Chapter Eight: Simon's Past Comes Back to Slap Him

Soundtrack: "Hit the Floor" – Linkin Park, "Ready to Run" – Dixie Chicks

It was a ten-minute walk to the Snozlund Militia offices, which apparently shared space with the housing offices. It was a difficult walk for some. Mother Mary, whose outerwear consisted of the largest, ugliest black wool coat anyone had ever seen and some heavy-soled boots of dubious origin, slid and slipped her way along, often grabbing onto Simon's shoulder for assistance, which displeased the doctor to no end, as he was trying to keep an eye on River. Contrary to usual, his sister seemed remarkably calm.

Then Charlotte dropped back to talk to Mother Mary, who she had apparently met before, and River lost it. Simon found that he had been waiting for such an outburst, and was therefore not surprised.

"Don't let her near me!" River yelled.

"Shh, shh, mei-mei," Simon said. "Be quiet for me." People were looking over at the band of travelers, making him uneasy.

"She's going to rip my heart out with her icy claws and eat it!" River declared, a little hysterically, glaring at Charlotte, who was deep in conversation with Mother Mary.

"River, no one's going to eat your heart," Simon said. He was pretty assured of that statement's truth.

"What's the gorram crazy talkin' 'bout now?" Jayne asked.

"I don't know."

A snowball whizzed out of nowhere and struck Jayne in the head. He whirled around, looking for his attacker and found her; Kaylee was bent double laughing at him. "Gorram it, Kaylee!" he growled.

"Aw, c'mon, Jayne! That was hilarious!"

His response was to pack a snowball of his own and leap off the sidewalk towards her, attempting to stuff it down her orange parka's collar as she shrieked protests.

"Kaylee! Jayne! Control yerselves!" Mal barked, and both stopped their antics immediately, Kaylee still giggling hysterically.

They arrived at the office complex only a little worse for the wear. River was still muttering away about Charlotte's murderous, heart-eating streak. Kaylee was red in the face from laughing so hard. Jayne was still scowling.

"Welcome to the offices of the Snozlund Militia!" Charlotte said broadly, waving her arms at the office complex. It was four stories high, all glass and steel, shining brightly in the mid-morning sun. "Come on in!"

She led them into the offices and the copious stripping-off of outwear began, Kate helping Nona with her coat and mittens, Simon helping River ease her parka's sleeves over the bandages. "You can leave your wraps here," Jillian offered, pointing to a small room well-appointed with coat hooks. "Your things will dry while we talk to Sergeant Flavez."

"Right this way," Charlotte directed, leading them down a short hallway and into a very large conference room.

The room was about the size of a large amphitheater, with immense glass windows covering one whole side of it. There was an extremely massively long table running the length of it, with black leather wheeled chairs pulled up to it. At various intervals on the table there were implements of good conferencing: whitish-yellow plastic coffee butlers, white ceramic cream pitchers, black lacquer sugar bowls, yellow legal pads, neatly sharpened yellow pencils and ink-filled blue and black pens. There was a tall white pad of paper on an easel at the far end of the room. The room smelled not unpleasantly like coffee and markers.

At the end of the long table, two people were standing, obviously deep in conversation. One was a short female with soft-looking light brown hair and small glasses. She wore a Celtic cross around her neck and a T-shirt which proclaimed her to be a member (or at least a supporter) of "Snozlund University's Finest Music Sorority: Pi Kappa Phi!" The rest of her attire was casual, jeans and heavy-soled boots.

The other person was a male, a great deal taller than the female but obviously younger. His brown hair was longish and curly, hanging to the collar of his short-sleeved yellow plaid button-down shirt, which he wore open over a yellow T-shirt. He also had a goatee, the same color as his hair. His glasses were larger than the female's, and looked spectacularly clean.

"Sergeant Flavez? Officer Raymond?" Charlotte said cautiously. "Are we interrupting something important?"

"No, certainly not!" said the female officer, and turned to face them. "Welcome to the Snozlund Militia office complex! Certainly a large group, isn't it, Charlotte?"

"Holy Mother of God!" Simon said, but as he was standing near the back of the group, holding River's arm at the elbow, no one heard him but his sister and Kaylee.

"What is it?" Kaylee asked.

"That… that… I know her!" he exclaimed, stunned.

"What? How do you know her? How can you possibly know anyone in Snozlund? What's her name?" Kaylee demanded.

"Her name is Jimena Flavez," he said, still stunned. "We… went to med school together!" He shook his head in disbelief. "Holy Mother of God," he repeated. "I thought she was dead!"

"What is she doing in Snozlund?"

"Like I have an idea! Oh God. I'm going mad…"

"I'm Captain Malcolm Reynolds," Mal was saying to Jimena and Officer Raymond, whose first name they didn't know. "This is my crew… well, not all of them are my crew."

"And I'm Emilia Sage, registered Companion and captain of Stoïque," the other captain said, never to be outdone.

"Welcome, welcome! I'm Sergeant Jimena Flavez, and this is Officer James Raymond, but everybody calls him Jimmy."

"Well, not everybody," the male officer hurried to say. "Just… most of them."

"They're here to discuss the recent robbery of the Snozlund Treasury," Charlotte informed Jimena.

"Which led to us shooting at Serenity, which was actually the wrong ship," Jillian added, a little sheepishly.

"You shot at the wrong ship?" Jimena demanded. "What's wrong with you?"

"We thought it was the right one," Charlotte hastened to explain.

"Are you insane? What's the first rule of the Snozlund Militia?"

Charlotte and Jillian looked down at their boots and didn't reply.

"What's the first rule of the Snozlund Militia?" Jimena snapped, eyes blazing.

Charlotte and Jillian mumbled something in unison.

"What was that?"

"Make sure of your opponent before you shoot," Charlotte and Jillian said, louder.

"That's what I thought! Captain Reynolds, Miss Sage, I am terribly sorry for my officers' conduct. We'll get a crew to fix whatever damage they did," Jimena said, glaring at Charlotte and Jillian.

"That'd be real nice of ya, Sergeant Flavez," Mal said.

"Oh, please. Jimena."

"Jimena, then."

"Where are you staying in Snozlund?" Jimena asked.

"Parker's Playhouse on Colchester Street," Zoë answered.

"A good choice," Jimena said. "If there's anything we can do to make your stay here more comfortable, please, don't hesitate to ask."

"Actually," Mal said, "I've got some passengers here who need t' go t' the housin' offices. Are they right about here?"

Jimena nodded. "Yes, they're on the fourth floor. Jimmy, will you take them?"

"Sure thing, Sergeant Flavez!" Jimmy answered brightly, saluting. "Come with me."

"It's just these three," Mal said, gesturing to Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary. As he stepped back to point them out to Jimmy, Simon was suddenly in Jimena's line of sight.

"Simon? Simon Tam?" she asked incredulously.

Simon turned his head quickly, as though that would stop her from recognizing him. She wove her way through the crowd until she was standing in front of him. "Simon Tam, as I live and breathe!"

Before Simon could respond, she slapped him heartily across the face. Kaylee gasped. River said, "Angry love" and started to giggle.

"Whoa!" Wash said.

"Don't get too excited," Zoë cautioned him.

"I won't. But you never slap me that way…"

"I thought you were dead!" Jimena screamed at Simon. "You ran off to do crazy work and you never came back!"

"Well, then, I guess we're even," Simon answered a little sheepishly, holding his face where she'd slapped him. "I thought you were dead too."

"Why, because I ran off and joined a renegade corps of surgeons that took me to the end of the earths and beyond, eventually landing me here in Snozlund, where I became an official in the Snozlund Militia? You went head-to-head with the Alliance! I think I have a better reason for assuming you were dead!"

"I'm… sorry?"

"Damn right you are!" the petite woman barked. "Jimmy!"

"Yes ma'am?"

"Take these passengers to the housing offices on the double!"

"Yes ma'am!" Jimmy practically snapped his feet together. "This way."

Jimena leaned on the table and closed her eyes. Simon looked anxiously at Kaylee, who was staring at him with confusion. "I think I have to go… have a stiff drink," Jimena said faintly.

Jimmy led Kate, Nona, and Mother Mary out the way they'd entered, and they disappeared down the hallway. Mal looked at Zoë, who was looking at Jayne. Jayne was staring at Sergeant Flavez strangely.

"Oh, God," Mal said. "Don't tell me he's in love with her!"

"Sir, I think the fact that she just totally rejected Simon, and had a past with Simon, gave her new appeal in his eyes," Zoë answered, trying to keep from laughing.

"Let's go," Mal said, before Jayne could make a fool of himself. "We've got business t' attend t' and a ship t' prepare."

"Come along," Emilia said to her crew.

Charlotte watched them go, interest in her eyes.

"What are you thinking on, Charlotte?" Jillian asked.

Charlotte's eyes followed River out. The younger girl turned, as though she could feel Charlotte watching her. She scowled at Charlotte, who continued to look solemnly and directly at her. River's eyes went wide, as though something had become suddenly clear to her, and she ran out. "Oh, nothing…"