A/N: While in the process of deciding which story I should start writing first after the end of "Unconditional Love" ("Knocking on Heaven's Door", an epic PreseaXLloyd story, or "Super Symphonia", a comedy about the heroes of ToS becoming super heroes), a good friend of mine suggested that I put up like a one-shot of something before each story to see which one people like more. Since "Kratos' New Sword" is basically the prelude to what will eventually be "Super Symphonia", this one-shot you are reading now will be the prelude to "Knocking on Heaven's Door". I hope you enjoy it.
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To Be With You
Why? Why did I even bother coming to this dance? Why did I go through all of the trouble necessary to make myself look "pretty"? Why am I sitting here, just waiting, while everyone else in the hall is having so much fun?
Why? Simple. It's for Lloyd… or perhaps just myself. I'm not sure.
What was I thinking? Did I really think that I might have a chance to be with the one I care about so much, even if it was just for a few minutes? What a foolish thing to think. Yes, we may be friends, perhaps even great friends, and, truth be told, I care about him as much more than just that, but… but… why would he choose me over the other women in our group? They're all far more able to make Lloyd happy than I ever could.
There's Colette over there by the punch bowl, chatting with Genis. What is there to say really? Lloyd and Colette have been friends since they were children. They should know every thing there is to know about one another, no secrets kept from each other whatsoever.
I wish I could say the same. It's not that I want to withhold any secrets from Lloyd, but… I just can't seem to remember anything. I wish I knew something about my past… anything. Anything that I could share with him would be fine as long as some of this hidden pain within me subsides.
Her child-like innocence is astounding. Not once has she caught on to any of Zelos' crude jokes or any other mature matters that any young adult should know. This isn't such a bad thing actually. Thanks to this, she hasn't been tainted by the evils of the world, allowing her to continue her sharing of infinite love with everything and everybody on both of our worlds. It's easy to see why Lloyd would want to be with her.
There's Sheena over there in the corner. Not long ago, she threw a cup of punch at Zelos, most likely for making another rude advance towards her. Good. She deserves better than that. I can see many of the other men in the hall staring at her. No doubt that her natural beauty has captivated them all.
Genis told me that I was cute once. I didn't believe him then. I still don't.
Of course, the exterior beauty of Sheena is only the beginning of the story. From what I understand, she was, at one time, the assassin sent to kill Colette. When it finally came down to it, she just couldn't do it. Even if it was for the sake of saving her world from danger, she couldn't bring herself to kill an innocent girl for it. This just goes to show what kind of person she really is. The kindness of her soul shines through her eyes as clear as day. Another clear choice for Lloyd.
Finally, there's Professor Raine sitting by herself at one of the smaller tables. Her eyes are closed, most likely in thought. What about? It's hard telling with her. Perhaps it's Lloyd.
Not that I blame her. All I ever think about anymore is Lloyd.
I wish I was just half as intelligent as the professor. She has devoted herself to a life of learning. Not only that, but she has also devoted her life to sharing the knowledge she has attained through teaching. Such a noble and beautiful profession. She gives away everything that she has worked so hard to obtain and all that she asks for in return is that her students make some use of the knowledge they have gained. There's something different between her and Lloyd though. Lloyd has made very little use of the knowledge she has imparted upon him, yet she holds him in high regard. Perhaps she even adores him. Why? Perhaps she sees in Lloyd what I see: a man that isn't afraid to stand up for what he believes in and would do anything to protect everyone and everything that he holds dear. A true knight in shining armor… the kind that she hopes will sweep her off her feet one day.
Whether it's Lloyd or not, I hope she gets her wish someday.
And then… there's me.
Why am I even bringing myself into this? I have nothing to offer Lloyd. I'm a twenty-eight year old woman in a body that looks even younger than Genis! I have to strain myself just to smile, let alone just be generally happy! I can't make any sense of my life, no matter how hard I try! I swing around a battle-ax like some oafish ogre!
How charming.
I don't have a chance to be with Lloyd. I… can't say for sure since I don't think I've experienced the feeling myself, but I think I love him. I did nothing to gain his favor and I even betrayed his friends when I turned Colette over to Rodyle because I was too weak. He could've left me in Ozette to fend for myself and pretend like he never met me or he could have even killed me for such a betrayal. Yet, he did none of those things. Instead, he created a key-crest for me that, more-or-less, negated the effects of the Cruxis Crystal within me. Why? How can there be so much kindness in his heart? How can I even begin to want him to feel for me the same way I feel for him?
It's because I'm selfish. That's why.
There is a large hole in my heart that is filled with nothing more than shadows. Whenever I am with Lloyd and he performs a random act of kindness for me, I feel as if the hole in my heart shrinks in size and some of the shadows vanish as if they were never there. With him, I feel safe. With him, I feel strong. With him, I can smile and be happy again. With him, I… I can live my life again.
Foolish dreams. He could never love me… could he?
Of course not. Besides, even if he could find it in his heart to love me, he deserves to be with someone better than me. Colette, Sheena, the Professor… either of them. He deserves the love of a real woman that he can care for and that will care for him in return. Someone that can smile and laugh with him. Someone that can enjoy life to the fullest with him. Someone that… someone that can say "I love you" and truly mean it.
I want to say it… but I just can't. I'm not sure if I understand what I'm feeling.
No matter who he chooses to be with, I'll do my best to be happy for them. However, there's no way that I'll be able to stop myself from hurting so badly. Life is so unfair. Why can't I be with Lloyd? What have I done to deserve this fate? I… I… I just want to scream! I want to cry until there are no more tears left! I want to… I want to…"
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"Presea?"
Presea opened her eyes and, to her surprise, saw Lloyd standing in front of her chair. It looked as if he was finally able to get the situation with his suit resolved. His outfit was stunning visually, but she could tell that Lloyd was uncomfortable in it.
"You look… handsome Lloyd," she said with sincerity.
The young swordsman laughed and scratched his head. "Thanks, but to tell you the truth, I never did like getting dressed up. Oh, uh, hehe, you look very pretty Presea. Uh, not that you don't always look pretty, but, uh… gah! You know what I mean, right?"
Of course I do Lloyd. I know that you would never have a bad thing to say about me or any of our friends here…
The two stood in silence for a moment before Presea asked, "Um… aren't you going to ask one of the girls to dance, Lloyd?"
It's time for this to come to a close. There is no wrong answer here Lloyd, unless…
He scratched his head again as a hint of red flushed into his cheeks. "Well uh, yeah actually."
Presea did the best she could to force a smile and did fairly well in doing so. "That's good. Who are you going to ask?"
Please, just let this end! This anxiety… these… feelings are killing me! Please Lloyd, don't let me suffer any longer. I have to know where your heart lies!
"Well, actually…" he started with hesitation, "erm, well…" He paused a moment and loosened his collar. "I was actually wondering if, umm... you would dance with me."
…what? Me? Lloyd, are you serious?
Presea's eyes widened in surprise. "W-what?"
The red in Lloyd's cheeks grew even more apparent. "U-unless you don't wanna, that is. I'll understand."
…you're serious aren't you? Why Lloyd? Why me? You could have anyone here! Why me! Are you stupid? I can't love you in the way that you deserve! Please Lloyd, while I'm being unselfish, pick someone else for your sake!
"No Lloyd, I just thought…" she paused. "…don't you want to dance with one of the other girls?"
Lloyd looked at her puzzled. "But I wanna dance with you. Is something wrong? If you don't want, I…"
Lloyd… I don't know why you're doing this, but thank you. Even if it is for just a few moments, I'll love every second of it.
She shook her head. "Nothing's wrong Lloyd. I… guess I was just surprised. I'd love to dance with you."
He smiled. "Great!" He gently grabbed Presea's hand and escorted her to the floor. Before they reached the dancing area, he turned back and closed his eyes, still smiling. "Wait till everyone sees the great girl I get to dance with."
She smiled a true smile. "You're too kind Lloyd. Thank you."
He laughed. "C'mon, let's go!"
Thank you Lloyd. I wish I was just as beautiful as you.
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So ends the prelude to what will eventually be "Knocking on Heaven's Door". What didja think? Please leave reviews and thank you for reading!
For information on what I hope will be the greatest and most epic PreseaXLloyd fic ever, please check out my profile. Thank you!