Remus left the hospital wing Saturday evening. He did not feel as well, this time around. He had problems staying awake when he should be awake and problems getting to sleep when he should be asleep. He did not have much of an appetite
He spent all of his Sunday catching up in all of his school work. James and Sirius played outside on the quidditch pitch while he and Peter spent most of their time in the library.
Remus tried to go to sleep Sunday night, weary of the greeting he would receive from his classmates and professors the next day. Monday morning he went to his classes with a strange feeling at the bottom of his stomach. At breakfast, even though he was hungry, he could not bring himself to eat. He could only manage a glass of milk.
With dread, Remus managed to go to his first class that morning, it was transfiguration with Professor McGonnegall. He had not slept well the night before even though he had been quite tired. He walked into her classroom and pulled out his books.
He sat down in an empty seat and began setting up his quills. James and Sirius walked into the classroom chatting away. They walked past Remus' desk and sat right behind him, still talking away. Some other Gryffindors walked into the room and sat in the empty desks. The Hufflepuff students were filing into the classroom as well. After everyone had filtered in, Peter shot his head into the classroom, then back out. After a few minutes, Peter walked into the classroom looking rather shuffled and out of breath. Following him, came a girl who looked like she had just run up seven flights of stairs. Peter sat down next to Remus and the young girl walked by looking at Peter.
"Out of breath?" Remus asked.
"Er…yeah…" said Peter, "just ran up two flights of stairs." It was too easy to tell when Peter was lying.
McGonnegal walked into the classroom and started the lesson. Remus took notes absent-mindedly. He looked up at McGonnegal, but his eyes seemed to drift to Lily who was looking at her transfiguration textbook. He had been staring at her for awhile before he tore his eyes away and looked back at his notes.
The rest of the morning seemed to drag on forever. Remus seemed to be distracted for a good portion of the classes. More than once he caught himself looking up at Lily. He did not know what was wrong with him. He was only glad that his three friends had not noticed. Usually it was James who had taken to staring at girls in the middle of class-not calm, disposed, attentive Remus.
Remus could not bring himself to eat anything during lunch. He decided to go up to the common room and prepare for the next class. He walked up the many staircases dragging his bag so that it bumped against every step. He hardly noticed when he reached the portrait of the fat lady.
'Password," she said coolly. It took Remus a minute to think of it. He had been sick on Saturday and he had forgot to ask James for it.
'Er, I don't think I know it," he said. 'Could you let me in anyway, I'm not feeling well.'
'If I let in every poor lad who didn't feel well, what would that say about me?' she asked, holding the same arrogant and sarcastic expression on her face. Remus sighed and turned around. He walked down the hall and to the staircase and nearly collided with a red headed figure crouching over a piece of parchment.
'Remus,' she said. 'I didn't see you there.'
'I didn't either Lily,' said Remus.
'What are you doing here? Why aren't you having lunch?' She asked.
'Er, not feeling well,' he said.
'Were you sick last week? You weren't in classes,' she said walking up to the portrait. Remus hated this question.
'Er, no. My…mum was. I went to take care of her,' he said hastily.
'Oh, that's too bad. What's wrong with her?' Remus inhaled, he hated getting into this.
'She is just…ill. Nothing specific. I went to help her, but they didn't need me, so I came back.' Remus hoped that she would leave it at that. He hadn't rehearsed an excuse for awhile. Lily only nodded sympathetically and turned to the portrait.
'faber est quisque fortunae suae.' The portrait swung open. Lily and Remus climbed in.
Remus walked in and sat down on one side of the couch. Lily sat down on the opposite side of the couch.
After a few minutes of tense silence Lily spoke up. 'It must be tough. Taking care of your mum, I mean.' Remus sighed, this was one of the last things he wanted to talk about.
'Er, yeah, it is I suppose. It's tough to handle. She is really supportive though, and she's not sick all of the time. Most of the time she is just fine, better than fine actually. It's just from time to time, she gets really…sick.'
'Is it genetic?' The question surprised Remus.
'What do you mean?' He asked wishing that he could shrink into the couch and disappear.
'I mean, I know that you get sick often. When we were younger, I remember that you didn't do certain things. Not now of course, it's just something I noticed. Maybe it's just that you're quieter.' Lily stopped. Remus looked down; he did not entirely know how to respond.
'I-I suppose that I am quieter. I'm certainly more quiet than Sirius or James, but…' he trailed off, he wasn't entirely sure what to say. 'I get sick from time to time, nothing serious.' Lily nodded in understanding.
'I like it,' she said, 'that you are quiet. I used to be quiet. Before I came to Hogwarts, I was so quiet.' She smiled to herself. 'I would never talk. I suppose it was because I was different. I was surrounded by muggles. I was the only witch in my whole community, and I didn't even know. I was special, and I sensed it. Nobody liked me, too. They didn't know that I was different, but I did, so I acted that way. They sensed it, and they didn't treat me the same way. Even my teachers were like that. So, I never spoke. I didn't want to draw attention to myself.' She looked away. 'Then I came here and I found my voice. I was among people that I fit in with. So, now I am loud.'
'Am I still quiet?' Remus asked. Lily laughed, a nice sweet laugh. He laugh resounded off the walls of the empty tower.
'Not so much any more, Remus,' she said.
'Why is that?' He asked. Lily looked at him and smiled again.
'I like you Remus, you are a very nice boy.' Remus sat up.
'Boy,' he said, 'you take me for some young boy? I will have you know that I am fifteen, and your elder.' Lily laughed again.
'How do you know that I was not born in January?' she asked. Remus lay back down again.
'Well, I don't,' he said. 'However, I do know that there is a two out of twelve chance that you were born in January, or February, or those scant nine days out of March.' Lily laughed again. Remus sat up and looked at Lily again. 'I know what you mean. I know what it is like to be different, and quiet.' Lily leaned in towards Remus and put her hand on his shoulder. She looked him in the eyes.
'I know you do,' she said.
Remus looked at her green eyes and a deep understanding and compassion came over him. It was a feeling one would expect from a mother or a grandmother. Remus looked down into his lap and tried to fight down spontaneous tears. He felt a little overwhelmed, and he lost control of his composure. He heard Lily tell him that it was alright and she held him in a tight embrace. Remus was not sure what came over him, but the last thing that he knew, he was crying all over Lily's shoulder.
Lily was patting him on the back kindheartedly.
Once Remus had stopped he looked up at Lily and apologized.
'Never apologize,' she said, 'I find it gets you into more trouble.' She sighed and put her hand in her pocket looking for a handkerchief, she found it and handed it to Remus. Remus took it and said the first thing that came to mind.
'Please don't tell James or Sirius,' he said. 'If they find out that I cried they will never let me live it down.' Lily laughed again.
'Of course not, Lupin, I like you too much.'
'Thank you,' he whispered. 'This is so silly.'
'No it's not,' said Lily, 'this is what pain is all about.'
A/N "faber est quisque fortunae suae" is Latin for 'everyone is the architect of his or her own fortune' by Sallust. Lily must be very smart to remember this, because try as I might, it is one of those sentences that I need to know, but never remember.
Thanks so much to my reviewers! You brighten up my day!
Goddess of Idun: Yeah, I find myself reading fan fiction out loud as well. I always play with the accents. I find it's a lot of fun. It's alright, you're not the only one ;).
James cant be mad at Remus anymore, his mind doesn't work that way ;)
However, Remus and Lily have some sorting out to do.
MiSS-x-MoOnY: I'm so glad you're enjoying the story (and Latin too!) I'll try putting more Latin in, it's a passion of mine (and the fat lady's). I kind of doubt that "faver est quisque fortunae suae" would be the password to gryffindor tower, but whatever, It's my favourite latin quote.
Remus will get out of this okay :)