Chapter Fourteen: Things That Go Wrong

Soundtrack suggestions: "Right to be Wrong" – Joss Stone, "I Wanted to Be Wrong" – REM

Author's Note: I twisted a line from "The Village" in this chapter. Cookies to whoever can find it…

Wash landed the ship at the Hays' Market docks, just a hop, skip, and jump from the Snodgrass Museum, which was also known as the Hays' Market Museum. According to Eddy's plan, the Rockport Bones would be in several crates in the subbasement of the museum, where they were being stored awaiting transport off-world to another museum. Also according to Eddy, there would be only three guards, which should be easy enough to handle with Mal, Jayne, and Zoë there.

Instead, as Wash set down, Jayne could see almost twenty people gathered around the perimeter of the museum, wearing official-looking vests. "Ruttin' hell, what's this?" Jayne wondered.

"Mal?" Wash said into the com unit. "We got a lot o' security."

"Same here," Mal's voice said. "In fact, it's gettin' right hard t' leave th' party. But Doc's missin', so's his sister and the little girl."

"What's the plan?" Wash asked.

"Head fer the back entrance o' th' museum, the one we pointed out on th' plan. Take Jayne with ya; make sure he's got his guns. Be ready – Zoë 'n I'll be there soon enough."

"Over 'n out," Wash said.

Mal discreetly put the com unit back into his pocket. He was standing next to Zoë, who was standing next to Kaylee, who was standing next to Kate. All three women were open-mouthed, probably for two reasons.

The first reason, most likely, was that Mother Mary was in the center of the dance floor with a young man a fraction of her age, who none of them knew or had ever seen before. They were sweeping and swirling around the floor, doing better than some of the older couples out there. Despite the Followers' preaching against dancing, that didn't seem to be hampering Mother Mary's ability to "cut a rug."

The other reason was that Inara and her date, the geeky Officer Jimmy Raymond, were also in the center of the dance floor. And Jimmy, unlike Mother Mary, couldn't dance. He was practically sweating bullets from the effort of moving Inara in a simple box-waltz. The expression on his face was one between pain and… well, greater pain. It was simply hilarious to watch.

"That was Wash," Mal said quietly to Zoë. "He's at the museum with Jayne already."

"Did he take care of the sergeant?"

"Apparently so. Forget t' ask."

"What're we doin'?"

"We gotta find a way outa here," Mal answered. "Here's what we'll do…"

As he began to outline his plan, a gunshot cracked through the ice palazzo. Several people screamed. Most ducked. Some did both. One of the waiters took a flying leap over one of the buffet tables. Mal and Zoë began to reach for their weapons subtly while looking around the large ballroom for the shooter or shooters.

Simon reappeared at that moment. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Doc, stay outa the way," Mal ordered, and gestured with his gun to the floor, where Kaylee and Kate were kneeling. Simon got the gist of Mal's request and knelt next to Kaylee. "You all right?" the doctor asked. Kaylee nodded, her eyes wide. "Where's River?" she asked.

There was a small commotion on either side of the ballroom. At one side appeared Charlotte DuBois. At the other, there was a sudden crush towards the door, but it seemed that someone was coming in rather than going out.

"Don't move! Ma shang!" Charlotte yelled, and everyone froze. Except for the person or persons coming in through the far door, who continued to move in what anyone could have told them was obviously the wrong direction.

Simon watched, eyes wide in horror, as his sister and Nona appeared, apparently done with their talk in the Star Garden. "Oh, no, mei-mei," he murmured. "Go back outside. Go back outside, for me, please." But the foil in her bonnet must have prevented River from hearing his thoughts, because she just kept moving.

"Ai ya," Zoë muttered.

Kate's eyes had gone wide at first, and then she had squeezed them shut, uttering a prayer for her younger sister. "Mother Mary's God, I know I don't believe in You, but please don't let Nona end up like Aimee, a child caught in between too much violence. Save her soul, please, and I will build You a shrine…"

"Who's Aimee?" Kaylee whispered to Simon, whose eyes were still stuck on River and her "bird" friend.

Charlotte was waving her gun around. "All of you, against the walls! Everybody bi zui!" she yelled. People began to move, hurrying to do as the crazy woman asked. "You!" She waved her gun at River.

Apparently River had just figured out what was going on, because she looked up, and her eyes went wide.

"Run, River!" Simon yelled. "Go!

Frozen like a small animal in a corner right before being killed, River turned her head to look at her brother. As she did, the magical foil-lined bonnet fell off.

Simon flinched. "Oh God."

Charlotte obviously knew that the bonnet was just more than the essential fashion accessory for any Follower of the Second Coming female, because she got an eviler smile on her face. "Oh, this will be fun," she said. "Come here."

Simon saw his sister's eyes go glassy, and he started praying as well, right along with Kate.

"Whoa now," Mal said, stepping deftly to the center of the ballroom, coming between Charlotte and River. As he did so, Zoë brought her hands behind her back, and the one not holding her gun motioned in a quick jerk, synchronized with her head, to the left. Obviously she was telling Simon to move.

He got the message, and ducked behind one of the buffet tables, where a waiter was lying unconscious, obviously having connected with the icy wall after his leap. Quickly and quietly, he moved to the side of the ballroom, praying he wasn't too late to save both his sister and Kate's.

"Let's just calm down here," Mal continued. "Let's all put our weapons down…"

"Why should I put my weapons down?" Charlotte asked, smiling at Mal. "I have the upper hand, and people who have the upper hand rarely concede."

Mal thought about that for a moment. It was certainly true, but he didn't want to admit defeat, especially to a crazy psychic.

He was saved from answering by nothing short of a miracle.

The ballroom doors behind Charlotte burst open, and five people ran in, all carrying guns, all of their guns directly pointed at Charlotte. Behind Mal, Officer Jimmy Raymond had figured out how to draw his gun from under his suit coat, and pointed it at Charlotte.

"Give it up, DuBois!" one of the people yelled. Mal was surprised to see that it was Jimena. He was also surprised to see that the other four people accompanying her were Wash, Jayne, and the two inept psychics, Clarissa and Bert. He was more surprised to see that both of the inept psychics had guns; he hadn't thought Jimena would trust them with weapons.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Jimena demanded, apparently yelling at Jimmy.

"I'm on a date!" Jimmy yelled in return.

"Oh!" Jimena looked embarrassed.

They both retrained their guns on Charlotte. "Drop it!" Jimena repeated.

Charlotte, still with her eerie smile on her face, brought up her hands slowly and dropped her gun.

Mal was looking incredulously at Wash and Jayne. "What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Heard you was in trouble, Cap'n my Cap'n!" Wash answered brightly.

Mal realized what was wrong with this picture. "Wash! What color's your coat?"

Wash looked down at himself. His parka was… pink. "GAH!"

"Oh, yeah. Yer wearin' Crazy's coat," Jayne said offhandedly.

"Why didn't ya tell me a'fore we left?" Wash shrieked.

"Focus!" Zoë barked, obviously intimating that there were more important things to think about than coat color. Which there were.

Simon had reached his sister by this time. Nona was obviously distressed by what was going on; she was wringing her hands passionately and had a very frightened expression on her face. River, on the other hand, had a blank expression on her face. Her arms were hanging at her sides. Simon scooped up the bonnet and looked at it; the foil was gone like smoke into the air, no chance of putting the bonnet back on and preserving her mind. Obviously Charlotte could use her psychic powers for more than controlling minds.

"Mei-mei, listen to me," Simon said in a breathless whisper, "you have to be stronger than this. Fight back, you hear me? Don't let her in!"

River gave no sign of listening. In fact, she was taking steps towards Mal and Jimmy, whose backs were to her. Silent, quick, purposeful steps. Dangerous steps. And, based on previous experience, all hell was going to break loose.

Simon looked over at Kate. Kate was obviously still pleading with Mother Mary's God; her eyes were closed. Simon knew he had to save Kate's sister first; Nona was helpless. He grabbed Nona's chair and began to pull her towards Kate. When they reached Kate, Simon motioned to the door behind them. "Get out of here," he whispered to Kate.

"What about you?" she asked.

"Don't worry about me," he answered sharply. "Be glad she's safe. Go. Go back to the Playhouse; you'll be safe there."

Kate did as she was told with nary a backwards look.

And then all hell broke loose.