Disclaimer : i do not own YuYu Hakusho or the song.
Sum 41 Lyrics:
Pieces
"a one time bubbly person like myself is the last person you'd expect to be here, ne?" i looked around the room. it was a support group, here in reikai for those who'd died. "i died during a mission, sure i'd been brought back almost immediately but i changed anyway. with what i saw you could not blame me. it was a dark and dreary as hell, thousands of people saying overly optimistic things. and i realized that was what i was doing. no wonder they didn't come for me immediately." everyone around me just stared. they were all mortals, stupid little ningens who died in denial. i was actually teaching this group how to get over it.
I tried to be perfect But nothing was worth it
I don't believe it makes me real
I thought it'd be easy But no one believes me
I meant all the things that I said i had to explain myself of course, or else they'd not trust me. "it was a whole five days before i heard some one call out my name. i ran towards the voice, albeit spiteful and disgusted, it was looking for me. i knew who it belonged to, and i wished to be where he was. on the outside, living, breathing and not surrounded by a million of me." i paused, they looked confused. but they couldn't ask any questions just yet. "i reached out my hand and he grabbed it. i was pulled forward and air once again filled my lungs, the blood moved through my body again. but that smile, it never surfaced. i only blinked at all those in the room. they all winced, waiting for me to become hyper again."
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own
"sorry. i said. sorry i annoyed you all so much. it would be better if i leave. i saw them relax from their tensed positions, they almost seemed happy that i was back now. yes i heard, yes it would be best if you did. i stood up, i may have wobbled and fallen but i pushed away the annoyed hand that reached to help me." i allowed a tiny little smile. they were listening intently, that was good. "had i been my normal self i would have smiled or laughed at his some-what confused face. but i wasn't normal, so i just pushed myself off the floor and walked to the door. sorry i put you through hell. was all i said before i left. i didn't say goodbye, because that was a lie. it was not good in any way for me."
This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don't know how it got so bad
Sometimes it's so crazy
that nothing can save me
But it's the only thing that I have
"that day was just a week ago. i have not returned to ningenkai to pick up my belongings, they were thrown into the river styx at the gates of reikai. i havn't been happy or cheery since i went through that hell, afraid of overdoing things again. but you all should be better than me. i want everyone of you smiling if not laughing by time you leave today." i saw them all nod. they were afraid now. good, that was the first step.
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own
hours of this brought nothing to me, not fatigue nor pain of any kind. the groups that passed through my class during this day were easy to convince. some started laughing or smiling just by hearing my story. some needed a couple jokes, and others needed a memory wipe down. but they all left laughing and smiling. the old me would have been smiling and laughing as well by now, but the new me still had a straight look.
(On my own!)
the beuty of being alone is how quite and dark it becomes. my mind runs about a hundred times better, i can sense things more clearly. why right now koenma was approaching. along with ayame. i could tell by his aura i was in trouble. i knew he was going to tell me to get lost too. but i welcomed it. i had always wanted to venture into makai. i didn't flnch as he slammed open my door. "botan! what the hell are you doing! these souls are not recovering. they just snicker once and you pass them." he slammed all thirty of the file's i'd approved today in front of me. "sir, just because they are not smiling every minute does not mean that they are not happy. but if you insist i am wrong then perhaps you should fire me before i make another mistake." i watched him contemplate it.
I tried to be perfect It just wasn't worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It's hard to believe me It never gets easy I guess I knew that all along
i had surprised him, i know i had. he only came to make me express something. he only nodded and pointed to the door. i stood up and left, not bothering to grab anything. i walked for hours in makai, it was midnight before any demon found me. they made no hesitiation in killing me. and again i was hurled into my hell. but instead of happy people i saw only guilty and disgusted people. no matter how i changed it was still hell to be around me. how could that be so? it was almost a year before i heard some one calling me again. worry and guilt apparent in the voice. but i did not reach out to it, nor did i embrace it in any way.
If you believe it's in my soul
I'd say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I'm trying to let you know
That I'm better off on my own.
i sat down and closed my eyes, everything but the voice dissapeared. it haunted me only for a moment longer. instead of calling my name it whispered "fine. we don't need you anyway." and that phrase continued to haunt me as i dwelled in my hell.
again, it is in my sadistic writitn style. and it is botan. the voice which calls her is none other than the only guy with a temper as short as he is, drum roll please! Hiei! yes the voice is hiei. from this point on you may encounter some slightly happier songs, which make for happier fics. sorry you had to sit through my sad songfics first.