Lust for Sin

A Story by Rikku-Hoshi

Well, I just lost a tennis match today. How much does that suck? But, tennis is only two hours now, 'stead of four. However, school starts...Checks calendar..EEK! A week from today! Sobs Oh well...sigh...Here's chapter 13. I hope you enjoy!

Chapter 13: You Can't Come Back

She must not have been unconscious for long, for when she began to regain herself, she saw Paine and Lulu walking out of Tidus' room, shutting the door behind them. They appeared very shocked to see her, and their expressions definitely showed it.

"I–I need to see Tidus!" Yuna practically demanded, as she stood up. Paine's eyes seemed to dart needles at her, as if to say there was no possible way that she could see him.

However, Lulu's eyes were soft, and Lulu said, as she beckoned to the closed door, "Go ahead."

"Are you insane?" Paine said, although her voice was soft.

"Let her," Lulu just said with a shrug, "She's already seen it all."

Yuna swallowed then, as Lulu started up the stairs. Paine gave Yuna a glare, but then rushed up after Lulu, leaving Yuna to stand there, staring at the shut door to Tidus' room.

She waited until she knew that Lulu and Paine were completely up the stairs, and then with a deep breath, knocked on Tidus' door.

There was no answer, so Yuna found herself shakily opening the door a crack, and peeking in. She saw Tidus, sitting up in his bed, wearing a huge frown. His lips were red, from the blood, Yuna assumed. Her legs suddenly grew queasy at the thought, and she probably would have left, if Tidus hadn't looked her way.

In shock, Yuna shut the door, but only to hear Tidus say, "Yuna! Come in."

Knowing she couldn't very well hide, Yuna took a deep breath and walked in, but only a ways.

"Shut the door," Tidus said softly, and Yuna did as told, although she leaned up against the door, scared to go any further.

Tidus didn't say anything for a while, and only looked at her. Then, he almost giggled to himself and said, "So, what's that look for?"

"What look?" Yuna just asked, her eyes still wide.

"You look scared," Tidus just said, and wiped at his mouth. She jumped slightly at his motion, but she had a feeling that he knew that she knew.

"Yuna," Tidus said then, laughing, "What's the matter? Is it illegal to drink wine?"

"Wine?" Yuna said, her heart slowing, "T-That's what was in the vile?"

"Well, yeah! What did you think it was? Oh Yevon, Yuna! You didn't think it was blood or something stupid like that, did you?"

Her eyes opened wider, and she took another step in, covering her heart with her hand.

"Oh Yevon, Tidus, I'm sorry! Honestly, I did think it was blood! The way it dripped from your mouth and–."

"Damn, I didn't get any on the bed, did I?" Tidus said then, looking around.

"But, if it was just wine, how come you're all better?" Yuna asked.

"Alcohol does that to me," Tidus just said, "Besides, I wasn't nearly as sick as Paine and Lulu told you I was, I'm sure."

"You had me worried though, you know," Yuna said then, as she put her hands behind her back and rocked from side to side, refusing to look him in the face.

"You're upset about me not showing up, aren't you?" Tidus asked then, "Look Yuna, the truth of the matter is this: I care too much about you to have you get hurt."

"What do you mean?" Yuna just asked, her eyes finding their way to his face.

Tidus didn't say anything for the longest time, and he just swallowed and said, "It made me depressed, but I knew I couldn't see you. So I just cut off all ties with you. That's why you should just leave."

Yuna was silent. What was she supposed to say? She couldn't confess anything to him, not love, not hatred, not anything. Just as he wasn't giving her any clear answers or confessions.

"The reason I came," Yuna finally managed to say, "Was basically out of jealousy."

"Excuse me?" Tidus said, as if he hadn't heard her right.

"I was jealous," Yuna said, looking at her feet, "Because Dona knew more about you than I would ever get to know."

Tidus watched her, and finally said, "Like what?"

Yuna couldn't help it, but she could feel tears beginning to grow in her eyes.

"Like everything," Yuna finally managed, as her tears fell down her cheeks, "She knows more about your past, she knows more about you as you, she knows more about...Well, she..."

"Knows how I am in bed?" Tidus said, causing Yuna to jump at the mention.

"Well," Yuna said, her eyes drying slightly and her cheeks growing red, "I wasn't going to go that far, but–."

"But it's probably true," Tidus just said and shrugged.

Yuna looked at Tidus with wide eyes, but said nothing. After all, doing that kind of thing without being married was a sin. Still, her jealousy just grew. She would never know that type of thing. At least not with Tidus.

Yuna just continued to stare at the ground, and said, "Well then, you agree? Dona knows you better that I."

"And it should remain that way," Tidus just said, with emptiness in his voice.

Tears began to form, and Yuna finally burst out, "But I don't want it that way!"

Tidus seemed shocked, and he stared at her as she cried for the longest time, before finally taking a deep breath, and saying, "Me neither."

"Then why is it?" Yuna burst out, forgetting herself. She didn't know what, but something was definitely taking over her control.

"It has to be!" Tidus practically yelled at her. Now his voice had a sort of urgency in it. Almost the most distressed kind of urgency Yuna had ever heard.

"Why?" Yuna just said, almost in a begging tone.

"Because I love you."

Yuna's eyes darted to Tidus. He was just sitting there, leaning back on his arms, his blanket just covering his naked chest. He was staring straight at her, although his eyes really told her nothing. He looked so serious, and yet he really wasn't wearing an expression at all.

"T-I..."

"You have to understand, Yuna! We can't be together! That's just how it is! I can't fall in love, okay? You're marrying that damned guado, and...And..."

"And what?" Yuna cried.

"And it...And I..." Tidus couldn't seem to finish what he was saying, "And I just don't want you to suffer, Yuna! Because I love you too much."

Yuna found herself burying her face in her arms. What was she doing? Tidus was right. She was as good as being married. She didn't need to know anything else about him. She couldn't be with him.

Suddenly, she felt hands on her hips, and she turned her head to see Tidus standing there, just staring at her.

Surprised, she pulled away from him, and turned and faced him. He was standing there, shirtless, with just some pants on. His muscles were very defined, and that horrid scar didn't look nearly as horrid. As her thoughts went to him, she threw her hands over her eyes, not wanting to look at him.

"Yuna," Tidus said, walking up to her and pulling her hands away from her eyes.

Yuna just pulled away from him again, and backed away to the wall, staring at him with a scared expression on her face, as if he were a stranger.

"Yuna," Tidus just said, "I love you."

"You said you couldn't though Tidus! You said it wouldn't work out! It's...It's a sin, Tidus! I can't look at you like this! I can't think of you like this! It's not right!"

"Is it a sin to love?" Tidus burst at her, "Is it?"

"I've heard it is!" Yuna just cried, her tears falling as she said this.

"Where in the bible of Yevon does it say that?" Tidus just said, crossing his arms.

"It...It doesn't," Yuna said softly.

"Exactly," Tidus said, "But the question is, Yuna...Do you love me?"

Yuna's heart began to race. Of course she did! Still, could she admit it? She wanted to, of course. After all, he had finally admitted it to her.

"I love you," Yuna finally said softly, "But I..."

"It's not a sin," Tidus said, walking up to her, "As long as you truly do love me."

"But Tidus, I'm marrying Seymour," Yuna just said.

"I know," Tidus said, "But not yet? One night...What could it hurt?"

Yuna's heart must have fallen down to her stomach, for suddenly she felt very sick, and was sure that even Tidus could heart the beating of her heart.

He was so close to her that she could almost feel his breath upon her. He was staring at her, waiting for her answer, as if waiting for the okay to do some sort of deed. In a way, Yuna figured that was exactly it.

Not knowing what had come over her, Yuna just closed her eyes, allowing one final tear to slip, and said, "Exactly...What could it hurt?"

Tidus smiled a little smile, and said, "Nothing."

-

The night was like a dream. Really, it was. It just occurred, and then faded. Almost as if nothing had happened. It didn't matter that by the end of the night Yuna felt as if she knew Tidus more than anybody ever had. Still, no matter how far everything had gone, she still had so many questions that she felt she had to ask him.

"Tidus?" Yuna said, although he was still sleeping, holding her in his arms.

"Mmm?" he just said softly, and she guessed he hadn't been as much asleep as she'd assumed.

"I want to know some things about your past," Yuna just said softly.

Tidus' eyelids went open, showing her his beautiful eyes. He scooted himself up, holding himself above her for a while, before finally lying back down, letting her out of his arms. He looked as if debating on whether or not to tell her anything.

"Like what?" he asked then, turning his head to face her, "What do you want to know?"

"Dona told me that you told her that your mother was killed by demons. Is that true?"

Tidus kind of snorted, and said, "Not demons, Yuna, a demon."

"Excuse me?" Yuna said, "A real demon?"

"Oh yeah," Tidus said, "And...Well, it should have killed me too, but it didn't."

"What did it look like?" Yuna asked.

"Like any demon," Tidus just said with a shrug, "A normal human being."

"What?" Yuna said, facing him, "A normal human being?"

"Yep," Tidus said, nodding, "You couldn't tell 'till... 'til it killed 'er..."

"Why didn't it kill you?" Yuna asked then.

"Because," Tidus said, his eyes away from hers, "It got distracted and left me. Sometimes I think it may still be out there, and if I ever find it, I'll kill it."

"How do you kill it?" Yuna asked.

"Stab it right through its heart," Tidus just said, motioning with his arms, "Just pierce its heart, and it's a goner."

"Why didn't you do it then?" Yuna asked.

"'Cause I didn't know to, then," Tidus just said, "But that was years ago."

There was silence then, and Yuna finally took a deep breath, and said, "Dona told me you were from Zanarkand, the city that was destroyed years ago, far before our time, even before the time of Yevon."

"Yuna," Tidus just said, rolling the opposite way, so that she couldn't see his face, "That's something I wish not to discuss."

"Why did you discuss it with Dona and not me?" Yuna asked then, almost in a whiny tone.

"Because I thought I could trust her," Tidus just said, "I'm not saying I couldn't trust you, either Yuna, but it's something I'd rather not get into. The past hurts me so deeply..."

"Alright," Yuna just said, "I won't ask you anything more." Truly, she was crushed, but she decided that it was his choice if he wanted to discuss it or not.

"Yuna," Tidus just said softly, as he turned her way again, "I promise I'll tell you someday, alright? Maybe in a few days, weeks, years...Who knows how long, but I promise I'll tell you. Someday, you'll know. Alright?"

Yuna just nodded, deciding that someday was better than no day.

Sighing, Yuna then asked the question she hadn't wanted to ask, but knew she had to.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"Time for you to go," Tidus just said, "And remember...You can't come back."

"I know," Yuna just said, giving him a meek smile. They kissed then, and Yuna got up, knowing that it would be the last time she could ever be with him.

"Goodbye Yuna," Tidus called to her.

"Goodbye Tidus," Yuna just replied.