He looked at her over a glass of wine and tried to exercise some control over the armada of butterflies in his stomach.
Sam regarded him, unsure what he was feeling.
"I wanted to say thank you Jack ... for asking Thor to ... erm ... do the same thing for Dr Lee."
"Yeah well ... the guy is a real pain in the mik'ta, but I know that in spite of your differences you need someone to bounce ideas of that can actually understand what you're saying. Plus I didn't want you to feel guilt for the rest of your life over something that was beyond your control."
"We don't leave our people behind, right Jack?"
"Right" he smiled uneasily. "Sam ... there's something we have to talk about."
Sam shifted in her seat, her senses suddenly on high alert. "Let's take this into the living room."
"Okay Jack ... what's going on? If you're trying to find some way of telling me that things have changed since the accident please don't spare my feelings ok? Just .. out with it and .."
Jack sat back on the sofa and draped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her into his side.
"Sam ... I'm being promoted to General. They've offered me Hammond's position."
"And?" she became stiff in his arms and stared right in front of her, afraid of what was coming next.
"And ... I don't know Sam. That's what I wanted to discuss with you."
"Everybody knows, you know ... about us."
"If by everybody you mean Frasier, Hammond, your dad and the boys then yes. But so what - you were in a lot of pain, for crying out loud."
"Can we please not talk about that?
"Sure" he drew her in a little closer. "Sam ... if I take this job things between us are going to get very strained. I won't just be one the Colonels heading up an SG team. I'll be in charge of the entire facility."
"I know Jack. But if you don't take it who knows who we might get."
"God ... we're back to this lets-put-our-lives-on-the-back-burner-because-we're-unimportant-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things crap" Jack huffed, leaning his head sideways against Sam's.
"So ... we're at an impasse" said Sam.
"Again ..." Jack said wryly.
"I thought we were so over this" said Sam sadly.
"Me too" he replied, running his fingers through her wispy hair.
He realised then that he hadn't stopped touching her since her arrival. Little, non-sexual touches - his hand on her shoulder, in her hair, on her knee, the small of her back; his fingers loosely intertwined with hers, sliding over her knuckles. He wondered if she'd noticed. He thought about the implications, of how it screamed of his need for her in more than just stolen moments
She brought him out of his musing.
"What now?"
"I can't do this Sam. I can't go back to playing hide and seek. You were lost within the bowels of the SGC in an accident. What's going to happen if you head up SG-1?"
She stared at him in amazement, the possibility never even having crossed her mind.
"If I sent you out on a mission and you didn't return, or if I was forced to take a tactical decision that would impact your life while you were off-world ..."
"We've done that for seven years Jack ..."
"But I was always out there taking those risks with you Sam. If this goes through I'll be sitting at the base waiting for you to come back. Flying a desk for God's sake!"
"So what are you saying Jack?"
"I'm asking you if I should retire Sam?"
"And what would that change Jack .. really? I'd still be going out there. You just wouldn't be calling the overall shots. It'd be someone else who probably doesn't know the first thing about how things work out there. Think you can live with that - coz I sure as hell can't. The program needs you Jack - the people at the base deserve to be led by someone who has real off-world experience, not some jerk who takes orders from the Appropriations Committee or the NID. The planet deserves someone at the helm who knows what we're up against. Need I remind you what we ended up with the last time Hammond was gone?"
"No you don't ..." Jack shuddered.
"I don't want to give this up Sam ..." he turned to face her, cupping her face with his right hand and stroking her cheek with his thumb "but I don't want it to tear us apart either."
"You know .. I lay there in the infirmary and thought about us ... about our decision to screw the regs; and I promised myself that if I got out of this one I would ask to be reassigned to the labs. No Jack .. let me finish. As much as I love the front line, my real contribution is in the science department. There's nothing to say I can't go off-world when the need arises. My military background will be an asset then. I mean Daniel goes off-world on a frontline team and he could hardly hold a gun when we first met him."
"Don't remind me .." Jack groaned.
"Look ... we'll talk about this again in the light of day huh? But I just want you to know that I am ready, willing ... and able" she smiled earnestly then "to resign from the Airforce. I can afford that luxury. We need you to run this base as an airforce officer. I have no problem stepping back if it means that you and I can go forward. It doesn't take anything from me Jack."
Her hand rose to join his on her cheek.
"I've been in the military all my life, as far as I'm concerned. I saw what it did to my family. There is no need for me to remain in the military for me to contribute significantly to this program. Let me do this for us."
Jack looked at her and opened his mouth to speak.
"You don't have to say anything" Sam said, closing the distance between them and brushing her lips against his "because we both know there's no other way."
She stood, tugging him up with her.
"Now .." she said decisively, an amused glint coming into her eyes as she took stock of Jack's tented sweats "how about we see what this new body is capable of ..."
She walked away, looking over her shoulder once.
"Coming?"
Jack followed, a grin plastered all over his face.
Author's Note: the story will be upgraded to M for the last chapter. Look in that section for the update.