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8 — The Bonding

I eyed the mountain that lay ahead of us dubiously. Although I was strong and healthy — healthier than I'd been in a long time — I didn't know if I had the stamina for a hike up a mountain under 40 Eridani A's glare.

Sutak waited patiently beside me. "You are ready?" he inquired steadily, having won the battle against his emotions — for now, at any rate.

I squared my slight shoulders. "Oh, yeah — bring it on," I said.

We set off in silence; Sutak because he wasn't the chattering type and me … well, I wasn't the chattering type either, and I needed my breath for the hike.

The sun beat mercilessly down on us, and I'd never been so glad for the hood of my robe as I was at this time. Sutak set a steady ground-eating pace, but one I had no trouble keeping up with. Either I was fitter than I thought or I'd adapted quickly to Vulcan's hotter climes.

About halfway up, I felt my ears pop — a sure sign the air had gotten thinner. Although Vulcan's air was thinner than Earth's, I'd coped pretty well, but this was different. Yet something — dumbass pride, maybe — wouldn't let me slow down. I took in a deep breath of the air and forced myself onward and upward, Sutak marching tirelessly beside me.

Finally, finally, we reached the top and I could see the temple of Gol waiting for me, shimmering slightly in the afternoon sun. I paused as my vision swam and shook my head with an annoyed grunt.

As we got nearer the temple, a young Vulcan female — maybe ten years older than Sutak, but that was young for Vulcans — came out. She raised her hand in the Vulcan greeting. "Live long and prosper, Sutak," she said.

I was illogically cheered to hear the northern intonations — that was how most of my Vulcan came out, and it was nice to hear one of the high clerics speak with the same accent.

Sutak raised his own hand. "Peace and long life," he returned.

The cleric continued in archaic Vulcan — fortunately, my studies of the Vulcan tongue had included ceremonial words. Sutak responded in the same tongue, and the female turned and looked at me. "Thou hast come for the pre-bonding rites," she said in the same archaic Vulcan.

I dipped my head. "I have," I replied in the same tongue, glad I couldn't feel any distaste from her.

She turned to Sutak. "Leave us," she said imperiously. "I wish to speak with this one alone."

Sutak dipped his head. "As you command, High Priestess," he said. He followed a young Kolinahru male out of the blazing sun — lucky SOB, I thought viciously.

"I am High Priestess T'Para," she continued. "Thou hast been acquainted with Sutak for only a short time — what maketh thee believe that thou understandeth him sufficiently to enter into bonding with him?"

I shot a look at T'Para's attendant that plainly said Am I supposed to defend myself here?. Naturally, there was no response and I shook my head. "I'll live with him for the rest of my life and not understand him fully, as I'm not psychic. I doubt Vulcans understand Vulcans completely — otherwise, why the people seeking Kolinahr?"

She tilted an eyebrow. "Thy logic is … interesting," she commented. "Thou art not of this world," she added.

"You couldn't tell just by looking at me?" I inquired. What the hell did this hood hide? I shook my head at my inadvertently snotty response. "No," I said instead. "My species is human; you probably won't have heard of us."

She shook her head, surprising me once more. "We have received reports of observations of your people for many years," she said, switching to standard Vulcan. "When we learned one of your scientists was building an interstellar vessel, we anticipated making official contact with you. However, we did not expect you would yet have left your solar system."

"That's a long story," I said. "So I'll give you the short version. Basically, we were taking it in turns to visit the T'Plana-Hath and it was my turn when the Rihannsu took over, and shot the ship out of my solar system. Then they stuffed us into shuttles, the Seleya picked us up and here I am."

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Several hours later, T'Para still hadn't said anything, and I wondered grumpily if she was waiting for me to break. Well, two could play that game. I'd been the master at keeping myself to myself before I'd met Sutak; I could keep this up a while longer. Besides, I'd learned from T'Mir and my other friends that an empath was never truly alone unless they chose it.

I opened my mind, seeking contact with Sutak, and felt his warmth and strength. Taking comfort from this, I withdrew quickly and focused my gaze on a monstrous-looking weapon. It was about two meters long with a vicious-looking blade at one end — an unholy union of bludgeon and machete. So, this was the famed lirpa of Vulcan ritual. Many of Vulcan's rituals lay in their barbarian past when a fight could literally be a fight to the death.

T'Para snapped out of whatever trance she'd been in and fixed me with unflappable gray eyes. "What is thy name?" she asked.

"Charlotte," I told her, not bothering with my surname. Vulcans did not have clan names, having lost that tradition along with the clannish instincts that had fueled their earlier barbaric civilization.

"Thou willt open thine mind to me," she said firmly yet gently. "I must learn what I seek to know by sharing thy thoughts."

I knew about the mind meld and what it entailed, but I'd never participated in one. The closest I'd come was when I'd helped Sutak collect himself earlier. "All right," I said cautiously. "Just remember, though, I'm not a Vulcan. Will you be all right?"

She tilted her eyebrow and a small twinkle appeared in her eyes. "Your concern is appreciated but it is unnecessary," she said.

She led me into a sheltered courtyard and I breathed deeply as a faint breeze wafted over us. The air quality was no better, but the breeze was delicious. We sat down facing each other, and she raised a hand to my face. "Uh, High Priestess, I've got some pretty bad memories buried in there," I said quickly.

She shook her head. "I have practiced this ritual for many years with people far more volatile than yourself," she said.

"Right," I said, remembering what Sutak had told me; that Vulcans were naturally very passionate, but had learned to control their emotions.

I closed my eyes as her hand settled in a precise pattern; thumb near my chin, forefinger pressing at my temple, and the other fingers resting just above my left cheekbone. "Your mind to my mind," she intoned. "Your thoughts to my thoughts."

I felt a momentarily swirl of dizziness, a wrenching sensation like stepping off a stair that wasn't there, then I saw T'Para's regal features. Our minds are joined, she told me. I will not force myself into memories you would prefer remain buried. Take solace in the fact that I am equally as vulnerable to you.

Yeah, except I'm not telepathic, remember?, I shot back. I didn't have the ability to probe her thoughts.

Deep in our shared conscious, I felt her surprise. You are empathic; we were not aware your species had this ability.

I'm the only one I know of, I replied, no longer questioning why I was able to communicate with her. After all, I'd been able to do it with Sutak and we hadn't been melded.

As the meld continued, I was able to see images of what was evidently T'Para as a child. At seven years old, she'd been bonded with a male per Vulcan custom. The young male was called Turak, and they'd gone their separate ways until drawn together some twenty three years later by the fires of pon farr.

I saw her father, a distinctly handsome male by the name of Taurik, climbing into a ship somewhat like the T'Plana-Hath. The young T'Para had clasped him around the waist, refusing to let him go, but had been pulled away gently by her mother.

Suddenly, the contact between us ended, and I blinked in confusion. "What … just happened?" I asked.

"I have learned what I need to know, young seeker," she said. "Thy heart is of Vulcan; thine blood also. I believe thou art ready to bond with Sutak."

I blinked again. From what Sutak had said, it should have taken days for us to finish the pre-bonding rites. Was this it?

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We dined together that evening; Sutak, T'Para and I, along with the Kolinahru and other acolytes. Dinner was typically silent, but I could feel the curiosity of the acolytes. Naturally, I could feel nothing from the Kolinahru, but that was nice. It was comforting not be battered by people's emotions; not to have to put up barriers all the time.

One of the youngest acolytes, a male named Solkar, turned to me as I poured a cup of tea. "Your species is human?" he said.

"Correct," I replied briefly, hoping that he would remain civil. Although the numbers were small at the moment, there was a group of Vulcans who believed we weren't ready to leave our solar system; that our violent unpredictable natures would cause trouble.

I'd met one of them, a young male named Soval, recently and had been less than impressed. He had an unswerving belief in Vulcan superiority that was almost … Rihannsu in its arrogance. I just hoped he'd have the sense to leave Earth alone. Now we'd gotten our wings, we were ready to fly, and ain't nobody was going to stop us!

"We know of your species," Solkar said smoothly.

"Yeah? And what's the verdict?"

"Your species has … great potential."

"Oh," I said, surprised. "Well, that's good."

"Your empathic abilities are … impressive," he said, and I blinked at the non sequitur. "You have a high psi reading for your people."

"I used to hate my abilities back on Earth, but here on Vulcan, I can cope," I said. "Because of your abilities, things are much calmer for me." Tired of talking about me, I turned back to my neglected meal. I poked at the salad, but didn't have much of an appetite. Between the thin air and the mind meld, I was quite exhausted.

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Several days later:

The Vulcan dignitaries, male and female, young and old, gathered to witness this rare event in their history; a Vulcan bonding with an offworlder. I was already hot, but there wasn't a mussed hair amongst them. Then again, they'd been bred in this climate. A little desert heat wasn't going to bother them.

I stifled a cough as the breeze brought a whiff of sulfur, and watched the dark blue shadows retreat rapidly from the deeper red of the desert plains far below.

Above the distant Mount Seleya and the other jagged peaks, the thin air was already starting to shimmer. Then with dramatic suddenness, the rising sun 40 Eridani A flared off the snow capping Mount Seleya, turning the mountain's peak to blazing copper, and catching me right in the eye.

Wonderful, I mused. What a way to start a wedding; with a case of sunburn. Before I had time to get too nervous, I heard the rustle of tiny bells. Here we go, I thought, straightening the silver robes I wore. Silver was a traditional betrothal color on Vulcan. Then the gong boomed out.

T'Para, resplendent in dark blue-gray robes, dipped her head to me. "It is time," she said softly. "You will go out first." Her eyes narrowed. "You are … troubled," she said.

"Just the jitters," I replied just as softly. "I'm fine."

With that declaration, I stepped out of the temple between two pillars, my hair for once falling unrestrained down my back toward my hips. Striving for composure, I walked toward the pillar where the bonding would take place.

Sutak came over to join me. "Good morning," I murmured.

The tiniest smile flickered over his lips. "Good morning to you, too," he replied.

There was no time for chit-chat, however. Two of the biggest Vulcans I'd ever seen stalked into the amphitheater, each bearing lirpa. They were followed by four attendants carrying T'Para on a kind of sedan affair, gleaming with black lacquer engraved in an intricate red geometric design.

"Kroykah!" she said strongly.

Sutak dropped to one knee before T'Para, who leaned forward to touch his temple. His face went blank, as if he'd instantly gone into a trance.

T'Para beckoned to me. I copied Sutak's actions, and felt the brush of her fingers at my temple. I felt the strength of her mind as it touched mine; Be joined, my children, she urged.

Facing each other now, Sutak and I stretched our hands out to touch each other's temples. It was like I was a vessel for a higher Vulcan. T'Para adjusted our fingers as if we were, in truth, only seven years old, then she nodded her head.

"My mind to your mind," Sutak said softly.

"My thoughts to your thoughts," I replied.

"Parted from me and never parted …".

"Never and always touching and touched."

At those words, T'Para extended her hands to cover our fingers, as if sealing our vows. "Now thee are one," she intoned. "At the appointed time, thee shall be drawn together."

At a quick gesture from T'Para, Sutak removed his hand from my face; I was a little slower to react, but not disgracefully so. Sutak rose and held out his hand, two fingers extended for the public contact permitted bonded pairs. I brushed his fingers with my own and he raised me to my feet. For a moment, we studied each other. Something feels different, I thought.

Sutak raised an eyebrow. Not that different, perhaps. I allowed myself another smile — I was just an ignorant offworlder — before the various dignitaries came up one by one to pay their respects.

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After the completion of the ceremony, we returned to Sutak's house. He was due to leave the next day on another mission — negotiations with the Rihannsu over the T'Plana-Hath. It seemed they were willing to return the ship, but they wanted things for it. The Intrepid was to transport Soval and his diplomatic team to a neutral planet in the Rigellian system, and they would be gone for at least two months.

I looked at Sutak, admiring his face and slim well-toned body. He caught my looking at him and raised an eyebrow. Not yet. When the time came, we would both feel the effects, due to the bond. I wouldn't feel it as strongly, not being Vulcan, but it would be there. At that time, we would come together and be truly bonded.

I twiddled the small ruby ear-ring in my left lobe — the ear-ring many bonded females wore — and winced. The flesh was still tender from this morning's piercing, and I wished I could leave it alone. I'd nearly hit the roof when the piercing had been done — I'd always hated needles, and they hadn't even anesthetized my ear first. My tolerance for pain was usually pretty high — living in post-war Montana meant there was no place for delicate flowers — but all my senses had become heightened during the bonding ceremony.

"Charlotte; there are pain-killers available," Sutak said gravely.

I shrugged. "It'll wear off," I said. "Of course, it'll wear off sooner if I stop messing with the ear-ring. Maybe we should put my hands in plaster so I can't keep touching my ears."

He tilted an eyebrow. "I believe there is a human expression to cover this eventuality; shooting off a cannon to kill a gnat," he said archly.

With the bonding had come a greater understanding of him, and I now knew when he was truly perplexed by human behavior and when he was simply being ornery. Deciding the latter applied on this occasion, I headed out to the kitchen with a small smile. "Yeah, so it would be overkill," I said and switched on the heating unit. "Tea?" I asked.

"Thank you," he replied, just as calm as he'd been the day I'd met him. It seemed the bonding had calmed him down for the time being. "I am to leave Vulcan tomorrow," he added. "How do you propose to occupy yourself during my absence?"

"I haven't really thought about it," I admitted. "But I will need something to do. If I'm going to be the wife of a Vulcan, then I should act like a Vulcan." I poured out the tea, deep in thought. "There's a position in the Science Academy for an administrator. Now my Vulcan's gotten better, I might have a shot at that."

"I do … not believe you will be making the best use of your talents," Sutak said. "You have shown a natural talent for healing; have you considered serving as an apprentice to one of Vulcan's healers?"

I was surprised. "I thought only Kolinahru could be healers," I objected.

"It is true that most healers are Kolinahru; however, there are several bonded Vulcans serving as healers," Sutak said. He sipped his tea. "If you are interested, you should make an appointment with T'Para."

"I … I'm not sure I'm ready yet, Sutak," I said hesitantly. "It took a lot out of me when I helped you out last week. Maybe later, when I've learned to protect myself better."

"As you wish," Sutak said calmly. "It is important that you be … happy in your new life. There is much about life on Vulcan that is different to that of Earth."

"You're telling me!" I rejoined, feeling us slip back into the easy friendship we'd shared back on Earth.

I wandered out of the kitchen, tea in hand, and headed over to the low table bearing the Kal'to. "Maybe I can get T'Mir to teach me this," I said. "That'd certainly occupy my time."

"A good idea," he agreed, poker-faced. Evidently, he'd heard of my spectacular lack of success at mastering the basics of the logic game.

I chuckled, wishing he didn't have to leave so soon. But we both had our own lives to lead; I could no more keep him from leaving than a Vulcan could stop being logical. "That's mean," I said. Then I turned and grinned at him. "But you're right, of course."

He settled down on one of the beanbag affairs and I sat down on one near the window, watching the sunset. Sunsets on Vulcan were gorgeous, because 40 Eridani A was much hotter and larger than Earth's sun. I sipped at my rapidly cooling tea as the sky glowed beautiful reds and oranges.

"Charlotte," Sutak said, interrupting my reverie, "it is not the Vulcan way to make speeches. However, I am pleased you consented to bond with me."

That was as close to a declaration of love as I was ever going to get from him — except during pon farr of course — and I smiled at him. "It was hardly a difficult decision, Sutak," I told him. "I thought you were attractive the first moment I saw you step off the T'Plana-Hath. Then of course I got to know you better, and the attraction just got stronger. I'm just glad you felt it too." I shifted in my beanbag to face him. "But … I have to tell you … I'm not exactly experienced in these matters. I'm not really sure what's going to happen."

Sutak's features gentled. "When the appointed time comes, you will feel the blood fever, as will I. The urge will drive any other considerations from our minds. Our bond will not allow me to hurt you, even if I were to desire such a thing." A small twinkle appeared in his eyes. "As you were the … aggressor in this relationship, your fears do not seem logical."

Just a day ago, I would have wondered if he were teasing me. Now, due to the bond we shared, I knew he was. "Hey, whatever happened to chivalry?" I said mock indignantly.

The eyebrow tilted. "You are teasing me now," he said.

"Bingo," I said. "If I can't tease my … fiancé, who can I tease?"

"It will be an … interesting experience to share my life with you, Charlotte," he said. "In some ways, you are distinctly Vulcan. And then in others …".

"I'm totally human, and that shocks you," I put in.

"Vulcans do not experience shock," he said.

"Okay, okay," I laughed. "Intellectually, you know I'm different to you, but you're only reminded sometimes and it … throws you off balance?"

"That is an acceptable analysis," Sutak said.

"Yeah, well, I've been there," I said. "The first thing that reminded me you were different was when I visited you on the T'Plana-Hath and was nearly bowled over by the heat." I sipped at my tea and grimaced — yuck, cold. "I think our similarities bring us together rather than our differences drive us apart," I added, putting the cup on the table.

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"No, that's not right," I said impatiently to one of my colleagues at the Science Academy. "V'tosh Ka'tur translates to Vulcans without logic in my language." I shook my head, wondering at the man's denseness. "You wanted to learn my language; try it again." I pushed the paper back at him, and sighed as the comm unit in front of me beeped. "Oh, for crying out loud," I grumbled, activating the comm device. "Vulcan Science Academy," I said.

There was a nonplused silence on the other end, and I realized I'd spoken in English. "Vulcan Science Academy," I repeated, this time in Vulcan.

After I'd dealt with the call — a wrong number, as it turned out — I sighed irritably. I could've sworn everything and everyone was setting out to annoy me these days. "I'm taking a break," I announced.

My supervisor looked over at me. "A break?" she asked.

Who was this woman — my elementary school teacher? "A time out, a pause, a lull in the action …," I said snippily.

"I am aware of the concept of a break," she said. "I do not understand why you feel the need to take one so early in the day."

"I'm not Vulcan, remember? I don't have your energy. And if I stare at this computer any more, my eyeballs are going to fall out."

"If your eyeballs do fall out, we have excellent medical facilities," she said.

I whirled around at that. Was T'Rima showing a sense of humor? "Thanks," I said, feeling some of my irritation die at this little exchange. I flashed her the human peace sign. "Later," I added.

I pulled my decided non-Vulcan straw hat on as I stepped outside and breathed deeply. Sitting down on a stone bench, I looked out at the bustling city of Shir'Kahr. Flitters hovered in the air above me, people conversed quietly and courteously as they passed me, some with a polite nod, others with a greeting. I responded to the greetings as politely as I could, but all I really wanted was to be alone. If I didn't get some peace any time soon, I was liable to end up smashing something … or someone.

An uncomfortable thought suddenly hit me. "Excuse me," I said to one of the passing Vulcans, "what day is it?"

"Why; it is day four, the first week of Tasmeen," he answered.

Of course. It had been twelve weeks since Sutak and I had been bonded; we were drawing near to the time of the blood fever. No wonder I'd been so irritable the last couple of weeks. I shivered, wondering what Sutak must be going through. After all, being Vulcan, the pon farr would be gripping him far more strongly than it did me.

I linked my fingers together then joined the two forefingers in a steeple as Sutak had taught me. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to find my center. Logic, peace, serenity, I chanted to myself. I have all this within me; I must set aside the fires of pon farr.

"Charlotte?" T'Rima stood in front of me. When had she arrived?

"Yes!" I barked at her. I tried — I really tried — not to want to kill her, but she'd interrupted me just as I'd gotten closer to calm.

She looked as startled as any Vulcan I'd ever seen, then saw the ruby ear-ring in my ear. "You are bonded to a Vulcan?" she said.

Logic, peace, serenity. Logic, peace, serenity. Logic, peace, serenity. "Yes," I said angrily, then breathed in deeply as I found my center. I have found my logic, my peace, my serenity. I will set aside the fires of pon farr. I smiled slightly at T'Rima and got up from the bench. "Okay; break's over," I said. Vulcans weren't comfortable talking about the pon farr, but I knew that T'Rima realized what I was going through.

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Day Five, Fifth Week Of Tasmeen:

I made my way up the rocky trail to the temple of Gol in record-breaking time, fury giving me a new energy. Although I'd been warned the bonding would make me experience some of the blood fever, I'd not been prepared for this murderous rage. I'd never been so scared in my life, and that was for someone who'd grown up during a world war and with an abusive alcoholic father.

L'Dir gave me a respectful nod as I passed him at the speed of light, but I didn't even deign to glance at him. I focused my empathic senses in search of one person, High Priestess T'Para.

As if in tune to my distress, she appeared less than a minute later. "Live long and prosper, Charlotte," she said, parting her fingers in the Vulcan salute.

"Peace and long life," I replied raggedly, wanting nothing more than to collapse into the comfort of someone's arms. Of course, I wasn't going to get that here on Vulcan.

Her eyebrows lifted. "You are in distress," she said.

I chuckled shortly with no humor. "Hail, the High Priestess of understatement," I said angrily. Another wave of rage shot through me and I doubled over in almost physical pain. "Help me," I muttered.

Then the fires of pon farr swept over me and I knew no more.