Haha. Nobody got who the guy outside the house is. Although thanks to Kamokat, I have an idea for a little part of this chapter. (Gives Kamokat pie) But don't worry. All will be explained in this update… well, at least as much as I can explain, I'll give you that. I'm also rather pleased that people understood the names for the broccoli, which by the way, was purposeful.
Marik: Unlike you.
Tea: Hey, be nice. She's my friend.
…no I'm not.
Tea: … FRIENDSHIP!
Atem: Dear Ra will you be QUIET?
Tea: No! I will teach the man outside the house everything I know about friendship.
Man outside the house: Well, aren't I just one providential entity?
Bakura: … duh, what?
Tea: We will be best friends! I just know it!
Man outside the house: Uh, ew.
Seto: Seriously.
Cereal-sli.
Man outside the house: Do you have any idea what cereal is made out of?
I'm guessing those little wooden flakes from the pencil sharpener?
Man outside the house: Smart girl.
I know. But now, I bring you… Chapter GX! The next generation of CHAPTERS! But not really, I just wanted to fool you, which I have. And so we begin. Oh, PS, just a warning. There's lot's of cussing right at the beginning of the chapter. You can thank Seto for that.
Seto: What?
Nothing, nothing at all.
Disclaimer: No, no, NO! Shadow of the Dead owns NOTHING! Not even her own soul. MuahahahahahahahahAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (devilish laugh)
Chapter 13- The Man Outside the House
Everyone in the house freezes as the glass of the window shatters into dozens of jagged pieces. The 'three stooges', who had just been fighting again, turn their heads to find the source of the atypical occurrence, stopping when their eyes fall upon an unconventional and rather eccentric looking man. Who is outside the house. And always has been.
I swear.
Nevertheless.
Seto isn't all to happy when he walks into the room and sees the remains of what used to be his living room window. Which is actually rather unusual, because we all know that Kaiba is always in a good mood…
"HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE F—K HAPPENED? YOU DAMN BASTARDS! WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? I SHOULD KICK YOU'RE ASSES RIGHT NOW, YOU F—KING B-TCHES!"
… oh.
Joey stands up. "Well, excuuuuuuuse me. What do you like, totally want me to do, man? I like, just got a maaaaaannnicure for Red Eyes' sake. I mean, like, do you like, totally want me to tryyyy and stop whatever like, person tries to break into you're, like, house? That would be like, totally, like, un-Joey-like, like, totally you know?"
Seto gawks at him. "Why don't you die?"
Joey gives a little hip shake and stares down at his nails. "Like, doesn't work man, doesn't work."
That man outside the house… comes in.
World: omigosh I am going to- MASSIVE EXPLOSION!
But…no.
"Heh heh, wow. That was really weird." the man says, grinning.
Valon looks at him, a bit too strangely.
"Why are you looking at me? Are you trying to subjugate me by means of hypnosis and incongruity of your vigilant gaze?" The man narrows his eyes. "Or are you just creepy?"
"Pfff, he's both. He's so… suh stupid an' dum… mm. Don' know nuthin'. Yuppp thas 'im aight."
Everyone except Mr. Rogers turn around to see Bakura standing there, all high and drunk, akin to the way the majority of Bakura's are typically advertised in department stores ads.
And why doesn't Mr. Rogers turn around?
In Mr. Rogers Studio.
"Come on Trolley. Let's go to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe and… Trolley? What? What do you mean you don't want to go to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe? That's your favorite place in the world! You were just doing it for money? Trolley! I'm ashamed of you! Now let's go. That's right Trolley, you're going anyway. Why? Because I own hammers. Lot's of hammers. Hammers that can either dent your little red metal covering there, or smash you and smash you and smash you until you are completely decimated into nothing. You still won't go? What? I am going to lose my job, Trolley! All those damn little brats out there are waiting for you to get your bloody ass down to the Neighborhood of freaking Make-Believe! Wha- hey! Get your hands off me! I'm not done here, I still have seventeen more minutes on air! Oh, hey, all you little monsters out there! I've got something to say to you! You know Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny? Well, they're all fake! That's right, you're parents lied to you! What are you gonna do about it? Kill them in their sleep! Yes, all of them, you rotten pigs! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
…well, not that this isn't certainly fascinating, but I do believe we possibly have other things to carry out.
BackThe man stares at Bakura for a second. "And who, if I may ask, is this… erm, person here?"
Ryou rushes into the room, his eyes intense with anger. Yes, that's right. Anger. What are you going to do about it? Kill me in my sleep?
…I see.
Bakura takes one fleeting look upon his light's existence within the general vicinity and rushes off, as well as he can, that is. Ryou pursues him yet again.
Everyone blinks. After such a festive occasion of the ages, Seto turns back to the man, who is no longer outside.
I swear.
Anyway, Seto gazes at him.
"Why is everyone looking at me? I mean, I guess it could be because of my implausible intellect, my surprising attractiveness, or the blinding whiteness of my extraordinary dental features. But, at any rate, it's really starting to bum me out." The man sighs.
A bunch of fangirls are gathered outside. One screams.
"OMG he siiiiiiighed! That is just soooooooo hotttttttttt!"
The other girls agree with their squeal and shouts of "We love you 'blank' 'blank'!"
The man scowls. "Ew." he mutters.
Seto grabs his shoulder. "What are you doing in my house?" he asks cantankerously. (I love that word)
The man quickly thrusts Seto's hand away and brushes off the place where it had been with his own gloved hand. "First of all, this," he waves his hands around himself, "is me. I am strictly off limits, meaning no looking, no staring, and most certainly no touching. Got it?"
"Sir are you there?""Ah yes, and this is Charlie." He lifts his wrist, showing everyone the little device. "Well, actually, no. It's not. Charlie is… somewhere, back where I come from. But, this is Charlie's voice."
Malik waves. "Hi Charlie's voice!"
"Hello. And, I appreciate you getting my name right sir."
"… I'm sorry, what was that Chucky? You really shouldn't mumble like that."
"…nevermind."
"So, where was I? Oh, yeah. Uh, so just to let you know, you are under attack."
Seto raises an eyebrow. "By who?"
"An extremely dangerous enemy, my good sir. In truth, the most dangerous enemy of them all."
Seto's interest is finally peaked. As is his uneasiness. "Tell me who."
"Why, broccoli, of course."
Everyone gets quiet. It doesn't last long, reminiscent of most all other things in the Kaiba residence.
Malik bursts out with a "Broccoli! Auuuugggghhhh! We're all gonna die, we're all gonna DIE! Flee to the mountaintops!" Before he can dart away, Ishizu magically appears and catches him by the shirt.
"Calm down brother, what can broccoli do to you?"
The man glares at her. "Uh, hello? Don't you know anything? Broccoli can suck every little bit of good, fun, and cool out of you, until your nothing but…" he shudders. "A dentist."
An icy wind seems to blow.
"Damn it, Yugi! I told you to turn off the fan! What's the point of having a hikari if you can't tell them what to do?" Atem shakes his head, disappointed.
"Sorry 'bout that Yami." He obeys his orders.
The man looks down at the Pharaoh. "And who are you supposed to be?"
"Duh. I'm the Pharaoh of ancient Egypt. I ruled 3,000 years ago, unless you go by the gay American version of our show, which would make it 5,000 years, which is just stupid in itself. I saved Egypt and the world from darkness, and I went on all these freakish adventures, although I could have just teamed up with Bakura, stolen all the Sennen items, killed him afterward with all the magic power I would have gained, and ruled the world. But instead, I have to be stuck with these geeks."
Everyone glares at him. Everyone meaning… well, everyone, because I want everyone to be in the room as of this moment.
PoofThere. That settles it.
The man sighs. "I meant your name."
"Ooooooooh. Well, why didn't you just saaaaaaaay that? It's Atemu. A-te-mu. Just like that. PHARAOH Atemu. Remember that one, kids." Atem smiles proudly.
The man makes a face. "Ate-moo. Sounds like a cow. What a weird name."
"Pfft. Yah right. What's your name? Probably weirder than mine."
Seto clenches his teeth. "Yes, please, tell us your name, oh good kind sir who is about to die by getting his head squeezed off bit by bit by my own hand if he doesn't answer RIGHT NOW!"
"Uh, I think that's your cue, sir."
The man grins. "Charlie! It's so good to hear from you! How's the old ones. Y'know. George, Joe, the others. Oh, and how's your… pah…par…pp…par…"
Charlie sighs, again. "Parents?"
"Well, lookie there, Chuck. You read my mind."
"They are absolutely wonderful, sir. Healthy and fit, just like you. Except, not quite as anomalous, if you don't mind me saying."
"…I'm sorry Charlie. Maybe you should stop mumbling and I might be able to hear you."
"My greatest apologies."
Ryou, who was brought in when the great poof of time took place, leans over to Yugi.
"They kind of remind me of Seto and Mokuba." he whispers.
Yugi nods. "Or of Pegasus and Duke."
"Oh yeah. Are they still working together?" Ryou asks, still at a whisper.
"Nope. Duke quit after an… interesting occurrence that took place a couple months ago…"
FlashbackPegasus is sitting at the head of his table. You know, the one you see in the show, where he's obsessing over his fudgey bunny or faggy money or runny honey or whatever the hell it's supposed to be? Yeah, well that's where he is. No questions asked, no refunds will be given 30 days after the purchase of the merchandise.
…
MASSIVE EXPLOSION!
Anyway, moving along. He's sitting there and he has this little bell so as to call in his slave…er servant… er right hand man when he needs him. He seems to have needed him for the past twenty minutes.
DingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDingDuke rushes into the room, looking haggard and worn. And angry. Very, very angry.
"Yes, Master Pegasus?" he inquires, seething.
"Ooh, Dukey- boy!"
"I do not wish to be called 'Dookie' sir. Now, if you would please stick with my regular name, I might not have to kill you."
"Nonsess Dukey-boy! Nowww, if you'll, if you'll jus brin' me my w-wine sssso I may wach it, and a glasssss of Funny Bunny, we shall be off-f!"
Duke moans. "I don't think so, Pegs. You've had quite enough wine and whatever the heck you watch for one afternoon. I'm not bringing you any more."
Pegasus gets up… and falls back down again. He grabs the edge of the table as he climbs to his feet. "Nuh-no! Must have bunnies and funnies an-and ALCOHOL! Yesssss. Hahhhhh…ahhhh. Ahhhhhhhhhh."
He climbs onto the table and crawls towards Duke, who begins to back away.
"C'mere you… you… you…" He grabs for him, but obviously misses due to severe intoxication ten times over.
Duke sweatdrops and whimpers. "Not good…"
Pegasus holds up a card. "I plah-play toooon word-world. Come toon f-friendssss!"
They come, all right. In quite large numbers as well.
Duke runs, screaming down the hall, grabbing his jacket and other belongings on the way out, and vowing to have his 'Pegasus Is My Man' tattoo removed that very day.
End FlashbackRyou stifles a laugh. "Ah yes, I remember that."
The man finally looks up at all of them. "Kay, you ready?"
They all mumble something unintelligible. But Ishizu looks up at him with wide eyes, as if just discovering something.
"EEEEEEEEEEE! OMG YOU'RE SOOOOOOOO HOTTTTT! I JUST WANT TO LIKE, LIKE, LIKE, LIKE OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! IT'S LIKE HOTTTTNESSSS TO THE MAX! SOMEBODY GIVE ME ICE I CAN'T TAKE THE HEAT!"
The man just stares at her and does a nervous cough as Atem and Seth both mutter to themselves, annoyed.
"…anyway." He puts on a forced grin and pulls out a note card. "Ahem. My name is Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand… well, no actually. I don't. I don't really want to. So never mind that. But I will give you some chocolate." He hands little wrapped pieces to everyone.
They eat them, and because it's just so incredibly amazing, they faint and wake up half and hour later, forgetting everything, and having to go through every little bit again. But I won't write everything over, for that would be wasting time, and instead of committing such an immoral sin, I will close and continue another day. Thank you and good night.
That was interesting. And I know I didn't mention the broccoli in this chapter. But hold onto your shorts, for the great battle will take place within the next update or so. Yes, indeed. And the man has been revealed, so there. Don't really know what that proves, but whatever. Oh, and because I have 56 reviews for 12 chapters, and like to have things even (e.g. 12 chapters 60 reviews) I hope you don't mind, but I'll update if I get 9 reviews. I know it's a lot, but it's really not all that difficult to do. Especially if you know have to type. That might help. R&R.