Chapter 2

Harry ran to the secret 'boys' (transvestite girls) bathroom that only he and Moaning Myrtle knew about.

"All I wanted was to be normal" he sobbed to Myrtle, his secret lover of 4 years. "All I wanted was to feel appreciated and know what its like to have real friends"

"Well you do have me" added Myrtle a little suggestively "Now that I'm the only person who likes you maybe we could…"

"NO!" Harry yelled "Just because I can't get no human lovin doesn't mean I have to put up with second best"

"Fine then. Be like that" wailed Myrtle as she dived head first with a back tuck triple somersault into the toilet bowl where she resided in the u-bend to be heard crying and sobbing. (Prongs)

Meanwhile in the Slytherin Common Room

"Draco, Draco I beg you! Please give me some pointers on how to be an A class lover" moaned Harry

"Oh Harry, my little inferior child, you and Ron have to learn to do it on your on"

Harry burst into tears "Myrtles left me, now Ro will. Oh great Master Draco who is too hot for words, teach me the oh gracious ways. You are my sweet child 'o' mine"

(Sorry had to put guns 'n' roses in there- love Moony)

"Please Harry, get up from your knees. I unlike you, am not gay. Girls swoon at my feet because of my seductive charm. We aren't born, we're made. OMG look Potter, photographers, flash them your scar."

Harry flashes scar (Moony)

So as Harry flashed his scar, Malfoy pulled down his pants and FLASHED SOMETHING ELSE! The Daily Prophet never sold so many copies! (Fang)

Harry left the dormitory, a unmistakable smirk spread widely across his face.

'Hmph' he thought to himself, 'I fooled him, I did exactly as Dumbledore asked'

Harry thought intently about what Dumbledore had told him to do.

'Make Malfoy think you're a transvestite' Dumbledore had said. 'Allow him to think you are at this mercy'

'Why?' Harry had asked suspiciously

'It's all part of the master plan I have, the one that will save your life' Dumbledore replied firmly.

Oh how hot you are

My Draco!

You're too hot for me

My Draco!

Oh I sit alone and wonder

Why…why aren't you mine?

All the girls crave you

But I want to save you

From them oooh.

And Harry breaks into song, leaning against the cold stone walls of the deserted castle, with a pink carnation in his hand. (Hedwig)