Author's Note- Another pointless chapter.
Disclaimer- No own.
Warnings- HP6 never happened. AU, OOC-ness, Harry x Draco and in this chapter, Lucius x Narcissa.
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Draco Malfoy's Disturbing Personality
Chapter Three
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Thought One Hundred-
Okay, whatever I've been smoking before Blaise came over is now out of my system! There is NO way that I had bounced off the freaking walls and wailed – wailed with torrents of tears – over a stupid Muggle movie.
Thought One Hundred and One-
Even though that 'stupid Muggle movie' had Gackt and – I'm not going to squeal – hot Asian stars in it, it was quite good.
Thought One Hundred and Two-
Gah! I didn't mean to think that! This is absolutely ridiculous!
Thought One Hundred and Three-
You know what? Moon Child is a Muggle movie.
Harry grew up amongst Muggles.
Therefore, Harry must know Gackt!
Thought One Hundred and Four-
"Draco darling, why are you cackling?"
"I am not cackling!"
"Blaise, are you still here?"
"Yes I am indeed, Mr. Malfoy!"
"Good, maybe you can find out and tell me what crack my son has been smoking."
"With all due respect sir, I believe that the specimen you call your son - OUCH!"
Thought One Hundred and Five-
I am not a specimen! I am a human who deserves as much respect as any other human. I will not have Blaise – or anyone for that matter – belittle me.
And that's why I whacked Blaise over the head with mum's favourite vase.
Thought One Hundred and Six-
"OH MY GOD! BLAISE! ARE YOU OKAY?"
Thought One Hundred and Seven-
"Yeah, yeah, Draco. I'm just dandy!"
"Oh Blaise, I'm so terribly sorry! How's the vase?"
"It's fine, Draco."
"Good, because if it's shattered I'm going to be in some deep shit."
Thought One Hundred and Eight-
"Draco?"
"Yeah what?"
"You're back…"
"What are you talking about?"
"You're… talking… normally now! Like… like how you usually talk!"
"…"
Thought One - Goodness me, this is annoying! – Hundred and Nine-
Sometimes I really worry about Blaise. I mean, how ridiculous can he get? I'm like this all the time!
"Draco?"
"Yeah?"
"Have you finished your Potions homework?"
"Of course! What do you take me as?" – Snicker, snort. –
Thought One – I'm worried, because I don't think I can spell the numbers anymore… - Hundred and Ten-
"Good, I'll need to copy your answers."
"Blaise, I'm not a doormat. You can't just think you can make me do everything you want and I'll do it."
"Oh, you mean you'd just ignore my request and not let me copy?"
"…"
Thought – I'm going to use numbers now – 111
"Thanks Draco, you're a doll!"
Damn it! Why am I such a doormat! I let Blaise walk all over me! That's it! Next time he asks for something, I'm going to put my foot down and say no!
"Draco, come here for a sec."
"Okay."
Thought 112-
I'm an idiot! I just let - GRRR – Blaise walk over me again!
I'm going to pack my bags.
"Blaise, go home!"
Thought 113-
I never thought myself to be a person who would love Muggle photos.
Think about it. This is a moment you'll never experience again.
Man, that's some deep shit.
Thought 114-
All these photos, captured time…
"Draco! Dinner!"
"…"
And so ends my admiration time for Muggle photos.
Thought 115-
I can never understand why people love to eat meat. It's just meat for God's sake! It's still food!
Honestly!
Thought 116-
Mmm, this duck has such a tender – fxxx – I'm not going to describe food!
"Honey, are you feeling alright?"
"Just dandy!" Sorry Blaise, stealing your word for now.
"You seem a bit distant. Are you still upset over the Muggle movie?"
They will never let me live it down.
Thought 117-
Good thing it didn't make the newspapers! I can just imagine the headlines:
Draco Malfoy Delivers Torrents of Tears over Muggle Movie! – P.3 for more information.
You know what, that might be a way to get Potter's attention.
Thought 118-
Oh who am I kidding? The moron doesn't even read the newspaper!
"DRACO!"
"FXXX! FOR THE LOVE OF – WHAT?"
"You mother is talking to you!"
"Oh sorry, what is it mother?"
"Are you sure you're alright? You look a bit pale…"
Aren't I always pale?
Thought 118-
"Draco? Darling? Are you feeling alright?"
"Hrm? Oh yes, sorry… what?" I really must pay more attention.
Thought 119-
"DRACO!"
"GAH!" Oh it's just you! Jesus Christ! You scared the shit out of me!
I can hear you just fine! Don't have to shout so loudly!
"Okay, I'm finished with dinner."
Thought 120-
My mother just asked me if I was planning to come home for Christmas.
I said I'll think about it.
-Sigh- I think I'll just go to my room now.
Thought 121-
You know what? My father just came into my room and asked, "Are you going to consider bringing Harry Potter over for Christmas?"
You'd be glad to know that I did not squeal.
I mean for Merlin's sake! I am not THAT desperate! Sure, I might pine after Harry Potter in a fangirlish sort of way, but come on! You'd actually believe that I'd squeal over such a little thing?
Thought 122-
Oh damn. You do think I'd do that! Well, look here Mister! I am Draco Malfoy.
A Malfoy with one hell of a sexy body and nice silky hair to top it off!
Harry won't reject me will he?
Thought 123-
I know what you are thinking.
You're thinking: Oh yes, Draco, Harry's going to reject you so badly you won't even be able to breathe.
Well screw you too! Because I'm going to go up to Harry Potter on the first day and I'm going to say, "Harry darling! Let me bed you! Tonight would be good."
And he'll reply, "Oh Draco sweetheart! I thought you'd never ask! This HogwartsSchool Uniform is very uncomfortable… especially when it's this hot…"
And I'll put my hand on his robes and say, "Here, let me take that off for you."
Thought 124-
"Then we'd proceed to make hot, passionate—"
"Draco, stop thinking out loud, we can hear you and we'd like to have some peace and quiet when your mother and I are having an intimate moment."
My parents are trying to have an intimate moment. That means… oh my… because that can only mean one thing!
SeX!
Thought 125-
Okay, just stay calm, stay calm! Nothing to burst a vein over, I mean, it's just sex.
Just sEx.
Sex.
SeX!
SEX!
S E X!
S. E. X!
Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!
Thought 126-
"Draco, that's ENOUGH!"
"Oh just leave him be dear. He's just horny. I mean, don't you remember what you were like when you were his age?"
"Yes I do. I was busy saving your ass from the giant squid."
"You remembered!"
"Yes well, not hard to forget how you clung onto me for 'dear-life' in a very white see through blouse with –no- bra underneath."
"OH Lucius! Stop! You're making me blush!"
"Narcissa… you knowI can do more than make you blush… mmm…"
I really don't need to hear their bedroom talk.
Author's Note- If you really think this is that worth while to continue...
Anyone got any good humour/comedy fics to recommand? Because it seems like I can only get into the mood after a good laugh...