Pharaoh, I have a plan." he tells him. 'Mission Impossible' music starts playing in the background. Fortunately, it stops when Mokuba smashes a hammer through the stereo system.
Seto grabs his little brother's throat. "Damn it, Mokuba! What have I told you about playing with hammers?"
"Only… do it… around… Joey and… Atem!" he gasped.
The older Kaiba stops and pats Mokuba's head. He also grabs his hair and chucks him out the window. "Good. I'm proud of you!" he shouts after him. At this point, Joey grips Seto's throat.
Atem looks at Marik after he hears what the Tomb Keeper's idea is. "You're positive it'll work?" he asks.
"Have I ever lied to you?"
Atem just stares at him.
"Ok… well whatever. Besides those times. Just trust me. Look, here she comes. Now go!" Marik shoves the ancient Egyptian into Tea.
"There you are friend! Let us be friends and more in a friendly sort of friendship and friendliness!" She snuggles Atem.
The Pharaoh pulls her off. "Tea, there is no such thing as friendship!"
Seto jumps up and down. "I knew it! Who's the man, who's the man? Uh huh uh huh uh huh!"
Tea pauses. "No… such thing? But… friendship… FRIENDSHIP!" She cries and suddenly falls headfirst into an abyss of Unfriendshipness and NonAtemuness.
Everyone sighs in relief-
SIGH!
-as Ryou checks his watch.
"Ah, what the bloody hell? It's already freaking 8:00 in the morning! We're not going to school, are we?"
"As long as Yugi's not gay. I don't want him hitting on me." Atem muttered, shivering.
"No, he's not gay. Although I don't know about that guy over there…" Malik said, pointing to a guy outside. The guy waved to him.
"I like to touch myself… but not there! Hardy har har!" he yelled at them. Seto immediately shut the blinds.
"I guess you don't have to go to school. But what are you going to do?"
They thought about that. Yugi's face brightened.
"Let's have a party!"
Chapter: (sigh) PADA doesn't freaking own Yu-Gi-Oh, or much anything else in this fic, except for the story idea. And I want my bloody job back! (sob)
Too bad. Aww. Little Yugi, always coming up with the greatest of ideas.
Seto: You call that GREAT? It's my house!
Don't be so selfish, Seto Kaiba. Learn to share.
Malik: (singing) Sharing is caring…
Bakura, Atem, and Marik: (also singing) And it can be fun!
Seth: Arr, matey.
O.o … ok, right. But GASP! A party, eh? Fun. And yes, there are still people not in the story to invite. So, R&R! And stuff like that. Oh, and, umm… eat your vegetables, uhh, don't break the law, and, let's see. What's another important rule to follow…?
Atem: Don't soil yourself!
Marik: Too late.
…interesting…
P.S. If any of you out there are actually homosexual and found offence in this chapter, I apologize. I wasn't making fun of you. Also, if you were offended, don't be. Television, books, etc, make fun of Christianity a lot, and I'm not offended.
P.P.S. The above postscript was not meant to be of any religious view or values. I was only trying to beg no offence from my viewers. Thank you.
Yugi: Your welcome.
Shut up.