I am sure you have figured out by now that we are at the very beginning of S8. This is an AU and there is no Pete. To avoid confusion (although it should be pretty apparent really) the first part is Jack listening to the voicemails mentioned in previous chapters and his reaction to them. I tried to put the a flashback to the time when Sam was still alive between astterix symbols. GRRRRRRRR. It's not working, so i am using abreakerinstead. It made more sense using asterix symbols but it's not working. Hope you are enjoying the story. There are another 5 chapters after this and updates will be frequent as the story is completely written. I don't think this is graphic enough to be M but somebody please let me know if they think it is and I will make the necessary change. BTW, Anonymous reviews are now being accepted … didn't realise I had to enable the feature. Feel free to share your thoughts, whatever they may be xxx

"Jack … it's Daniel. Where the hell are you? You need to be here. She's fading ..."

Jack hit the delete button and moved to the next recorded message.

"Jack … Jack .. pick up if you're home. This is no time to be feeling sorry for yourself you selfish son-of-a-bitch. We need you here. Jack please .."

Jack moved on to the next message … and the next, and the one after that - hitting the delete button with a vengeance as he went along.

"O'Neill … time is of the essence. It is imperative that you return to the SGC at once. Major Carter does not have much time."

"Jack … she's calling your name. God Jack … please come. Why aren't you answering the phone?"

Daniel was sobbing.

"Jack, can you hear her?" – and then came the sound of Sam's voice, weak and almost disembodied in the background, calling out for him in anguished delirium.

"Jack?"

"No, Major Carter … it is I, Teal'c."

"Jack?"

"Hey kiddo …it's okay. Jack will be here soon – Daniel is calling him. Hang on Sammy. He'll be here soon …"

"Jack?"

The answering machine found itself slammed against the wall. She'd called for him and he hadn't been there. The person he loved most in the world; the person he'd have given his life for … and he'd failed her. Jack sat there, trying to control his breathing, but no matter how hard he tried to resist, his mind kept taking him back to the last time he had seen Sam – alive, vital, and in his bed.

He opened his eyes to a gorgeous Sunday morning. He looked at the clock and was stunned to see that it was past eleven o'clock. He seriously couldn't remember the last time he'd slept in so late; he decided it had everything to do with the blonde lying spooned to him and the peace he felt in her presence. He tightened his hold on her waist. She shifted closer to him and turned in his arms, nuzzling against the hairs on his chest.

"Morning .." she mumbled, making a grab for one of his nipples with her teeth.

"None o'that …" Jack growled.

"Why? I happen to know it turns you on."

"Well, if you hadn't noticed I'm already turned on" he poked her hip with his erection.

"Things can only get better then …" Sam laughed as she pushed him onto his back and straddled him. She continued to scrape his nipples with her teeth. Jack considered tussling with her for dominance for a while but then decided against it. He lay there and let her have her fun with him, marvelling at the set of circumstances that had brought them to this.

He remembered the panic that had flooded him when Thor had relieved him of the Ancient download, when he had discovered that Fifth had taken her; his relief when they found her; and the unbridled passion that had followed at his house once they had returned to Earth. They had made love as if there was no tomorrow. From then on they had been inseparable outside the mountain. Sam had basically refused to let him out of her sight, claiming that the pain of separation those few weeks that he was in Antarctica had been too much to bear and that she needed to be near him. He had had no objection.

"Are you zoning out on me?" she asked playfully.

"Just thinking …"

"Wow …" she teased.

He smiled gently, caressed her forearms gently as she stretched our languidly on top of him and kissed her forehead. In a swift move he grabbed her head between his hands, kissed her hard and reversed their positions before she could object.

"Yes Carter … thinking."

"About?"

"You … us … this … about how easy it was to…" he took in the pained look on her face and kissed her softly.

"Easy Jack? I don't think you realise what it was like seeing you slip away … all those weeks thinking I would never see you again, never be able to tell you how I felt. God … I don't ever want to go through that again Jack."

She shuddered and pulled him as close to her as she possibly could.

She could feel tears threatening but ploughed on regardless.

"But you know what the worst part was? I didn't have anything of yours to hang onto when things got really bad. I came here a few times and slept in your bed, you know … and I took some of your sweaters because they smelled like you. I even took some of your aftershave and put it on when I was at home alone."

She looked up, trying to gauge his reaction.

"Do you want me to give you something now?" Jack asked softly.

Sam smiled up at him.

"Actually … I had something specific in mind."

"Pray tell …"

"Well … what if we have something to pass back and forward to each other when one of us is away. Could be a pebble, a piece of glass, a shell even. Anything really, because it's a symbol. That way I'll always be with you, no matter where I am .. and you'll always be with me. I'm being silly I know … but if something should ever happen to me I really need you to know that I …"

Jack silenced her with a kiss, not happy to carry on with was rapidly becoming a morbid conversation to his mind.

They made slow, languorous love then … pouring into it all the emotion they felt for each other, drawing every sensation out till it wore them out and they drifted back into sleep.

They hadn't been together again after that as SG-1 was given downtime and he had headed up to his cabin.

He had asked her to join him but she felt that it made more sense to exercise a bit of discretion. He had reluctantly agreed and gone out there alone.

Jack felt the nausea well up again at the thought that he'd never taken her up on her offer for a transferable object. Now he was the one with nothing to hold onto.

The doorbell rang.

Jack opened his front door and found himself looking into the soulful eyes of Jacob Carter. Something in him started to break loose but he clamped down on it ruthlessly.

"Can I come in Jack?" the older man said.

Jack didn't trust himself to speak so he merely gestured for Jacob to enter.

"Beer?" Jack said as they entered the living room.

"Selmac doesn't like alcohol but what the hell. Got anything stronger?"

"Coming right up …" Jack returned moments later with a bottle of whisky and poured out two tumblers. Jacob savoured his drink and then put it down, looking pointedly at Jack.

"Jack … I don't think I will ever really appreciate what it was that kept you from Sam's side at the end, but whatever it was I know you would have been there if you could."

Jack started to come undone again on the inside.

"Jacob …"

"Let me finish Jack. This is hard enough as it is, and there are things I have to tell you."

Jack fell silent.

"She wasn't lucid very often, and when she was she was restless and unsettled."

Jack could see Jacob reliving the hours spent at his daughter's bedside and it brought back memories of sitting by his son's hospital bed.

The combined pain of Charlie and Sam brought him to his knees almost literally.

"She … she asked me to give you this" his voice shook a little as he handed Jack an envelope. "I also brought you the video footage from the security cameras .." he held out a tape "just in case you want to see it. But I don't recommend it Jack."

Jack reached out and took the items with trembling hands.

"What about the healing device?"

"Her injuries were too severe. She would have needed a Tokra symbiote. We had one standing by but she refused it. It would have saved her but she .." his voice trailed off and he fortified himself with another swig of whisky, looking away from Jack.

Jack looked at him questioningly and Jacob took a deep breath and continued. "If she had taken the symbiote she would have had to join the Tokra. She would have lived Jack, but she would have had to let go of her life here … she would have had to let go of you. She wasn't ready to do that, especially knowing how you feel about the Tokra."

Jack felt as though he had been kicked in the gut and the emotional pain that ripped through him doubled him up.

"I couldn't believe that she would give up her life rather than be apart from you, when everybody could have benefited so much from her joining the Tokra … but in effect she did. She loved you Jack. I think she just didn't want to live knowing that you might …"

He saw Jack gravitate towards him, without even realising it, pain etched in his features.

Without a second thought Jacob took him into his arms in a fatherly embrace and they clung to each other, tears streaming unchecked down both their faces.

A long while later Jacob stood. He tapped the video tape.

"Don't watch it Jack …remember her as you last saw her and hang on to that memory."

Jack struggled with the idea but finally nodded.

Jacob picked up the tape and pocketed it. "I'll see myself out" he said, heading for the door.

"Jacob …" he stopped and turned back to Jack.

"Thanks" he said simply.

Jacob smiled sadly and was gone.

Jack sat stunned for a while; then he picked up the envelope that Jacob had brought him.

He ripped it open and tipped the contents into his hand.

There in his palm lay a seashell. Tears slipped down his cheeks again before he could stop them.